“Don’t Move” begins with a tragedy so vivid and horrific it sets us up for a much better thriller than the movie that follows.

A competent, can-do mother braves the flames of a seedy amusement park haunted house horror ride that’s caught fire. She barks panicked questions and takes matters into her own hands from the hapless ride-operator. But the only people she can’t save are her husband and young son.

It’s a scene that resonates and even aches. But in cinematic terms, the real tragedy is the dull, slow-footed creature feature that “Don’t Move” devolves into. It’s a “Quiet Place” without much in the way of suspense, pace, pathos or quiet.

“Kick-Ass” and “Hot Tub Time Machine” alumna Lindsy Fonseca is the newly-widowed, newly-childless Megan, who still “sees” her husband in the bathroom vanity, brushing his teeth as she preps for another mournful day at the office.

She’s not the best candidate for Pastor Rizzo’s (Tom Cavanagh of the original “Scrubs”) church camping trip. She’s jolted by a hallucination of her burned-to-death son the minute she gets on the church bus.

But that’s not what this movie is about. It’s what happens on this trek to Missouri’s vast Mark Twain National Forest that has Megan in fresh peril.

This B-movie goes wrong pretty much the moment everybody assembles to hop on the “Godmobile,” as the most unsavory character on board labels it.

Hip hop singer Russ, who sings along to Tiffany’s version of “I Think You’re Alone Now” when he meet him, is a drug mule in this corner of the Show-Me State. He figures a church bus is less likely to be stopped by the cops, and since he’s the ex beau of the pastor’s daughter (Hunter King), assumes he’s invited.

The fact that her new lover (Ryan Stark) is camping with her is one of a long checklist of plot points (lots of profanity, too) that screams “This isn’t any Missouri ‘church bus’ in the real world.”

Grandparents (Dee Freeman and Mark Eugene Vaughn) are dragging their fraidy-cat grandkid (Patrick Bippus) into the woods. It’s Pastor Rizzo’s “wilderness guide” pal (actually a Walmart stocker) Rob Riggle leads the nine of them into 900,000 acre forest for some “good, old-fashioned fellowship” where you don’t want to be left alone.

Because the first time two characters trek off on their own, only one returns — covered in blood, and blurting “He got TAKEN!” about his hiking companion.

The script is so generic you’d think one could buy the plot and nine characters online from Walmart, maybe even save money casting it there as well. I’m pretty sure Walmart stocks “rotting cabins in the woods” as horror film settings, too.

Fonseca makes a plucky lead, and Riggle trots out another variation of irritating blowhard with his usual half-hearted gusto. Russ isn’t the worst rapper turned actor in memory.

But the death-by-death-by-death story makes little effort to give us time to identify with characters, fear for them or mourn their passing. That’s on the screenwriters, one of whom is the director, Maclain Nelson.

He’s more wholly responsible for the pace, which is slack in the extreme.

A good creature feature has momentum that picks up speed as we hurtle towards a climax. Here, the story beats just drip by towards that finale in a way that’s all but certain to serve up an even less satisfying anti-climax to follow.

Rating: R, profanity

Cast: Lindsy Fonseca, Tom Cavanagh, Rob Riggle, Hunter King, Ryan Stark, Patrick Bippus, Mark Eugene Vaughn, Dee Freeman and Russ.

Credits:Directed by Maclain Nelson, scripted by James Murray, Maclain Nelson and Darren Wearmouth. A Well Go USA release.

Running time: 1:34