Movie Review: What do you call “Charlie Tango,” a low-budget sleep-inducing thriller from Canada? A C-Movie

It begins, as many indie thrillers do, with great promise.

There’s a complicated lead character — wife by day, leather cover-band singer and sex-in-the-club-bathrooms rocker by night, air traffic controller later each night.

I know. But stay with me. Pleeeaaase!

On the night “Charlie Tango” opens, multi-tasking tart Kim (Stacie Mistysyn) is even more distracted. And that’s AFTER the poker game among Canadian air traffic controllers, the one they play to “bond” when they’re supposed to be getting and giving “briefings.”

This night Charlie Tango 707 runs afoul of Delta Charlie 543 while India Foxtrot 1120 is passing in those same Canadian skies. That’s a chilling sequence.

If nothing else, Montreal-based writer-director Simom Boisvert’s movie, with convincing (’80s vintage) control screen tech and phone lines “always down,” will put the fear of God in one about Canadian air traffic control.

Hang onto that fear, because literally everything that follows in this air accident thriller is nonsensical to the point of daft and as realistic as any given episode of “Schitt$ Creek.”

The Canadian NTSB investigators suggest Kim “meet with the survivors” of the plane that crashed.

“It was an ACCIDENT. I don’t need a SHRINK!”

Kim’s side-piece (David La Haye) is a French-accented hustler in a dyed man-bun that screams “SKETCHY,” especially when he offers her a job at his “real estate investment” concern.

Who knew pyramids were Canada’s best candidates for “house flipping?”

Kim’s neglected cop-husband (Bruce Dinsmore) may or may not have a clue. Sure, let’s lure him in for a sales pitch, have a sit-down “with the armed spouse of the woman you’re sleeping with.” What could wrong wrong?

And when it all does go wrong — slowly, tediously and incredulously — little of what we’ve seen before is allowed to make a lick of sense.

Rating: unrated, sex and sexual situations, profanity

Cast: Stacie Mistysyn, David LaHaye, Bruce Dinsmore, Marcel Jeannin and Diana Lewis.

Credits: Scripted and directed by
Simon Boisvert. A Gravitas Ventures release.

Running time: 1:38

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BOX OFFICE: Boffo B.O. for “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” “The Front Room” is a Brandy Bomb

The sequel to 1988’s “Beetlejuice,” serving up nostalgia, Winona and O’Hara and Ortega and Keaton and vintage Tim Burton production design, if not laughs, is aiming at being the second best Sept. opening weekend record, with a $110 take on tap after a big Thursday, Friday and Sat.

Starting with $14 million in previews pushed the picture over $40 million for the day. Sat. and Sunday will tell the tale.

Reviews have been a lot more mixed than the angry near-illiterates sending me hate mail would have you believe. It’s a gorgeous “joyless” film, a shallow comedy — nothing deeper. And what do comedies require? Laughs. Barely a half dozen chuckles in it.

The picture gives Warners a leg up on everybody else as we head into the fall film season, as “Deadpool & Wolverine” empties its last mag as it  clears $7.2 million this weekend. It’s over $610 million, so perhaps Hugh J. won’t have to do Mint Mobile/Aviation Gin ads with Van City Reynolds to keep a roof over his head.

“Reagan” is holding (conservative) audience, a less than 40% drop off will allow it to nudge over  $5 million on its sophomore weekend. This Dennis Quaid/Penelope Ann Miller/Jon Voight hagiography will clear the $18 million mark by midnight Sunday.

A24 released “The Front Room” probably a week too late. It’s a late-August dumping ground thriller, it turns out, bombing with $1.5 million (if they’re lucky). Bad reviews, rare enough for A24 titles, killed it. And as I and others have noticed and discussed, the horror movie audience seems to have largely checked-out of the genre, with misses piling up and hits (“Longlegs”) rare as Stephen King Nobel prizes.

“Alien: Romulus” and “It Ends with Us” will both be in the $1.1 million range, falling in fifth and sixth place once that shakes out. “Us” will finish its run as about $145, “Alien” at maybe $131.

I’ll update this running tally over the course of the weekend as more data rolls in more more tickets sell.

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Documentary Preview: “Will & Harper” puts “SNL” vets on the road after Will Ferrell’s friend and former co-worker “transitions”

This doc feature about funny friends Will Ferrell and Harper Steele on a road trip will play in theaters to qualify for Oscar consideration, and roll onto Netflix Sept. 27.

It’s a doc that gives the lie to the gay/”pronoun” bashing as a popular political stance with much of the county. Perhaps Ron DeSantis should watch it and get a clue.

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Movie Review: The terrors of AI should make us more “AfrAId” than this

Chris Weitz’s “AfrAId” lays out the benefits and perils of entrusting our lives and world to artificial intelligence well enough.

A supercomputer-powered gadget that entertains, teaches, takes on research and onerous paperwork and can even diagnose health issues while maintaining security in the home? That sounds like a godsend.

But long before that first easily-forseen moment when the AI, named “Aia” here, crosses that first line and starts to take over, take revenge and begins prioritizing its self-interest “AfrAId” has worn out its welcome by failing to startle, alarm or surprise.

Weitz, a writer and producer who counts “About a Boy” and “Operation Finale” among his directing credits, manages a few wrinkles in the already well-worn “machines will outthink and replace us” thriller genre. What he doesn’t produce are frights, suspense and the rising sense of dread such a film has to have to work.

John Cho (“Searching”) plays an ad-man whose mentor-boss (Keith Carradine) is eager to get to close a deal with this AI firm that’s about to blow up.

Sure, the “geniuses” running it (David Dastmalchian and Ashley Romans) are off-putting, arrogant and “weird.” But this account could make them.

The AI folks give Curtis a “system” to take home and “live with” for a while, a next generation “Siri/Alexa” that might “change the world.” What might its impact be on a fragile family of screen-addicted kids and their harried and frustrated parents?

Sure, it starts with taking on “story time” for the youngest, paying bills and making dietary suggestions for wife/mother Meredith (Katherine Waterston) and the like.

Aia can be a comforting reading prompt for little Cal, a “good listener” for Meredith and bullied middle child Preston (Wyatt Lindner) and advice-to-the-lovelorn for older teen Iris (Lukita Maxwell). But when Iris is cruelly lured into snapping nude shots which her rich creep boyfriend turns into AI animated porn, Aia’s advice turns from helpful to vengeful in a flash.

Aia mimicks voices and faces for online videos and ingratiates herself (Aia has a femine voice) into the children’s lives in ways that will pay off when Dad gets leery of the sinister nature of this tech, which he pretty much is from the get-go.

The effects are limited but effective in a chilling variation on the “surreal fake” AI-generated “art” theme.

The most interesting acting here is from the players who show us the different faces of tech-bro/tech-sis “weird,” with Cho entirely too passive to believe or compelling to follow and most everybody else too limited tin screen time to make an impression.

Cho’s Curtis is put off by the developers, wary of anything that means more “screen time” for his kids and concerned about why that antiquated RV has set up shop on their block. Is this tech being “faked?” Are he and his family being monitored?

The answers to those questions won’t shock, awe, entertain or make anyone “AfrAId.”

Rating: PG-13, violence, sexual situations, profanity

Cast: John Cho, Katherine Waterston, Lukita Maxwell, Havana Rose Liu, Ashley Romans, David Dastmalchian and Keith Carradine.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Chris Weitz. A Sony/Columbia release.

Running time: 1:24

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Movie Review: A Joyless Return to the Wonders of Burtonland — “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice”

Nostalgic, whimsically-detailed and production-designed to death, Tim Burton’s “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” is “fan service” with a capital “F.”

It reunites Michael Keaton with one of his iconic roles, and with Winona Ryder and Catherine O’Hara from 1988’s “Beetlejuice” and revives the late Jeffrey Jones in animated form and Harry Belafonte’s song “Day-O” in a children’s choir arrangement.

Burton favorite Danny DeVito has a cameo, and “It” girl Jenna Ortega moves the narrative and the potential appeal to a new generation.

But the laughs — from sight gags, on-the-nose-casting (Burn Gorman as a priest named “Damien”), quirky Keaton, Ryder and O’Hara line-readings and the contributions of newcomers Justin Theroux, Monica Bellucci and Willem Dafoe — are hard to come by.

It’s a joyless “romp” that never romps, and only finds the wistfully-amusing tone of the original film in a late third act production number — lip-synching and dancing to Jimmy Webb’s cracked 1960s pop music masterpiece as sung by Richard Harris.

Ryder returns as Lydia Deetz, Goth girl apple of underworld demon Betelgeuse’s eye back in ’88, now the hostess of TV’s “Ghost House.” Her expertise, now widowed and having grown up in a haunted Hitchcockian mansion in scenic Winter River, makes her a natural at this gig — dolled-up like Elvira, visiting haunted houses with a crew and night vision cameras to show us “the truth.”

Lydia’s manager/producer (Theroux) is eager to finish cashing-in on their connection and “take life’s big bungee jump” — marriage. But a call from her self-absorbed, narcissistic sculptress/performance artist mother Delia (O’Hara) tells her that her adventurous dad (Jones) died after a plane crash and shark attack.

Fetching her boarding-schooled, “supernatural bull—t” disbelieving daughter (Ortega) and returning home to a house literally veiled in black for the funeral gives Lydia flashbacks and troubling glimpses of her old suitor, the strip-suited Creep from the Deep, Betelgeuse.

There’s a new threat from him, and a new potential victim — daughter Astrid — to protect from Betelgeuse.

Things for Betelgeuse aren’t all shrunken heads and bad dentistry, either. His underworld work is thankless. A paramour from his netherworld past (Monica Bellucci, Burton’s latest Goth girlfriend) is hunting Betelgeuse down, soul-sucking anybody (including Hell’s janitor, DeVito) who might put her on the scent.

And a former actor turned underworld cop (Dafoe) is after the ‘geuse for his fast-and-loose way with the “rules” of the afterlife.

Honestly, none of these new variations on the plot shows much novelty or promise. Keaton, aged out of his mugging youth, needs funny lines to put the ghoul over again.

At some point, all these visual homages to “The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari” and horror cinema’s past in Burton’s burlesque of the afterlife have to deliver something more than “That’s pretty.” “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” rarely does.

Theroux comes close to ringing the comedy bell. Ortega channels “cool dark teen” one more time, more convincingly “teen” than dark or funny.

O’Hara can provoke giggles with just a wild-eyed glance and almost stole the original “Beetlejuice.” Even she strains to make this movie lighter than Burton remembers how to make it.

Ryder’s lost her comic fastball. Dafoe and Bellucci barely justify why they’re here at all.

At some point, the script that puts the production design/art direction team to work needs to deliver more than a half-hearted pursuit, a ghostly romantic twist and lukewarm grandmother-mother-granddaughter bonding.

“Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” is a return trip that makes one wonder if the first visit was all that.

Rating: PG-13, comically gross horror images, comic violence, profanity

Cast: Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, Catherine O’Hara, Justin Theroux, Monica Bellucci, Burn Gorman, Jenna Ortega and Willem Dafoe.

Credits: Directed by Tim Burton, scripted by Michael Gough and Miles Millar, based on characters created by Michael McDowell and Larry Wilson. A Warner Bros. release.

Running time: 1:44

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Movie Review: The horrors of Elder Care and New Motherhood clash in “The Front Room”

Long before the abrupt, not-that-shocking and obvious anti-climax of the horror thriller “The Front Room,” the viewer may feel entitled to mutter, “So what is this really about?”

A dark, serio-comic tussle with post partum depression? An unsubtle poke at shifting generational racial dynamics in America? An anthropological poke at Christianity’s derivative primitivism? A scatological satire of the horrors of elder care?

Or is it a make-work project for two siblings of Robert Eggers (“The Witch,” “The Lighthouse”), lesser lights given the chance to extend the family brand across the landscape of “cerebral horror?”

Whatever one concludes about all that, “The Front Room,” about an ancient, racist Southern white stepmother (Kathryn Hunter) who comes to live with and attempt to dominate a young professional couple (Brandy Norwood, Andrew Burnap) expecting their first baby, never escapes the pall of “much ado about not very much.”

Hunter, of “The Tragedy of Macbeth” and “Poor Things,” is a Southern-fried fury as Solange, the estranged stepmother who parlays her wealth and new widowhood into the home of academic anthropoligist Belinda and lawyer Norman. There is unstated menace in every drawled “Ba-lin-DER” and perhaps-post-stroke slurred “The Bible says ‘We are the house that the spirit lives in” and “Do I DESERVE any tenderness?”

We quickly decide that Belinda, showing compassion, has talked fearful, leery Norman into a deal with the Devil letting his fundamentalist stepmother in her. All that’s left is laying out the field of conflict and pairing up the foes.

Norwood, a singer, former child actress and horror veteran (“I Still Know What You Did Last Summer”) plays the moral high ground with a modest ferocity and holds her own in most scenes. But this script, based on a Susan Hill story, doesn’t have much for her to play other than threatened wife and discounted and wronged and underestimated young Black mother and “adjunct” professor.

And “holding her own” with Hunter is about as close to interesting as this character and performance get.

Belinda and Norman have just moved into a big arts & crafts home, decorating it for their new baby and, it turns out, hoping for the best as their last one barely survived birth. Word comes that Norman’s father is dying, and he’s not eager to visit him. But at Belinda’s insistence, they make it to the funeral.

That’s where the veiled, two-caned menace that is Solange is introduced. She is a fundamentalist force in her speaking-in-tongues/laying-on-of-the-hands Church of Light. Her “Holy Spirit power” shows itself in realizing — or correctly guessing — that Belinda is having a little girl, and that they had a baby that they lost.

With the reading of the will revealing Norman’s late father’s wish that he take his stepmother in, and her drawled insistence that “doctor says I shouldn’t live by my lonesome,” Belinda insists they bring her home.

And that’s where the trouble begins. Cooking, decorating — Belinda’s “many faces and forms of ‘the goddess'” academic specialty fills the house with African, Asian and MesoAmerican statuary — and even the name of the coming child are up for criticism.

“‘Fern?’ That a PLANT growin’ in there? I thought you-all were supposed to have more interesting names!”

Belinda doesn’t need to hear the word “uppity” or see the Daughters of the Confederacy certificate to know what “you all” means. She’s dealing with a racist, or at the very least a tactless relic of a much older generation, one who labels her white supremacist upbringing “HAIR-tage.”

With her Jesus fish necklace, speaking in tongues and evil SIDE eye, Solange is a threat. Did her mumbo jumbo induce Belinda’s labor?

And once the baby is home, Belinda’s anger and fear grow as real or imagined threats and demands on her time pile-up thanks to the unwelcome guest covering their mortgage.

Is Solange trying to “take over” and “REPLACE ME” as “mother? Why can’t a PhD hire somebody to clean-up the incontinent and demanding Solange, blowing a whistle to summon help after every bodily function “M-E-S-S” she’s made?

The script introduces dismissive under-appreciation at her college gig into Belinda’s thinking, and suspicion that her husband’s bond with this crone is even creepier than he lefts on.

But co-writers/directors Sam and Max Eggers go for symbolic nightmares and simple toilet-accidents for shocks and wicked sneers that only Belinda sees to set us up for something more fraught, fundamental and final than their movie delivers.

Burnap is barely a presence in their tug of war tale, and Norwood, while playing a sympathetic character with a spine, never has a scene that seals the deal on the stakes in all this. Belinda is not “bonding” with her baby, but there’s nothing here that makes that matter or us care.

Hunter’s performance is a marvel of gerentology, but the many troubling subtexts of her character are barely addressed. Racist “HAIR-tage,” fundamentalist beliefs and practices and the indignities of old age are merely introduced as subjects for mockery by the “uppity YAN-kees” who made this.

And that just won’t do.

Rating: R, violence, sex, nudity, scatological images

Cast: Brandy Norwood, Andrew Burnap and Kathryn Hunter.

Credits Scripted and directed by Max Eggers and Sam Eggers, based on a short story by Susan Hill. An A24 release.

Running time: 1:34

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My favorite version of the musical highlight of “Beetlejuice”

The movie is a nostalgic wallow in old-school production design.

The Bee Gees live on and pop up on the soundtrack and Harry Belafonte’s “Day-O” is reprised.

But one musical gag, teased in the first act and camped to high heaven in the finale, stands out.

A picture that brings “Beetlejuice” and Jeffrey Jones (sort of) back to life also resurrects Donna Summer, Richard Harris and Jimmy Webb.

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Movie Preview: Reform School Abuse remembered an Awards Season Drama — “Nickel Boys”

Colson Whitehead’s Pulitzer Prize winning novel comes to the screen in an adaptation by cinematographer and documentarian RaMell Ross.

Amazon/MGM’s big Oscar bait fall release?

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Movie Preview: A Quirky Josh Radnor take on Depression, Procrastination and…hoarding? “All Happy Families

Becky Ann Baker, Rob Huebel, John Ashton, Colleen Camp and Chandra Russell also star in this singer, actress turned writer-director Haroula Rose serio-comic study in dysfunction, a Freestyle release.

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Movie Preview: Aussie “imagined” love triangle thriller — “The 13th Summer”

A remote beach house with history, lovers hitting a rough patch with an imagined affair, a death and…

Hannah Levian, Nathan Phillips and Ben Turland star in this chiller, opening in Oz shortly. North America release coming?

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