Movie Review: Vamping on Vampires in the “Red Snow” of Tahoe

A tip of the hat and a hearty “Nice try” to writer-director Sean Nichols Lynch for his vampire comedy, “Red Snow.”

It’s a straight-up B-movie all the way, with decent makeup and blood-sucker contact lenses and a few cute holidays-and-vampires jokes — “Season’s BLEEDings!”

No, the acting is more competent than compelling, and the plot and action sequences leave a lot to be desired.

But the tone is spot-on, and once it’s flipped into “vampire comedy” and camp, it passes the time in sometimes amusing ways.

Olivia (Dennice Crispola) is a solitary writer, tucked away in a Lake Tahoe cabin, typing away at vampire novels nobody wants to publish. But one night a bat bashes into her window. She tucks it into a shoebox, gives it a bottle capful of water and administers a teeny-tiny bandaid.

Next thing she knows, a naked vampire (Nico Bellamy) awakens in her garage.

She has little time to process this, as this mysterious “private investigator” (Vernon Wells) knocks at her door, drinks her tea and, noticing the books she has lying about, and the vampire Christmas decorations, turns snappish.

“Oh sure,” he gripes. “You think they’re COOL. Dracula, Nosferatu…TWILIGHT…Sooooo sexy.”

Well, they’re not, he insists as she’s showing him the door.

Vampire Luke just might be heaven sent, as far as Olivia’s concerned. He’s “sooooo sexy,” even when she dresses him in her late mother’s coat and whatnot. He starts to set her straight about vampires and vampire movies.

“‘Nosferatu?’ That’s like our ‘Birth of a Nation!'”

And he critiques her novel, helping her “punch it up a little.” Romania as a setting? Romania SUCKS. And naming her vamp-hero “Vladimir?”

“No self-respecting vampire would call himself ‘Vladimir.’ Y’might as well named him ‘Dildo!'”

But he needs blood, and not the pig’s blood she fetches from the butcher. Not to worry, “I drink people’s blood, I don’t kill them.”

Sure. Why not?

The flippant tone of it all works, and there’s a decent “hunt” when other vampires show up to rescue their blood brother. Calling a vampire hunting “agency” doesn’t help. They’re a bit overwhelmed.

“We’re not exactly Doctors Without Borders over here.”

“Red Snow” isn’t very good, as a package. It opens with a night-filmed, poorly-conceived and acted “first kill,” drops abruptly into the broad daylight banalities of Olivia’s life and never gets up any sort of head of steam.

But I like what they were going for here, as obvious as it seems. Nice try. Now have another go of it.

Rating: unrated, bloody violence, profanity

Cast: Dennice Cisneros, Nico Bellamy, Laura Kennon, Alan Silva and Vernon Wells.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Sean Nichols Lynch. A 4Digital Media release.

Running time: 1:20

About Roger Moore

Movie Critic, formerly with McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Orlando Sentinel, published in Spin Magazine, The World and now published here, Orlando Magazine, Autoweek Magazine
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