BOX OFFICE: “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” falls over 60%, still pulls in over $140 million on its 2nd weekend

It is turning into another big weekend for Sony’s “soulless” and “joyless” latest Tom Holland “Spider-Man” comic book adaptation.

“Spider-Man: Brand New Day” is on track to pull in another $143 million, based on a boffo Friday ($43 million) take at the box office. That’s not the best “second weekend” ever. But as Deadline.com points out, it’s close. It’s the first Sony movie to ever have a second weekend take this large. It’s earned over $650 million in North America alone.

As the picture opened with a stunning $360 million payday last weekend, even a 60 percent fall-off, weekend to weekend, isn’t going to make anybody cry.

Trumpflation and IMAX screen ticket prices explain part of this. Is the movie a part of the national conversation? Not that I can tell.

Christopher Nolan’s “The Odyssey” is about to become his biggest box office hit ever, surpassing even his biggest “Dark Knight” performance. It’s cruising to another $28 million or so this weekend, clearing $450 million, well on its way to $500. And yes, it is still a conversation starter.

With Will Gluck’s sci-fi romance “One Night Only” on track to earn $6 million, despite terrible reviews by the grownups and raves by the comically under-credentialed. The latest “Super Troopers” sequel is earning $4 and the widest opening horror title of the weekend, “Ice Cream Man” tallying $2, we’ll truly know who exits the top ten Sunday.

“Toy Story 5” will hang around, as will “Minions & Monsters.” “Moana” may be a close call, as it’s been fading fast.

“Obsession,” “Young Washington” and “The Invite” seem likeliest to slide off the charts.

The new Anthony Bordain bio-pic “Tony” could crack the top 12 in limited release.

Check back later this weekend as I update this.

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Netflixable? It’s “The Last House” and Nobody Should Buy It

“The Last House” is “A Quiet Place” with rain — “A Rainy Place.” With survivalism. And monsters.

It’s a dull and exceptionally stupid environmental thriller, sort of “The Revenge of the Sea” for dummies.

Screenwriter Matthew Robinson wrote “Love and Monsters” a few years back, and the unfunny parts of Ricky Gervais’s rom-com “The Invention of Lying.” Here, he feels obligated to have our patriarch-hero utter the lines that every overmatched horror movie dad has said before him when the rains come, their house traps them inside and “something” is “out there” controlling all this.

“I’m not going to let anything BAD happen to us!”

Like that’s within dad Jason’s (Wagner Maura) control.

The set-up is stupid — the rains come, everybody’s house locks them inside to eventually starve or other die. But wait, there are monsters doing this? What’s their angle? People as food? Why let them rot, then?

Dad Jason and plucky mother Ann (Greta Lee) devote themselves to protecting their kids in their tumbledown Seattle home that’s about two mortgage payments shy of reposession. This mysterious “We’re locked in!” has an upside.

“At least we don’t have to worry about the mortgage this month.”

The script dives deep into the DIY nature of being trapped, on your own, in a world that has shut down. Communication with neighbors comes through chalk boards, passing gossip on about how far this calamity extends. Food must be rationed, but if you get sick, you’re all but doomed.

Nobody can “help” anybody else.

The loopsholes our family (Riley Chong and Noah Alexander Sosnowski play the kids, with Gabriel Barbosa and Emma Ho taking over “five years later”) benefits from come from the crumbling nature of the house. They create gaps in the “total lockdown.”

Mom DIYs vegetable garden is manageable with only the seeds of what they’ve been eating (and no, um, polinators). Unemployed engineer Dad makes DIY traps for “chimney fishing” for critters out in the wild, which reclaims their subdivision when the humans are stuck inside.

Yeah, a lot of animals meet their untimely end in this, before you run off to visit DoesTheDogDie.com.

Meaningful subtexts about what constitutes “living” — hiding in a house, or figuring out a way to face the perils of the world outside — are stumbled over. A whole lot of the logistics (walk-around sewers in a subdivision) make little sense and the science makes none at all.

Director Louis Letterrier once gave us an “Incredible Hulk,” but he’s hard pressed to serve up any suspense here, even in the action-packed third act.

The players do what they can, which isn’t much, considering the screenplay’s limitations.

But hey, Robinson got to write a version “Edge of Tomorrow 2.” So at least we’ll know what happened if that never goes before the cameras.

Rating: PG-13, violence, profanity

Cast: Greta Lee, Wagner Maura, Riley Chong, Noah Alexander Sosnowski, Garbiel Barbosa and Emma Ho.

Credits: Directed by Louis Letterrier, scripted by Matthew Robinson. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:52

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Movie Review: Discovering his Greek Roots in “A Spartan Dream”

A little charm is meant to go a very long way in the daft and twee Greek American comedy “A Spartan Dream.”

Never quite funny but aspiring to “cute,” it serves up a little Greek history — some of it in fantasy form (NOT a “true story”) — along with Greek culture and Greek grievance in a love story that like many things about this movie, never gets off the ground.

Pete Bundic of Netflix’s “Chilling Adventures of Sabrina” series stars as Brad, a college-age son of a widowed and broke Greek diner owner in New Jersey sent back to The Olde Country to sell a piece of inherited property.

But evicting Uncle George (Nikos Tsergas) and Aunt Marigo (Isadora Deli) will take guts and maybe a little “This is just business” heartlessness, as aunt and unclde have lived in the house with an orchard Brad’s late mother, George’s sister, inherited for over 26 years.

Further complicating matters is the cute Greek teen Brad’s aunt and uncle took in, Gorgo (Georgia Mesariti). Brad practices his Greek, listens to his Greek history lectures on tape and absorbs the culture he inherited but never experienced first hand.

Brad starts learning the minute he gets off the plane, waylaid by a too-helpful cabbie (Kostas Koronaios) who takes him to see the objects this “Spartan” lad’s ancestral home, Vapheio, is most famous for — the Vapheio gold cups.

It’s 1987, and Greece’s famous actress turned Minister of Culture, Melina Mercuri (Katerina Didaskalou) has gotten serious about demanding the British return the Parthenon Marbles that Britain’s Lord Elgin “bought” from the Greece-occupying Turks over 170 years before.

Brad wrestles with his responsibility to his father, his empathy for his Greek relatives and those in the flat-broke town they live in, his attraction to young Gorgo, a country in the midst of a 220 day drought and a heritage that keeps manifesting itself in halucinations and dreams of Spartans of the past.

It’s no wonder Spartan-expat Brad snaps.

Athens still owes Sparta a debt, he figures. And the way to get them to pay attention and pay up is to restart Sparta’s ancient Peloponnesian War with Athens. Do this on the verge of a Queen Elizabeth visit to Greece and it’ll make headlines and an international stink.

All Mercuri wants to do is shame the old monarch into giving back the marbles cut off from the Parthenon and displayed, for well over a century, in the British Museum.

The plot is loosely borrowed from Leonard Wibberley’s “The Mouse that Roared,” an early film hit for Peter Sellers from over sixty years ago. Start a war nobody intends to fight as a fund-raising exercise.

But there’s almost no comic pop to any of this, with few scenes and few players acting them out making a comical impression. The girl slaps the guy a few times more than he has coming. The scheming part of “plan” is underwritten and written off.

The cabbie named Roy Rogers is the most promising laugh, and he’s more of a philosopher than a comic foil.

“There is no coincidence! Gods make the puzzle. Gods solve the puzzle. And all we do is hang on!”

Didaskalou evokes a hint of the grande dame Mercuri, but sure laughs are underscripted and the direction (by Michael A. Nickles, billed as “M. Achilles” here) is flatfooted and comically tone-deaf.

Our leading man has echoes of a Colin Hanks at his most colorless, not a good thing.

Guys, getting finance to film a comedy as working vacation in Greece is the easy part. Making a comedy that plays is where the “work” comes in. “A Spartan Dream” loses too much in translation. Apparently.

Rating: TV-PG

Cast: Peter Bundic, Katerina Didaskalou, Georgia Mesariti, Nikos Tsergas,
Kostas Koronaios and Renos Haralambidis

Credits: Directed by M. Achilles (Michael A. Nickles), scripted by Leonidas Demas and George Demas. A Freestyle release on Amazon Prime, other streamers.

Running time: 1:37

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Netflixable? “The Debt Collector” owes us Our Time Back

“The Debt Collector” is a rigidly, laughably formulaic martial arts thriller that takes forever and a day to tick off the checklist of ingredients of that formula.

The plot of this Thai tale is so moldy, with one mandatory waypoint or plot point following another, it’s sprouted its own rainforest.

But hey, the fights are OK and the chases pass muster. More or less.

Nadec Kugimiya of the “Death Whisperer” movies is our anti-hero, Num. We meet him as he’s shooting and slapping, beating and butchering a “deadbeat” debtor in hock to Num’s boss. Riddling the debtor with bullets isn’t just a bad business model. It lands him in prison.

But hard-hearted and handsome Num underwent a Buddhist spiritual conversion during his decade in The Joint. His priest/monk (Paphon Jirahitaphat) tells him “You are released from your suffering,” when he gets out. It’s implied that he’s released from the need to make others suffer, too.

But that delivery job he takes puts him in contact with street vendor Granny Lek (Kunkanich Khumkrong) and her tiny granddaughter (Ploypaphas Fonkaewsiwaporn). Num isn’t likely to stand by while her cart and business is repeatedly trashed by loan shark “debt collectors” thugs just like he used to be.

Being newly passive and “enlightened,” he pays Granny’s way out of the violence he sees them facing.

“May Buddha protect a good man like you.”

The problem is, that was just one payment. Everybody at the bottom of the social ladder seems in hock to this pale, thin punk Po (Daou Pittaya Saechua) with the hair-trigger temper.

As Num is forced to intervene, that puts him in Po’s sights, in the crosshairs of Po’s hulkish enforcer (Jack Jonathan Holman), on the radar of corrupt cops (Chaiwat Thongsaeng) and crime boss Madame Pim (Nualprang Trichit), who runs things in the city underworld.

There’s sure to be trouble.

The fist, firearm and knife fights are good enough in that “We’ve all seen better” sense. The same goes for the chases — adequate, nothing special.

But it’s the hoary plot that really grates. Our hero grew up in an orphanage, and guess who was his best bud there? Guess how the Dragon Lady crime boss figures into the hero and the villains’ histories?

Don’t bother guessing what happens to the people Num takes an interest in or advice from. Don’t expect no one to say “Using violence is never the answer” because somebody, sure as shooting, will.

Director and co-writer Surapong Ploensang (“Cracked” was his) and his co-writers pile on the cliches — a little terminal illness here, a few past victims haunting someone there — in this not-so-epic epic.

Pacing has been the downfall of many a thriller, and this 80 minute movie packed in a 132 minute package underscores that. If your movie’s slow enough, there’s more time for screenwriting mischief, more minutes allowed for all these superfluous cliches and tropes.

Cut this calamity to the bone and it might go down easier, and it certainly would pass by faster.

Rating: TV-MA, graphic violence, profanity

Cast: Nadech Kugimiya, Daou Pittaya Saechua,
Nualprang Trichit, Paphon Jirahitaphat, Jack Jonathan Holman and Chaiwat Thongsaeng

Credits: Directed by Surapong Ploensang, scripted by Ornusa Dasawaia Pun Homcheon and Surapong Ploensang. A Netflix release.

Running time: 2:12

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Classic Film Review: Cocteau Kink? “Les parents terribles — The Terrible Parents,” aka “The Storm Within”(1948)

One of the most praised French films of its day, Jean Cocteau’s 1948 dark comedy “Les parents terribles” still summons a chuckle or two and a cineaste’s appreciation of its compact, concentrated mise en scene-focused compositions, cinematography and editing.

Its witty, mocking depiction of family dysfunction that’s created a childish, spoiled adult son and the tiniest suggestion of incest were damned daring in 1938, when the Cocteau’s play premiered, and even when the older, milder-mannered film came out with almost the same cast a decade later, after the trauma of World War II and the French Occupation.

The playwright and writer-director of the film, the great Renaissance Man of the 20th century French avante-garde, a poet, playwright, visual artist and filmmaker, is rightly celebrated as the most accomplished artist of his day.

But “The Terrible Parents” (released as “The Storm Within” in much of the English speaking world), bookended by Cocteau’s two undeniable masterpieces, 1946’s “Beauty and the Beast” and 1950’s “Orpheus,” can’t help but suffer by comparison. It’s an elegantly filmed play, with just half a dozen indoor settings — soundstagebound if not exactly stagebound.

Shorn of its controversy, with a cast carrying a lot more miles and care (WWII) than their characters, the intervening years have preserved “Les parents”‘ reputation if not its sparkle. It’s the “Citizen Kane” of post-war French cinema — overrated by decades of rote reviewing repetition.

The great Jean Marais plays Georges, middle-aged gentleman tinkerer in a cluttered, rambling upscale flat that’s seen better days. Yvonne de Bray is his fragile, fluttery diabetic wife, Yvonne, a role model for every creepy delicate flower Tennessee Williams ever wrote, from Blanche DuBoi and Mrs. Venable to Amanda Wingfield.

They live in relative comfort thanks to Yvonne’s sister, Léo (Gabrielle Dorziat), smart and waspish and quick to dismiss the not-quite-squalor they live in as the fault of her slovenly relatives. They’re NOT bourgeois, no matter what their pretensions.

“What is a bourgeois family,” she huffs, in French with English subtitles? “A rich orderly family with servants!”

They’re not rich. They have no real servants. And they’re slobs, with none worse than Yvonne’s dashing ditz of an indulged college student son, Michel (Marcel André, well-preseved but over 60 when this movie was made).

Michel or “Mick,” as doting mamma calls the twenty-two year-old, is absent when the film begins, with his mother twittering in concern and the aunt finding another reason to criticize this “closeness” and indulgence — “You ignored Georges the moment Michel was born.”

Léo’s bitterness has a bite, and a legitimate grievance. Georges threw her over to marry Yvonne 23 years before.

And then Michel gets home and mama Yvonne rallies and prattles about how she bathed him and tucked him into bed well into his tweens and he gushes over the mother he calls by the sexy pet name “Sophia.”

It’s when Michel gives his news, that he’s in love with an older woman of 25, someone “kept” by a much older man who has fallen just in love with him and in love with Michel, that this unhappy “happy” home goes to pieces.

Madeleine, her name is. A secretarial school student and bookbinder. Father Georges faintly recoils at every detail. He knows her. He’s the one who “kept” her until she threw him over for a more age-appropriate lover.

The comic dynamics here have Léo as the one everyone confides in. She learns from Georges the pickle he’s in. She takes in Michel’s swooning and Yvonne’s fury that some (much) “older woman” is taking her boy away. And when she sneaks off to meet Madeleine (Josette Day), she hears her out and learns Michel’s lover’s ardor for her nephew.

“Don’t look into the heart. There’s everything in the heart. Don’t look too deeply into mine, or yours.”

As threats of exposure and accusation bubble up and heartbreak looms, it will be up to lovelorn Léo to figure out some way this can be resolved, no matter how impossible the idea that “It’ll all work out” seems.

The story’s incestuous undertones have lost their edge thanks to ensuing decades of many other plays and movies that covered similar ground. The tale’s most resonant line might be “If there weren’t situations like this, there’d be no plays!”

“Les parents terrible” is still funny enough to provoke a chuckle here and there. Overage cast and tidy soundstages aside, it’s still handsomely mounted and filmed.

But the pacing is leaden, even if the players know their roles and functions in the proceedings as if the roles were written for them — in many cases, they were — and they’d played these roles time and again (which many had).

The material screams “madcap,” frenetic — a sophisticated door-slamming farce by Sturges, Lubitsch or Hawks. Cocteau preferred preserving his stage creation in amber. Barely a door slams, and “sophistication” is most amusing when it comes undone or the stuffy pretense falls — loudly and rudely.

We indulge the great filmmakers we take to our bosom as “favorites,” and let a lot of things slide as we do. A recent-rewatching of Welles’ “Touch of Evil” held me only up to the point that the delusional director dubbed his own voice for his longtime co-star Joseph Cotten’s for a line — a grating mistake that a major studio somehow allowed on a B-picture they could never have known would become enshrined as a masterpiece, a true “classic” of its type. Welles did this a lot and had loads of excuses when he did. It still grates.

Cocteau’s dark stage comedy is still watchable, still amusing and somewhat observant. But it’s no “Beauty and the Beast,” no “Orpheus” and no “Our Man Godfrey,” “Bringing Up Baby” or “Ninotchka” either.

Rating: TV-PG, inuendo

Csst: Jean Marais, Josette Day, Yvonne de Bray, Marcel André and Gabrielle Dorziat.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Jean Cocteau, based on his play. a Les Films Ariane production now on Tubi, other streamers

Running time: 1:41

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Movie Review: A Serial Killer gives Pedophile Priests “Unholy Communion”

“Unholy Communion” is a lukewarm mystery-thriller about a hot-button topic.

A serial killer exacts vengeaunce on child-molesting Catholic priests in the aftermath of what used to be the biggest sex scandal in history.

These days, with a pedophile-tolerant Catholic-packed Supreme Court protecting the Pedophile in Chief and untold scores of fellow predators and accomplices, and their enablers in Congress, we don’t hear much about the thousands of crimes and the parrish-shuffling pedophile priests that were the church’s cover-up of choice any more.

The mystery in this “Communion” is obvious, stripping any hope of suspense. The situations and settings are generic and the performances are generally tepid. So save your prayers for this one.

It’s a Minnesota Iron Range (filmed in Minneapolis) tale of decades of abuse bringing murderous revenge down on the small town of Scandia.

Adam Bartley of TV’s “Longmire” is Chris, police chief in a two-cop town, the sort of softy who takes home the first murder victim’s retriever to his wife (Iréna Flury) and kids.

The testy county CSI agent (Laura Espring) and pedantic medical examiner (Casey E. Lewis), whom the agent loathes, will be Chief Majek’s only real help in tracking down whoever made Father Doyle (Patrick Thomas O’Brien) eat his rosary beads before shooting him in the head.

Sepia-toned flashbacks to the priest’s criminal history send the message that he had it coming. He won’t be the last. A little priest-to-choirboy Latin is the clue that sets that up.

Writer-director Patrick Coyle (“The Public Domain” was his) serves up side orders of domestic strife involving the department dispatcher (Bridgett Thompson) and her potentially violent husband, and the couple that the chief and his wife set-up, played by Laura Robards (Jason Robards’ granddaughter) and Vincent Kartheiser.

There’s even a transgender ex-lover (Dee McLaughlin) in the mix, none of which muddies the waters in a story where we’ve seen the killer in the first scene and later and there’s virtually no police procedural tropes to make this a “Columbo” styled “Will he get away with it?”

Indie cinema is where we get most of our movies that look and sound like America outside of LA and NYC. But indie films that work are as rare as studio pictures that come off, and this one doesn’t.

The premise is solid and the casting isn’t bad. But there’s no pace, no urgency to the performances and precious little to grab hold of and invest in here. Even the conflicted Catholicism of some of the characters is half-hearted.

It’s a shame, because this subject is still potent and “Primal Fear” came out a long time ago, and movies such as “Sleeper” and “Righteous Kill” approached the subject more gingerly than one would like, the one mistake “Unholy Communion” doesn’t make.

Rating: TV-MA, violence, profanity

Cast: Adam Bartley, Vincent Kartheiser, Bridgett Thompson, Iréna Flury, Laura Espring and Patrick Thomas O’Brien.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Patrick Coyle. A Freestyle Release on Amazon Prime.

Running time: 1:33

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Series Review: Epic Investigation, Ghastly Crime — “The Bombing of Pan Am 103”

A heinous crime, the vast investigation undertaken to solve it and the elusive pursuit of “justice” makes for an enrossing but sprawling and ungainly mini-series in “The Bombing of Pan Am 103.”

Writer-and-series-creator Jonathan Lee’s second crack at this material — he wrote a “Lockerbie: The Bombing of Pan Am 103” documentary — juggles many points of view, constructs a few composite characters and unravels the complex story of how those working the case solved it and took it to court over the course of a dozen years.

It’s a lot to take in. No doubt working on the doc helped him organize this material and find his “characters.” And even if the final episode, the trial and its trials, isn’t the most satisfying “Law & Order” wrapped up in a bow, it’s rewarding viewing and a vivid if non-judgemental-to-a-fault history lesson.

Lee plays up the conflict between the Scottish police, in the persons of a chief inspector played by the great Peter Cullan and a dedicated family-man detective played by Connor Swindells, and the FBI, personified by an ambitious careerist played by Patrick J. Adams.

They’re often bickering, as Scotland was the “jurisdiction” where the crime — a bomb blew up a Boeing 747 at 31000 feet — took place. The FBI played turf wars as it played catchup, since 190 Americans — many of them college students flying home for Christmas of 1988 — were the victims.

And the CIA section chief on the case (Terrance Maynard) slows down the works and irks one and all by stalling on doling out leads and names, as leads started pointing to state sponsored terrorism with Libyan fingerprints all over it.

The series receates the hellish night when flaming airplane parts, bodies and luggage tumbled out of the sky onto tiny Lockerbie, Scotland, killing some on the ground and leaving survivors in shock. It plays up the shoe leather work of locating evidence on the ground, detecting and intereviewing, the forensics needed to piece together clues from an 850 square mile crime scene.

And as it focuses on the policing and police politics, it takes time to acknowledge the victims’ families, who didn’t accept the FBI’s secrecy and made a stink about how callously they were treated — by the FBI.

The Scots are depicted as much more compassionate, from the police on the job to the locals, personofied by Phyllis Logan (“Downton Abbey”) as a Lockerbie lady who lectured the cops on the human tragedy and what she thought the families — in town and flying in from 21 different countries — needed and deserved.

Merritt Wever (“Nurse Jackie”) is a drawling Senate aide who rides the Feds to be more resepectful of the grieving relatives or face their wrath.

In a series this populous, dropping a few famous faces and reasonably famous names into the mix helps to keep things straight. Well, somewhat.

The formidable Cullan gives us a Scots chief inspector Orr who won’t tolerate having this case poached from him or slacking from his subordinates. “Evidence first, ‘theories’ later,” he barks. And they listen.

Tony Curran plays the one no-nonense subordinate as intimidating as Cullan’s Orr.

Popular character actor Eddie Marsan tries on a Southern Drawl as the FBI’s go-to bomb expert, and makes a sharp impression.

Dominik Tiefenthaler stands out as a dopey Swiss tech nerd whom no one takes seriously until it turns out his company provided electronics used in the bomb.

The sprawl of it all works against the story’s sense of urgency. This could have made a tight, immersive feature film, perhaps ending before the trial of those eventually accused of murder took place.

But the Pan Am bombing saga doesn’t lend itself to that, if you’re trying to relate an unfailingly accurate account. Little dollops of sentiment sometimes land and at other times don’t play and drag. The geopolitics of the day, with Reagan’s blundering, Thatcher’s efforts to show humanity after the tragedy and plenty of “blame” for all of this to go around, are barely mentioned.

Swiss complicity, the Maltese connection, German and FBI and CIA blundering, airline security lapses, it’s all there in tiny doses, with the stoic Scots persevering even as their justice system seems unready for its close-up.

Lee never lets this lapse into Movie of the Week sentimentality. But pulling together all this material, all these people, all those intrigues, tit-for-tat politics and a press corps that’s dismissed early on and the victims themselves — barely introduced — proves daunting in all but the “just the facts, ma’am” sense.

The story is told and the facts are nailed down. But the reality of this monstrous crime is that “gotcha” moments didn’t figure in the police work, big busts were off the table and a lot of dramatic potential is lost by “sticking to the facts.” And that’s before the convoluted finale that can’t help but feel anticlimactic.

Rating: TV-MA, profanity

Cast: Connor Swindells, Patrick J. Adams, Phyllis Logan, Merritt Wever, Tony Curran, Peter Cullan and Eddie Marsan

Credits: Created by Jonathan Lee. A Netflix release.

Running time: six episodes @ :60 munutes each

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Movie Review: Gen Z confronts “I Want Your Sex” Reality — with Trepidation

Some of us saw this coming way back when “Tron” was rebooted as “Tron: Legacy”

The chilly, chiseled perfection that was Olivia Wilde just screamed “dominatrix,” and maybe a future in Cruella de Vil/Nora Desmond roles.

Wilde, dolled up in leather and vinyl, see-through this and bondage that, is the centerpiece of the latest film by Greg Araki (“Mysterious Skin”), a Mrs. Robinson without the “Mrs.” out to dominate, handcuff, gag and spank her sexual prey because “I Want Your Sex.”

It’s an almost amusing riff on Gen Z’s aversion to sex and real life skin-to-skin human contact confronted with a Gen X Maneater who likes her men young, unthreatening and dominatable.

Wilde could be a sort of ultimate fantasy to our introverted masterbater/”hero.” Or his worst nightmare, considering he and his generation have been “growing up in a time where nothing feels safe or OK.”

Cooper Hoffman is Elliot, the 23 year-old, fresh out of UCLA newby nebbish at the “hipster sweatshop” that is artist Erika Tracy’s big money contemporary art studio.

And things with boss Erika (Wilde) are anything but “appropriate.” She puts him on his heels with a “the way you’ve been looking at me makes me uncomfortable,” before hitting Elliot with “You have a girlfriend?” and assorted gay digs and “woke police” cracks, all of it incredibly inappropriate and finished off with “I would never say ANYthing that inappropriate.”

Erika needs a new offie plaything, and lumpy, Waste Management or Joe’s garage workshirt-clothed pushover Elliot fits the bill.

Because he’d never push back, stand up for himself or rat her out in court, we guess. Erika targets low self-esteem “boys,” or so we gather.

But as the story of their boundaries-bending fling is related by Elliot to two interrogating cops (Margaret Cho and Johnny Knoxville). we know that this “harmless” role-playing “fun” didn’t end well.

Our first glimpse of Elliot — bloodied, wearing only a woman’s bikini, with Erika’s body floating in the pool — gives that away.

How’d he end up there? Elliot had a med school student girlfriend (Charli XCX) who barely tolerates his company, a more understanding bestie/roomie (Chase Sui Wonders) and a gay office guide (Mason Gooding), who can’t believe he doesn’t have a “trust fund” and still can afford to work as one of Erika’s art factory slaves.

Daveed Diggs plays the bitchy, perfectly-turned-out office manager Vikktor, who has seen Erika’s toy boys come and go. But skittish Elliot cannot be warned off. Erika is too demanding, too alluring to confront, reject or even disagree with.

Director and co-writer Araki hasn’t made much noise in the decades since his erotic and offbeat “Mysterious Skin” made his name. He’s done a lot of TV, and that shows in his reliance on character “types” and quips that play as cliches.

Gooding’s sexually insatiable gay rich boy co-worker is quick to point out that the gays “invented non-monogamy…and anal.”

Casting two very funny people to play the cops and giving them nothing funny to say is borderline criminal.

Wilde is perfectly cast, even if we ponder why she’s mounted her acting and directing (“The Invite”) comeback on seriously sexualized roles, paired up with male co-stars who’ve never attempted a situp.

Nepo baby Hoffman may be the very picture of the gym-averse ginger frump he’s cast as, but unlike his Oscar winning dad (Philip Seymour H.), he’s just not interesting to watch. The lifeless timidity he brings to the part is spot-on. But this colorless, kind of bloodless performance isn’t.

Araki goes out of his way to avoid predictable (and perhaps satisfying) twists in the narrative, save for the too-conventional climax and all that’s anti-climactic that follows. He bungles the set up for a big “threesome” moment so clumsily that you wonder what was left out of the third wheel’s performance in the editing. The phrase “out of practice” kind of applies to his protagonist, and to his direction.

Still, he’s made a movie with a point and a point of view even if that point is too obvious and the point of view not taken as seriously as Araki thinks. One filmmaker’s fantasy becomes one generation’s best excuse for an anxiety attack.

“I Want Your Sex,” named for a George Michael song that came out a dozen years before Gen Z angsted its way into the world, thus comes off as an unsatisfying blend of edgy and archaic, a satiric comedy that shortchanges the laughs as it falls just short of making its point.

Rating: R, sex, nudity, drug abuse, profanity, a hint of violence and kink

Cast: Cooper Hoffman, Olivia Wilde, Mason Gooding, Charli XCX , Daveed Diggs, Johnny Knoxville and Margaret Cho.

Credits: Directed by Gregg Araki, scripted by Gregg Araki and Karley Sciortino. A Magnolia releaase.

Running time: 1:30

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BOX OFFICE: “Spider Man: A Brand New” Opening Day, but not Opening Weekend Record

So Thursday night was a big deal at the box office.

I went to a late afternoon showing of the latest Marvel, “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” — not the first nor the last of the evening, with screenings starting @noon in my corner of the suburban south. Maybe a dozen people were there. But when I got out, the parking lot was packed.

That mimicked a lot of people’s experience of Thursday, as late evening showings were packed.

Friday was much the same — all day long. And Saturday.

Marvel cravings played a part in the turnout, and five years since the last “Spider-Man” added up to pent-up demand, as Thursday delivered a whopping $72 million. The result was a new opening (two days, really) record of $168 million.

The Marvel record was $157, tallied by pre-Trumpflation “Avengers: Endgame” back in 2019.

“Endgame’s” hold on the non-holiday three day weekend record is safe, as The Numbers reports that $355 million is the ceiling on this $225 million (pre-ads/promotion budget) blockbuster. “Endgame” cleared $357 million on its opening weekend seven years ago.

A little perspective — “Brad New Day” sold somewhere south of seven million tickets Thursday night, with most theaters asking north of $10 even for matinees. Friday, with IMAX screens added in, maybe 12-15 million tickets were sold. And rather than those numbers extending out to give it a $360-$370 million weekend, demand fell off Sat. and is projected to Sunday. Trumpflation ticket pricing will give this one the record, if it nabs it.

An observation — no, fans aren’t “over” comic book movies. But there aren’t as many of of those as there used to be.

Reviews for the fourth Tom Holland outing as the webslinger aren’t all that. He’s ageing out of the character, the pop and sizzle have gone out of his gee whizzes and the weight of the world isn’t the biggest selling point. An interesting but hardly show-stopper villain and lots of Marvel movie fan-service — “Avengers the Comeback” is coming, “The Punisher with Jon Bernthal, Too” and “X-Men: The Reboot” is on the horizon — drives the loses-track-of-the-title-character “plot.” I found it joyless and soulless, not something you want in a Spider-Man movie.

Christopher Nolan’s “The Odyssey” is looking at a $51 million weekend, its THIRD in release. That would win most any weekend of the year. But with “Brand New Day” looking to break the “Endgame” opening weekend record ($357 million), that’s not all that and a bag of popcorn.

“Toy Stoy 5” has been losing weekdays to “Moana,” but not weekends. It is on track to pull in $6.3 million, good enough for third. It will clear the $460 million mark by Monday — Tuesday at the latest.

“Minions & Monsters” is pretty much exhausted, byt another $5.8 milion is nothing to sneeze at.

“Moana” will fall to a distant fifth– plummeting to $5.3 million, finishing the weekend under $113 million and sinking fast.

“Hadestown” is on the verge of dropping oout of the top five, but Bleecker Street decided to extend it beyond the five day run they’d announced. It earned another $2 million, in sixth place, so maybe that’s it. Then again, with “Moana” bombing out.

“The Invite” earned another $1.2 million in seventh place, giving Olivia Wilde’s directing career a boost. It’s closing in on $25 million, all-in domestically.

The new release “I Want Your Sex,” a generalitional angst goof about sex-averse Gen Z running into S&M Gen X in the form of Olivia Wilde, cracked the top ten with $600k in eighth. Didn’t really work for me, and reviews overall have been mixed, with even Metacritic’s rating warped by serious Left Coast Greg Araki/Olivia Wilde fan-kids in San Fran and LA.

“Young Washington” clings to the top ten in ninth, rounding up another $477k in ticket sales.As it earned just under $50, and cost just $20, Angel Studios can call that a win.

“Obsession” enjoys one last weekend in the top ten (Seems to me I’ve said that before, adding $470k for tenth place, edging over the $263 million mark, making it THE sleeper of the summer, no doubt about it.

“Evil Dead Burn”apparently hasn’t reported its earnings this weekend. Maybe it’s in the top ten, ninth place? So maybe “Obsession” is finally gone. But maybe not.

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Movie Review: Same ol’ “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” or Not

The theory that any movie is improved by the presence of Jon Bernthal gets a stern test in “Spider-Man: Brand New Day.”

As grumpy, crusty, gun-crazy Frank Castle, aka “The Punisher,” reluctant sidekick to Spider-Man, Bernthal curses, sticks his nose in other superhero’s business, empties ammo clips and lands laughs.

But the movie? Two and a half hours of re-set, sentimental rehashes, re-learning web slinging, big fights and flashbacks and fan and franchise service “managed” by director Destin Daniel Cretton, “Brand New Day” may earn hundreds of millions. Yet it never rises above “content.”

Serious Spider-Man fans may wonder if they’ve actually been “serviced” at all in a messy narrative that pushes its title character aside for stretches as the rest of the Marvel Avengers/X-Men “comeback” agenda is tended to.

The ninth Spider-Man movie in 25 years, the fourth with Tom Holland in the title role, throws a few new zippy effects and hurls now-adult Peter Parker into combat with supernatural ninjas clothed in scarlet, at one point.

He’s still grappling with his late Aunt May’s (Marisa Tomei) big life lesson, “With great power comes great responsibility.” And in this latest outing, we see the personal cost of living that creed.

Peter had to hit a temporal reset to save those he loved in “Spider-Man: No Way Home.” His friend Ned (Jacob Batalon) and girlfriend MJ (Zendaya) could only survive on a world worth living in if everybody forgot they ever met Spidey or knew Peter Parker.

It’s been years since this timeline change happened, and our friendly neighborhood “Spider-Man” has devolved into a loner and workaholic. He’s computer-wired into every crime as it happens, and Det. DeWolff (Liza Colón-Zayas) is his biggest cheerleader in a city that worships Spider-Man.

His mass media past, working for a newspaper while villified by that newspaper and much of the media, is forgotten, too. He can love MJ only from afar, composing her a letter explaining their past, one which he can’t send.

But brushes with old foes like Tombstone (Marvin Jones III) and Scorpion (Michael Mando) puts him on a collision course with a mysterious figure hunting for something that the governmental police force labeled Damage Control has. That figure can jump from body to body to body, making crimes and escapes a breeze in a crowded metropolis like New York.

Black Widow Yelena (Florence Pugh) brings Peter in for a consult — in her private sauna. Damage Control Chief Metzger (Trammell Tillman) offers Spider-Man help

Meanwhile, Peter is suffering headaches and spasms brought on by some arachnid changes to his body. He won’t need his self-engineered web-shooters for long. Peter’s becoming a spider, unless Empire State U.’s physics professor, Dr. Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) can help him find a way to suppress his supernaturalness.

The soul-jumping effect and next-generation flying footage are arresting, if not cinema-altering upgrades.

More than a few characters pass by without us hearing their Marvel superhero/supervillain names — Ramrod, Punisher, Tombstone among them. The script is more inside baseball than earlier Marvel outings. So if you don’t know who Frank Castle or Jean Grey are, you might want to google your memory.

Cretton directed “The Glass Castle” and “Just Mercy” and the tepid Marvel outing, “Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings.” There’s not enough humanity and romance to this script to merit hiring someone with his strengths. The emotional highs are nothing of the sort. The picture — packed with characters and web-slinging exercises and fights — has no soul and nothing I’d call “joyful” or even “fun.”

That’s been a hallmark of the “Spider-Man” movies ever since horror icon Sam Raimi brought the character to the screen back in 2002. Even the most casual comic-book fans love Spidey, his love story, his trials and his internal struggles over “responsibility.” All that is here, but only in lip service form.

Spidey exclaiming “That’s so coool” when he finds himself in his first flying wirework martial arts swordfight (the oldest “effect” in the film) is an easy and rare laugh. Bernthal, saving grace grouse that he often is, makes every curse or curse cut-off mid-curse a laugh.

But even he’s doing “service” in Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers’ scripted Marvel infomercial. “The Punisher” has his own stand-alone movie comimg. So do “The Avengers” and “The X-Men.”

Who has time for acting grace notes, directors to show some flair for the material and scripts with more humanity and relevence (Damage Control is ICE?)? There’s CONTENT to be made, and as long as we lap it up, that’s all they’ll ever give us.

Rating: PG-13, lots of violence, some profanity

Cast: Tom Holland, Zendaya, Mark Ruffalo, Sadie Sink, Jacob Batalon, Florence Pugh, Jon Bernthal and Marisa Tomei.

Credits: Directed by Destin Daniel Cretton, scripted by Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers, based on the Stan Lee/Steve Ditko comics. A Sony/Marvel Studios release.

Running time: 2:25

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