Movie Review: Whatever you do, Don’t Give “Jade” a Blade

“Cool” is the lifeblood of an indie thriller.

Park your tale in a novel “cool” setting. Serve up a “cool” heist/scheme/plot, preferably with epic brawls, chases or shootouts. Cast a cool heavy.

But even if you ignore or narrowly miss in securing every bit of cool cachet listed above, you’ve got to have a cool lead character and a star that pops off the screen.

“Jade” is a B-movie thriller built around British newcomer Shaina West. The plot is potboiler simple — rival gangs and rival cops and a stolen hard drive shoot and chase and kill each other in and around the mean streets of “The 505,” aka Albuquerque, New Mexico.

But West? She’s the real deal.

Our title character is five feet and four inches — not including the biggest Afro since Sly Stone — of muscle and attitude. “Jade” is a big-haired, halter-topped harpy with a convoluted back story parked in a convoluted present that she’s boiled down to the basics.

She’s got to keep herself alive in a tiff between “The Club” she once belonged to and its rivals. She’s hellbent on protecting Layla (Katherine McNamara), who is carrying the unborn child of Layla’s dead brother.

She’s going to have her revenge on anybody who interferes with her limited agenda or had anything to do with her brother’s death, even if she was the one who pulled the trigger back then, even if she “swore to never shoot another gun for as long as she’s living.”

And God help you if she gets her hands on a samurai sword.

Stunt players pepper the cast of heavies out to take down our heroine. They catch her and lose her, catch and lose her, catch and lose her and catch and lose her again. But director James Bamford, fight choreographer Daniel Joseph Rizzuto and West always always conjure up a way to get her out of those pull ties, off that chair she’s lashed to, punching and slashing through whatever mob minions escort her to “the basement” or “the meet” or wherever.

The cleverest/dumbest of these has to be her conning her way out of bondage via a game of “five finger fillet” with “discount Brad Pitt.”

She’s tortured, friends are tortured or taken hostage. And gangsters who tire of all the torturing just pull the trigger.

Mickey Rourke plays Tork, villain amongst villains and so strange looking at this stage of his post-boxing/post-botox/post-plastic surgery career that you kind of wish he’d limit himself to voicing villains in animation. Even Jade is moved to mock his rough impersonation of having “eyebrows.”

West shows us flashes of charisma and excellent fight choreography skills. She’s going to have to grow into finding and keeping her game face/panic face in a thriller where Jade never seems all that alarmed at her peril or concerned at her many injuries.

“WTF HAPPENED to you?”

“EVERYTHING!”

West is steady with a trash talk line, but undercut somewhat by a screenplay that doesn’t give her enough of them.

“Always bet on Black,” she cracks, quoting Wesley Snipes in “Passenger 57.” “I just always wanted to say that.”

None of the supporting characters is developed to any degree, and that adds to a feeling of confusion and “cheating” when this or that “twist” pops up. Bamford and his fellow screenwriters don’t set the stakes and the players playing for those stakes up well. At all.

But the gonzo fights that begin the moment Jade peels off her hoodie to show off her six-pack and her swordswomanship make this B-picture just cool enough to get by.

Rating: unrated, graphic violence, drug abuse, profanity

Cast: Mickey Rourke, Katherine McNamara, Mathew Yanagiya, Marcus Vincios Maciel, Mark Dacascos and “introducing Shaina West as Jade.”

Credits: Directed by James Bamford, scripted by Lynn Collier, Glenn Ennis and James Bamford. A Well Go USA release.

Running time: 1:29

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Movie Review: A Dairy Farm Fails during a Magical Packers Playoff Run — “Green and Gold”

“Green and Gold” is an homage to the “trouble on the farm” movies — “The River,” “Country,” “Places in the Heart” — that were a both a staple of the Reagan/Bush years, and largely a product of Reagan/Bush policies.

This one comes with a side order of football.

It’s a lightly immersive look at dairy farm life and the stresses that fell on family farms during that dozen years, but the film is somewhat over-ambitious as it lurches from crisis to crisis and Big Life Decision during the NFL fall and winter of ’93, when future welfare queen Brett Favre was gunslinging the Packers to an unlikely title run.

Craig T. Nelson stars as Buck, a Wisconsin small town farmer who still does some things the old fashioned way. He’s a caretaker of the land and how it’s used and protected. He’d love to pass the dairy farm on to granddaughter Jenny (Madison Lawlor of TV’s “Casa Grande”). But she’s “a lot like her (dead) mother,” a free spirit more into music and her musical muse, Joni Mitchell.

It’s why Jenny takes a potshot at the farm’s security (street) light every AM, “ruining the day” for one and all.

But overdue bank loans and the ever falling price of milk also hang over Buck and wife Margaret’s (Annabel Armour) dream of making this a fourth generation farm. Buck’s been “dealt the orange sticker of death,” one old timer’s (M. Emmett Walsh, in his final film) nickname for the foreclosure notice.

The second generation banker (Tim Frank) is more sentimental over his classic Camaro SS than he is over farmers who mortgaged and mortgaged themselves and couldn’t afford that last herd of Holsteins they bought.

Luckily, Buck and everybody else up there amongst the dairy farms and dells has a handy distraction. The Packers are stumbling their way through a long playoff drought. Buck has about as much chance of turning things around as the Pack, banker Jerry jokes. But “I’ll tell you what,” if they get to the Super Bowl, he’ll grant Buck a year’s grace to get back in the black.

Jenny can’t commit to this, because she’s just started gigging in” Brew Town.” And there’s this singer-songwriter (Brandon Sklenar of “It Ends with Us” and “Emily the Criminal”) who’s taken up residence at a nearby fishing cabin. Maybe if she bats her eyes he’ll give a listen to her forlorn prairie folk pop.

First-time feature director Anders Lindwal can’t keep this narrative from lurching back and forth even as he sets a fine, overcast and somewhat funereal tone for the proceedings. Scene after scene has Jenny (usually) sprinting into the frame to plead that something’s wrong with a heiffer giving birth/a neighbor who locked himself in a shed with a shotgun/somebody fell/somebody’s on the farm “taking pictures” for possible Big Ag buyers of “We do things the right way” small farms like Buck’s.

It wouldn’t be a “trouble on the farm” movie if somebody didn’t drive a tractor into town in protest.

There’s a tug of war over Jenny’s heart, the shy farmhand (Ashton Moio) who figures he has no shot with her after she meets the handsome singer/songwriter. Talk of “the artiste” going “going away to college” which grandpa dismisses with a “Redneck Tech” was good enough for him is just an excuse to ignore the movie’s possible resolutions to the dilemmas presented.

When everybody’s broke because of the same milk prices and other pressures as Buck, how are they supposed to help? Ideas and plot threads are whacked off just as arbitrarily as they are introduced.

Jenny’s music — Natalie Nicoles does the actual singing — is Lilith Fair pretty. Finding reasons it can’t be a “solution” takes some serious contortions of logic and common sense.

And the plot introduces a lot more issues and conflicts than it can neatly resolve with its fantasy finale.

The earnestness of this enterprise will be enough for some. But the script rubs all the edges off the real world conditions of that place at that time — I lived there then — rather like the way conservative virtue signaller Craig T. Nelson bitches about “government handouts” when he has admitted he took plenty. Not as many as Brett Favre, but still.

“Green and Gold” may have its heart in the right place, but that irregular heartbeat is something that should have been rewritten out of it.

Rating: unrated, PG worthy

Cast: Madison Lawlor, Craig T. Nelson, Annabel Armour, Tim Frank, Ashton Moio, M. Emmett Walsh and Brandon Sklenar

Credits: Directed by Anders Lindwal, scripted by Missi Mareau Garcia, Steven Shafer and Anders Lindwal. A Fathom Entertainment release.

Running time: 1:45

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Movie Preview: “The Last Days of Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette” — “The Deluge”

As this French Revolution tale stars Melanie Laurent and Guillaume Canet, one would hope an American distributor would jump on this title.

It’s finished its festival run and is about to hit French cinemas. Sooner or later, North America will get its drenching from “The Deluge.”

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Movie Preview: Bill Murray, Jennifer Coolidge, Gabrielle Union and Pete Davidson — Trigger Happy “Riff Raff”

Low rent gangsters keep their feuds all in the family?

Ed Harris, Emanuela Postacchini and Lewis Pullman also star in this violent farce, which rolls out March 6.

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Movie Preview: “M3GAN 2.0”

Nothing like an upgrade, amIright?

The horror audience has been mostly AWOL for the past year. “Nosferatu” blew up, but “Presence” and “Companion” are far more indicative of the malaise that has set in with fans of that genre. Tepid turnouts.

Maybe a familiar face can remedy that.

June 27.

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Netflixable? A Disabled Child, a Mom Determined to Save Him — “Lucca’s World”

A guilt-ridden journalist tries everything, grasping at any “miracle treatments” straw, in an effort to save her disabled-at-birth son in “Lucca’s World,” an engrossing Around the World with Netflix weeper from Mexico.

Based on the non-fiction book by Bárbara Anderson, it’s about her endless “What have we got to lose?” efforts to undo what she feels was her failings in giving birth to baby Lucca (Julián Tello), a child diagnosed with pediatric cerebral palsy, given to epileptic seizures as well.

While we can guess that Bárbara ( Bárbara Mori) is unjustly blaming herself, and the burden these efforts place on the rest of the family — including chronically underemployed one-legged husband Andrés (Juan Pablo Medina) and their younger son — based on earlier films of this genre (“Lorenzo’s Oil,” etc.), what’s unexpected are the blunt depictions of the medical establishment.

Mexican doctors and hospitals might rightly insist that “the science” and data isn’t there to back up Bárbara’s latest hopes. But as a reporter, chance meetings and interviews with the wealthy and the connected point her to that one long shot that may pay off. And frank depictions of the opportunism and money-grubbing on the other side of this “miracle” device paint a portrait of the darker, bottom-line world of “medicine for the elite” and medicine that’s available to the rest of us.

No kidding, this film (in Spanish with subtitles, or dubbed into English) has the longest and most CYA “Based on a true story” opening credits you’re likely to ever see. Anderson’s book and Mariana Chenillo’s film has villains, and one in particular wears a lab coat and seems downright predatory at times. Names were changed, etc., to avoid lawsuits.

The rich and the sketchy are always quick to sue.

“Lucca’s World” takes us from that difficult birth through compassionate doctor’s struggling to “know the full extent” of the child’s “limitations.” Bárbara narrates her story and the family’s struggle to allow him to “do what the world denies” him. Not every country has an ADA, we’re reminded.

But there’s this Dr. Kumar in India, and this gadget — the cytotron — that’s being used for cancer and arthritus treatment. It stimulates the brain into working in therapeutic ways. Maybe it can reset Lucca’s brain to improve his quality of life.

Husband Andrés is skeptical, as Lucca’s expenses already have them drowning in debt. Lucca’s Mexican doctors dismiss the long shot attempt, going so far as to call the trek to India “life threatening.” But Dr. Go-Between (Ari Brickman) is always positive, always laying out the cost and the possibilities, facilitating even as he takes care to never let Bárbara speak directly to Dr. Kumar (Danish Husain).

Director and co-screenwriter Chenillo takes pains to show us the extent of Bárbara’s desperation as the family not only flies to India for a month of treatments, they visit local temples to hedge their religious bets as well.

The narrative allows us to focus on villains, and understand that — in the real world — such people must be worked around, as deposing entrenched pieces of the status quo is nigh on impossible.

The film honors doggedness, gets lost in arcane details on occasion and skims over the advantages Bárbara brings to the table. She’s a journalist, with access to information, the best people and those in power. She doesn’t even have to take the step of meeting and convincing a journalist to take up her child’s cause, which puts so many families with sick kids on local and national TV in the U.S., pleading for help.

But such movies thrive on the hope they present and the big moments when that hope is either proven or sadly dashed by the finale. And this “Lucca’s World” delivers.

Rating: TV-14
Cast: Bárbara Mori, Juan Pablo Medina, Julián Tello, Ari Brickman and Danish Husain.

Credits: Directed by Mariana Chenillo, scripted by Mariana Chenillo and Javier Peñalosa, based on the book by Bárbara Anderson. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:36

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Classic Film Review: Susan Hayward, Robert Mitchum, Arthur Kennedy in a Rodeo Love Triangle by Nicholas Ray — “The Lusty Men” (1952)

Which classic film to watch on a chilly Sunday afternoon often comes down to a coin toss for me.

Does the day have a ’40s, ’50s melodrama vibe? That usually means it’s Douglas Sirk or Nicholas Ray time. And if there’s a Ray film I haven’t seen popping up on the usual classic film menus, sometimes I don’t even bother tossing that coin.

“The Lusty Men” has a homoerotic title, Robert Mitchum and Arthur Kennedy and a rodeo setting with Susan Hayward as the woman set up to “come between them.” The possibilities in that are many, considering its bisexual director and the ways he toyed with male relationships and female archetypes in such classics as “Rebel Without a Cause” and “Johnny Guitar.”

Sure enough an overtly “butch” woman or two slips past the censors, even if they aren’t the focus of the movie. Even if the plot of “Lusty” lapses into the predictable, there’s sure to be something interesting to unpack in a Ray picture.

“Lusty Men” is groundbreaking in a much more conventional way. Rodeo had been featured in some of the earliest silent films, which used real life rodeo competitors to show off their roping, riding and cow-punching skills. But it was an alien world to the Wisconsin-born, former Frank Lloyd Wright apprentice, folk-music-connected, Federal Theatre Project trained Ray.

So Ray makes this love triangle melodrama a rodeo “explainer,” using grandstand announcers to detail the rules and traditions and dangers of each event. Real rodeo footage is edited into events that “legendary” bull rider Jeff McCloud (Mitchum) and cowhand/protege Wes Merritt (Kennedy) compete in.

Editing emphasizes the man-vs.-beast violence of the sport, especially in those “safety last” good ol’days when even veteran cattlemen didn’t know diddly about how to evade a goring/stomping by a Brahma bull who doesn’t like to be ridden and just “threw” you.

Safety and rodeo clowning evolved over the decades. But the character “types” and the reasons they do what they do haven’t changed in “The Wildest Show on Earth.”

It’s a way for fellows far from the center of the universe with an archaic professional skill set to change their luck, their fate and their cultural invisibility.

“For a little bit there,” crusty rodeo cowboy Jeff intones, “you’re a lot more than you was.”

But that isn’t what married man Wes will admit to when he talks about his motivations for trying his luck.

“A fella’s bankroll could get fat in a hurry, rodeoin’,” Wes muses. “I wanna toss a rope over my own cow, just once.”

He dreams of owning their own place. Jeff has met Mrs. Merritt (Hayward). And whatever she says about their current state — her keeping a modest cabin that’s not their own, him just a ranch hand with access to a war surplus Jeep — everybody involved knows the stakes.

Jeff has taken one fall too many, “busted my last three ribs” and just limped back “home” to Big Springs, Texas. He ducks into the dusty hovel he grew up in, jaws with the old timer (Burt Mustin) who owns the family “ranch” now, and meets the Merritts, who keep stopping by.

The Merritts need $5,000 to buy the Old McCloud place from old Jeremiah. And they ain’t getting there fast on cowhand cash.

“Wes tells me you once made three thousand dollars in one day, rodeoin,'” Louise asks Jeff.

“That’s right.”

“And threw it all away,” she quizzes.

“Oh, I didn’t throw it away. It just sorta’… floated.”

Mitchum, the quintessence of manly cool in his day, is effortlessly credible as McCloud, a tough guy who rode hard, earned big and partied and frittered it all away on fancy saddles, boots and a cowboy’s idea of high living.

Louise may be tempted by the dollar signs, the shortcut her man might master to get them to their $5k quicker — if he doesn’t get hurt or killed. But most of her reservations are given voice by others.

Crusty Jeremiah describes the McClouds as “the most shiftless family ever to hit these parts.” A lady rodeo performer (“Ain’t no ladies around here,” cracks notwithstanding) wants to know if “Jeff ever made a pass at you,” on meeting Louise. Other women swoon or sulk at hearing Jeff’s name, and about his mentor/”partner” relationship with Wes, once he’s gone behind his wife’s back and started competing.

Wes? He’s dreaming of that yet-to-be-written Garth Brooks tune, “Rodeo,” with lines about “It’s the roar of a Sunday crowd, It’s the white in his knuckles, The gold in his buckle, He’ll win the next go ’round.”

Louise is the only one who envisions the unborn Garth and his song’s dark side — “a broken home and some broken bones, Is all he’ll have to show, For all the years that he spent chasin’ This dream they call rodeo.”

Ray sets all this up with a montage of a “rodeo days” parade, clever quick cuts that put Mitchum straddling that stall, dropping down on that one bull he shouldn’t have ridden and his slow limp through an empty, windswept and litter-strewn arena — his belongings stuffed into small duffle bag — a rodeo rider who hits the end just shy of 40.

Other scenes of veteran riders chewing the fat and rodeo groupies hanging around, man-hunting and husband-stealing, immerse us in this living-in-a-trailer/always-on-the-road life, which Louise finds herself hurled into without her consent.

Mitchum’s Jeff has been around the block. He knows the conflict that’s coming. He doesn’t have to lean into any hunch about “chemistry.” Hayward and Mitchum set off the sparks that tell us what could happen. It’s just a question of “Will it?” and “What then?”

The atmosphere and intimacy of this time-tested story, even the squarish “Academy” aspect ratio of it all, lower expectations for this black-and-white-but-not-noir classic. It looks, feels and sounds like a very good B-movie with an A picture’s cast and producer (Jerry Wald), which is what it is.

The film embraces — at arm’s length — the pageantry and romance of rodeo, but never loses its cynicism about this risk-your-neck-for-a buck “sport.” Veteran character actor Arthur Hunnicutt gives voice in many digs at the high-risk/low-returns lifestyle in portraying a busted-up hanger-on whose rodeoing days are long gone. “Booker” shows off his “most busted leg in the world” to newbies who fork over a quarter.

“Twenty years rodeoin’ done that. Leg busted nine times, kneecap five, and the ankle four… Nobody’ll ever beat it unless they jump off one of them New York skyscrapers!”

But nothing will break the fever of a man who catches it, not even the concern of the prettiest hash joint waitress-turned-wife ever.

Guys like “rodeo tramp” Jeff may serve up jaundiced endorsements. But nothing he or anyone else says, poetic or discouraging or both, expresses anything but blind optimism about their “chances” and the bargain they struck to take them.

“There never was a bronc that couldn’t be rode, there never a cowboy that couldn’t be throwed. Guys like me last forever.”

Rating: “approved,” fisticuffs, rodeo violence, alchohol abuse, infidelity — TV-PG today

Cast: Susan Hayward, Robert Mitchum, Arthur Kennedy, Arthur Hunnicutt, Carol Nugent, Frank Faylen, Lorna Thayer, Maria Hart and Burt Mustin.le

Credits: Directed by Nicholas Ray, scripted by Horace McCoy and David Dortort, “suggested by” a magazine story by Claude Stanush. An RKO release streaming on Tubi, et al.

Running time: 1:53

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BOX OFFICE: “Dog Man” fetches $36, “Companion” pays off, “Valiant One” barely registers

“Dog Man,” the new animated comedy from Dav Piley’s “Captain Underpants” kids’ novel universe, is proving to be a very good dog indeed, opening by selling some $13 million more worth of (higher priced tickets) than “Underpants” did eight years back.

Its audience is very young — 6 and unders. But parents, starved for something other than “Mufasa” or “Moana 2” to justify getting the tykes out of the house, are making this a hit.

Box Office Mojo said it tallied $35 million on its opening weekend, thanks to a middling Thursday night but strong Friday. Deadline.com, which always underestimates animated films for kids, had it coming in at $33. Then $35.

Not a lot of reviews for this one, as lower budget, less ambitious animated comedies like this and the more cynical “Paw Patrol,” “D.C.’s Superpets” etc aren’t critic reliant.

The horror audience is showing up — some of it anyway — for the AI robotic girlfriend who kills thriller “Companion,” which is on track to pull in over just $9.5 million this weekend, thanks to modest Thursday night and unembarassing Friday ticket sales. Enthusiastic reviews (from some, not all) didn’t help much. Let’s see if Sophie Thatcher’s a draw on through next week.

“Valiant One,” the other new wide release, has less cachet and even fewer “names” in the cast, did not crack the top ten with a $700k take. I think the teens sitting behind me at the Thursday night screening I caught had the pithiest review of this eye-roller of a combat film. “That was some B-S, man,” one blurted as the credits rolled. Yes Timmy, it certainly was.

The fading, indifferently-plotted “Mufasa” cleared $6.1 on its umpteenth weekend of release. It is on track to roll past “Sonic 3” next week, at long last catching its Christmas Week release rival.

Fourth is the audience-holding Keke Palmer/SZA comedy “One of Them Days,” which should pull in another $6 million. It’ll clear the $33 million mark by weekend’s end, and should wind up its run with a respectable $45-50 million in the bank.

And the Mel Gibson-directed/Mark Wahlberg/Michelle Dockery/Topher Grace thriller “Flight Risk” slides all the way to fifth with a $5 million take on its second weekend. It will clear the $20 million mark Sunday or Monday. Not really a hit, but not a red ink bloodbath either, which considering the movie’s not all that, is about all they could hope for.

“Sonic the Hedgehog 3” and “Moana 2” finally fall out of the top five. A handful of Oscar contenders pepper the ranks of the top 20, if not the top ten. With T. Chalamet singing on “Saturday Night Live” this weekend, “A Complete Unknown” could get a bounce. “The Brutalist,” “Nosferatu” and “Nickel Boys” are playing at a theater (relatively) near you. And me.

I wonder if the Reese Witherspoon/Will Ferrell comedy You’re Cordially Invited” could have made a mark at the box office, had it gone to theaters as originally planned instead of Amazon Prime? They’re older stars, but its about a Gen Z wedding, even if there are a few generational shots — and complaints — addressed in it. Not great, but there are laughs.

I’ll update this running tally as more data comes in Sat. and Sunday.

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Movie Review: It’s a wedding, and Reese, Celia, Meredith, Geraldine and Will say “You’re Cordially Invited,” Y’all

“Commitment” is a cornerstone of the marriage contract. And it’s damned important in a romantic comedy about marriages as well.

Say this for the cast of writer-director Nicholas Stoller’s “You’re Cordially Invited.” These kids — and Will Ferrell and Reese Witherspoon, Celia Weston on down to Nick Jonas — commit the f out of this, to use a word that earned and earned and earned again this comedy’s R-rating.

It’s a tidy but rude “dueling weddings” farce that doesn’t break new ground in the genre, and Stoller (“Forgetting Sarah Marshall”) peppers the script with all those f-bombs in a vain attempt to give it “edge.” There’s no edge to this. At all.

But here’s what it gets just soooo right. Everybody on set performs at a fever pitch, even the slower talking, colorful colloquia quipping Southerners.

The energy level is never quite manic but it never flags.

Stoller follows wedding rom-com master P.J. Hogan’s (“My Best Friend’s Wedding/Muriel’s Wedding”) long-established golden rules for the genre. The efforts to sabotage True Love have to be believable, petty and yet redeemably selfish.

And it’s a wedding. What’s a wedding or a wedding movie without singing?

As it co-stars Witherspoon, it’s a lot closer to her “Sweet Home Alabama” sweetspot than a great wedding rom-com. But Witherspoon, playing an ex-Atlantan now a Left Coast reality TV mogul, is given a couple of grand sparring partners that help this come off.

Ferrell, playing an over-the-top doting dad whose wedding is double-booked into the same S.C. island hotel, knows “over-the-top.” And towering over Reese, he offers no quarter.

And Witherspoon’s fellow Southerner Celia Weston (“Dead Man Walking”) plays the Steel Magnolia mom whom TV producer Margot fled to the other coast to get away from, the matriarch of a drawling Atlanta clan so Southern fried contemptuous of everything about Margot they might as well be wearing red baseball caps.

“The sins of the country have been blamed on The South,” Mama drawls, as we notice the lily whiteness of their wedding party.

Ferrell is blessed with having the gonzo Geraldine Viswanathan (“Drive-Away Dolls”) play his very young, mercurial daughter. Yeah, she inherited her Dad’s hair-trigger temper. Yes, she indulges his baking her cake and doing her wedding day hair (that’s not his profession).

And noooo, there’s nothing Frank-and-Nancy icky about father and daughter dueting Kenny & Dolly’s “Islands in the Stream.”

The meanness of two people and two families competing for a double-booked “exclusive” weekend is somewhat undercut by characters sweetly rising to the occasion and doing the right thing. But that doesn’t mean rehearsals, weddings and receptions won’t get down and dirty and downright out of hand.

The laughs are a combination of slapstick low-hanging fruit and little random bits of yokel whimsy. Witherspoon’s sister Neve (Meredith Hagner) is A) marrying a cowboy male exotic dancer (drawling scene-stealer Jimmy Tatro) and B) secretly pregnant.

Southern enough for you?

Pop star Jonas plays a hip young (Southern) pastor who figures crooning a little Creed should go with every marriage ceremony.

Jim’s daughter’s “wedding planner” is “a drunken child” (Keyla Monterroso Mejia) and utterly incompetent and unready for the real world. And the bridesmaids are also Gen Z cheap shot in the making.

The picture, which is earning dismissive reviews in some quarters, wouldn’t work without the oddball, mismatched chemistry between Witherspoon and Ferrell, who are a walking sight gag when they’re in the same shot.

But again, they “commit” to her drunken toast scene, his gator wrestling one, her withering, pissy put-downs of her family — and his — and Ferrell’s not-quite-Boomer “anything for a laugh” ethos turned loose on the delicate sensitivities of 20thing bridesmaids.

And say what you want, but that’s funny, till death do us part.

Rating: R, for profanity (lots and lots of F-bombs)

Cast: Reese Witherspoon, Will Ferrell, Geraldine Viswanathan, Meredith Hagner, Celia Weston, Jimmy Tatro, Leanne Morgan, Stony Blyden, Keyla Monterroso Mejia, Nick Jonas, and Jack McBrayer

Credits: Scripted and directed by Nicholas Stoller. An Amazon Prime Video release.

Running time: 1:52

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Netflixable? “The Sand Castle” is a child’s fantasy of war, loss and displacement

Today’s “Around the World with Netflix” film comes from Lebanon, a nation no stranger to strife and conflict like most of the Middle Eastern nation states surrounding her.

Lebanon isn’t mentioned by name or treated directly as the subject of this Arabic language (or dubbed into English) child’s fantasy of endless war and escape. But as schoolkids sing “They say my country is beaautiful, and besieged by anger” that fits Lebanon better than any most any place on Earth.

A family of four has found itself stranded on a tiny spit of a Meditteranean island, with only a lighthouse, reeds, rocky beaches and the sea around them.

We gather that they were en route somewhere when they landed here. They have a radio that picks up Greek news, and that can be used to call for help at night when the signal carries farther. They can crank up the generator that runs the perhaps-abandoned light. They do this as a service to others, “so those who are lost can find their way in the dark,” father Nabil (Ziad Bakri) tells his little girl Jana (Riman Al Rafeea).

Mother Yasmine (Nadine Pabaki) frets over the “friends” they paid to pick them up from here. Every so often, they expect that rescue to arrive, and take their luggage to the currents-swept edge of the sea.

Teenaged Adam (Zain Al Rafeea) impatiently gripes at their tiny rations and their plight, but finds some escape in the music on the radio.

Jana, whose voice is the first we hear, narrates and speaks of “the big blue monster” in the water. She cannot swim, so even a floating tarp has menace about it.

There isn’t much to do but forage, beach comb and try to hide their panic. Not Adam.

“We’re never getting out of here.”

First-time feature director Matty Brown, who co-wrote the script, dabbles in “Twilight Zone” and Theatre of the Absurd “plotting,” inciting incidents and the like. But he finds precious little to animate this blunt-edged metaphor in search of poignancy, universality and mystery.

The images can be lovely, but the cryptic clues in the story fail to surprise when they arrive or move when they’re “explained.”

And knowing how often Rod Serling & Co. delivered this sort of tale in thirty minutes, with commercials, over 60 years ago just makes the slack pacing and parsimoniously doled-out “message” a terrible drag.

Rating: TV-14, peril, images of war, profanity

Cast: Nadine Pabaki, Ziad Bakri, Riman Al Rafeea and Zain Al Rafeea

Credits: Directed by Matty Brown, scripted by Matty Brown, Hend Fakhroo and Yassmina Karajah. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:37

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