Netflixable? Libidinous, stoner Pole complains “All My Friends are Dead”

Perhaps there’s something the Poles can teach us all about unfiltered, unfettered youth sex horror comedies. Or at least the Slovenian who wrote and directed “All My Friends Are Dead” could pass on his thoughts.

This is a standard-issue Hollywood “dead teenagers” movie grafted onto the teen party run amok comedy. It is Polish and positively drenched in bad messaging, enthusiastic sex, drugs, drink and bodily fluids.

It’s not offensive, just not for the easily offended. I can’t say I found it particularly funny, but there are amusing bits. And listing the raunchy teen comedy tropes — from “American Pie” and its ilk — could be a fun watching party game if you get bored.

Two cops walk through a crime scene, a New Year’s house party littered with corpses.

A girl in a neck brace is hauled out on a gurney muttering “end of the WORLD” and “All my friends are dead!” (in Polish with subtitles, or dubbed).

Jaded Inspector Kwasniewski (Adam Woronowicz) looks at the shooting victims, stabbing victims, the guy hanging and the bodies piled all over the living room and sighs.

Newby cop Grzegorz Dabrowski (Michal Meyer) vomits.

They take a moment to ponder what they’re looking at, barely hazarding a thought as to what happened here or there or in the laundry room or the study. And then a flashback shows us the bloody baccanale that led to this body count.

The party has so many commonalities with movies like “Can’t Hardly Wait” that ticking them off should be a drinking game. Not that I’m suggesting that.

There’s a young couple so smitten the guy is sure to propose any minute now, with his pretty lady friend maybe not quite there yet.

Pawal (Nikodem Rozbicki) shows up with a self-identified MILF (Monika Krzywkowska).

Thirtyish Dariusz (Wojciech Lozowski) is trying to shed himself of clingy, hysterical and teenaged Pinky (Barbara Garstka).

Wild child Oliwia (Aleksandra Pisula) is also too old to be here. But hey.

Marek (Kamil Piotrowski) is the host, the dude whose parents are out of town, not trying that hard to keep the peace, and quick to taunt and then stiff the hapless pizza guy (Adam Bobik).

There are people pairing up and sneaking off to rooms hither and yon for hook-ups, threesomes, bondage etc. “demonstrations,” quasi-orgies and cocaine and vodka and mushrooms and betrayals. There’s more than one crisis of faith, but only one stoned, orgied-out boy sees visions of Jesus.

We can see that a handful of characters have genuine motive to act out, maybe even violently, because of the way the evening is going down.

And then sure enough, a gun appears and jerk Marek is the first to die.

“All My Friends are Dead” (“Wszyscy moi przyjaciele nie zyja” in Polish) stumbles out of the gate, finds occasional bursts of energy and manic moments of grossness — urophilia and the ends one character will go to in order to prove that the fresh red puddle on the floor isn’t blood, but ketchup.

Clever cross-cutting of the dancing/karaoke with the sexing, set to ’80s Western pop like “Gloria,” is funny.

But most of the deaths aren’t. And after a couple, there’s a rush to wrap all this carnage up in an epic finale that isn’t quite “final.”

This isn’t the worst debut feature I’ve seen this week, so writer-director Jan Belcl, better luck with “Wszyscy moi przyjaciele nie zyja II.”

MPAA Rating-TV-MA, graphic violence, explicit sex, drug abuse

Cast: Michal Meyer, Adam Woronowicz, Julia Wieniawa-Narkiewicz, Adam Turczyk, Monika Krzywkowska, Aleksandra Pisula and Kamil Piotrowski.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Jan Belcl. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:36

About Roger Moore

Movie Critic, formerly with McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Orlando Sentinel, published in Spin Magazine, The World and now published here, Orlando Magazine, Autoweek Magazine
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