Movie Nation

I had to catch “Rambo: Last Blood” on opening night Thursday night, to a largely empty theater.

But just outside the Regal Winter Park 20, long one of the busiest cinemas in the Regal empire, the scene was straight out of a Tom Jones concert. Hundreds of women, young to old, chattering away as they entered the many showings of “Downton Abbey: The Movie.”

So I’m a little skeptical of these predictions, from Box Office Mojo ($20 million) and from Deadline.com (ditto) that Stallone’s latest outing as the trigger-warning Vietnam vet who slaughters all challengers — by the dozens — is going to make a run at the Granthams.

Thursday night, “Downton” clobbered “Ad Astra” (#2) and “Rambo” (#3) nationwide, $2.1 million to $1.5 and $1.3.

But we’ll see. The fashion film vs. the “fascist snuff film” would be an interesting BO race.

HUGE pre-sales suggest “Downton” will clear $22, that $22 will be the FLOOR of expectations for it opening weekend. I expect it to go much higher. The wildly popular BBC/PBS series has millions of fans chomping at the bit to see this story of posh English privilege moved up to 1927, the cusp of The Great Depression.

“Ad Astra” is a “cerebral” sci-fi outing that reminded me more of “2010” than “2001.” I was a bit of an outlier among critics on that one, but again, Rotten Tomatoes has fleshed out its ranks with a lot of folks new to the profession. “2010?” “Solaris?” What’re those? the youngsters chirp. It will underperform, in terms of that genre, with $18 million seen as its ceiling.

“It Chapter 2” was already fading, and should fall off more steeply this weekend than the 55% or sent or so predicted — mid $teens. Is anybody going to see it a second time? All 2:40+ of it?

“Overcomer” is losing screens, but should still be in the Top Ten.

“Villains” isn’t opening wide enough to crack the top ten. But we’ll have to check in Sunday to see if that turns out to be true.

What an odd place Sly Stallone has taken John Rambo in his dotage.

In “Rambo: Last Blood,” the traumatized VietNam vet, always reluctant to fight, efficient quasi-psychotic killing machine never daunted by the odds, is a retiring horse farmer on the Arizona/Mexican border.

He lives in a nice ranch house, decorated with the medals and memorabilia of the soldiering past he was so haunted by, with a housekeeper (Adriana Barraza) and a niece who’s been his ward (Yvette Monreal).

Oh, and guns. Lots and lots and lots of guns, to go along with his usual bows and “Damascus steel” knives (he forges his own) by the bushel basketful.

And uh, he’s tunneled under the place. Lots of tunnels to, you known, remind him of his days fighting the Viet Cong underground, a “Lurp” (Long Range Reconnaissance Patrol) loner trained to slaughter.

So yeah, maybe this is precisely where he’d end up.

The movie? Revisiting one of the most violent screen creations of his career requires him to up the ante from his ’80s, Italian-maned mayhem machine. Gory. This is a Trumpist vision of the border country, a fascist snuff film.

The ethos, “What if you CAN’T move on?” from his past, his trauma which he’s “just trying to keep a lid on every day,” is the same. But even now, reduced by age, most comfortable on horseback (a nice, show-boaty opening scene in a corral that hides the stunt work, if indeed he even needed a double), John Rambo can be triggered.

The college-bound niece crossing the border — “Why’d you want to do that?” — to find the father she never knew, kidnapped by a drug-and-sex-trafficking led by The Martinez Brothers (Sergio Peris-Mencheta, Óscar Jaenada), a “rescue mission” that includes the requisite savage beating and cutting that no 70something Vietnam Vet would survive without an airlift, the help from the cliched “independent journalist” (Paz Vega)?

That’s what sets our old man in “No Country for Old Men” off. Let the slaughter begin.’

The insanely violent Mexican borderlands, where North America’s endless appetite for drugs ripples all the way from the First World to the Second (Mexico) on down the continent and into the Third, is as good a place as any to park Rambo.

The acting ranges from adequate (the women) to dismal (assorted villains, starting with the girl’s father). “Psychotic” has many shades. Not here.

And the bloodletting, and long preparation for it in the finale, is something to see — and avert your eyes from –144 ways to die. It starts out nuts, and leaps far beyond it by the time the credits roll.

Whatever fondness people cling to for Stallone’s most beloved character, the “Balboa” in his “Balboa Productions,” hanging on to Rambo is like never outgrowing torture porn. This borders on sick.

“Last Blood?” Let’s hope so. Action Stallone may never act his age, but he seems much more at home in the direct-to-streaming C-movies I’ve been seeing him in these past couple of years.

MPAA Rating: R for strong graphic violence, grisly images, drug use and language.

Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Paz Vega, Yvette Monreal,Adriana Barraza, Sergio Peris-Mencheta, Óscar Jaenada

Credits: Directed by Adrian Grunberg, script by Sylvester Stallone and Matthew Cirulnick. A Lionsgate release.

Running time: 1: 35

Saw this attached to a Neon release last summer. Could not track a copy down to share.

Until now.

Awards buzz for the Great Alfre Woodard?

Maika Monroe’s in it?

I am so… there.

A diverse workforce at an “edible cutlery” start-up are trapped in a cave during a “team building” spelunking expedition in the dark farce, “Corporate Animals.”

As it’s a comedy scripted by the Brit who wrote “4 Lions,”  there is a moment or two that shows potential and a hint of edge. And it was directed by the fellow who found a little ugly in the similarly claustrophobic, characters-in-a-crucible comedy “The Overnight.”

So no matter how thin the laughs and how ugly the messaging can seem, it never comes close to “awful.”

Demi Moore is the delusional dunce who founded “Incredible Edible Cutlery,” “Saving the world, one bite at a time.” She used that to launch a side business based on the “success” of the first — a “Wealth Institute” where you too can learn the secrets of making your mark in business.

Sound familiar?

Lucy is an ignorant, self-absorbed sociopath who uses threats, bullying and lies to get what she wants — including sex — from those under her thumb.

OK, how about now?

Her delusions extend to the caving route she demands her crew’s guide (Ed Helms) test them with on this day trip to the caves and caverns of New Mexico.

She wants “the advanced route,” and ignores the protests of one and all — including the guide — to get it.

“Are you a woman who runs with WOLVES?” she barks at an underling (Nasim Pedrad).

“I’m more of a woman who runs away from wolves…because they can smell the fear!”

They’ve already injured the intern (Calum Worthy) with the first “test” of the day. But what the hell?

No sooner have they crawled into “Cathedral Cavern” than an earth tremor kills the guide and leaves eight employees and their loathesome boss trapped.

Two top lieutenants — played by Jessica Williams and Karan Soni — bicker over a promotion both think they’re getting above ground, and don’t let up much underground. The debate is summer replacement sitcom worthy and requires a laughtrack to fool anybody into laughing along.

Jennifer Kim, Isaiah Whitlock, Jr., Dan Bakkedahl and Martha Kelly fill out this brain trust, which is not convinced by their lying, heartless boss who chirps, “Wake me up when the rescuers get here!”

Some will give themselves over to the sexual attraction they’ve felt but never acted on, some will use this boss-induced calamity to let the rhymes-with-witch know how they really feel. Finger-pointing and name-calling go hand in hand.

Some will hallucinate, with one’s visions involving the star of his favorite TV show and another the singer whose hit “Toxic” starts to apply to his infected leg wound.

All will whine. Not all will survive.

Each has headlamps, which are no help when you’re groping around in the near-dark, hunting for a funny line.

“You’re looking at me like a turkey at Thanksgiving!”

“What a terrible, delicious thing to say!”

Yes, the movie “Alive” comes up, and “127 Hours.”

The over-the-top moments of conflict and psychotropic visions (animated hallucinations) are the closest “Corporate Animals” comes to finding the funny.

None of the “Let’s consider cannibalism” stuff pays off with laughs. And the film’s reach for satire — a company built on “diversity” grants — hits the ground like a boulder plunging from a cliff. “THUNK.”

Moore, doing a variation of her vile “Disclosure” character from back in the ’90s, makes a fine foil for the others, who only need sharper lines and more inventive situations to give this picture a chance.

Which it never has.

MPAA Rating: R for pervasive language, sexual content, some gore and brief nudity

Cast: Demi Moore, Jessica Williams, Ed Helms, Karan Soni, Jennifer Kim, Isaiah Whitlock, Jr., Nasim Pedrad, Calum Worthy, Dan Bakkedahl and Martha Kelly

Credits: Directed by Patrick Brice, script by Sam Bain.  A Screen Media release.

Running time: 1:26

There was a moment, back in the dark ages, when “60 Minutes” cut to the chase at the climax of decades and decades of science, reports, government ad bans and warnings about cigarettes.

Smoking, the evidence showed in a famous piece that aired there, constricts blood flow. And guess what, guys? It REALLY cuts blood flow to that place no guy wants his circulation restricted. Not talking about the heart here, fellas.

Such a moment is echoed in the new documentary from the director of “The Cove.” In a giggles and squirm-inducing scene in “The Game Changers,” noted urologist Robert Vogel sets three college athletes up with muscle, bloodflow and erection monitoring gear (don’t ask) to check on them as they sleep.

He was checking on the impact of a vegetarian diet on “masculinity,” in effect. And damned if the chap who cut meat out of his diet didn’t, um, WAY outperform his compatriots.

“The Game Changers” is about the myths of vegetarianism and strength, stamina, longevity and yes, sexual performance. The host and narrator of the film, hand-to-hand combat coach and UFC fighter James Wilks leads us (with director Louie Psihoyos in tow) across America and around the world, finding athletes and ex-athletes, researchers and doctors by the score, making the argument that our meat-mania is mainly just marketing.

If you want to improve your health, increase your strength and oh, save the planet while you’re at it, eat your vegetables, kids.

Wilks introduces us to UFC fighters and weightlifters, sprinters and hyper-marathoners, all improving performance and recovery time from injuries by sticking to a  diet rich in vegetables and carbohydrates.

We’re shown, in the bluntest terms possible, how a single animal-based meal can foul the blood with animal fat and restrict blood flow.

Myth after myth is busted. Animal proteins vs. plant ones are broken down, scientifically, and the idea that “meat makes you stronger” is taken apart at the atomic level.

Soy foods “dose you with estrogen?” Nope.

Arnold Schwarzenegger‘s line from “Escape Plan,” “You hit like a VEGETARIAN” is repeated, and then we from The Man Himself about his discovery (post health and heart problems) of a plant-based diet.

Weight lifter Patrik Baboumian, who might be the world’s strongest human, does his Feats of Strength on a plant diet.

Big Meat’s assault on harsh, widely-accepted global scientific truths is exposed as being driven by some of the same people and the same PR firm that defended Big Tobacco for half a century, the kings of the “Sow doubt” school of public opinion.

The film wanders quite a bit, getting all these people in, showing Wilks’ own conversion story, cherry picking which fight between vegan Nate Diaz and meat-chomping thug Conor McGregor to report on (they fought twice, and split).

The big arguments are solidly backed up even if there is a hint of “new convert’s zeal” to the proceedings. Yes, cattle and pigs consume land, feed and water and cripple the planet at every stage of production and consumption. Yes, people who eat meat tend to get more diseases and die younger.

It probably won’t convert a lot of folks, even if “The Game Changers” makes it on CNN. But those it does reach will have the last laugh, on their way home from the funerals of the Big Mac or Bust believers.

MPAA Rating: Unrated, adult subject matter, some profanity

Cast: James Wilks, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Patrik Baboumian, Morgan Mitchell, Scott Turek, Lucius Smith

Credits: Directed by Louie Psihoyos, script by Shannon Kornelson, Mark Monroe and Joseph Pace. A Refuel release.

Running time: 1:27

Animated or live action, the twee films of Wes Anderson have been onnan Howard trajectory with audiences after years of being “citical darlings.” A serio comic love letter to journalism” is his next project, and “The French Dispatch” has distribution and is in the pipeline fpr 2020.

From Fox Searchlight…

Fox Searchlight Pictures announced today it has acquired worldwide rights to Academy Award® nominee Wes Anderson’s THE FRENCH DISPATCH. Resuming a successful partnership that has spanned previous films including ISLE OF DOGS, THE GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL, FANTASTIC MR. FOX and THE DARJEELING LIMITED, Anderson, Steven Rales and Jeremy Dawson return as producers while Fox Searchlight Pictures will distribute the film produced and co-financed by Indian Paintbrush.

THE FRENCH DISPATCH is a love letter to journalists set in an outpost of an American newspaper in a fictional 20th-century French city and brings to life a collection of stories published in “The French Dispatch” magazine.  The film’s cast includes Benicio Del Toro, Frances McDormand, Jeffrey Wright, Adrien Brody, Timothée Chalamet, Léa Seydoux, Tilda Swinton, Mathieu Amalric, Lyna Khoudri, Stephen Park, Owen Wilson and Bill Murray. The film will be released in 2020.

“We are excited to dive back into the unmistakable and entirely original world of Wes Anderson,” said Steve Gilula and Nancy Utley, Chairmen of Fox Searchlight Pictures. “Our collaborations with Wes in the past have been exceptional, and we’re thrilled to be back working with him and the Indian Paintbrush team on THE FRENCH DISPATCH.”

“Wes and our entire filmmaking team are delighted to again collaborate with our partners at Fox Searchlight, and excited to introduce audiences to THE FRENCH DISPATCH,” said Steven Rales.

When the mind wanders during a comedy, or any film that isn’t quite working, the only constructive place to let it wander is to one question.

“Why did these attractive, talented people (the cast) decide to do it?”‘

Sometimes the answer is a payday. Mostly, it’s because the players see enough in the script and their read on how gifted the director is to take a gamble.

And every now and then, an actor will tell you how important it is that they’re in the final scene. Many a professional screen actor will tell you that this measure of the relative value of the character is a tipping point reason for committing.

It’s also a dead give away that they pay a lot more attention to the final act than the first.

“For Love or Money” — the latest unfortunate comedy to wear that title (Michael J. Fox was in an earlier one) — begins badly and goes on and on with virtually no signs of life, or at least laughs.

Hey, if you can’t make an opening funeral funny, you aren’t trying hard enough.

The priest at that wedding lapses into “blah blah blah” about the deceased. And “etc. etc.”

Our story’s hero, played by Robert Kasinsky (“Pacific Rim,” “Hot Pursuit”), showed up to “make sure” his childhood tormentor was “really dead.” Mark uses this opportunity to chat with his childhood crush, Connie (Samantha Barks of “Bitter Harvest”).

It doesn’t go well.

“Are you seriously making moves on me at my boyfriend’s funeral?”

It’s not just that it doesn’t go well, it’s that it doesn’t go amusingly. And laughs are few and far between over the following 90 minutes.

The lovably loutish best friend (Tony Way), the big business wheel who has been Connie’s “side piece” (Ed Speleers), the major players have nothing laughable to say or do.

Bit players are the only ones with a shot — the priest whose wedding instructions include “Speak now, or shut yer face,” the waiter who interrupts clumsy, unconfident Mark’s attempts at date night small talk with — “Just relax. Be yourself.” — before he opens their wine and instead of giving Mark or Connie that first sip to confirm it’s quality, sips it himself and says “‘S’alright.”

Because Mark and Connie do get together. He has a tech fortune that’s coming his way when he sells his big invention, the sleazy Johnny (Speleers) knows about it and convinces Connie that she can get half of Mark’s money if she just dates and marries him.

Piece of cake.

What must have gotten the cast’s attentions and lured them into “For Love or Money” is what happens next, and what goes on for the entire film’s length. Mark learns of their plot only after getting engaged, and spends the rest of the movie exacting revenge on her via pranks, insults, public and private humiliations.

He sabotages her coffee, puts hair remover in a shampoo bottle, buys clothes to match and replace her wardrobe with sizes too small, and reinforces that with cracks about her weight.

And as Mark enlists former roomie Tim (Way), old school chum and Connie-hater Kendra (Rachel Hurd-Wood) in the scheme, we see Connie brought low, and lower. She takes it because, well, she’s that greedy.

“If I have to ‘fake it’ any more I’m going to have a brain hemorhage!”

The revenge part of the tale, its dominant element, is usually a tiny portion of such movies. Maybe she gets wise to him being wise and turns it around, or maybe she starts to feel shame and then affection, etc.

What “For Love or Money” reaches is Mark figuring out if “There’s a big difference between getting your dignity back and getting revenge.”

The third act’s shifts in tone would if the first two acts had been the least bit funny. They aren’t. The script, co-written by the director and joked-up by another writer, has feeble jokes and worn situations, characters as caricatures, every comic sin in the book.

The leads are never quite engaging and not remotely amusing.

If we feel anything for their characters, it might be pity but never rises to sympathy or righteous glee at Mark’s avenging himself on a cruel, greedy person out to wreck his life.

Even those of us who get a grin out of British accents and British jokes and slang will find this not worth bothering with, “For Love or Money.”

MPAA Rating: TV-MA

Cast:Robert Kazinsky, Samantha Barks, Rachel Hurd-Wood, Ed Speleers, Tony Way and Anna Chancellor.

Credits: Directed by Mark Murphy, script by Mark Murphy and Sabrina Leage. A Gravitas Ventures release.

Running time: 1:35

A mother loses custody of her two a daughters, with cause. She is mentally ill. How she copes is the subject of “An Audience of Chairs,” a Canadian drama that is the quintessence of “fall cinema.”

It’s serious.

Ruffalo is a West “By God” Virginia lawyer working for Big Corps out of state, when he takes on the case of a farmer (Bill Camp) losing cattle to chemical poisoning of the water supply.

Tim Robbins as a villain, Victor Garber, too.

Hathaway is the fiery supportive wife. Thankless part, but her name on the marquee it helps get “Dark Waters” made.

Todd Haynes’ new “inspired by true events” fight between a lawyer and The People against state government hand in glove with Dow Chemicals opens Nov. 22.