Weekend Movies — “Transporter” spins out, “Walk in the Woods” ambles, “Jobs” is a winner

The producers hid “The Transporter Refueled” from critics. Clever Frenchies. They know, “No Statham, no ‘Transporter.'”

They didn’t need critics to tell them. But we did. Over and over again. This new fellow, Skrein, whom I’ve seen in a few films (that “Northmen” Viking movie for instance) doesn’t have Statham’s presence, his “What ‘are you gonna do to piss me off THIS time, mate?” None of that. More hair, less scowl, less kick-ass. Dull villains, hotter women and more of them.

Maybe Monsieur Luc is pleased with that formula. The rest of us? Not so much.

wlk“A Walk in the Woods” is earning notices that split right down the middle. It ambles along. It’s comfort food for an older audience, one generally under-served by Hollywood. No, it’s not as good as “Wild,” but it’s light fun. And those who don’t get it will get it after their mommies or Grandmommies explain it to them. The dears.

Alex Gibney’s terrific “Steve Jobs: The Man in the Machine,” is at about 75% on the tomatometer. So, about 25% of the English Speaking World’s movie critics use iPhones and are Apple cultists. That must be how that polls out. Seriously, Gibney is our greatest documentarian. Period. He does the work, comes to a conclusion, and makes it stick. The dude was a brilliant salesman, a visionary as far as that goes — pushing his companies to make computers warmer and fuzzier. But he was an abusive credit hog and a selfish tool. Bill Gates may get a Nobel Peace Prize some day. Jobs? Worshipped by lemmings until his legacy fades or they find toys they prefer to his.

Damned good film, damning, too.

“Dope” is back in theaters. Worth a look. Daring. Kind of a smart black director’s idea of what sort of movie a white audience would like to see about black teens. Yeah, I said that. Funny, a little patronizing, a bit twisted.

“Chloe and Theo” is a stumbling sermon about Global Climate Change and the Wise Inuit we won’t listen to, no matter how cute the homeless chick (Dakota Johnson) who insists we listen might be. Bad reviews.

Even worse than Neil LaBute’s blundering “Dirty Weekend.” Matthew Broderick and Alice Eve sound like they’re reciting dirty lines in front of an Albuquerque sex shop window for most of it. Ugh. Pity about LaBute.

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“Bloodsucking Bastards” had potential. For a workplace satire where vampires are seen as the Evil Boss’s ideal employees. It ends well, at least.

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