Whatever happens before it, the finale is a doozy, almost certain to be satisfying to fans and impressive even to the casual “Twilight” viewer.
But so much of what comes before that payoff in “Breaking Dawn: Part 2,” the conclusion to The Twilight Saga, is mundane, dull, all talk and no action.
It’s a made-for-Lifetime movie about teen vampires, with talk-talk-talking leads muttering romance novel lines, a vast clutter of late-to-the-saga new characters, that same blue-grey production design, more digital wolves and incessant, insipid music
In other words, pretty much what we’ve come to expect from this finally-ending never-ending saga.
Director Bill Condon (“Kinsey,” “Gods and Monsters”) never quite overcomes the sense that he feels this is all beneath him with this second-half of the book he got to film to finish “Twilight” off. He’s still too-quick to look for the joke, none-too-subtle when looking for excuses to have Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner strip. But the barely-concealed contempt of the last film doesn’t show.
Bella’s baby, Renesme, is growing up fast, but mostly outside of her grasp. A “newborn” vampire herself, Bella (Kristen Stewart) doesn’t know her own strength. She revels in her heightened awareness of nature, her sharper senses. And she tosses hubby Edward (Robert Pattinson) around and has her way with him any time she wants.
“I was born to be a vampire,” she narrates. Then, she kicks the brawny Emmet’s but (Kellan Lutz) at arm wrestling to show she’s wholly Cullen-ized.
Bella’s clueless dad (Billy Burke) has to be clued in. Sort of. The third corner of the love triangle, werewolf Jacob (Taylor Lautner) must be placated and insulted. He’s nicknamed the fast-growing tyke “Nessie.”
“You nicknamed my baby after the LOCH NESS MONSTER?”
And the Volturi, the ruling coven of vampires, must be convinced that this child of human-and-vampire desire with he absurd name and silly nickname is no threat. And as is the way of “Twilight,” the Volturi (Michael Sheen, Dakoa Fanning) aren’t listening. This, the Cullen clan reach out, north to south, east to Middle East, for “witnesses” to the child’s true nature. These vampy vampires — Brazilian rainforest folk, Arabs, Russians — each have their own “special” powers, according to the needs of the always slight but increasingly unweildy plot. It’s as if novelist Stephenie Meyer was using the growing, evolving Harry Potter bag of tricks and trick characters as her model.
Lee Pace and Rami Malek are stand-outs among the legion of newcomers hurled into the saga. And I have to say, after four films and untold heavy-makeup, heavy-breathing closeups, the casting of that original corps of Cullens and humans has worked out wonderfully. The gorgeous supporting players, from Peter Facinelli and Nikki Reed to Ashley Greene and Jackson Rathbone, never treated this teen romance as anything less than “War and Peace.”
The movies around them, however, have veered from tepid to time-stands-still tedious. The heavy-breathing first-love of the first films has settled into an embattled but lusty couple setting up housekeeping, the effects have improved marginally and as I said at the outset, the ending, and the epilogue, pack a punch.
But as Edward says in the movie, coping with some new pain that’s inflicted on his tormented immortal soul and oft-shirtless immortal body, “It’s painful, but it’s bearable.”
MPAA Rating: PG-13 for sequences of violence including disturbing images, some sensuality and partial nudity
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Ashley Greene, Billy Burke, Dakota Fanning, Michael Sheen
Credits: Directed by , written by , based on the Stephenie Meyer novels. A Summit release.
Running time: 1:55