Movie Review: “Die Hard” in a VA hospital? “Assault on VA-33”

It’s Sean Patrick Flanery vs Nicolas Cage’s son in “Assault on VA-33,” a half-hearted, half-assed “Die Hard” in a VA hospital shoot-em-up.

“Boondocks Saints” alumnus Flanery, emerging as the ginger-haired B-thriller (sometimes C) rival to Frank Grillo, plays a battered, traumatized and triggered veteran who stumbles into a plot to kidnap a general, shoot a bunch of people and free a Russian mobster/terrorist’s “baby brudder.”

Weston Cage Coppola has little of the “unstable” allure of his crazy-when-he-needs-to-be dad as the villain who has planned this caper to free that sibling, but eez saddled with barely-competent henchmen, and one zeriously zilly accent.

“Eye vish eye vas dealink vith professionals…Eef you are goink to do zis wit brutality, make sure eet ees focused.

Daddy teach you that?

Gina Holden is the VA psychotherapist wife of our hero, one of the hostages. And Michael Jai White is the skeptical suburban police chief who takes a LOT of convincing before springing into action, if that’s the right word for it. “Black Dynamite” needed a lot more to do here.

And he’s not alone. The fights are walk-throughs, the extras telegraph their beatings/deaths and the director Christopher Ray, famed for “Two Headed Shark Attack” and “Dick Dickster,” loses track of our hero for most of the first two thirds of the movie.

He’s all about the bad guys, who joke around, execute people, are sloppily seal their fates as if they’re upset they were dragged out of the hair salon for this.

Pretty bad show, all around.

MPA Rating: R for violence and language

Cast: Sean Patrick Flanery, Michael Jai White, Gina Holden, Weston Cage Coppola, Brittany Underwood, Rob Van Dam

Credits: Directed by Christopher Ray, script by Scott Thomas Reynolds. A Saban Films release.

Running time: 1:29

About Roger Moore

Movie Critic, formerly with McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Orlando Sentinel, published in Spin Magazine, The World and now published here, Orlando Magazine, Autoweek Magazine
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