“Lie Hard” is a time-wasting “comedy” about a dope who lies himself into an “out of your league” girlfriend, who lies himself into a mansion to keep her, gets in Dutch with the mob to get the mansion and lies his way right out of the job he had that would have never covered his mob “mortgage” anyway.

Strong-armed by mob, lying to the cops when they get involved, he isn’t even wholly honest to the two random “whippet” junkies — the saddest junkies of all — who might help him find “treasure” in this mansion he can’t afford.

Director, co-writer and star Ian Niles is not a graceful actor, not funny and lacks screen presence to boot. He’s a stumble-footed director and apparently doesn’t know anybody who could have fixed this leaden, utterly inept screenplay or turned into anything remotely amusing.

It’s damned near unwatchable.

Scene after excruciating scene unfolds, unravels or just plain bleeds out, right before our ever-sleepier eyes.

The plot is that this seriously charmless serial liar gets himself into all this trouble by over-reaching, and thus faces threats, kidnapping, and death — his or those he loves.

Not a second of it is polished or engaging enough to hold one’s interest or make one invest in any of it, or any one in it.

Not everybody in this is incompetent, but there isn’t a funny line in it, not a “funny” scene that finds its heart, its laughs or a coherent way to end. Not one.

And before “Lie Hard” director, co-writer and star Ian Niles whines “What’d I ever do to you?” I’m going to go first. Dude, what’d I ever to do you?

Rating: unrated, profanity

Cast: Ian Niles, Melanie Chandra, Catherine Curtin, Chris Jarell, Joel Marsh Garland and Sid O’Connell

Credits: Directed by Ian Niles, scripted by Ian Niles and Harrison Feuer. A Mutiny release.

Running time: 1:30