Netflixable? A French “Unhappy Hooker” to the stars — “Madame Claude”

The meaningless “mashing meat” that sex is reduced to for prostitutes is ably illustrated in “Madame Claude,” a slow and soulless French biography of France’s most infamous modern “madame” — Fernande Grudent.

Serve up enough “mechanical,” mercenary intercourse and gratuitous nudity, and even the dangerous and “kinky” stuff bores. It’s a good thing the “erotic” moments here feature disrobing that strips off jewelry, too. Because otherwise, I’ll bet the cast would have been looking at their watches, waiting for quitting time.

Writer-director Sylvie Verheyde (“Sex Doll”) serves up a sexual/political debacle and its after-effects in a perfunctory if not entirely pointless film. It’s a French “Scandal,” for those who recall that long-ago film about a 1960s British political dust-up involving prostitutes and state secrets.

Madame Claude, given a surface polish and brutish edge by Karole Rocher (“The Snows of Kilimanjaro,” “Sex Doll”), presides over a stable of “200 exceptional girls” in the swinging ’60s and oversexed ’70s. She survives political scandals and a long, far-reaching murder investigation — “The Markovic Affair” — that entangled politicians, gangsters and French film star Alain Delon,

That investigation is the leverage that forces the underworld-connected Claude into partnerships with French police and intelligence services.

“From now on, you serve France,” one minister huffs. All Claude has to risk is prison. Her “girls,” the ones whose “safety cannot be guaranteed” in some of these blackmail/arrest or worse scenarios?

“You’re not too badly beaten up,” she coos. As if that helps.

That’s the “thriller” element to this tedious film. Much of it is just Claude, going through her routine, tightrope walking between rival mobsters (Roschdy Zem plays one) from Corsica, France and Italy while her “star” protege, posh child of privilege Sidonie (Garance Marillier of “Raw!”) watches and learns the ropes.

“Never say ‘client,'” Claude instructs (in French, with English subtitles, or dubbed). “Say ‘friend.'”

To serve those high-end “friends,” Claude interviews new recruits, studying their walk, their naked form and even how “mother taught you hygiene.” She pays-off mobsters, tips the cops when the gangs get out of line and breaks her own rules about drinking, dating and falling in love. Sidonie sees it all.

Verheyde skips through this life story, having Claude endlessly narrate her tale to fill in some of the blanks, but mainly just touching on her early years and details like the pampered daughter ashamed of Mom’s place in the World’s Oldest Profession, and the “intelligence” intrigues.

Nothing feels wholly fleshed-out, dramatic possibilities are frittered away left and right and nothing here makes us feel tense, aroused or “involved.”

Madame Claude has been the subject of several French films, one that even spawned a sequel. But judging from reviews, none of them has had a hint of heart or viewer appeal.

As Hollywood learned with its attempts to film “The Happy Hooker,” about Xavier Hollander, getting a compelling story out of something this transactional and unemotional isn’t easy, even if you’re dropping names (“Clean this place up, Marlon BRANDO is coming!”) and hinting at “patriotism” as you do.

MPA Rating: TV-MA, violence, drug abuse, sex, nudity, profanity

Cast: Karole Rocher, Garance Marillier, Roschdy Zem

Credits: Scripted and directed by Sylvie Verheyde. A Wild Bunch production on Netflix.

Running time: 1:52

About Roger Moore

Movie Critic, formerly with McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Orlando Sentinel, published in Spin Magazine, The World and now published here, Orlando Magazine, Autoweek Magazine
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