Movie Review: You poke the bear, you get a “Wrestlemassacre”

A pervy lump of a landscaper gets his revenge by putting on the tights and lacing up the boots in “Wrestlemassacre,” a splatter film perfectly summed up by its title.

It’s an amateurish abomination of a splatter thriller thrown together by a filmmaker with access to a bunch of wrestlers, current or retired, and clumsily filmed somewhere in Pennsylvania, by the looks of things.

Not that any town’s putting up billboards advertising that fact.

The plot? Randy Sanchez (Richie Acevedo) is a put-upon loser who pines for Becky (Rosanna Nelson), who is dating one of his employers, deadbeat Owen (Julio Bana Fernandez).

Randy’s caught ogling somebody’s circus-grotesque girlfriend, put on leave from work, picked on by one and all and humiliated at the wrestling camp run by the aged Boogie (Jimmy Valiant). His retired-wrestler Dad (Josip Peruzovic) berates him as “an idiot.”

And as we’ve seen he talks to himself, and hears voices from a preacher on the TV, we know what’s coming.

He goes from being “the only undocumented Mexican groundskeeper in the state” (“But I’m CUBAN!”) to neck-snapping, finger-biting-off, arm-ripping avenger.

Gore-fans are made to endure an hour of “back story” to get to the geysers of fake blood. Well, aside from the obligatory chase a naked woman and her beau through the forest in the opening scene.

We’re treated to cross-dressing fake TV commercials, where performers can’t figure out their sight-lines and the edits don’t match, to a preacher who blows the pronunciation of “evangelical” to wrestling and fights that look awful, and acting acting that is far, far worse.

“Are you SERIOUS?”

“Serious as a rectal prolapse!”

The one plot element here that has a tiny bit of promise is the wrestling camp, and that was touched on by “Peanut Butter Falcon.” Google “wrestling camp” and you’ll see they’re all over the place, especially the rural South.

The one gimmick Brad Twig had going for him was rounding up all these colorful also-rans from the world of the ring — generations of them.

It’s a crying shame this is the movie he came up to use them in.

star

Cast: Richie Acevedo, Julio Bana Fernandez, Jimmy Valiant, Tony Atlas, Jimmy Flame, Manny Fernandez, Josip Peruzovic and Rosanna Nelson

Credits: Directed by Brad Twig, script by Matthew L. Furman and Brad Twig. A Wild Eye release.

Running time: 1:41

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