Movie Review: Lost in the woods, “Hello from Nowhere”

Here’s an indie whimsy that just doesn’t work, or work out.

“Hello from Nowhere” sends four folks for a hiking/camping trip along the Pacific Coast Trail in the Pacific Northwest, one fellow that’s a trail veteran and three novices.

The kicker? Two of those tenderfeet are “theater types,” and not just “types,” but friends since high school who used to date, friends who never got over a childish Gilbert & Sullivan style musical their teacher wrote. They insist — ever so much — on regaling one and all with the snappy numbers from “Marmaduke & Murgatroyd, Pirates of Bredvakistan.”

Brendan (G. Gordon Brown) and the slightly less feminine Lanie (Summer Rain Menkee) may be out of their depth. But their response to veteran trailhand John (John Armour), now married to Lanie, and his Wilderness Wisdom lectures is to be always ready with a song.

“When a fairy waves his wand at you, you’re in for a surprise! When you become a rattlesnake, a swarm of tsetse flies!”

Brendan has a new lady friend (DeHah Angel) whose gaydar isn’t switched on. But she’s game to enjoy her first camping trip, despite the nails-on-a-chalkboard showtunes.

Brendan isn’t keen on the freeze-dried backpacker menu — “This is ASTRONAUT food!” But he’s smuggled wine, and his cummerbund — to make dinner more civilized.

And then they all spy the Brawny Towels spokesmodel (not literally) camping right across the lake from them. Jason (Sean Paul Ross) is roughing it in a kilt, which gets everyone’s attention, especially Brendan’s.

“I LOVE that skirt,” he says. “A little lumberback, a little drag queen” he suggests later.

Jason is out there hiking the length and breadth of North America, a true natural man. Or is he just homeless?

“A hobo? A hoboSEXUAL?”

Those are the highlights of the banter sampled here.

Writer-director Anthony V. Orkin had the germ of an idea, put flamboyant theater folk in the forest and fish-out-of-water your way to laughs — Will & Grace and Show Tunes in the Woods!

“Theater people — they need that light on them all the time.”

Instead they go for the “wild card” in a kilt threatens to upset the two couples dynamic. And even that isn’t rendered into anything tense, funny or interesting.

Rating: unrated, on the PG, PG-13 spectrum

Cast: G. Gordon Brown, Summer Rain Menkee, DeNah Angel, Sean Paul Ross and John Armour

Credits: Scripted and directed by Anthony V. Orkin. A Crunchy release.

Running time: 1:19

About Roger Moore

Movie Critic, formerly with McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Orlando Sentinel, published in Spin Magazine, The World and now published here, Orlando Magazine, Autoweek Magazine
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