Movie Review: A Haunted Japanese Inn’s Worth Visiting, just “Never After Dark”

It’s rare that even a casual horror fan doesn’t greet a new Japanese ghost story with the words, “I LIKE IT already!”

Even if the film is made by Tuscon-born one-time Mormon missionary (how he got into Asian culture and cinema) Dave Boyle.

The first time our heroine, ghost whisperer/ghost buster Airi sees her older sister in the rear view mirror of her ancient Volvo wagon hooked me on this one. The sister (Kurimi Inagaki) is only seen in mirrors or reflected in windows. She’s a ghost.

They can chat all they like — about “Mom,” the woman who passed this ghost-seeing business down, about Airi’s (Moeka Hoshi) new client, the owners of an old inn in the forest. But the only time they see each other there’s glass involved. Even when an insult’s called for.

“You suck (in Japanese with English subtitles)!”

New inn owner Teiko (Tae Kimura) insisted on hiring some supernatural help with a problem she thinks the place has. Her son Gunji?

“I don’t believe in this stuff.”

As soon as Airi banishes them from the property over their “But we paid good MONEY” to watch protests, she figures out what the mother was seeing and hearing.

A bloody-faced man, tall and thin, comes and goes. Staticky phone calls give her and us the chills. And as Airi starts poking around for clues as to who or what is causing this, her dead sister starts with the warnings, which grow more dire the deeper our investigator/ghost-banisher goes.

Every filmmaker has her or his own take of the “rules” and “realities” of their cinematic afterlife. Here, Boyle’s heroine speaks of a “veil” between the living and the dead. She uses a magic mirror with a zoetrope wheel that spins around its frame, and an enchanted candle to dip into the netherworld and dig up what this troubled ghost is after.

The devil is in the details in genre films of this sort, and Boyle comes up aces in his world-building and sense of cultural traditions dropped in on and sampled.

Our villain (Mutsuo Yoshioka) is creepy as all get out. But the other performances are more somber than riveting, empathetic or fear-inspiring.

I found the third act’s requisite sake-hits-the-fan mayhem more conventional and the “resolution” less interesting, frightening and moving than I was expecting.

But there’s entertainment value and no dishonor in this worthy homage to J-horror and the uneasy dead or about to die.

Rating: unrated, graphic violence

Cast: Moeka Hoshi, Kento Kaku, Kurumi Inagaki, Mutsuo Yoshioka, Bokuzō Masana and Tae Kimura.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Dave Boyle. A Magnolia release.

Running time: 1:45

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Movie Review: Pattinson & Weaver are ready for “Primetime”

“Primetime” is a “heavily fictionalized” account of “Dateline NBC’s” notorious, pedophile-entrapping “To Catch a Predator” series of hidden camera “gotchas” passed off as “reports” in the early 2000s.

It’s a film that struggles to condemn and illuminate why TV news and police “stings” that in essence create a crime are immoral and wrong without coming off as defending pedophiles.

After all, we’ve got the accused pedophile president, GOP Congress and Supreme Court for that.

But it is built on some terrific performances, including a career-best by “Twilight” alumnus Robert Pattinson.

As troubled, ethically-challenged “Catch a Predator” anchor/reporter Chris Hansen, Pattinson gives us his first swaggering Movie Star turn ever as a cocky but stumbling striver haunted with some sort of “Catcher in the Rye” syndrome.

This Hansen sees himself as dedicated to hunting an “ancient evil,” child molestation. And he’s determined to make his name, his fame and his fortune via his “To Catch a Predator” “performances.”

At just the right moment, with a suspect identified by catfishing members of a pedophile-hunting Perverted Justice vigilante group and lured to a rented house to meet their under-age “hook-up,” Hansen would stride into the shot and confront the perp with a “What are you doing here?”

Matthew Maher (“Air”) brings a creepy verve to Perverted Justice crusader Xavier Von Erk. Von Erk and others, like idealistic “bait” Del (Phoebe Bridgers of “I Saw the TV Glow”), a twentysomething gamine who can role-play tween boys and tween girls, worm their way into pedophile online spaces and bait traps for adults who groom, molest and prey on children.

The film is seen basically through three sets of eyes — those of Hansen, struggling for stardom, stop cheating to save his marriage (Anna Faris plays his had-enough wife) — his show’s take-no-prisoners producer (Merritt Weaver of “Nurse Jackie,” knocking it out of the park) — and aspiring actor “bait” Dan Plum (Skyler Gisondo (the latest Jimmy Olsen “Superman” sidekick).

Everybody involved has a queasiness about what they’re doing and how — at first. But the lure of fame and success is great, and even the guileless and under-coached “Bait Boy Dan” finds himself relishing the chance to “improvise” his way to a Screen Actor’s Guild card with his smiling, pushy performances.

Pattinson’s Hansen saves his self-righteous sneers for when he declares what they’re doing as “a form of activism,” and his smirks for the perps (Alex Winter, Tony Revolori, Bob Ari and Jonathan Lipnicki among them) when he strides into the trap with them, printouts of their criminally overt online come-ons to read from in his hand.

A crew member notes Hansen’s Emmy, his trench coat and his self-serious pose and mutters how Hansen “thinks he’s Mike ‘F—–g’ Wallace,” referencing TV’s original “crusading” poseur.

Director Lance Oppenheim (the Florida doc “Some Kind of Heaven” was his), working with an Ajon Singh script loosely based on an Esquire Magazine “To Catch a Predator” take-down article from 2007, immerses us in his characters’ agendas, which in Hansen’s case, borders on a mania.

We’re through the looking glass when we, like the “team” sense, they’re about to land “a whale” only to have a disabled and sexually twisted creep stagger out of car — a perp on crutches.

The film itself staggers as all involved try to decide whether it’s a horror tale of the hellish figures who prey on children all over the world, or a particularly American sort of Gothic comedy — a nation obsessed with pedophiles that elects a credibly accused one president.

Having former NBC News chief Jeff Zucker play himself as one of the villains of the piece is rich.

But with name changes (Hansen’s producer was not female, with no hint of a “crush” on the “star”), inventions and flights of fictional fancy, “Primetime” struggles for credibility the same way the unsavory show with good (?) intentions did.

The last thing this culture needs is a cinematic watering-down and fact-bending spin on pedophiles that, like the political debate over a political party’s pedophile protecting ethos, leaves the victims out of the equation.

The crusty Texas police chief (Bokeem Woodbine) the show embeds itself with may be a fictional character, but it allows the movie to score points about people who should be watchdogging law enforcement, not getting in bed with them. Still, the fact that this association, and the whole third act overreach “descent into a hell of our creation,” doesn’t come off hobbles the film.

It doesn’t spoil the powerhouse performances by Pattinson and Weaver. But it does tend to seriously lower the temperature of a tale intended as awards bait in this fall of 2026.

Rating: R, violence, pedophilia subject matter, full frontal nudity, profanity

Cast: Robert Pattinson, Merritt Weaver, Phoebe Bridgers, Skyler Gisondo, Matthew Maher, Anna Faris, Alex Winter, Bokeem Woodbine and Jeff Zucker as himself.

Credits: Directed by Lance Oppenheim, scripted by Ajon Singh, based on an Esquire article by Luke Dittrich. An A24 release.

Running time: 1:50

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Movie Review: A Brad and his Dog — “Heart of the Beast”

“Heart of the Beast” is a solid, formulaic adventure tale given a lift by leading man Brad Pitt and his connection to the German shepherd his character’s brought to the Alaskan wilderness with him.

Uber, who plays Odin the combat veteran getting by on three legs and his utter devotion to his Army handler, who took him into retirement with him, is a New Zealand mountain rescue specialist with big soulful eyes that make him perfect for conveying the love that transcends obedience for James Belmot (Pitt), Special Forces, retired.

“End of Watch” and “Fury” director David Ayer and his players strain to over overcome CGI critters and an utterly conventional, Jack London “stranded in Alaska” adventure tale’s tropes in serving up an exciting, perilous and moving movie about a soldier and his dog.

James and Odin or “Odie” served in the Middle East and survived multiple near-death experiences there. They have the scars to prove it. Odie has one artificial leg, “titanium” teeth and cuts across his muzzle. We have to wait for James to take off his shirt to see the damage his body took.

Now, the retired commando and his dog are flying a small float plane through the Alaskan bush. They’re getting away from it all. And them all.

You can tell by James’ hostile, rifle-cradled-in-his-arms posture that he’s not thrilled to have a Sourdough canoe traveller (J.K.Simmons) drop by their remote campsite. The gregarious stranger cuts in on their bonding and roughhousing time.

As both human and his partner dog have nightmares about their service overseas (seen in flashbacks), they’d just as soon keep to themselves.

But outrunning a storm in a small plane is enough to stress anybody, especially someone with a bum ticker. They crash. The plane is lost, the dog is hurt and they’re 58 miles from the nearest road.

If you’ve ever any version of a “lost in Alaska” tale you know what’s coming, starting with the small plane crash. It has to happen in a lake. They have to swim and tote what gear they can and hoof it out.

There’ll be digital wolves hunting digital moose, a CGI bear to confront, rapids to be survived, a gorge to be crossed on a rotten tree that’s fallen across it and the like.

Kudos to screenwriter Cameron Alexander for not serving up quicksand, or its Alaskan equivalent — falling through the ice on a frozen lake. Lived there, done that, BTW.

But Pitt’s stoic soldier and his adoring, smart and capable dog problem solve, save each other and help each other recover from wounds and other setbacks. And we buy it. Boy do we ever.

It’s a tear jerker, one of the few on Pitt’s Hollywood resume, and just saying that is sending more sensitive souls to http://www.doesthedogdie.com to see if this is a movie they can endure.

It’s a dog lovers’ movie, and I love dogs. But it is also, whatever the violence of its predictable parade of action beats, a terrible bore.

Harrison Ford taught all of Hollywood that using digital animals in a film like “Call of the Wild” or this variation of it is a bad idea. Mark Wahlberg & Co. heeded that warning with the sweet and superior “Arthur the King.” The producers of “Supergirl” did not.

“Heart of the Beast” tries to have it both ways in a thriller so dogmatically straightforward that it may send you, as it did me, to the Internet Movie Database to see if Cameron Alexander is one of Chat GPT’s pseudonyms.

Rating: PG-13, violence, bloody wounds and profanity

Cast: Brad Pitt, Anna Lambe and J.K. Simmons

Credits: Directed by David Ayer, scripted by Cameron Alexander. A Paramount release.

Running time: 1:41

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Documentary Review: The Long Struggle to “Free Leonard Peltier”

“Free Leonard Peltier” is about the half-century-long struggle to get Native American activist Leonard Peltier out of prison.

Peltier, accused of murdering two F.B.I. agents during the Federal government’s intervention in a Native “civil war” at the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in June of 1975, was convicted in a trial littered with F.B.I. and prosecutorial “irregularities,” with an avowed racist on the jury and an accused racist — Paul Benson –– as judge.

Peltier’s incarceration became and international cause celebre, with everyone from Marlon Brando to the Dalai Lama, Soviet state media and Amnesty International weighing in. Decades passed, and the torch was passed from one generation of activists trying to get “justice for Leonard” to another.

Leonard Peltier’s name became synonymous with America’s unequal and broken system of justice and a black eye from which the F.B.I. never recovered.

He was imprisoned so long that the first major documentary about the sketchy case the government built against him — “Incident at Oglala: The Leonard Peltier Story,” by the famed British director Michael Apted — came out in 1992, some 34 years ago and came 15 years after his trial.

In “Free Leonard Peltier,” co-directors David France (“Welcome to Chechnya”) and Jesse Short Bull (“Lakota Nation vs. The United States”) use close access to Peltier and lobbying and organizing team and interview his many American Indian Movement contemporaries, including others accused of murder by the F.B.I. and exonerated. The filmmakers also lean on over half a century of archival footage of the conditions of the times and events leading up to the Incident at Oglala.

The result is a film that doesn’t leave much room for counter-arguments — Peltier’s version of where he was when the raid and shootout on the fateful day have changed over the decades — but that lets history catch up to its subject and its point of view.

The viewer can take or leave allegations about the reasons for the “civil war” on Pine Ridge, that it was inspired by “colonized” tribal Chief Dick Wilson and his workings with the government and mining interests that wanted the Oglala Sioux land and its buried uranium deposits.

But before the Nixon administration, when all this went down, few would have believed what one right wing megalomaniac might be capable of while running our government.

And the uneasy feeling that the F.B.I.’s vaunted reputation was built on managed, massaged and blackmailed propoganda existed long before its bestiality-friendly present, or Director “Fingers on the Scale of an Election” James Comey or leaking Director Christopher Wray’s insistence there was “no conspiracy” involved in the Jan. 6, 2021 coup attempt.

A parade of presidents had the chance to pardon Peltier, but the only ones who’d consider it were Democrats, raising the urgency surrounding the end of Bill Clinton’s and then Joe Biden’s presidencies and the hopes for clemency.

Racist Republicans from Reagan to both Bushes and Trump notably pardoned cronies and well off white people, not Native American activists.

Any hope Clinton would release Peltier was dashed when some 500, almost all white, middle-aged and older F.B.I. agents marched to the White House. They wanted this conviction, evidence, cover-ups and injustices be damned.

Peltier’s cause appealed to many, but not all. But much of the U.S. and the world came to see his case as emblematic of America’s mistreatment of Native peoples and stealing of Native land since long before its founding.

I lived in North Dakota, covered Native events in Peltier’s hometown of Belcourt and saw occasional examples of the overt racism there, which looked an awful lot of what you saw in the way white people regarded Black and brown people in my native South.

I interviewed AIM’s Russell Means and Dennis Banks when Michael Mann’s “The Last of the Mohicans” came out, and they’d had roles in the film and had led Native extras on a strike for better living and working conditons. Righteous dudes.

Reading “Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee” is a great way to lose your taste for many a “classic” Western.

And every time after my first interview with filmmaker Apted — when 1992’s “Thunderheart” and “Incident at Oglala” came out — that I reconnected with the director, we’d catch up on what the status of Leonard Peltier’s latest appeals were.

France and Short Bull cover as much of the story as possible in two hours — Native history, Bureau of Indian Affairs mistreatment and land theft giving rise to protests and militancy in a militant era.

And when the prosecutor in charge of the district that tried and convicted Peltier (James Reynolds) removed his name from the case and signed a petition for Peltier’s release based on F.B.I., judicial and prosecutorial misconduct, it’s not like we need to hear fresh fury from the people who railroaded the man.

Short Bull and France didn’t make the first documentary about Peltier, or the first great one. But they may have made the one that matters.

Rating: unrated, depictions of violence

Cast: Leonard Peltier, Russell Means, Charmaine White Face, Dennis Banks, Dino Butler, Madonna Thunder Hawk, Rob Robideau, Kevin McKiernan, and James Reynolds.

Credits: Directed by David France and Jesse Short Bull, scripted by Jamie Deradorian-Delia, Adam Evans and David France. A Magnolia release.

Running time: 1:48

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Netflixable? Ethan Hawke’s Lorenz Hart Sings and Smokes, once in a “Blue Moon”

“Blue Moon,” conceived and released as an awards contender in late 2025, is a tuneful but talk-you-to-death take on a pivotal night late in the life of legendary song lyricist Lorenz Hart.

Richard Linklater’s film clings to its “Unhappy Lives of Great Artist” formula to a fault, capturing a diminutive, unhappy and alcoholic “star” in steep decline, but keeping up an empty, brave front for his vastly diminished “public.

It’s built on a colorful turn by Ethan Hawke in the title role — puffing cigars, trying to avoid “falling off the wagon” and bending the ears of anybody within earshot at New York’s famed Sardi’s restaurant and club on the opening night of a show Hart whose lyrics Hart didn’t write.

It’s March, 1943. The show was “Oklahoma!” with, Hart mocks, “an EXCLAMATION point!” And it would change Broadway and the American musical theatre.

“The corn is as HIGH as an ELEPHANT’s eye’ is the stupidest lyric in the American Songbook!”

The premise of this sturdy but sometimes sultifying long, dark night of the soul melodrama is that Hart’s demons and predilections got the better of him, and no string of Broadway (“Pal Joey,” “Babes in Arms” and Hit Parade hits (“Blue Moon,” “My Funny Valentine”) could fill the holes in his heart.

Very short, gay and closeted, a “voyeur” by reputation, something confirmed by screenwriter Robert Kaplow’s reading of the letters Hart exchanged with a late life vicarious crush, Elizabeth Weiland (Margaret Qualley), Hart wrote tunes that often ached in perfectly composed couplets with external and internal rhymes.

“Blue Moon, you saw me standing alone…”

“Worst goddamn lyric I ever wrote,” Hart blusters to the soldier-on-leave (Jonah Lees) playing piano in a nearly empty Sardi’s. The man had a lot of hits, and high standards.

That’s a little harsh. But Hart’s just walked out on opening night for the musical that had to mean the end of his long association with composer Richard Rodgers (Andrew Scott). And he knows it.

There’s no La La Land escape hatch for Hart.

“Do they even speak ENGLISH out there in Hollywood?” But he quotes the new hit “Casablanca” adoringly. “

“Nobody ever loved me that much.”

And the bottle? Well, our friendly and indulgent barkeep (Bobby Cannavale) can leave it, having filled one glass for Hart to admire and comment on, next to his “shot” of seltzer water. He can’t drink, as that’s one reason he’s not sharing fresh glories of Rodgers.

As he awaits the Broadway crowd, including the creators of “Oklahoma!”, Hart will regale the piano player, the bartender and writer and grammar scold E.B. White (Patrick Kennedy), a fellow “genius” (“Charlotte’s Web”) who will serve as foil for his increasingly lurid descriptions of his too, too-young “protege,” Elizabeth.

She’s a Yale gal with Broadway ambitions played by Margaret Qualley.

Hawke, his hair thinning, dyed and slicked and his height reduced by camera tricks, puffs and puffs away, letting his “vulnerabilities” out even as he insists he’ll bring back “the cloak” as his shoulder won’t let him don and doff overcoats, that he’s “throwing a huge party tonight” at his apartment and everyone’s invited and that he has a rodent intruder in his flat that he’s named “Stuart,” something White (author of “Stuart Little”) takes great care in jotting down in his notebook.

And he’ll bed that coed, by God, by dawn!

The film’s longeurs all take a back seat to Qualley’s big scene, trying to erase the on-the-make sexpots she’s played in the past as she not-quite-demurely relates Elizabeth’s sexual history to an almost drooling-at-the-hearing Hart.

Aside from her, not enough is done with the supporting players to make this movie fly by.

Scott’s interesting, indulgent but almost parental Rodgers is joined with a colorless take on Rodgers’ new book and lyrics partner Oscar Hammerstein (Simon Delaney). White is properly depicted as a quiet, reporterly poet and wordsmith, but Kennedy makes no impression in the role.

And Cannavale is just a generic, tolerant and friendly bartender who knows this barfly well and who wants to do right by him, even if that means serving that drink order that the sanitorium-sobered Hart might use to fall off the wagon.

But Hawke, Linklater’s muse and alter ego in the “Before Sunrise” pictures, and “Boyhood,” is at his very best, here, crooning with a lyricist’s (passable, polished but not Broadway bound) singing voice, quipping and cutting and saying “I’m not jealous” and “I’m not bitter” when we know he’s both.

Look at the shows he co-wrote, and the ones Rodgers went on to do after Hart and count “revivals.”

Linklater’s direction has a staid reverence for the subject that robs the movie of any hope of joy. There’s wit, but a kind of standoffishness that drowned the Kevin Kline Cole Porter “De-Lovely” over twenty years ago. And Porter? He was even wittier.

Gay, voyeur, bisexual, what have you. You can make your character “discrete,” as all who knew Hart insist he was. But there’s no sense in treating this like a 1940s taboo in a 2025 film.

Linklater’s “Nouevelle Vague” and “Me and Orson Welles” pretty much danced off the screen. This sad subject may not allow for much of that. But more of what made Hart special — aside from the cutting remarks and observations — begs to come out, and doesn’t.

Rating: R, smoking, sexual content, profanity

Cast: Ethan Hawke, Margaret Qualley, Andrew Scott, Patrick Kennedy, Jonah Lees, Simon Delaney and Bobby Cannavale.

Credits: Directed by Richard Linklater, scripted by Robert Kaplow, inspired by the letters of Lorenz Hart and Elizabeth Weiland. A Sony Pictures Classics release on Netflix.

Running time: 1:40

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Movie Review: In Muldoon’s Curtain Call he’s an Ex-Boxer with “Dirty Hands”

Patrick Muldoon was a “Starship Troopers” alumnus who never quite got over the B-movie hump as an actor. He passed away last April at 57.

“Dirty Hands” was his final film, a representative work for an actor who made a decent impression in small roles in lesser thrillers such as Oscar Isaac’s “Card Counter” and Liam Neeson’s turn as Philip “Marlowe.” It co-stars his “Starship Troopers” friend and former flame Denise Richards.

And before I recalled that he died, I appreciated the simple virtues of the genre grindhouse picture Muldoon went out with.

Writer-director and co-star Kevin Interdonato (“Bad Frank”) took the old film actor’s maxim “If Hollywood isn’t hiring, write a film for yourself” to heart. “Dirty Hands” is his second feature. “Bastard Son” was the first.

It’s a simple and simplistic thriller that rarely offers a surprise, where everybody in the cast wears their mileage and disappointments and makes them work for their roles.

But a movie this lean, whatever its failings, shows its production history in every scene, and why if you’re taking a risk as a struggling actor, betting on yourself and hedging that bet is money in the bank.

“Dirty Hands,” the tale of an ex-boxer turned mob collector (Muldoon) and his hothead, no-good kid brother (Interdonato), is a line producer’s dream, a location scout’s shortest day ever and a location manager’s least complex shoot.

It’s got five locations — the collector’s garage, where we meet him and his brother brawl-boxing, his kitchen, where we meet the wife (Richards) and kid; the office of the mobster (Michael Beach), who has to be convinced to let the “f—up” kid-brother go along, the club where the “pick-and-drop” exchange of cash for coke takes place and goes wrong, and the after hours auto repair shop where our “heroes” and “villains” settle up for the climax.

A few nights of driving, chasing, shooting and punching it out in and out of a handful of some ’70s and ’80s vintage cars, on the streets in parking lot and in a back alley, and you’ve got your movie.

The script is a parade of f-bombs thrown around in vouching for, questioning and berating the kid brother/brawler, whom the “boss,” Dally (Beach) is loath to entrust with this job. The older brother is soon inclined to agree.

“You’re about as sharp as a two by four!”

The wife’s history is all over her preserved, crushed soul of a face. Yeah, that “Visit Mexico” postcard seen in the foreground was a dream. Once. Might it be foreshadowing, too? How much you want to bet?

“The last time you lied to me we almost lost everything!”

The fights are epic if only semi-logical. These are mob folk. They have guns. Why mess around with all the punching, grabbing tools in the repair shop for weapons, stabbing, brass-knuckling and choking with a chain?

“You just killed us, Little Brother!”

Sad to say, Muldoon’s cinematic curtain call isn’t very good. But the framework is there, the archetypal characters and tropes of the genre.

You can see why Muldoon thought this was worth the effort, why Richards and Beach might have signed on. And Interdonato may be nobody’s idea of a Tarantino or faux film noir savant. The direction here is competent and pedestrian. Nothing more.

But for aspiring filmmakers frustrated by finances and an ever-deferred dream, he’s showing you how it’s done.

Write a three-act genre script. Keep the settings to a minimum and put your money in the actors. Give them a lot of one-on-one, two-on-one dialogues. Try to toss in flinty, pithy lines.

“He’s not like that.”

“Everybody’s like that.”

And roll the dice. What’ve you got to lose?

Rating:TV-MA, graphic violence, profanity

Cast: Patrick Muldoon, Kevin Interdonato, Michael Beach and Denise Richards.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Kevin Interdonato. A Saban release streaming on Amazon.

Running time: 1:22

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Netflixable? “Stop! That! Train!” Take the “Airplane!” instead!

The longest 90 minute comedy of the mid 2020s might be the one with the most celebrity cameos, and fewest laughs per cameo.

That’s an apt description of the drag farce “Stop! That! Train!,” a quaint quip-a-thon in the “Airplane!” tradition, with vamped-up vulgarity as its only means up updating that 1980 parody.

A disaster movie about the nation’s first non-stop bullet train facing meteorological peril as it dashes from L.A. to Celebration, Florida, it’s a 700 one-liner, 100 sight gag and half a dozen lip-sync numbers make-work project for legions of the nation’s drag queens, led by their self-annointed queen, Rupaul Charles.

It feels half-amusing at the start but oh-so-old and dated before a half hour has passed.

The tale is set in an alternate reality where this “true story” can boast of a dying “Stank Rail” passenger line contrasted with lush, posh “Glamazonian Express,” replete with campy passengers, tacky gilded, over-decorated cars and service of in the “extreme” range of “wasteful excess.”

“We’re like if Amtrak was gay!”

The train dashes off only for a lone control center dispatcher (Rachel Bloom) to recognize the “Stormaganza” between it and its destination.

“Now boarding, couples that shouldn’t BE together.”

The president (Rupaul), watching her approval numbers slide and up down from “Love Her!” to “Lea Michelle, 2020,” will have to get involved.

“It’s time…to NUKE Russia! Kiddddd-ing!”

And those two cabin hostesses (played by Jujubee and Ginger Minj, ahem) laid off by “Stank” when it closed, now pretending to be Glamazonian staff, will have save the day. They must overcome the Mean Girls hostesses (Brock Hayhoe, Symone and Marcia Marcia Marcia) if this train and its colorlessly colorful passengers and crew (Chris Parnell, a lot less amusing than usual, is the conductor) are to survive.

The passengers include a “grieving” Nicole Ritchie, stuffing a full sized wooden coffin in the overhead luggage rack, Ms. newly-divorced and seriously on-the-make (Missi Pyle), a “Real Housewife” here, a “Modern Family” cast member or onetime “Vampire Slayer” there — Joel McHale in bondage gear and other SAG sight gags, that sort of thing.

The jokes consist of sexual “kink” zingers and run-on lists of pop culture references, “The Real Housewives of the Potomac,” et al, bad pun names (President Judy Gagwell) and “Tell it to me straight!” demands. “Now, tell it to me GAY!”

One running thread through the picture is a general dismissal or simple “dissing” of women by the drag queens, as in nobody in drag or merely mincing recognizes Sarah Michelle Gellar, and they all insult her as a nobody who is too poor to be riding the glam train. You’d think they were all named “Karen.” Or “J.K.”

Natasha Leggero annoys the queen corps of cabin stewardesses no end.

“Sir, please don’t TOUCH me.”

The rat-a-tat-tat nature of the zingers should have produced a lot more winners. But as Martin Short observed, par for the course in comedy is if “twenty percent” of what comics cook up earns a laugh.

And while it’s easy to fall in with the whole drag-not-trans vibe of the thing — from the most convincing to the least, every gender bending player is parodying and exaggerating femininity — there’s something very “Airplane!” dated about how all that is handled.

The viewer can appreciate the attempt to drag drag out of the culture war headlines and remind us of the overly-made-up, vulgar fun of it all, “Stop! That! Train!” just doesn’t play.

One keeps waiting for something John Waters edgy or shocking or hilarious. But Adam Shankman, who broke out by directing the delightful but tame musical remake of Waters’ “Hairspray,” his screenwriters/gag crafters and his gender bent cast don’t deliver.

Rating: R, sex jokes, drug jokes, profanity aplenty

Cast: Ginger Minj, Jujubee, Brock Hayhoe, Symone, Marcia Marcia Marcia, Rachel Bloom, Missi Pyle, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Latrice Royale, Joel McHale, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Nicole Ritchie, Lisa Rinna, Charo, Raven Symone, Chris Parnell and Rupaul Charles.

Credits: Directed by Adam Shankman, scripted by Christine Friel and Connor Wright. A Bleecker St. release streaming on Netflix.

Running time: 1:30

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Classic Film Review: ’60s Nippon Noir — “I, the Executioner”

Here’s a lean, mean serial killer thriller from 1960s Japan with sex, grim violence and style to burn.

“I, the Executioner,” more poetically subtitled “Requiem for a Massacre,” has a McQueen/Belmondo cool ladykiller– leather sportscoat, black turtleneck, shades and an omnipresent cigarette on his lips or lightly pinched between the fingers.

“Ladykiller” is literal. He (Makoto Satô) is a torturer and strangler of women, who beds them before unleashing his savage side.

Yakuza film stylist Tai Katō (“Tokijiro: Lone Yakuza,” the “Red Peony Gambler” series and “By a Man’s Face Shall You Know Him”) throws us into this black and white slaughter before daring to suggest that there’s meaning to this madness.

Five women (Kin Sugai, Yuki Kawamura, Junkô Tôda, Sanae Nakahara and Ranfan Ou) had a drunken Mahjong revel. Now, they’re being strangled and worse.

Why?

Katō, works from a script by Haruhijo Mimura with DP Keiji Maruyama (“Village of Doom”) framing shot after arresting shot — check out the “Citizen Kane” compositions — and editor Shizu Ôsawa (he cut  Katō’s samurai classic “Miyamoto Musashi”) ratcheting up suspense as we follow events from the killer’s, assorted victims’ and the cops’ point of view.

The film leans into the tropes of such tales even as it puts a distinctive Japanese stamp on film noir.

Fujio Suga plays the meaner, younger detective, inclined to dismiss connections and clues if they come from his police force inferiors. The chief (Tatsuo Matsumura)? He’s more sanguine. He’s unsympathetic to suspects — they have a “list” of fourteen — and uncomfortable all the way through this.

Blame his hemorrhoids.

“Once an alibi fails,” he muses (in Japanese with subtitles), “we can issue a warrant and arrest you.”

As they work their way down their list, our killer is striking here and there, picking off that Mahjong gathering, each murder as perverse as the one preceding it.

But wait! There’s a noodle shop waitress Haruko (Chieko Baishō) who is attracted to our kill’er’s brooding and seeming gallantry. Is she in danger, too?

This film comes from an era before much of the world’s urban culture had become homogenized, and the late ’60s the culture clash this picture preserves is a real eye opener.

Geishas join the ’60s J-pop whirl of a discoteques. Street scenes, transit stations and the construction boom that brought Japan back to life after the devastation of World War II feature in the background.

We ponder the absurdly laxity of the prison sentence it is suggested that this “pervert” “thrill killer” faces, something cops and others discuss. We fear for each new victim, lured to her doom by a cool hunk who never breaks a smile.

And we wrestle with the seriously twisted, monstrously sexist “motive” the cops start to wrestle with as they piece the connections together.

Katō saves much of the explanation of this plot for third act flashbacks, as stylishly cut into it as the dramatic framings of victims with their would-be killer in the background.

The violence — nudity, bondage and strangulation included — jolts. But the tone is musing, almost romantic, backed by sentimental Japanese ballads of the day.

Satô and Baishō are the stand-outs in the cast, but each victim is given a surface personality and a hidden agenda and the players play around with that to great effect.

Other supporting players have Kurosawa (“Seven Samurai,” etc.) credits and flesh out the film’s milieu with commitment to the older cop no one listens to, the aged noodle shop owner who rejects the era he finds himself trapped in.

The subject matter and its very Japanese and quite dated attitudes and treatment play as cringey on a different level today. But “I, the Executioner” remains a riveting Japanese entry in a genre where it can invite comparison to works by Huston, Wilder, Lang and Welles and hold its own quite well, thank you very much.

Rating: TV-MA, graphic violence, sex, nudity, smoking

Cast: Makoto Satô, Chieko Baishō, Sanae Nakahara, Ranfan Ou, Kin Sugai, Kin Ishi, Fujio Saga,
Junkô Tôda and Tatsuo Matsumura

Credits: Directed by Tai Katō, scripted by Haruhiko Mimura , Tai Katō and Yōji Yamada. A Shochiku, Film Movement Classics release on Tubi, other streamers.

Running time: 1:33

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Movie Review: “Above the Line” and Far Below Par

It’s a movie about Hollywood and the dirty dealing it often takes to “get to the top” or even “get a break.”

But it’s hard to muster up any enthusiasm for the stumblebums in the plot, or behind the camera for “Above the Line,” which takes its title for the way the most important creative folks in a film are billed — writers, actors, director, producers

This Jeffrey Scott Collins action comedy is about wannabes/never-will-bes secretly hired to steal Oscar statuettes from a particularly vile and successful producer (veteran character actor Gregg Henry). Things go right and things go wrong, some rise to the occasion by improvising and some flee.

And the plot and editing are so confused that it’s damned difficult to sort out who is screwing over whom and who knows what among that sextet of would-be starlet, directors, a writer, a “Hero” and a producer.

An empty Beverly Hills McManson is the meeting place for our handsome “Hero” (John Way), the pretty “Princess” screenwriter (Sophia Ali), the “Dame” (Jamie Lee), the duo of young directing brothers, “Cowboy” (Dylan Playfair) and “Spaceman” (Jackson Pace) and the producer who’s basically still a “Ghost” (Reno Wilson) as far as Hollywood is concerned.

They’re summoned by a “golden ticket” and ten $100 bills each. There’s a cool $million in it if they can swipe the five ill-gotten Oscars that Jack Woodrow (Henry) keeps in his hilltop mansion for some unseen puppetmaster. A plan is laid out for them. It sounds nuts, but there’s a lot of money and that tempts most, but not all.

What really seals the deal for the five who agree to take the van provided and don the Halloween masks within to carry out this heist is each person’s Jack Woodrow “story.”

Our writer was screwed out of an Oscar-winning, break-out credit. The fading “I’m barely thirty”
Dame got humiliated trying to sleep her way into a guest spot in one of Woodrow’s TV series. And so on.

They tell these stories on the way to the heist, during and after it, as we all figure out Jack’s at home, he’s got starlet-“company” and this robbery goes off the (cocaine) rails in a hurry and a lone cop (Adhir Kalyan) gets involved.

We figure out why everybody, including the two young director/brothers have a beef. But we can’t figure out why they’d know and party with a twice-their-age Hollywood veterinarian played by Cedric the Entertainer, whom they visit when one of them gets shot.

And we get Hollywood “lessons” that King of Hollywood Jack imparts to each as he’s shafting them in this way or that.

“Always read the contract.” “Speak up when you know you’re right.” Etc.

When a movie like “The Player” or “Swimming with Sharks” works, there’s credit enough to go all around. But when your movie isn’t remotely on a cleverness par with those acrid tales of Hollywood chicanery, the blame is rarely the players’ fault.

This or that character serves no real function, as scripted, or when they do (Suzy Nakamura plays Jack’s long-suffering assistant), what to actually do with them.

Old pro Henry knows the biz and the creeps who run it well enough to make Woodrow interesting, at least. The other cast are trapped playing “types” that barely register as the plot stumbles this way and that, trying to find surprises or credibility as a Tale from the Dark Side of Hollywood.

Something got lost by the “Above the Line” “creatives” in the writing, workshopping or editing that might have helped it make sense, or at least feel less confused and pointless.

Rating: TV-MA, violence, drug abuse, profanity

Cast: Sophia Ali, Gregg Henry, Reno Wilson, Dylan Playfair, Jamie Lee, Jackson Pace, Suzy Nakamura, John Way, Adhir Kalyan and Cedric the Entertainer.

Credits: Directed by Jeffrey Scott Collins, scripted by Jeffrey Scott Collins and Jono Matt. A Quiver release on Amazon Prime.

Running time: 1:33

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BOX OFFICE: “Resident Evil” Reboots with… $60? “Magic” Practically claws out $11

There was this dude — hardcore gamer, I gather, and fan of the “Resident Evil” film and game franchise, who did this to the beater he drove to work at a Subway shop in Roxboro, N.C.

You just knew they’d never abandon the Racoon City movie series, even after Milla Jovovich priced-out and aged out of being the nubile action heroine who anchored this 24 years and running film franchise. The fans are that dedicated.

So a franchise-best blockbuster opening — $24 million Thursday night and Friday, per Deadline.com — should come as no shock. Especially when Trumpflation is considered.

It did $8.8 million Thursday night alone.

Actor turned director Zach Cregger’s take on the game-turned-movie franchise is winning the best reviews of the series as well. Go figure. I lost whatever interest I had in this game-to-big-screen enterprise long ago, but Cregger means I’ll need to see it.

And The Numbers reports Sunday that it hit $60 million on its opening weekend.

The five and a half million or so gamers and diehards and Cregger fans — he did the superior horror tales “Barbarians” and “Weapons” — and whatever you’d call somebody who paints his car in Umbrella Corp. livery are turning out for this one.

The Sandra Bullock/Nicole Kidman “Practical Magic 2” sequel is doing less than half the business it did opening weekend, 12.1 million, and that’ll easily be good enough for second place.

“The Odyssey” wins weekdays in this portion of its summer-long battle with “Spider-Man: Brand New Day.” But “Spidey” took in $6.5 million this weekend, “The Odyssey” $4.9.

“Coyote vs. Acme” took fifth $4.512 million weekend. It’s earned $54 million in North America. All that money doesn’t go to Ketchup Entertainment, but they paid $50 for it so they’re going to make money with it, in addition to a splash.

Angel’s “Runner” is on its way to a sixth place $3.18, and the new release “Daniel and the Fiery Furnace” is doing middling business, but $3.14 million got it into seventh, just ahead of the “Transformers,” re-release ($3.1), which sits in eighth place.

New releases “Shaun of the Sheep: The Monster of Mossy Bottom” (11th, $1.9) and the outdoor action pic “The Weight” ($2.55 in tenth with Ethan Hawke and Russell Crowe reached a few viewers. Both are good and deserve an audience. Pity Gkids and Vertical didn’t advertise either all that much.

“The Uprising” for sure, “By Any Means” and maybe one other title will fade out.

Look at the take for “Mutiny” (left all theaters Thursday) and “By Any Means” and tell me Jason Statham and Mark Wahlberg aren’t seeing the writing on the wall.

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