Movie Review: Who’s creepier, Foster Parents or “The Fostered?”

It’s a lucky thing that the thriller “The Fostered” is so risibly bad almost no one will see it and fewer will take it seriously.

If this abomination had been a hit, with competent writing and direction and compelling acting, it might have ended America’s admittedly broken foster care system overnight. Not replaced it with something better or fixed, but just ended it.

The men depicted here are drunken, cheating, abusive or mentally ill menaces and aspiring foster moms are naive at best. And the kids? Childhood trauma is a great shortcut for grooming monsters.

They don’t have to make mention of the state money changing hands part of the equation or poor state oversight pretty much nationwide legitimate problems to condemn everybody involved.

Writer-director Gunnar Garrett’s film opens with an effective if clumsily-staged crazy-dad-kills-mom-and-shoots-one-tween-twin in a Filipino-American family. Dad (Robert Adamson) had refused his pills and was literally listening to a devil in his rear view mirror (himself) as he drunkenly lashed-out against his wife (Rinabeth Apostol) and kids.

It’s no wonder the twelve-year-olds (Serena Perey and Savina Perey) are wary of the California farm they’re fostered out to.

“Reminds me of a horror film” one blurts out, basically on principle.

Farm wife Amy (Brittany Underwood) has wanted children for years, anything to take her mind off the children’s novel she’s been writing. For years.

Farmer Kevin (Robert Palmer Watkins) is indifferent to the idea, something his farm pal Matt (Casey Webb) has picked up on. Kevin’s had a fling with Amy’s “book club” bestie Heather (Jodie Garrett, the writer-director’s wife), an on-the-make femme fatale of the Jessica Rabbit school — painted on party dress, the works.

The warier twin warns “The closer you get to these people, the better the chance that they’ll hurt you!”

The “Abigail doll” toting other twelve-year old is too busy kissing up to the fosters to listen.

Or is she?

“Foreshadowing” here comes in the form of an open well Kevin never got around to sealing and a butcher knife that the girls take an early and unnatural interest in.

“Where do I put this?”

“In KEVIN!”

There are more unintentional laughs than intentional or unintentional frights. But it’d be mean to go into much detail about how they’re achieved and who achieves them.

“The Fostered” looks and sounds like what it is, a self-financed fiasco that couldn’t attract a distributor anybody had ever heard of, and with good reason.

Rating: TV 16+, violence, suicide

Cast: Brittany Underwood, Robert Palmer Watkins, Jodie Garrett, Casey Webb, and Savina Perey, Serena Perey.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Gunnar Garrett. A One Tree Enterainment release on Amazon Prime.

Running time: 1:17

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Movie Review: Slovenia’s Hope for an Oscar? Catholic Choral “Little Trouble Girls”

“Little Trouble Girls” is a conventional girls’ coming-of-age tale whose clever twist is equating sexual awakening with spiritual awakening, at least in the eyes and ears of an impressionable teen.

Slovenia’s bid for a Best International Feature Film Oscar covers what would pass for overly familiar ground in many other culture’s cinemas. But visual reveries and poetic touches unique to its setting lift it above many similar tales, which also use a pop song (in this case by Sonic Youth) as their title.

Lucia, played by wide-eyed ingenue Jara Sofija Ostan, is the new girl at her Catholic school. It’s as cliqueish as any high school, but perhaps one way to fit in would be to join the choir.

That’s where she meets Ana-Maria (Mina Svajger) and her besties Karla and Ursula. They’re into lipstick, gossiping about sex, making jokes about the dorky choirmaster (Sasa Tabakovic) and playing “Truth or Dare.”

But it’s established early on that Lucia isn’t like that, or so her mother (Natasa Burger) insists. She’s too young to wear the lip gloss her aunt sent her from Paris, too naive to run with a fast crowd. And she’s prone to daydreaming, which gets her in trouble in choir, and perhaps beyond that.

Ana-Maria may seem mild by any modern Western teen’s archetype of what constitutes “growing up too fast.” She’s more talk than “experience” and still adheres to her grandma’s form of teen penance — forcing herself (and Lucia) to chew green/sour grapes for any perceived “sin.” But she’s assertive, pushy and down for doing anything she can to distract from the braces that give away her “awkward” years.

Everything comes to a head on road trip to a choral concert competition which entails a stay at an Ursuline Convent. The convent is undergoing renovations. There are brawny young workers.

You can guess some of what’s to come but still guess wrong as often as not as director and co-writer Urska Djukic recognizes the script is trafficking in coming-of-age cliches. Twisting some of those tropes doesn’t just create surprises. Djukic gets at something almost profound in the nature of self-discovery, which can be not just sexual or spiritual, but both at the same time.

Lucia is “tested” by oncoming adulthood. She’s responsible for staying focused and doing good work. As far as sex goes, she has lots of questions, at least some of which this adult or that one — a nun in one case — will try and probably fail to answer. And those questions don’t make a life of chastity, community, teamwork and sacred singing sound as unappealing as the conventions of these movies usually suggest.

There’s something to be said for looking for an easy escape from the world of hormones. Not that even that is an “answer.”

Ostan registers layers of puzzlement over the mysteries that Lucia ponders, with Djukic’s closeups of her and her experiences and reveries suggesting something ethereal in life choices made at an age where Hollywood comedies obsess over who to lose one’s virginity to. That’s not enough to render this largely conventional drama transcendent, but it is enough to recommend it.

Rating: nudity, sexual situations

Cast: Jara Sofija Ostan, Mina Svajger, Natasa Burger and
Sasa Tabakovic

Credits: Directed by Urska Djukic, scripted by Urska Djukic, Marina Gumzi and Maria Bohr. A Kino Lorber release.

Running time: 1:29

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Movie Preview: Milla and her Stunt Team are back in Action — “Protector”

I first interviewed Milla Jovovich way back at the beginning of her career, that “Return to the Blue Lagoon” exploitation picture.

She was 16 when she made that, a model and reasonably self-possessed, an elementary school drop out who picked up languages easily and who studied acting from childhood.

She married a notorious “likes’em awfully young” French filmmaker and filmed “The Messenger,” as St. Joan of Arc, with him.

A steady paycheck in action pictures followed her divorce as she made “Resident Evil” movies until the cows came home.

This looks like another Milla Mows them Down thriller, made for an off-brand distributor, with Matthew Modine as her ex-commnading officer, the one who gets to use the AI generated lines “You have no idea who you’re dealing with” and “She’s a force of nature.”

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Movie Preview: Leslie Manville has a secret, Ciarán Hinds may want a “Midwinter Break” over it

This Feb. drama pairs up two favorite character actors as a couple rocked by an admission that comes to light on a midwinter get-away to Amsterdam.

Faith is one of the things that comes between them.

This adaptation of a Bernard MacLaverty novel comes our way Feb. 20.

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Movie Review: An Animated Musical “David” for the Faithful

The early life of the lad who tended sheep, slew Goliath and became king of ancient Judah and all of the Israel according to the Hebrew Bible comes to the screen in the robust, pious and playful “David.”

The debut animated feature from faith-based Angel Studios (“Truth & Treason,” “Sound of Freedom”), which also produced the animated “King of Kings” and “Young David” TV series of a couple of years back, is a polished and beautifully animated musical with Christian pop artists Phil Wickham, Jonas Myrin andBrandon Engman and Israeli pop singer Miri Mesika pitching in on lyrics to Joseph Trapanese’s tunes.

We meet young David (Engman) as he tends his flocks outside of Bethlehem, a brave, bushy-browed Chalamet-looking lad with the guts to go up against a lion to save his sheep and a song in his heart to celebrate whenever his faith helps him overcome his fear.

“Doesn’t it make you feel more alive?” he sings, noting that anything or anyone fighting him is fighting his God as well.

But David’s family is visited by the prophet Samuel (Brian Stivale), a sage old man who is sure one particular son of the House of Jesse (his parents aren’t seen) has been “chosen by God” to be the next King of Judah. King Saul?

“His love of the crown has consumed him,” Samuel admits. “There is a darkness over the land.”

David wants nothing to do with this “chosen” business, and when he’s summoned to see Saul, his family figures word is out and a threat to the House of Saul is about to be eliminated. But all the despairing, restless king (Adam Michael Gold) wants is music to lift his spirits. David plays a lyre and croons a little Israelite pop to soothe Saul’s soul.

Then the Philistines, led by sneering, preening King Achish (Asim Chaudhry) invade and their “champion” Goliath (Kamran Nikhad) challenges Saul, his son Jonathan (Mark Jacobson) or a fighter of their choice to single combat.

No worries, David will do it!

“Imgine the biggest human you’ve ever seen,” a brother warns him.

“OK.”

“Now imagine somebody ATE him!”

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BOX OFFICE: “Freddy’s 2” could edge “Zootopia 2,” “Kill Bill” is back in the Top Ten

The weekend after Thanksgiving was traditionally a box office breather, with theaters content to feast on all thoseThanksgiving holdovers on the first weekend in December.

“Zootopia 2” and “Wicked 2” are doing well, thanks. And that might have been it for a three-day period where awards contenders would typically add limited release screens and some studios would dump pictures that had limited prospects but deserved a holiday release.

But no more. “Five Nights at Freddy’s 2” blew up Thursday night and Friday, with cineplexes packing in so many showings I couldn’t get to see an awards contender or two as my closest AMC changed its showtimes between the moment I got in the car and the minute I arrived at their box office. And they didn’t even show some of the titles they had listed at their listed times. Not the biggest AMC fan, over the years.

A $29 million+ Thursday afternoon and evening and all-day Friday and big Saturday steered “Freddy’s” sequel to a $63 million weekend, per The Numbers. That handily puts it in the top spot, as Disney’s animated blockbuster “Zootopia 2” is cruising to another $43 million. That’s just 57% down from last weekend’s $100 million. It clearned the $220 million mark by midnight Sunday.

The big take for the “Freddy’s” sequel flew in the face of word of mouth, which should have lowered the turnout once the “Freddy’s” crowd figured out how awful it is.

A year peppered with pretty good to excellent horror, and this is what the dears are showing up for? Whatever. But the box office take of those Big Two is turning into a record for the traditionally slow weekend after Thanksgiving.

The dull and downbeat second half of “Wicked,” “Wicked for Good” is tallying just under $17 million for the weekend.

A new Gkids anime “kids” film with “Execution” in the title — “Jujutsu Kaisen: Execution” cleared $10.1.

“Now You See Me Now You Don’t” is inexplicably still in the top five, conjuring up $3.65million. It will finish its run shy of $65, as it sits at $55 now.

And the re-release of the two halves of Tarantino’s“Kill Bill” epic (“The Whole Blood Affair”) should settle into the top ten (sixth place) with $3.25 million earned on 1200 screens.

The afterlife romance“Eternity” does better on weekdays than it does weekends, but is adding another $2.726 million worth of tickets sold to Elizabeth Olsen/Miles Teller fans

The awards contender “Hamnet” may be a period piece without Big Names in the cast (Jessie Buckley may be a big name by the time Oscar nominations are announced). But it’s opening wide this weekend and cracks the top ten at eight, where it sat all week thanks to great reviews and good word of mouth. It’s on track to clear $2.3 million.

The “Running Man” reboot hangs on the edge ($1.115) the top ten and “Predator: Badlands” has weekend legs ($1.8) that keep it in ninth.

An Indian wide release “Dhurandar,” “Rental Family,” “Fackham Hall” and “Sentimental Value” all fell outside the top ten.

The “Sisu” sequel, “Nuremburg,” “Regretting You” and “Sarah’s Oil” also exited the top ten

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Movie Review: A Beloved Child Inspires a Grand Tragedy — “Hamnet”

The greatest play in the English language was born of father and mother’s wrenching loss of their firstborn son. That’s the premise of Maggie O’Farrell’s historical novel “Hamnet,” now turned into an intimate Chloé Zhao period piece about a child’s death at a time when half the children born didn’t make it past their fifth birthday.

It’s about William Shakespeare’s home life, the earthy older woman this would-be “scholar” fell for and how they coped with a marriage neither family wanted, with the perils of 16th century childbirth and child rearing and the theatrical career demands of a glove-maker’s son labeled “useless” by his own father, but who’d become a playwright celebrated the world over, a famous figure in life and a towering one after his death.

Whatever else this film accomplishes in reminding us that parents are shattered with the loss of a child no matter what era they lose him or her, “Hamnet,” the little boy playing him (Jacobi Jupe) and Jessie Buckley’s performance as his bereft mother and wife of “The Bard of Avon” will break your heart.

Zhao, bouncing back from the Marvel “Eternals” paycheck picture/debacle, serves up a touching romance between a distracted young man of letters and a woman so attuned to nature she hunts with a pet hawk, knows the uses of every herb and tree and the incantations that go with their preparation and is thus labeled the “daughter of a witch.”

Young Will (Paul Mescal) is Latin tutor to some higher-born Stratford folk when he starts to notice the sister of the landowner (Joe Alwyn) who wanders the woods and fusses over her hawk.

Will may catch hell for being “useless, tradeless” and for putting on “airs” above his prospects by his glover-father John (David Wilmot). But he catches the wary eye of “Agnes” (as Mrs. Shakespeare, Anne Hathaway, was sometimes called) after he puts himself in her path — repeatedly — when he’s supposed to be teaching her brother’s children.

He’s not much on conversation, Shakespeare admits. “So tell me a story,” she challenges him. And so he does, that of Orpheus and Eurydice. He was instantly smitten with the ethereal Agnes. Now she’s taken with this rash lad who pretty much proposes on their second meeting.

“I must be hand-fastened to you. No one else will do.”

Her brother isn’t inclined to endorse or interfere, but his mother (Emily Watson) is thrown into a “She’s bewitched you” fury. As Anges is pregnant when all this comes out, there’s nothing for it but for Will to piece together work, write on his own time, in the evenings by the fire, and impregnate his new wife a second time.

But Agnes knows he must go to London to find his destiny. He will have to do it alone, as she fears the contagions and risks of the city more than she fears him having his head turned. Having Will around between theater seasons, teaching and wardrobing his three children to play “the wyrd (weird) sisters (witches)” from his latest play, “Macbeth,” giving stage combat lessons to his son Hamnet, will have to do.

But with plague about, his career will keep them apart at the moment Agnes needs him most.

Zhao keeps the focus of this fanciful spin on history domestic, as the story is very much told from Agnes/Anne’s point of view. Our heroine frets over omens, the dream that she will have “two children” at her bedside as she dies, struggles with her mother-in-law and loneliness in her husband’s absence, with raising their children her main focus but not the only one as she keeps home and hearth together.

Buckley makes Agnes flesh and blood and longing and fear and superstition and anxiety a woman of her era with feelings deeper those of the famously-deep female stage characters her husband was writing and young men were typically performing in drag on London stages.

Mescal gives us a Shakespeare of obsessive drive and a poet’s ear — snatching songs and phrases such as “the undiscovered country” (death) from Agnes for a soliloquy to come. This Will is callous enough to know he must write while he has the commissions, and nothing — not even tragedy — can dissaude him from the notion that the show must go on.

And young Master Jupe, playing the Orson Welles-at-10 cherub Hamnet, whose name was interchangeable with Hamlet back then the author (and director) assure us, will steal your heart. He is sensitive and brave, theatrical and noble. Jupe’s performance transcends the way the character is written to make Hamnet such a cornerstone of all their lives that it’s easy to believe his loss would be both gutting and inspiring.

The story’s third act yanks those final heartstrings as a grieving mother wonders what manner of outrage her distant husband has perpetrated on their loss by writing “The Danish Play.” We see that play anew, as Agnes might have, and Buckley makes us feel the hurt that cuts more than the Shakespeare script and the callow young player (Noah Jupe) bringing him to the stage of the Globe for the first time show.

But everything leading up to that — the curious courtship to the trauma of childbirth, Will’s world of words meeting Agnes’ mercurial feelings and folkways — is what gives that finale its heart and soul. And Buckley ensures that her character accumulates emotions, grievances, worries and trauma and that we feel all of it every time it matters.

It’s a great, understated performance. And if you forget to bring tissues with you to see her mourning her “Hamnet,” that’s on you.

Rating: PG-13, sexual content, partial nudity, deaths

Cast: Jessie Buckley, Paul Mescal, Jacobi Jupe,
Olivia Lynes, Bodhi Rae Breathnach, Joe Alwyn and Emily Watson

Credits: Scriped and directed by
Chloé Zhao, based on a novel by Maggie O’Farrell. A Focus Features release.

Running time: 2:05

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Snow day? Cinema day!

Too snowy and muddy to cut down a Christmas tree from the farm. Might as well head to Durham to see “Hamnet,” “Sentimental Value” isn’t getting enough showings to make it convenient. Maybe something else. “Fackham Hall?”

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Movie Review: Injured on a Hike, Pondering what it means “To Die Alone”

Say this for the indie thriller “To Die Alone.” It certainly punches above its weight in setting, scenery and the way cinematographer Shelby Lee Parks filmed it.

Drone shots that traverse a sea of fir trees far into the horizon, with a distant snowy peak (Mount Shasta?), gorgeous waterfalls, lakes and trails. Let’s check Travelocity and Trip Advisor and see if there are any deals in a planning a visit to Shasta-Trinity National Forest in California.

Otherwise, the movie’s not even a wash, a slow, stumbling hike into perils in the wilderness and what the human psyche associates with it.

Writer-director Austin Smagalski goes for a tricky, derivative third act that wouldn’t exactly impress Ambrose Bierce. And the pokey, winded narrative that unfolds towards taht end drains the picture of any urgency or drama it might have generated.

Lisa Jacqueline Starrett plays Irving, a solitary hiker on the Pacific Crest Trail who is wary of the seemingly helpful, friendly and trail-wise stranger Ford (James Tang) who stumbles into her.

He asks to tag along, and seemingly changes directions to do so. He talks a lot, while Irving’s prone to pondering and drifting into flashbacks. But hey, he’s got lots of backpacking toys and knowhow.

It’s “off season,” he tells her. But she’s still wearing shorts and taking dips in the local lakes. When something grabs and seems to bite her as it drags her down, they’ve got themselves a crisis.

Whatever caused the injury, they’re “two days” away from the nearest car. She dropped her phone in a creek. His GPS has quit. And paramedic or not, their chances aren’t great of getting out before she bleeds out or gets hopelessly infected.

The flashbacks introduce us to a violent marriage, a little girl and a car accident. And if the visuals aren’t clear enough (they are, of course), Irving will explain them to Ford and to us.

Ford’s a seemingly determined trail savior, but Irving — whom we’ve seen contemplate jumping off a cliff — seems to want to let him off the hook.

“You just can’t save EVERYone,” she tells him.

“But you have to try,” is his motto.

For a thriller reaching for a hint of mystery, “To Die Alone” just drifts along, with every Irving whim or tantrum interrupting their wilderness escape. The script doesn’t do a good job of preserving Ford’s potential menace. His growing panic arrives all at once, not gradually.

The lack of urgency lowers the stakes, and the “explanations” are less interesting than the mystery they purport to “solve.”

The performances never rise above adequate into compelling territory.

But at least the setting is a dazzler. No wonder nobody involved — characters or crew — was in a hurry to finish and leave.

Rating: 16+, violence, alcohol abuse, profanity

Cast: Lisa Jacqueline Starrett and James Tang.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Austin Smagalski. A One Tree Entertainment release on Amazon Prime.

Running time: 1:26

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Movie Preview: Andrew Garfield, Claire Foy, Rebecca F. and Jennifer S. seek “The Magic Faraway Tree”

“Paddington” peeps bring Enid Blyton’s novel to the big screen in March, with a Python and an Ab Fab and many others propping it up.

Looks…insistently bubbly.

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