Netflixable? Mafia don hopes to win his dreamgirl in “365 Days (365 Dni)”

The Polish word for “consent” is “zgoda.” In Italian, it’s “consenso.”

But mere translations don’t do justice to the chasm that separates them in meaning from how that word is used in “woke” North America. Not if the Polish film with an Italian setting “365 Days (365 Dni)” is any measure.

This is a laughable “Fifty Shades of Grey” kidnapping porn mafia picture — softcore, of course — about a hunky Sicilian mob boss (Michele Morrone) who spies a beautiful tourist on the day his father is assassinated. He recovers from the shock (and the bullet that passed through Daddy and his him) to pursue her, drug her and take her prisoner five years later.

When Polish hotel marketer Laura (Anna Maria Sieklucka) wakes up, she’s been taken from her brutish, inattentive boyfriend and dropped in a world of extravagant wealth, crime and cruelty. And it’s all happened on her birthday.

So, Massimo. You have some explaining to do!

“When your entire life is based on taking everything with force,” he purrs (in English, although Italian and Polish also pops up), “it’s hard to react in a different way.”

He’s going to take her liberty away for one year, one year “for you to fall in love with me.” He’s going to take her shopping — a lot. She will “take part in an adventure that fate has given you.”

Laura is all “I’m not your PROPERTY!” She sees the SOB commit murder. And we’ve already seen him force himself on the stewardess on his private jet.

Black on black wardrobe, smoldering good looks and Italian perma-stubble aside, this Massimo is a beast.

“I won’t do anything without your permission,” he insists. “I lose my vigilance when I’m around you,” he whines.”

“Don’t PROVOKE me,” he repeats, again and again — as they’re showering together, nude sunbathing, and he’s showing off his Christian Grey bondage bed and calling in a hooker to “show you what you’re missing.”

It’s a good thing “LOL” means the same thing in Polish and Italian.

365

“365 Days” is slick, shiny and insanely silly softcore, with a situation that beggars belief at most every turn. Laura’s protestations are weak, her attempts at escaping half-hearted.

But all this affluence and induglence and this seriously-cut Sicilian with his “Want to TOUCH it?” come-ons? Irresistible. Apparently.

The direction is competent, but no kudos are owed the co-directors as they’re also responsible for the godawful script.

Here’s a “romance” that sets women back 50 years and makes anybody (like me) take back every ugly thing we wrote about Dakota Johnson and that guy whose name I’ve already forgotten and those awful “Fifty Shades” movies.

Good looking people acting badly while playing reprehensible characters? That’s 365 shades of “gówno,” as they say in the Old Country.

1star6

MPAA Rating: TV-MA, drug abuse, explicit sex, profanity

Cast: Michele Morrone, Anna Maria Sieklucka, Bronislaw Wroclawski

Credits: Written and directed by Barbara Bialowas, Tomasz Mandes, based on a novel by Blanka Lipinska.  A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:53

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