The responsibilities of a movie star, to her career, her “brand,” her projects and how they get made stand front and center in “The Old Guard 2.” Oscar winning star Charlize Theron carries a heavy weight on this one.
A lot of people got work based on her saying “Yes” to more Netflix money. Players without her clout surround her, a supporting cast largely brought back from the 2020 film “The Old Guard,” with Uma Thurman and Henry Golding added to the ensemble for this Italian working vacation.
Without her, this second action film would probably have not employed a female director, something Theron ensured in the first “Old Guard” as well.
So without Theron, the movie would not have been made. And perhaps that would have been for the best.
Scene after scene lands like a cold-in-the-ground corpse, lines delivered at an enervated whisper, fight choreography that reveals itself as “choreography” as we can practically see cast members silently counting off steps as they make each move.
In a way, that befits a low-stakes action enterprise like this. In case you’d forgotten — I know I had — the “Old Guard” is about “immortals,” fighting and getting injured, with cuts healing and fingers magically re-attaching, our heroes hurling themselves into certain injury or death only to get up, crack their necks. re-set their nearly-severed-feet and shake it off.
The only thing to up the ante in such an actioner is the threat of losing that immortality.
“Time means nothing, until it means everything,” as our villainess (Thurman) reminds us, mid-“Kill Bill” swordfight.
With so little truly at stake, it’s no wonder the actors don’t bring a moment’s urgency to any of this.
The ancient immortal Discord (Thurman) is out reviving Quynh (Veronica Ngo of “Furie” and “The Creator”), pulling her coffin from the wine dark sea and putting her to work setting evil deeds in motion.
Andromache or Andy (Theron) lost her immortality in the first tale. Like someone between insurance policies, she’s got to be a tad more circumspect about putting herself out there.
“Do I need to remind you you’re not mortal,” she tells ex-CIA agent and sidekick Copley (Chiwetel ?Ejiofor) at the end of an opening raid/brawl at an arms smuggler’s Croation coastal mansion? That sets up Copley to “need I remind you” back to Andy in the next fight. These days when she’s cut, she bleeds.
As a sinister plot comes to light, Andy must consult the historian/librarian of this class of people, Tuah (Golding) for guidance.
“So, how old ARE you?”
“Let’s just say 2300. It’s a nice round number.”
But Tuah is “afraid” for the first time in milennia. Discord is coming for them all. Yawn.
“Old Guard 2” is 20 minutes shorter than the original film, but if you think that means it’s more brisk you’re mistaken. The script staggers right from the start, with a nearly pointless save for the “reintroduce-the-team” requirements assault on that arms merchant’s compound, a sequence that ends with an anti-climax so loud you can almost hear Theron going “That’s IT?” in the first read-through.
And if she didn’t, she was misreading the script and her responsibilities. This star vehicle — which never recovers from that funereal start as it bounces through locations (James Bond “industrial facility” sets) and struggles through creaking flashbacks that give us Andy and Quynh’s “history” and the like — isn’t diverting or interesting or even time-killing enough to merit ever going into production.
We rarely can blame actors when a picture goes wrong. But in this case, that’s on Theron. Because without her, this mess would never have been made.
Rating: R, violence
Cast: Charlize Theron, Kiki Layne, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Veronica Ngo, Matthias Schoenaerts, Luca Marinelli, Marwan Kenzari, Henry Golding and Uma Thurman
Credits: Directed bu Victoria Mahoney, scripted by Greg Rucka and Sarah L. Walker, based on the graphic novel series by Greg Rucka and Leandro Fernandez. A Netflix release.
Running time: 1:47
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