Netflixable? Rom-com “Just Say Yes” is no “Dutch Treat”

So, how many Dutchwomen and Dutchmen does it take to script a romantic comedy? Based solely on “Just Say ‘Yes,” the answer is “six” and the response to that is “It wasn’t enough.”

This generally-lifeless, mostly-haphazard wedding-centric rom-com wanders across the emotional spectrum and can’t make Big Proposal, betrayal, being jilted or “bouncing back,” flirtations and a “cat-fight” funny or charming. There’s a grin or two in it, mostly in its TV production milieu. The whole “romance” thing, in its various forms, is a non-starter.

Even the structure — a long flashback in which a would-be bride tells her tale of woe “from the beginning” — seems designed to boil any flavor right out of it.

Ibiza native and Dutch TV mainstay Yolanthe Cabou is Lotte, a TV producer for “RegioFun,” a gimmicky, feature magazine TV show starring her longtime squeeze (Juvat Westendorp). But the show is struggling, and while Lotte’s gotten something like her dream proposal from Alex, this new “consultant” Chris (Jim Bakkum) shows up just in time to tart the show up with stunts, accidents and a more mocking tone.

Lotte’s wedding plans, with her self-absorbed social media star sister (Noortje Herlaar) and circle of cliches scripted as “friends” play into that. Alex bails out of the wedding on live TV, and heck, hapless Lotte’s misfortunes are a hit.

She is transformed into an on-air hostess who poses as a biker chick amongst women bikers, “milks” the wrong cow and has accidents with pretty anything you can imagine.

“All the losers in the Netherlands relate to you (in Dutch with English subtitles, or dubbed)” her boorish boss enthuses.

But will that help her find happiness?

As this picture staggers from Lotte’s pursuit of love to Estelle’s impending, socially mediated nuptials, nobody involved gives us a single excuse why we should care.

The voice-over and banter with a tactless dork on a park bench that ties all this together does no such thing. And isn’t funny either.

The tunes are cute (ish), the production design sparkling and the performances have their moments. But the conflicts are sour and dull, and Lotte’s journey, to “star” and then producer of a big production numbers wedding show called “Just Say Yes” isn’t the script twist that could save this, any of it.

MPA Rating: TV-14, adult situations, animal bodily function, drug and alcohol abuse, profanity

Cast: Yolanthe Cabau, Noortje Herlaar, Jim Bakkum, Juvat Westendorp

Credits: Directed by Appie Boudellah, Aram van de Rest, script by Appie Boudellah, Mustapha Boudellah, Marie Kiebert, Michiel Peereboom, Jill Waas and Maarten van den Broek. An MGA/Netflix release.

Running time: 1:37

About Roger Moore

Movie Critic, formerly with McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Orlando Sentinel, published in Spin Magazine, The World and now published here, Orlando Magazine, Autoweek Magazine
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