It’s a cheap shot to label “Eternity” an “endless” romantic comedy that only seems to go on and on forever and ever. But a script with 60 minutes worth of cute/sweet ideas about marriage and the afterlife — none of them that original — demanding 114 minutes of our time can rightly be described as its own form of cinematic torture.

It’s more thought-provoking than profound, rarely amusing but sentimental when it works, which isn’t anywhere near half the time.

And you can’t sit through it without remembering that nobody showed up to “Top Gun: Maverick” to see Miles Teller.

“Eternity” is an Elizabeth Olsen star vehicle in which she must choose — after death — whether to spend “Eternity” with her first great love (Callum Turner of “The Boys in the Boat” and “Masters of the Air”), who died in combat, or the man she married and made children, a family and a life with for 65 years (Teller).

In cinephile shorthand it’s “Always/A Guy Named Joe” meets “Defending Your Life” and the most obscure title of all, Alan Rudolph’s wistful fantasy “Made in Heaven.” And despite spending lots of time, energy and production cash on a sort of Pixar-inspired polytheistic/mass market realization of the afterlife, it’s more boring than any of its antecedents.

The one-liners are weaker than the sight gags and the great-loves-of-her-life plot rarely warms up enough to make the sale.

An elderly couple, charmingly played by Betty Buckley and Barry Primus, gripe and grouse their way to a grandchild’s “gender reveal” party for the baby that’s on the way. The long, slow Volvo wagon ride to the event is peppered with bickering over what “kids these days” celebrate — “Graduation from kindergarten?”

The “Seinfeld” shtick comes to an abrupt end when elder Larry dies. As Joan is terminally ill herself, at least he won’t have long to wait.

In heaven? No. He’s in the um, waiting area — The Junction — a vast complex of hi-rise condos overlooking assorted transit stations, escalators and a vast “sales” floor where endless variations of your ideal afterlife are pitched.

“Studio 54 World,,” “Queer World,” a “Man Free World,” “Beach World,” “Classic Pearly Gates,” “Catholic Heaven,” “”Weimar (Germany) World” (“without the Nazis”), “Capitalist Heaven” and “Smoker’s World: ‘Cause Cancer Can’t Kill You Twice” beckon.

Larry can’t choose until Joan gets there. Which will Joan choose? Larry could never convince her to move South, as “We’re not Florida people.” She was more into the mountains. So Larry can’t commit to any afterlife and sign on the dotted line with his A.C. — afterlife counselor (Da’Vine Joy Randolph).

Yes, co-writers Patrick Cunnane and (director) David Freyne’s Big Idea is imagining eternity as one big time-share scam, with high pressure sales pitches and any choice you make “final” and lots of catches in the fine print.

But Larry is forgetting the ribbing he took from his offspring, joker sons-in-law and others at that gender reveal party. Somebody passed around granny’s photo of her hunky first husband, the one who died “in the war.” A “lot better looking” than dad/granddad/great-grandad is the consensus.

Maybe Joan, who like Larry will arrive in The Junction in her “happiest version” of herself, young and beautiful, will choose Luke (Turner).

And once she picks up on what’s going on, Joan gives that some serious thought. Because Luke has hung around this Junction without making his own choice of an afterlife, beginning his “eternity” by waiting for the great love of his life to arrive.

The “heaven is for everyone” ethos of all this — all religions, all manner of good and not-so-good people arriving and facing “choices” with “deserving” or earning your way into eternal life never figuring into anything — is noncommital and kind of squishy. And the sometimes profane clients and their A.C.’s won’t appeal to the “Heaven is for Real” audience.

A lot more energy went into visualizing and production designing the myriad departments and time-share “heavens” than into anything in the script guaranteed to touch or break one’s heart. Past life is kept in The Archives, which you can visit to remember your life — in detail — with marital bliss and ugly arguments included. Just don’t let visiting there keep you from “moving on.”

“Eternity” thus plays too much like one of the myriad comedies that venture visual versions of The North Pole and what Santa’s Workshop is “really” like.

But there is a hint of pathos, here and there. And Olsen, more interesting than amusing in this role, tries her best to wring emotion out of this bummer/bauble of a movie.

She can’t, and Teller and Turner — who have some comic chemistry together — have no more luck transcending this lavish setting in search of a better story.

What are we left with? The time-share sales pitch of it all. And you know how those go. Once you’ve invested, you never get your time or your money back.

Rating: PG-13, sexual content, profanity

Cast: Elizabeth Olsen, Miles Teller, Callum Turner, Betty Buckley, Barry Primus and Da’Vine Joy Randolph

Credits: Directed by David Freyne, scripted by Patrick Cunnane and David Freyne. An A24 release.

Running time: 1:54