Movie Review: Mockumentary “Reality Queen!” sends up Paris Hilton as if it’s 2000-and-late

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Remember Paris Hilton? Because you have to in order to “get” the um, “jokes” in the “comic” spoof “Reality Queen!”

It’s about an about-to-fade reality TV star trying to recapture her status in the Age of Memes. And it’s about 80 minutes too long.

“Queen” is a junk-comedy pieced together with a couple of “names” (Denise Richards, John Witherspoon, Mike Tyson), comic and cartoon voice-actor Charles Fleischer impersonating Larry King and not one damned joke that lands.

London Logo, played by busty freak of nature Julia Faye West, is the subject of a British TV documentary in which we catch up with her life today even as we remember her sex tape (“A Night in London,” with Mike Tyson), her reality show co-starring BBFF (Rochelle (Shelli Boone) and her many, many nip-slips, crotch-shots (getting out of cars) and other boo-boos that were a consequence of her very public life.

“I’m a model, NOT a role model!”

“Nobody TOLD me PETA doesn’t like fur!”

“I’m so waaaasted.”

“Where am I? And how many new Twitter followers do I have?”

“Jesus? He’s way too serious. He needs a makeover, maybe a man-bun like the hipster DJs wear…”

And so on.

It’s a deathly unfunny comedy, and staggeringly incompetent to boot. Hunt through the credits and figure out who did the graphic mock-ups of things like “Player” magazine covers, where “Real Man (sic) Have Curves” is a headline, “embarrassing” is misspelled, etc. And never ever hire this dunce again.

Considering another gag was a “Chocolate Mousse” that didn’t go over with her “fat” fans because the packaging says “Mouse.”

“Didn’t somebody proofread it?”

London paid $50,000 for a “micro-Chihuahua.” She doesn’t know it’s a gerbil. Richard Gere offering to pet-sit wasn’t a clue.

I chuckled at the “Helen Mirren Child Trafficking Scandal” bit (just a shot of Dame Helen with a bunch of schoolkids), the “reunion” tour with her former co-star, Rochelle, involving a private jet to hit the most popular bar in Watford, North Dakota. Maybe there’s a laugh in “I tried to cook for myself once. It tasted like syphilis!”

Not that I could tell.

star

Cast: Julia Faye West, Kate Orsini, Denise Richards, Shelli Boone, John Witherspoon and Mike Tyson

Credits: Directed by Steven Jay Bernheim, script by Steven Jay Bernheim, Schuyler Brumley, Chris Cobb, John-Paul Panelli, Allan Murray, Gabby Gruen, Greg Lindsay, Chandler Patton  A High Octane release.

Running time: 1:24

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