Netflixable? Eastwood the Younger cannot funny his way onto the “Walk of Fame”

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Scott Eastwood’s career guidance appears to be “Try everything my Dad did,” and that’s why we’re getting dramas, romances and now an actual comedy from the chip off the old block.

But is there a “movie star” today who’s more bland?

He’s not managed any of those “big breaks” particularly well. But before we sentence him to TV, or pack him off to Spain to shoot “spaghetti Westerns” with the Italians, let’s dump 250 more words criticizing Hollywood nepotism, and how rarely it works out.’

“Walk of Fame” is a desultory comedy which surrounds Eastwood with ostensibly funnier people, a farce about how “everybody butt EVERYbody” in LA may do one thing for a living, but their dream — which they are actively working on — is to be a star.

Eastwood plays Drew, whose law degree is useless as he has already flunked the bar twice. He can’t manage to be on time to his job in the omnibus call center where he takes orders for “butt busters” or deals with customer complaints for a whoever is outsourcing that work.

“Thank you for calling Vantage Light Bulbs. How can I brighten up your day?”

A walk with his work-friend Nate ( Cory Hardrict) leads to their witnesses an attack by a “serial humper,” a caped/masked villain who molests women on the street.

The guys fail to offer assistance, but Drew decides to follow the sizzling stewardess of the slow-mo hair flipping persuasion Nikki (Laura Ashley Samuels), because she’s out of work (nude photos all over the Internet) and headed to Star Maker Studios, a cut-rate acting school run by a wannabe/never-was played by Malcolm McDowell.

“I’m the only person in this town who can take you RIGHT to the top, baby,” he insists.

“Watch out, NASA. It’s time to discover some NEW stars!” he adds.

“I was offered the lead in ‘Amadeus.’ All right, it was the TOUR. But I turned it down because I care THAT MUCH about my students!”

McDowell has the only funny lines in this thing, and even those are in limited supply.

“By the time I’m through with you, you’ll have seen more red carpet than the streets have seen urine!”

The classes of “no talent idiots” are trained by the likes of Alejandro (Chris Kattan), and are a motley assortment of delusional Italian mug, irritable dwarf, never-too-late little old lady, young pretty stroke victim, nebbish and fashion nerd.

They are to be polished and prepped for “their Big Showcase.”

Eastwood has zero difficulty play-acting scenes in which he’s incapable of expressing any emotion or eliciting any reaction from his audience.  Few of the comic veterans around him manage anything either.

There are seemingly-fake cops riding around “helping” people by harassing them from their motorcycle with a sidecar.Drew has a hippy/surfer/stoner roommate, played (wanly) by writer-director Jesse Thomas. Jamie Kennedy has a scene as a very effeminate airline steward/colleague of Nikki’s.

The only promising pairing here is putting Eastwood with Hardrict, a young black man who rides a Segway, not a car (they double up on it once), leery about waiting for the cops to show at that “serial humper” incident.

“Black people do NOT fare well at crime scenes.”

No matter what he orders in restaurants, fried chicken is what he gets.

“Free at last, my ass.”

Build a romantic comedy around these two, with Eastwood pursuing whoever and Hardrict setting him straight about women or racism in America, and you’d have something much more conventional, and more more potentially funny.

But Thomas & Co. knew what they were getting with Eastwood, that he’s just not funny. Not in the least. No comic heavy-lifting for him. walk1

He’s working steadily, in bad action films (“Suicide Squad,” “Pacific Rim: Uprising”), the odd romantic weeper (“The Last Ride”) and a lot of supporting roles.

But he’s not making any impact at all as an actor. How long before the magic surname stops getting his calls returned?

He’s blandly handsome, sure. But at this point you have to wonder if TV, Spain or even co-starring with an orangutan could save him.

1half-star

MPAA Rating: TV-MA

Cast: Scott Eastwood, Laura Ashley Samuels, Malcolm McDowell, Cory Hardrict, Sonia Rockwell, Chris Kattan, Jamie Kennedy

Credits: Written and directed by Jesse Thomas. A Level 33 release.

Running time: 1:27

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