Netflixable? Collusion’s a drag in “Hurricane Bianca: From Russia with Hate”

bianca

Return we now to the world of Bianca del Rio, dispenser of drag queen justice, the “Hurricane Bianca” of Texas fame, out to “out” Mother Russia in “Hurricane Bianca: From Russia with Hate.”

It’s a rude, crude, cameo-happy sequel to “Hurricane Bianca,” with the same crazy eye makeup and the same stars as the first daft dirty dog of a gay rights goof.

Because SOMEbody not-named-Tina-Fey has got to keep Rachel Dratch employed.

The SNL alumna plays the Texas high school principal who tried to oust science teacher Mr. Martinez (Roy Haylock) thanks to his homosexuality and drag alter ego — Bianca del Rio. Hate-mongering Debby Ward did time in jail for her wars against Bianca, and dreamed of nothing but revenge.

Her post-prison plan? Once she’s turned off the prison matron (Wanda Sykes) who wanted to “initiate” her to prison sex? Trap Bianca del Rio some place where gays are imprisoned. Not Saudi Arabia, “where they throw them off the roof,” but Russia, which has its own Minister of Homosexual Propaganda (Dot Marie Jones).

“Russia, where vodka is born and elections are stolen!”

Of course, it’s not about the “plot,” it’s about taking drag comedies places John Waters never dreamed. It’s about “clown makeup” and big wigs and dirty, dirty jokes and one-liners, where “bitch” is used as punctuation, rejoinder and greeting.

“Girl, you KNOW I’ve got your back…cuz nobody wants your front!”

Mr. Martinez/Bianca moved to Texas because “Somebody has to teach these inbred twats that the world is older than…those pants.”

His conscience, Fire Island Stephen (D.J. ‘Shangela’ Pierce) thinks he’s wasting his life and Bianca’s stardom (“Famous, well GAY famous.”) amid the Lone Star Republicans.

“You make money, but you never make enough to leave. That’s called ‘Texas Hold’em.'”

Stephen dumps addicted and addled toy boy Rex (Doug Plaut) on Bianca/Martinez because he’s headed to Long Beach, which is “like Hollywood, but for lesbians and fat people.

When Mr. Martinez gets a “You’ve won a trip to a Russian Science Fair” letter (from Ex-Principal Ward), Rex comes along for the fun, or whatever you’d call it when you visit a country where your sexuality and flamboyance can get you locked up.

Underground drag clubs, Russian paddy wagons, a drag show in a Russian prison that gives Rex “the ‘Folsom Prison Blues'”– all kind of comic non-starters, save for the odd R-rated zinger.

“Now FOCUS, or I will FIST you like a muppet!

“I did not pray to President Trump every morning to turn this country into a great big transgender toilet!

“I told you you’d be a good Mom, and not just because of your hips!”

“SAVE it, Martin Luther Queen!”

The most cinematic thing about “From Russia” is the YMC-Gay opening credits sequence, the zaniest cameo might be Janeane Garofalo, vamping a mad Russian scientist.

And the best performance? Well, Dratch is a natch when it comes to disguising herself in drag.  But Haylock, wearing Urkel glasses in his science teacher guise and the zaniest eye makeup this side of Bozo as Bianca, is as divine as Divine, a Rupaul for our times and a character deserving of a funnier film than this comedy set in a “Godforsaken country (not really, unless Russia has old Super 8 Motels for locations) that smells like burnt cat!”

“I didn’t know it’d be like this.”

“You’re from Texas. There’s a LOT you don’t know. ”

1half-star

MPAA Rating: Unrated, drug humor, sexuality, crude sexual homor

Cast:Roy Haylock, Alyssa Edwards, Rachel Dratch, Molly Ryman, D.J. ‘Shangela’ Pierce, Katya Zamolodchikova (Brian McCook), Michael Musto, Sally Jessie Raphael

Credits:Directed by Matt Kugelman, script by Derek Hartley and Matt Kugelman. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:25,

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