Movie Preview: Madelyn Cline reads “The Map that Leads to You”

How to cure “The Gen Z stare?”

Endless, affluent, carefree travel through Europe. The “map” we presume is on Google.

“Outer Banks” starlet Madelyn Cline and KJ Apa play star-crossed lovers who meet on a Euro trip

Josh Lucas plays the dad who gets it.

The great Lasse Hallestrom Lasse Hallström of “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape,” “A Dog’s Purpose,” “Chocolat” and scores of other emotionally available films directs this adaptation of a J.P. Monniger novel.

The Map that Leads to You” shows up on Amazon Prime Aug. 20.

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Movie Preview: Friends and lovers face “A Medieval Faire reject” executioner in the LGBTQ horror comedy “Road Head”

Freestyle just picked this up for digital RE-release (it got a limited launch in 2021) July 29.

There’s a chuckle or two in the trailer.

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Movie Review: As “Indie” as they come — “AJ Goes to the Dog Park”

“AJ Goes to the Dog Park” is a cheerfully cheesy semi-surreal indie film about what one dopey chihuahua owner will go through to get his dog park back.

It’s twee in the extreme, with the occasional sophisticated effect — “No need to cry CG tears!” — and a lot of DIY ones. There are stuffed dogs double for the “real” ones, a windblown inflata-guy meant to be the “hero” getting blasted by a prairie breeze in the screwball Fargo (lots of models of the city) to go with inside joke “landmarks” and a pirate on an across-the-state-line-from-North Dakota Minnesoooooota lake.

This is a goofy version of the Fargo the locals know, a Fargo of their mind — not the Coen Brothers’ minds. And that Fargo has its charms.

AJ (AJ Thompson) is a cubicle drone perfectly content to keep his entry level tech job and not accept a promotion from the boss. As the boss is his dad (Greg Carlson) who’d like to prep the lad into taking over the family business, you’d think that’d be a problem. But not for AJ.

He’s got dinners with dad and “Stewp” (“Soup that’s a stew,” donchaknow) with his married pals (Morgan Hoyt Davy and Danny Davy) and his dogs, Biff and Diddy. And best of all, he’s got a dog part to take them to.

“AJ Goes to the Dog Park” is about what happens to AJ’s contentment when a moronic mayor (Crystal Cossette Park) converts the Dog Park to a Blog Park, “no dogs allowed.”

AJ’s life unravels, and he must challenge the mayor via the tenets of “ancient Fargo law” to unseat her and get his park back.

He must catch a bigger muskie than the mayor ever did. A Minnesotan (Jacob Hartje) turned small craft warning in a pirate hat will be his “Yarrrrrr” coach.

AJ must be tougher than the mayor, learning to wrestle from the coach turned hazelnut tycoon (Jason Ehlert) who moved into Morgan and Danny’s house when they fled North Dakota.

And he must evade the mayor’s Fargoans in Black, two goons in black suits and Raybans who would do anything to save the mayor’s job — anything.

Writer-director Toby Jones, with other directors filming the sometimes animated flashbacks that most every character trots out at some point, melds sketch comedy, comic book and student film style visuals and shtick for laughs, occasionally letting some of the infamous quirkiness of the Northern Plains in on the joke.

“Need I say much more?”

AJ misquotes the Bible, gets ticketed for waving while bicycling and learns to tap/sap trees as he loses track of the forest, the park and those two dogs for those trees.

What all involved have committed to — the film looks like a summer shoot, with a call-back for a taste of Fargo’s winters — and conjured up is a classic “film festival film,” a movie too twee, precious and amateurish to live outside of North America’s film fest circuit. Film buffs at such events tend to cut a lot of slack to plucky little comedies with no budgets and non-professional casts. Groupthink sets in as unassuming little comedies like this offer a contrast to the much more polished film fare on display — foreign and art films.

There are about 30 minutes worth of fresh (ish) ideas and about ten chuckles in “Dog Park.” Like many a festival film before it, the cold hard truth about “Dog Park” is it can’t thrive on charm alone, not without more laughs.

At least the guy playing the pirate seemed to be having a grand time of it.

Rating: unrated, mock violence, a moment of profanity

Cast: AJ Thompson, Crystal Cossette Knight, Greg Carlson, Morgan Hoyt Davy, Danny Davy and Jacob Hartje

Credits: Scripted and directed by Toby Jones. A Doppelgänger release.

Running time: 1:19

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Movie Preview: The Messy, Violent and Problematic birth of Israel seen through the eyes of “Shoshona” and Her Brit Beau

Timely? You think?

July 25.

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Classic Film Review: Verhoeven showcases Hauer as his WWII Dutch “Soldier of Orange”(1977)

Long before “Robocop” made him a household name and “Basic Instinct,” “Showgirls” and “Starship Troopers” made him infamous, Dutch director Paul Verhoeven gained international acclaim for a few films in his native Holland, the most enduring of which is his jaunty/bloody/sexy World War II “true story” resistance thriller “Soldier of Orange.”

And when he needed a comeback after studios and audiences tired his overripe, oversexed style, he went back there for an even more violent, more suspenseful and sexier WWII Resistance thriller “Black Book.”

Verhoeven got Hollywood’s attention with 1977’s “Orange,” which came after his “Turkish Delight” breakout. Both films star his early muse, the formidable Rutger Hauer, who enjoyed a long Hollywood career that took him from “Blade Runner” to “Hobo with a Shotgun.”

“Soldier of Orange,” or “Soldaat van Oranje” in Dutch, is a thriller that doesn’t so much celebrate The Netherlands’ partisan fighters of WWII as appreciate them. We see their clumsy, cavalier and under-committed early recruitment, note their fence-straddling about whether to throw in against the Nazis before the tide turned, and their necessity.

Like the French and Norwegians, Dutch people could keep their heads held high after the war because of the few who fought back, didn’t collaborate, fraternize or sell-out to their German occupiers. Verhoeven shows us treachery, treason, the “cruelty is the point” that draws so many to fascism even today and the love-the-one-you’re-with immediacy of a deadly world war where who knew if you’d be around tomorrow?

The lens we see all this through is class, the upper crust college boys who meet in ’38 and go on to sign up or delay enlistment with Europe in mortal peril, only to get involved when it meant adventure, risk and more chances to wear black tie and tails than you’d think.

Hauer is Erik, a boyish freshman who endures hazing at Leiden University where the imperious and rich Guss (future Bond villain Jeroen Krabbé) rules the roost, at least as far as hazing underclassmen is concern. A self-described “prick,” Goss goes overboard abusing Erik and that bonds them for life.

All the lads know that only John (Huib Rooymans) is really concerned about “the Nazis” and the threat they represent. One and all dismiss that because he’s “The Jew” in their crew.

When the shock of war comes, Erik and Guss can’t enlist on the spot, and The Netherlands hastily surrenders for reasons given — Rotterdam is badly reduced by bombing — and the ones the script suggest. Their military was totally unprepared, falling for pranks, bungling the military call-up and generally lost when it came to who the fascists were in their midst, and of course blamed “the politicians” for selling them out.

Over the course of the war, some will collaborate, some will flat-out join the Dutch contribution to the Nazi war machine, some will resist and many of the young will float along on whatever impulse or opportunity presents itself to them.

Get away to England? SURE. Not this time? Maybe later, then.

Hauer and Krabbé compete to see who has the best swagger, with Guss right on the edge of upper class twit when it comes to thinking things through and Erik Mr. Indecisive in most matters that aren’t sexual.

Nico (Lex van Delden) was “Mr. Particular” in college, the detail-oriented guy you’d want running your resistance cell. Robby (Eddy Habbema) is the motivated radio operator with a Jewish fiance (Belinda Meuldijk) who is sweet on Erik.

We see most of this through Erik’s eyes, as the film’s opening sees him in uniform, tucked into newsreel footage of Queen Wilhelmina’s triumphant return to her palace at war’s end.

The genius of the film, the script and Hauer’s performance is the ambivalence and devil-may-care reminder that youth — especially upper class young people seemingly insulated from some of the harsh realities to come — can be slow to take up a “cause.” But adventure, risk and sex? Where’s the Resistance rave/hook-up this weekend?

“A spot of war would be exciting,” Erik cracks (in Dutch with English subtitles) early on, and that’s what Verhoeven is both reminding us of — that nobody in Europe was foolish enough to name people who had this situation land in their laps “The Greatest Generation” — and sending up.

One hilarious set-piece has Hauer’s Erik dragged onto the dance floor by an old classmate (Derek de Lint) who’s gone Russian Front Dutch SS, a formal, threatening same-sex gavotte that Erik has to somehow exit in time to save a mission from betrayal.

The spycraft of Resistance work is far better covered in “Black Book,” as are the preps for the violence one must master to fight back.

But Verhoeven brilliantly handles the suspense of all this, people living through “interesting times” with no notion of living through them, even joking about “suicide pills” that are an option if they face capture, as if anybody in this lot thinks that far ahead.

And “Soldier of Orange” — the title comes from the royal family’s color of choice — still zips by, a sober, sexy and even silly WWII adventure that spends two hours and forty five lively minutes underscoring that “heroes” aren’t born to it or always trained and hardened to rising to the occasion. Oftentimes they’re lucky, in the right place and willing to take the right action at the right time, even if they never really give it a lot of thought as they do.

Rating: R, graphic violence, sex, nudity, alcohol abuse, smoking

Cast: Rutger Hauer, Jeroen Krabbé, Belinda Meuldijk, Susan Penhaligon, Lex van Delden, Dolf de Vries, Derek de Lint, Eddy Habbema,
Rijk de Gooyer, Huib Rooymans, Andrea Domberg and Edward Fox.

Credits: Directed by Paul Verhoeven, scripted by Kees Holierhoek, Gerard Soeteman and Paul Verhoeven, based on a book by Erik Hazelhoff Roelfzema.

Running time: 2:45

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Movie Preview: A Biopic about Tourette’s and one man’s war against it — “I Swear”

Misunderstood, misdiagnosed, and determined that others shouldn’t have to endure what he did, the Scot John Davidson collected an MBE for his efforts to raise awareness about Tourette Syndrome.

Robert Aramyo, Peter Mullen and Shirley Henderson star in this biopic, which starts its theatrical release in Oct. in the UK.

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Movie Preview: McKenna Grace and Jojo Regina plays sisters who lay low after Momma’s Death — “What We Hide”

The System and a punk placed by Dacre Montgomery menace these two in “What we Hide,” which opens Aug. 29.

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Movie Preview: A 1980s effort to comically restart The Peloponnesian War – “A Spartan Dream”

An ’80s period piece with a dollop of Greco American whimsy?

Cute. And way before Gerry Butler made “This is SPARTA” a great rallying cry and punchline.

Aug.15.

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Netflixable? Tyler Perry’s Back in Drag for “Madea’s Destination Wedding”

You just know that what few conditions Netflix probably had in the big fat contract it gave the prolific Tyler Perry, one of them was “Give us a Madea movie every now and then.”

Because even if his hilariously outspoken drag alter ego had run her course with a paying theatrical movie audience, there are plenty of people who can’t get enough of the wit and wisdom of the two-fisted, foul-mouthed font of great granny giggles that Madea serves up.

And you knew that his farewell tour with the character, “Madea’s Farewell Play” was not the last we’d see of her, her curmedgeonly cuddle bunny Joe (Perry as well) and that vast extended family of insult-slinging slaptstickers, including The Browns.

“Madea’s Destination Wedding” is like all of the recent Madea movies — scribbled in haste, with dashes of improvised insults and the like by Perry and his repertory company — Cassi Davis as the teetering bowling pin Aunt Bam, David Mann as bad, broad and loud Leroy Brown, Tamela J. Mann as as Cora, etc.

His debut feature, “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” had some edge. But as Perry went to the Madea well time and again, the formula boiled down to the bare basics — find a situation to put her in — Jail, Christmas, a Funeral, Halloween — and turn the heffer loose in the china shop, bitching, threatening, swaggering and insulting until the closing credits.

So the set up here is a “Destination Wedding” at a (product placement) Bahamas resort, with that great grandniece Tiffany (Diamond White) rushing into marriage with a model-pretty cornrowed creep named Zavier (Xavier Smalls).

He rubs her divorced dad (Perry as Atlanta DA Brian) the wrong way. You KNOW great grandma Madea and granddad Joe (Perry and Perry) are going to get their backs up about the hastily arranged wedding (by Tiffany’s sketchy mom, Debrah (Taja V. Simpson).

Zavier likes casually dropping the “n” word on his prospective in-laws.

“We don’t SAY n—a in THIS house, n—a!”

Madea’s got to fret about overseas travel and the prospect of a passport.

“I am ILLEGAL in 92 countries!”

Brian’s bright but indulged, childish 19 year old son (Jermaine Harris doing an Urkel homage) puts Joe in another “You need to beat the kid’s ass” for this, that and the other, otherwise, Brian’s just “a little bitch” of a parent.

The Bahamas trip has airport hijinks, flight gripes and on arrival, a chance for Madea to dig into the “real” reasons for this rapid coupling and Joe to hit the card tables in a “charge it to the room” spree.

There’s a lot less of Madea’s odd word-mangling and a bit less of her, frankly, in this latest iteration.

A few laughs turn up, but everything seems played with only the novelty of rageaholics Madea and Joe, and Brown, Bam and Cora reacting to the same nonsense of a thousand other wedding comedies, trials of travel and family fracus farces.

This stuff doesn’t write itself, but it does seem as if Perry’s put the whole enterprise on autopilot, and his supporting “family” can’t riff or improvise much that’s funny into the worn out formula. He may not be as ambitious as he once was, but Madea has long been a “safe” space for him renew his popularity when the melodramas, thrillers and more challenging stories he tries to tell don’t work or connect with an audience.

I dare say this won’t be the last “Madea” Netflix comedy. But what we’ve got here is a not-really-trying model for all the Madeas from here on out.

Rating: PG-13, violence (Madea style), drug jokes, sexual jokes and profanity

Cast: Tyler Perry, Cassi Davis, David Mann, Tamela J. Mann, Taja V. Simpson, Diamond White, Jermaine Harris and Xavier Smalls.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Tyler Perry. A Tyler Perry Studios release on Netflix.

Running time: 1:44

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The Unheeded Climate Warnings of James Burke’s “After the Warming” (1989)

The record-warm winters, the baking hot summers — some dry, others filled with historic floods from “extraordinary rain events” — have a lot of people ready to lecture each other on when these “just as predicted” consequences of climat change popped up on our cultural radars.

Wags will point to this series of print stories, that bit of NASA science-backed alarm or Al Gore’s culturally divisive documentary, “An Inconvenient Truth.”

That 2006 two time Oscar winner from director Davis Guggenheim marked a moment in time when nearly everyone could force themselves to admit “Well, we were warned.”

Unfortunately, what that film really marked with the great divide between those able to grasp and reason with hard, ugly facts and the know-nothings of the the alt-conservative universe, back by the aren’t-ageing-well lies of the fossil fuel lobby, who dug in their heels for further decades of denying what was becoming obvious to anybody with a memory and two eyes to watch was what happening all around us.

Start with the knee-jerk hatred that inflamed that corner of the culture for Al Gore, probably the legitimate president in 2000 and not the accident-prone big oil-bought numbskull G.W. Bush, and it was inevitable that “climate change” became the irrational “woke” buzzphrase of its day, beaten into the simpletons unable to discern facts from Fox News.

But like Gore, I remember the filmed warning about what was to come thanks to a fossil fuel/deforestation driven warming planet. It was on public TV 17 years BEFORE “An Inconvenient Truth.”

As I scrolled through the memes and lectures aimed at the Texas weather disaster — yeah, let the oligarchs defund FEMA — and those acting shocked SHOCKED at what is happening on Bluesky today, I hunted down James Burke’s “After the Warming,” a 1989 two-part doc for public TV (in the US and UK) in which he depicted a 2050 where some of the worst climate changed disaster had happened, and what the smarter, more proactive and progressive leaders of Earth were doing about it.

Ironically, one of the first links served up by the dubiously biased Google Search, was this unsigned screed of utter BS from the professional liars at The Energy Advocate. Printed eight years AFTER the programs aired, this “review” is not aging well, and I daresay your kids are relieved you didn’t sign your name to it, Coal Porter.

The just-concluced warmest year in recorded history made every word of that 1997 screed a lie.

I’d track down Burke’s special any time I noticed the changing sea life (different species of barnacles growing on my boat hull), longer fire seasons, dryer summers — interrupted by lots of hurricanes — shifts in the climate of Florida during my 20-odd years living there.

Check it out below. It’s still alarming, even if not every worst-case-scenario has come to pass.

If we’d started listening to reason and voting against paid-off climate change deniers back then, none of us would have had to deal with irrational, ignorant Al Gore haters when he gave voice to the obvious in “An Inconvenient Truth” 17 years after “After the Warming.”

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