The strategy for releasing “Fifty Shades of Grey” was to hide it from critics, pre-sell those tickets and make it as review-proof as any porno chick-lit adaptation is likely to ever be.

Reviews have been brutal, but millions of fans the (English speaking) world over — by fans I mean people who have at least read the book and are curious about the sex — are determined to see this Universal POS. So whaddaya do? Universal hasn’t had a hit since…when? Seems like a year or more. Even crap studios need cash.

It could hit as high as $100 million (the presales will make that possible), says Box office Mojo. $90s seem likely. I am wondering if word of mouth will beat this beast down. Most of the earliest positive reviews were from the admittedly outnumbered female critics within the movie reviewing ranks. Maybe this is a Venus/Mars thing. We’ll see. Women have enormous box office clout, and if they want to spend their cash on boring softcore porn (guys are curious about the kinky, too), there’s no stopping’em. It’s a romance novel with rope and blindfolds.

“Kingsman: The Secret Service” had reviews trending toward ecstatic. Until Wednesday and Thursday, when a non fanboy sample of critics weighed in. It won’t manage better than third at the box office, as “Grey” will swamp it, “Spongebob” still has another $35-45 million to soak up in its second week. Maybe $24 million by Monday midnight, says the Box Office Guru.

Red States, research tell us, are where “Fifty Shades” stands to make most of its money. But will Arkansas and other notches on the Bible Belt have an appetite for the Christian alternative to “Grey”? “Old Fashioned” needed better writing and a more charismatic/sexy male lead (the writer-director cast himself, the misguided narcissist). Edgier than much Christian film fare, it could have worked. Won’t make much money, and reviews have been bewildered and savage.

Anna Kendrick has a meek, barely passable musical in theaters — “The Last Five Years.” Not bad.

“Girlhouse” is torture porn that lectures us about the links between porn and violence. Awful hypocrites.

Maybe the most over-rated movie of the weekend is the limited release “What We Do in the Shadows,” a daft one-joke mockumentary comedy about New Zealand vampire flatmates. Deadpan, a hoot. But again, one joke. Jemaine Clements stars, so you know it’s “Eagle vs. Shark/Flight of the Conchords” funny.