For insipid, heartless, tone-deaf and generally inept romantic comedies, “My Perfect Romance” is hard to be beat.
Bland leads, dull story, witless dialogue — it all pays off in this insipid time-waster/cash-suck from Team Netflix.
Vivian, played by pretty but spark-free Kimberly-Sue Murray, is a “love scientist,” actually a software developer with Robinson Tech, the woman in charge of the MyPerfectMatch app project. It’s an online dating with a twist — no swiping left or right, no photos.
“Compatibility matters,” she argues. Her algorithm is all about compiling compatibility data from your online profile, your social media footprint.
Her callow, womanizing boss (Christopher Russell) has his doubts — “You’re talking about taking the passion out of dating?”
“People say ‘love is blind,’ but has anybody ever put that to the test?” Vivian declares, and he agrees to a launch.
“My Perfect Match” then spends 90 minutes trying to put these two dullards together.
There’s the joint TV promotional appearance where the two are dared to “try their own product out,” the boss’s wily older assistant (Lauren Holley) “interfering,” pressure from the CEO’s mom (Morgan Fairchild) to get the stock price up, and a montage of failed MyPerfectMatch dates that would have been cut out of any sitcom not made 30 years ago.
MyPerfectMatch has cutesy pink heart graphics, a big Valentine’s Day online push behind it and apparently, zero chance of working.
All the Facetime chats with Viv’s sister (Jodie Sweetin) hint at the problems — “Not every man is Dad. You need to start giving them a chance.”
Russell plays Robinson as all muscles, smirk and forelock. He is referred to as “devilishly handsome” and “some kinda handsome.”
And Gottamighty, he’s boring, or just written that way. (Probably NOT just the writing, but…).
Murray has no trouble convincing us of the reality that “It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s everything you stand for.”
The whole tedious affair is one long, limp smirk — chaste and heartless, with that TV movie lighting that makes kisses look like soap opera actors straining to save their makeup for another take.
For all the sweet, empty smiles of the principals, nobody here seems to be having a good time, nothing romantic is said or done and nothing, absolutely nothing, delivers a laugh.
MPAA Rating: PG
Cast: Kimberly Sue Murray, Jodie Sweetin, Christopher Russell, Lauren Holley, Morgan Fairchild
Running time: 1:31