Classic Film Review: Was “Caligula” (1976, ’79, 2024) as bad as we remember?

No matter how scorned by one generation of film critics and/or filmgoers, once a movie is finished and preserved for all time there’s always a chance of “rediscovery” and reevaluation by film fans of the future.

“Lost” films come back to life, flops are revived as “classics” as more sober-minded assessors weigh in once the furor and stain of notoriety have faded.

“Caligula” starred Malcolm McDowell, an elite talent hot off of “A Clockwork Orange,” and three future Oscar winners — Peter O’Toole, Helen Mirren and John Gielgud. It was scripted by acclaimed novelist and screenwriter Gore Vidal, who had a hand in “Ben Hur,” “The Best Man” And “Is Paris Burning?”

Director Tinto Brass (“Yankee” and “I Am What I Am”) had won respect in Italian filmmaking circles.

But when the film — released and yanked, re-edited and re-released — finally arrived in theaters, all anybody wanted to talk about was its Penthouse Magazine touches, the graphic depravitity, the sex and omnipresent nudity and sexually transgressive nature of it all. Penthouse publisher Bob Guccione produced it, and fired Tinto Brass to shoot additional “dirty” stuff and edit it in ways that played-up the titillation.

Reviews were brutal. Vidal demanded that his name be taken from the script, and the editor and composer did the same. If you wanted to get most anyone in front of or behind the camera red in the face in later decades, all you had to do was mention the title.

Was it really that awful? A new “ultimate cut” restoration, putting the film back as Brass and Vidal et al wanted it, removing some of Guccione’s excesses, promises to let us see how to looked when it premiered in Italy before Guccione took it over and invites us to rethink “Caligula.”

What I remember about it, never having sat through the many cable TV servings of it O channel-surfed by over the ensuing decades, is that I had to cross a picket line at the Manor Theatre in Charlotte, N.C. to see it.

Yes, it was picketed.

The beheading tank, a vast rolling scythe invented for the film as a means of delivering”entertaining” executions by God-Emperor Caligula (born in 12 CE, assassinated in 41, CE) struck me as particularly revolting.

All the breasts, bare bottoms and penises deployed here had a numbing effect in the theater.

And Matthew McDowell, in the title role, summed up the film with repeated references to his need for more stimulus in his depraved (not wholly endorsed by historians) life.

“Dull, dull, DULL!”

But how do memories of this abortion — featuring an actual live childbirth (three pregnant extras were employed to achieve this) — compare to experiencing it anew, “restored?”

Vidal was right to try and take his name off this, as the script is trite, disorganized and tin-eared. The day may come when all that we remember Vidal for are his contributions to films (he added the gay subtext to “Ben-Hur,” he claimed) and his feuds with Truman Capote and others.

If there’s a more insipid, oft-repeated line than “I hope I’m not interrupting,” I am at a loss to recall it. And deploying it while “interrupting” Caligula’s sexual dalliance with his sister Drusella (Teresa Ann Savoy, all but forgotten now) isn’t “cute.”

The vast majority of shots are held several seconds after their payoff, a pronounced and obvious flaw in the early acts, an insufferable agony in the later ones. Editor Nino Baragli (“The Good, the Bad and the Ugly,” “Mediterraneo” can’t have wanted that.

Perhaps that’s the work of director Brass, an uncredited editor here. Let the record show that Tinto Brass never made a great or good film, before or after “Caligula.” Restoring this picture doesn’t change that dubious track record.

The sets, from the grottos of Capri to “The Glory that was Rome,” look like tacky, over-decorated soundstage versions of TV productions of the era.

And never has the addition of buzzing flies on the soundtrack seemed more superfluous. The film is ugly and the picture just reeks, and pretty much has from the start.

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Netflixable? A TV reporter fakes his way to folk hero status — “The Man Who Loved UFOs”

In the 1980s, Argentina became the new epicenter of the UFO conspiracy universe as an intrepid and enterprising TV reporter doggedly pursued and then presented “proof” of a UFO landing in the mountains of rural Argentina.

His breathless, credulous reporting produced images of the burn-spot landing site, heiroglyphics he found in nearby caves and local eyewitnesses — at least some of whom had their hair turn bleached-white due to what they saw.

Former entertainment reporter Jose De Zer became a sensation, going on to cover Argentine conflict and politics. And the UFO world moved on to the next “hot spot” for alleged alien activity, sightings and “contact.”

Years later, it turned out De Zer didn’t just hype and sensationalize, he flat-out made it all up. He went so far as to make the cave drawings himself, and fake the “lights” in the night sky and his famous closest “encounter” with beings from another world.

Filmmaker Diego Lerman looked at this story, which seems suited for farce or ripe for a cautionary allegory in the latest era of “fake news,” and goes for something more poignant, a huxter’s descent into the madness of his own invention in “The Man Who Loved UFOs.”

It doesn’t work. Leonard Sbaraglia may be a deadr-inger for the long-dead De Zer — born José Bernardo Kerzer. He may do his utmost to make the guy sympathetic, someone who believes his own BS about reinventing journalism and taking himself and his station into “the television of the future” (in Spanish, or dubbed into English) by pulling out all the stops on covering “something people WANT to believe.” But Sbaraglia never makes that hard sell.

Yes, that “what hasn’t been proven but believed by everyone” is prophetic, as much of the world flirts with fascism, manipulated by sinister media figures who prey on the ignorant prejudices and conspiracy mania of their audience. But the movie isn’t really about that.

De Zer was an opportunist. His idea of giving “the people” something other than bad news about the Argentine economy, reminders of how badly The Falklands War went and the politics that had produced coups and mass murder along with them is debated by his TV higher-ups.

“But we’ve never actually just LIED to our viewers!”

De Zer — sort of an Art Bell/Tucker Carlson/Geraldo character — gets his way, and with his long-suffering cameraman Chando (Sergio Prina) he sets out to solve an economically depressed mining region’s “tourism” problem by helping them publicize their “UFO landing.”

There’s nothing noble, heroic, comical or tragic about him as he’s presented here. From the moment he gets his first bribe to “report” there (gold nuggets from their long-dormant mines) we keep our distance. And nothing Sbaraglia or Lerman do makes him riveting or even all that interesting, much less compelling.

There’s no “charm” to this scoundrel’s ill-gotten fame, or his connection to the singing, dancing TV personality (Mónica Ayos) whose flattering TV profiles are a joke — he’s sleeping with her.

Noting is made of the amusing possibilities of poor Chando trying to rein his on-air personality in when De Zer is hurdling across rocks and fields of the mountainous plateaus or plunging down a mine tunnel which they’ve “discovered” by accident, but a discovery that was “meant to be” by the aliens allegedly directing their quest, luring them on.

And while there are glimpses of how this “coverage” made De Zer a folk hero, Lerman makes no effort to convey the fanatical devotion, the deluded “belief” and how their credulity made Argentines look or feel, and what being fooled this way cost them.

What we get instead are flashbacks to De Zer’s service during “The Six Day War” in Israel (he’s Jewish), the Sinai Desert epiphany he maintains ordained him to be the one the aliens “trust” for this “story.”

Even that had comic possibilities, one of the “chosen people” chosen by aliens, or so he wants everyone to believe.

Every journalist knows how easy it would be to “fake” most stories, just as every cop is most expert in the field of knowing what she/he can get away with. Seeing someone, for screenplay reasons that we never, ever buy into, go to all this trouble to fool people and fake his way to TV fame is more disheartening than amusing.

On the positive side of things, this film amusingly undercuts every huxter trying to sell his or her latest “UFO Investigation” documentary. “The truth is out there,” as De Zer repeats. Too bad most of the people claiming they’re “finding” that truth are either credulous clowns or con-artists.

There’s no suspense in the tale, even in its “big finish.” “Tragic” was never in the cards, as this con man got away with his stunt. But this could have been dark and funny. It isn’t.

Presenting this story in a fstraightforward manner does the character no favors, as he is beneath contempt, but never in an amusing way. It’s a progressively more fanatical performance that feels too colorless to make us care.

Rating: TV-MA, nudity, sex, smoking, profanity

Cast: Leonardo Sbaraglia, Sergio Prina and Mónica Ayos

Credits: Directed by Diego Lerman, scripted by Adrián Biniez and Diego Lerman. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:48

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Movie Preview: Dystopia Shmishtopia, Millie Bobby Brown, Chris Pratt and Chris Pratt’s…Hair? “The Electric State”

You know what they about sci fi cinema — “Utopia doesn’t sell.”

So instead we get another Netflix outing for Netflix Queen Millie Bobby, a dark and cautionary future after what we gather is a fascist “rebellion” that brought civilization crashing down into…”robots lost their freedom” and people were enslaved by…social media?

Wonder if there’s a pasty-faced Afrikaner supervillain?

Don’t get your hopes up. The Russo Brothers directed it.

Mar. 14

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Blackfriars, “Merry Wives” as The Bard” might have staged it

The American Shakespeare Center’s crown jewel in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Staunton, a theatre designed to mimic Shakespeare’s winter quarters, the perfect place to experience plays as the 17th century punters would have.

Intermission at a grand vamp of  “Merry Wives of Windsor.” Cast of eight in many guises, just killing it.

Because one doth not live by cinema alone.   

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Someday, Maybe I’ll get a theater named after me

Historic Wayne Theatre, which opened as a cinema at the tail end of the silent era in Waynesboro, VA.
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BOX OFFICE: “Smile 2” underwhelms with $23, “Wild Robot” clears $100

“Smile 2” arrives in theaters to excellent reviews, a little name recognition in its cast and a proven “brand” whose previous installment opened at $22 million, but soared onward and upward and cleared $105 million in North America alone.

Paramount HAD to figure the horror audience would show uo opening night and turn this into a blockbuster, that, the fans of the first film would be champing at the bit for a pre-Halloween horror pic that isn’t generic, low-budget or what have you.

“Smile 2” doesn’t look like it’s in the same medium as the more malnourished “Terrifier” franchise, for instance. It’s on a whole other plane than “Beezel,” a no-budget witch thriller of equally recent vintage.

But the second “Smile” is opening to the same decent but not overwhelming ticket-buying response that the first film enjoyed — $23 million by midnight Sunday, according to the studio tally sent to @thenumbers.

The simplest explanation for this underwhelming turnout (big brand horror films have opened in the $27-35 range) is that they didn’t wait long enough to release it. The original film left theaters maybe 20 months ago. And it’s been streaming ever since.

Paramount needed the cash, I guess.

“The Wild Robot” continues to rake it in, more of a steady hit for Dreamworks than a season-saving blockbuster. It’s over $100 million. Finally. Big animated pictures typically reach that mark in their first week or so. It’s good enough to deserve better. It earned $10.1 million this weekend.

“Terrifier 3” continues to give hope that the horror audience hasn’t vanished, it’s just gotten more obsessed with obscure titles that they figure their peers aren’t cool enough to have discovered. It’s heading towards a $9.3 million second weekend, a very respectable “hold” considering it opened at $18, almost as much as “Smile” or “Smile 2.”

The nostalgic wallow “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” is adding another $5 million, inching it closer to $300 million. It’s not half the film “Wild Robot” is, but there you go.

The Andrew Garfield/Florence Pugh A24 drama “We Live in Time” opened to a very respectable $4 million on far fewer screens than “Smile 2.” That one I’ll have to catch later this weekend, I hope.

The respectable but underwhelming Michael Keaton/Mila Kunis dramedy “Goodrich” didn’t crack the top five, even if it earned slightly better reviews than “We Live in Time.”

“Piece by Piece” and “The Apprentice” are good pictures that can’t find an audience, and are fading and will start shedding screens any minute now.

As always, I’ll update these figures as more data comes in.

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Movie Review: Dinklage and Brolin as twin “Brothers?” With Glenn Close as their armed robber Mama?

Whatever laughs are inherent in a caper comedy pairing up Peter Dinklage and Josh Brolin as twin lowlife thieving siblings caught up in “one last job” that involves their thieving mama (Glenn Close), Oscar winners Marisa Tomei and Brendan Fraser, with M. Emmet Walsh and an orangutan thrown in, aren’t so much coaxed out in “Brothers.” They’re flogged, beaten and dragged kicking and screaming from it.

Director Max Barbahow (“Palm Springs”) and screenwriter Macon Blair “(Small Crimes”) park these players and plot elements in a frenetic, slapsticky Southern (ish) farce of the “Logan Lucky” or “Masterminds” variety. As in very broad, Southern and “tries too hard.” Far too hard.

Most of the laughs in it catch you by surprise — that orangutan and its “role,” over-the-top sibling tussles, at least one of which causes a car wreck. But “over the top” is the default mode here, and the picture strains and groans from the burden of it.

The clumsy crooks can be funny. A backhoe chased by enraged golfers in carts is a laugh. Fraser as a corrupt, spitting-mad prison guard is a hoot. But what’s here doesn’t quite jell into a romp that romps.

Jady (Dinklage) and Moke (Brolin) are twins who grew up in the family stealing and armed-robbing game,” learnin’ by doin’,” Jady narrates. But Mom (Jen Landon plays her as a young strumpet) and her “cool” beau Glenn (Joshua Mikel) went wrong one time too many some 30 years before. And left on their own, Jady — how his sibling pronounced “J.T.” as a child — and Moke weren’t clever enough to keep Jady out of prison.

Years later, he gets out and tracks down his gone-straight sibling so that they can recover the Koenig emeralds Mom and the late-Glenn stole decades before.

If he doesn’t, hulking prison guard Farful (Fraser) and his equally corrupt judge-dad (Walsh, in his final film role) will have Jady’s hide.

Moke, his sibling’s belittling nickname for him, is now Mike, “gone straight” with a wife (Taylour Paige), a mortgage and a baby on the way. He has to be tricked and bullied into doing Jady this “favor,” which turns out to involve their still-on-the-lam mom (Close).

Jady starts piecing together what they’ll need to accomplish this mission by hooking up with an old flame (Tomei), which is how Moke meets her “spirit partner,” the orangutan, a “partner” with “urges.”

“Brothers” is the sort of yahoo farce that hunts for funny in character names — Crabcake, Gamma and Dad-Daddy among them.

Some of it works, too much of it doesn’t. The pacing is fast enough in stretches, the performances amusingly broad and the pratfuls and punches sometimes deliver a chuckle.

But at the end of the day, if “yahoo” is what you’re going for, you can’t skimp on the banjos. Ask Soderbergh (“Logan Lucky”) or Galifianakis (“Masterminds”). They’ll tell you.

Rating: R, violence, sexual misbehavior, profanity

Cast: Peter Dinklage, Josh Brolin, Glenn Close, Taylour Paige, M. Emmet Walsh, Marisa Tomei and Brendan Fraser.

Credits: Directed by Max Barbakow, scripted by Macon Blair. An MGM/Amazon release.

Running time:1:29

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Netflixable? Anna Kendrick’s dazzling and damning directing debut — “Woman of the Hour”

In “Woman of the Hour,” an infamous piece of ’70s serial killer lore becomes a suspenseful and disheartening thriller in the hands of director and star Anna Kendrick.

It’s a pre “#BelieveWomen” tale when women were speaking-out and alerting police to the rapists, molesters and murderers among us. And men in general and the cops in particular either didn’t listen, didn’t take it seriously or were simply so slow at taking action or putting together the pieces that something awful was happening. To women.

Kendrick, working from a script by Ian McDonald (“Superman Returns”), captures late ’70s America in all its sexism and barely-under-the-radar violence. Playing an aspiring actress named Cheryl who appears on the leering, innuendo-laced “Dating Game,” Kendrick gets good advice, if not solace, from the sage and cynical makeup artist (Denalda Williams, terrific) giving her a touch-up during each commercial break.

The only real question and subtext to “today’s bachelorette” TV interrogation of three SoCal bachelors, makeup artist Marilyn advises, is this.

“Which one of you will hurt me?”

Cheryl’s on a show, trying to choose between a dolt, a womanizer and a handsome charmer (Daniel Zovatto). But in the film’s opening scenes, and in flashbacks throughout, we’ve seen “Rodney” lure young women (mostly) into posing for him so that he can photograph them, often in striking remote locations (Joshua Tree, etc.). Then he strangles them, sexually assaults them, and even revives them for more torturous abuse.

The crimes are sinister and savage and hard to watch. But in this feminist manifesto of a film, “The Dating Game” and sexist culture in general are just as cringe-worthy.

Cheryl’s struggling to get a break as an actress, enduring rude auditions where lumpy men pass judgment on her looks, make cracks about her “type” and find reasons she’s “not quite right” for this or that part.

Even the aspiring actor neighbor (Pete Holmes) is on-the-spectrum creepy, lightly hitting on her as he’s trying to buck up her confidence. Kendrick, the Queen of Awkward “date” scenes, finds it easier to sleep with him than face his reaction to rejection, in a bar and in all their probably future encounters in the hall of their apartment complex.

“Unpleasant?” Almost certainly. “Violent?” Possibly.

Meanwhile, Rodney is photographing a Texan (Kelly Jakle) in Wyoming or helping a stewardess (Kathryn Gallagher) move into a dumpy New York apartment. He charms and flatters, and when he sees his chance, he terrorizes and strangles.

We’re treated to a hint at murderous motivation, a general contempt for woman and need for “revenge” upon them.

And as Ted-Bundy-handsome Rodney bounces all over the country, even showing off some of his photography to new colleagues at the Los Angeles Times, we see a monster in plain sight whom no one wants to take as a serious threat.

Booking that “Dating Game,” Cheryl finds herself liberated (by brassy Marilyn) to ditch the scripted come-on questions, ignore the host’s order that she “not be too smart,” and take over the show by torching three “IQ of a lug nut” bachelors with references to Einstein and Immanuel Kant.

But in that audience is one female viewer (Nicolette Robinson) who recognizes Bachelor #3. Will she raise the alarm to the right people, and will they take her accusations seriously?

And what happens if Cheryl chooses Bachelor #3? Perish the thought.

Kendrick maintains suspense behind the camera as she lays on the vulnerability on camera. But Cheryl, like a couple of women seen here, has learned to be leery, learned to mistrust “men” and the patriarchy that lets them get away with being boorish, aggressively forward, unprofessional or threatening.

Do yourself a favor and don’t go to the Wikipedia page history of this “true story” until you’ve finished watching Kendrick’s chilling, damning thriller about it.

The performances are generally fine, but casting Tony Hale as the renamed “Dating Game” host was a mistake and a missed chance. Jim Lange was an unflappable veteran DJ who gave that show some personality, and several signatures and catch phrases. Hale’s a fine actor, and often a funny one. But vocally and tempermentally, Hale would have a hard time passing for a public radio host, much less the seemingly square but droll and outgoing Lange.

Sure, give him a wig and play the guy as another sexist jerk. Rename him if you’re afraid of lawsuits. But put a PERSONALITY who knows how to use his voice in that role.

That’s the only quibble I have with this otherwise dazzling directing debut. We can wonder why this hasn’t led to a stream of directing offers from our acclaimed “smart cookie” behind the camera. But considering the tone and messaging of “Woman of the Hour,” I’m guessing Kendrick is the only one who isn’t surprised that hasn’t happened.

Rating: R, graphic violence, sexual assault, substance abuse, profanity

Cast: Anna Kendrick, Daniel Zovatto, Nicolette Robinson, Autumn Best, Kelly Jakle, Kathryn Gallagher, Denalda Williams and Tony Hale.

Credits: Directed by Anna Kendrick, scripted by Ian McDonald. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:35

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Movie Review: The last word in horror sequels — “Smile 2”

“Smile 2” is a genuinely horrific plunge into terror.

Writer-director Parker Finn revives his 2022 creation with a sequel of real ambition. Dude spent a LOT of Paramount’s money on production values for an authentically artistic, high-minded, lowdown and gory fright fest so good it makes you ponder why everybody else in this justly maligned genre doesn’t try this hard.

And “Aladdin” co-star Naomi Scott gives herself over to this “universe,” this role and this experience with a career-making commitment that should make other filmmakers casting roles in any genre sit up and say “Why not Naomi?”

The picture’s so polished and cleverly executed that one does wonder how this franchise will top it. It’s kind of the last word on movies about the demonic presence that once you see its latest victim smile, you know you’re next and that you’re doomed.

Scott plays Skye Riley, a pop starlet set to come back from an accident that should have finished her physically, emotionally and professionally. She and her equally-stoned boyfriend had a car wreck and he was killed.

A year later, she’s got a new LP — “Too Much for One Heart” — to promote, complex dances to rehearse, lingering injuries to “power through” and damage control to do on Drew Barrymore’s chat show.

Skye doesn’t have rehab or twelve-step sponsors. She’s got her taskmaster mom (Rosemarie DeWitt of TV’s “Mad Men” and “The Boys”). And Mom is here to remind her of all her “responsibilities.”

Skye has been taught to gulp pricey Voss water anytime she’s stressed enough to figure she could use a chemical pick-me-up or calm-me-down. It doesn’t work. But checking in with her old drug dealer (Lukas Gage) turns out to be the mistake to end all mistakes.

Lewis is manic, hallucinating and dangerous. He pulls a samurai sword on her at the door. Perhaps the least believable moment in the movie is when Skye doesn’t flee the instant that blade’s not on her neck.

But that’s addiction for you. Maybe she’ll give him a bad Google review later.

Seeing Lewis smile before he bashes his own skull in seals Skye’s fate. Not that she knows this. Not right away.

“Smile 2″ tracks through over an hour of letting us see the problems this new smile” terror has to compete with in Skye’s harried mind.

Mom’s always reminding Naomi of all the people — dancers, backup singers, bookers, venue owners, road crew, her record company — “counting on you.” She’s loaded with guilt about her addiction, the accident, the fans she has to meet and greet and the best friend (Dylan Gelula of TV’s “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,” “Loot” and “Hacks”) she cussed-out and dumped.

And now she’s having hallucinations — about Lewis, about Paul her actor-beau, about the end game some demented fan may have planned for her.

A prologue has shown us one man’s efforts to outsmart this curse by passing it on to drug dealers. We wait for the third act for Skye to have this threat explained to her by a stranger (Peter Jacobson), forcing her to ponder her fate, her responsibilities and just what she can do to change her dying-young-destiny.

Scott lets us see more than a pretty face with great dance chops. We see the insecurities of a short-shelf-life career, one marred by physical and emotional scars she’s got to hide to be a success. We drop into the loneliness of stardom, the pressures and limited options for people you can truly call on when the chips or down or you just need a real shoulder to cry on that doesn’t belong to someone on your payroll.

While the movie summons up memories of Britney and Demi and other pop stars troubled by their “success,”{ I found the middle acts in “Smile 2” to be a tad too indulgent and teasing. Suspense builds as Skye melts down, but writer-director Finn gets a little lost in the “Star is Reborn” aspects of Skye’s experience.

And twists and jolts aside, when the time comes to wrap all this up, Finn’s own options are limited by the genre he’s thriving in and the corner his story and universe’s “rules” have painted him into.

It’s still a good, grim and pitiless parable masquerading as a horror movie. It makes you remember to be good to those close to you. Show a little empathy, leave time for mental health days and distance yourself from people who can’t grasp that. Because all that taking care of your teeth does is ensure you have a killer smile.

Rating: R, gory gory GORY violence, drug abuse, profanity

Cast: Naomi Scott, Lukas Gage, Dylan Gelula, Miles Gutierrez-Riley, Peter Jacobson and Rosemarie DeWitt.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Parker Finn. A Paramount release.

Running time: 2:07

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Movie Preview: Canadians go Ghost Busting…again — “Don’t F*#k with Ghosts”

Kevin Hart produced this Canadian mockumentary, which played Up North and comes to Prime Video on Halloween.

Looks cutesy, and sort of mockumentary ish.

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