The last time I ever get on a horse

Robert Duvall talked about having to give up horseback riding the last time I interviewed him, and  even in his 70s, he was taking it hard. He’d made his working life provide him with lots of peak career Westerns, and he took those paydays to settle in “horse country” — not just in Texas.

Me? Not so much. I’ve ridden occasionally over the years,  and I knew it was an iffy proposition for this trip, doing an hour or two on an arthritic hip cross country in Belize. But it is what it is.

I have always appreciated actors who trained vigorously enough to look “right” in the saddle. It’s harder than it looks. Speaking from experience, Blackadder’s insult about “He rides a horse rather less well than another horse would” is pretty hard to avoid if it’s uncomfortable.

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Movie Review: “One Big Happy Family?” Oy!

Linda Lavin makes her last curtain call as graceful as the material will allow in “One Big Happy Family,” her final film before dying last December.

It’s a generally mirthless comedy that strains for laughs as it struggles to graft a “Maybe I’m not Jewish” DNA test narrative onto a child’s impending bat mitzvah.

Lisa Brenner wrote and stars in “Family” as an actress and mom who’s made being Jewish a central tenet of her life, only to discover that decades of “You don’t LOOK Jewish” remarks are now backed up by science.

Her story is told in a kvetching, klutzy script that botches basic math, struggles to make the whole DNA storyline funny, fumbles the bat mitzvah and saddles the 87 year-old Lavin with a veritable dictionary of Yiddishisms to utter.

“Oy” and “gevalt” indeed.

In a voice-over prologue, Rachel remembers freezing up during her own bat mitzvah, only to have her tactless, tone deaf stereotype of a mother (Lavin) take over her speech and scar her for life. The story then shifts to the present day, “twenty seven years later,” as Rachel struggles with organizing the celebration and with the idea of making a speech at her own daughter’s (Lumi Pollack) bat mitzvah.

She’s supposed to be an actress?

The DNA test thing is pushed on her by her TV chat show hostess bestie (Sabrina Cofield), and that’s when she learns she has a half-brother (Josh Fadem), or at least one half-brother for starters.

That infuriates her Calif-flaky, non-binary, juice-bar server/lesbian folk rocker sister (Kat Cunning, funny). But her Long Island mom isn’t admitting anything. At first.

“Did your sister give you one of her brownies?”

Mom then confesses to difficulties getting pregnant back in “the late ’70s,” until turning to artificial insemination.

That’s where the movie’s math, contorted to put a vibrant, doesn’t-look-it 87 year old in the mother/grandmother role. If Rachel is 40, she was born in ’85. Lavin’s Lenore is overusing Yiddish and talking about “remembering when the Dodgers were in Brooklyn,” when they moved to LA in ’57.

Possible? OK. But “plausible” demands more explanation.

The whole mass insemination story that produces constant DNA test site phone updates (amusing) revealing more and more siblings points to more interesting possibilities than it delivers.

Rachel curses in front of her kids and they curse back. Rachel’s sympathetic Filipino doctor-husband (Dante Brasco) keeps suggesting LA scent and herbal remedies to her stress.

Casting Fadem as her non-Jewish half-brother Bobby just muddies the movie’s ethnocentrism. Bobby’s the most “Jewish looking” character in it.

But sitcom-veteran Lavin navigates the abrasive tactlessness of the archetype she’s playing with ease, even if the Yiddishisms feel forced and dated a generation older than the character she’s supposed to be playing.

Rating: unrated, profanity

Cast: Lisa Brenner, Dante Basco, Lumi Pollack, Josh Fadem, Kat Cunning and Linda Lavin

Credits: Directed by Matt Sohn, scripted by Lisa Brenner. An Electric Films release.

Running time: 1:22

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Movie Preview: New York Neighbors Take a Feud to Theatrical Heights — “The French Italian”

No, the stars aren’t household names. But this looks hilarious.

A loud new neighbor drives a couple out of their brownstone, and their revenge is making up a play that she must audition for and rehearse.

That’s so New York it hurts.

Oct. 28, get ready for noises off and noises on and very bad karaoke “La Bamba.”

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Movie Preview: Same Sex romance, with gags and Dominance and Devotion and Skarsgard and whatnot — “Pillion”

Henry Melling is the ordinary looking moptop who falls hard for a domineering biker (Alexander Skarsgard) in this dom rom com.

Nov. 25, this makes its way to the holiday lineup at your local cineplex.

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Movie Review: Summer of ’81, “Casey Makes a Mixtape”

“Casey Makes a Mixtape” is a wan indie coming-of-age dramedy in which nobody comes of age, nothing dramatic or comedic happens.

It’s a sort of little film festival movie that couldn’t, a period piece that was never fated to pick up distribution outside of its run in festivals. I see it played in Portland, at least.

Texas filmmaker Blake Calhoun gives his lead characters names that all begin with the letter “C,” and the script shows little imagination beyond that. And he appears to have found out the hard way how difficult it is to make a “High Fidelity” tween comedy without the cash to buy music clearances.

Casey (Presley Richardson, making her film debut) is 13 and obsessed with music. It’s 1981, and she uses her boom box to record her favorite songs off the radio — tunes by the likes of Rick Springfield and Journey.

Casey’s Mom (Arianne Martin) thinks she has it going on. She’s off to Paris where she expects her beau to propose. First, she’s got to Pontiac Trans Am Casey to her parents’ house in suburban Texas for the summer.

Casey skateboards her way into meeting Craig (Julian Hilliard) and Carrie (Kennedy Celeste). If she could only convince a DJ at Q-102 FM in Dallas-Fort Worth to live up to their “Texas’ Best Rock” motto and play her favorites, The Police, she’d finish this ten-tune mixtape she has in the works.

“Don’t Stand So Close to Me,” she pleads into the phone, glancing at the wall poster of the pop-rock trio every time she calls Q-102.

That’ poster’s as close as she’s going to get to The Police. That’s as close as we’ll get to hearing that song.

Truthfully, Calhoun (“Spilt Milk” was his) only landed the rights to a couple of classic rock tunes from the era. Spoiler alert, one’s from a band named for a Massachusetts city and the other is by a Canadian “power trio,” and no, not THAT one.

Stripped of most of the music it would take for “Mixtape” to be a “Mixtape” and work its nostaglia magic, all we’re left with is uninteresting incidents decorating the dullest tween summer ever put on film.

The situations and the kid actors acting them out never come close to “interesting,” and the adults show us that the script is how those situations and characters turned out so drab.

Young Miss Richardson half-whispers and shrugs as she narrates the most blase details of her life directly to the camera. Not exactly “Sixteen Candles.” The boy can’t add up to a “love interest” and the “bad girl” (Celeste) is just a shoplifter.

As with “Empire Records” and “High Fidelity,” the most promising setting is the local record shop. That direction is the path this plot doesn’t take. Even that setting has all the life drained out of it. And no, we don’t hear the hit records of the era playing on its sound system, either.

The entire affair comes off as half-hearted and half-assed. But putting it online for streaming could be useful to aspiring filmmakers. Here’s how “not” to make a coming-of-age movie. Characters have to grow, change or discover something interesting about themselves.

And if you don’t have the cash to buy music rights to your period piece, you’d better set it in the 1880s, not the 1980s.

Rating: unrated, pot use

Cast: Presley Richardson, Kennedy Celeste, Julian Hilliard, Arianne Martin, Jennifer Griffin and Brad Leland.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Blake Calhoun. A Loud Pictures release.

Runnimg time: 1:36

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Movie Review: An Impressive Dreamscape and Disappointing Romance — “Daniela Forever”

Movies have been tied to dreams from the very beginnings of cinema. The storytelling medium lends itself to the interior world of dreaming. And films from “Spellbound” onward have made serious attempts to recreate and interpret the experience of what our subconscious does in the journeys we take when we dream.

“Daniela Forever” is a movie about grief, undying love and lucid dreaming as a way of clinging to someone you’ve lost. The latest sci-fi from Oscar nominated writer-director Nacho Vigalondo (“Timecrimes,” “Colossal”) is a fascinating dip into lucid dreaming hampered by a DOA love story and the limitations of handsome but often emotionally unavailable leading man Henry Golding.

He plays a star DJ lured to Madrid by gigs set up by his poseur/manager (Rubén Ochandiano) but whose life is upended when he falls for an Italian artist, Daniela (Beatrice Grannò) who then dies in a car accident.

The film’s central flaw is glaring and obvious right from the start. We have no time to invest in the romance, and even as the narrative gropes and meanders its way to a conclusion that maybe “explains” that, we have nothing to cling to but DJ Nicolas and his undying devotion to Daniela.

Golding can’t make the sale, and looking at his other romances, it’s a wonder that he keeps trying his hand at them. As the prospective groom in “Crazy Rich Asians,” he had better chemistry with his best man. Here, we just don’t buy how bereft and lovesick his character is supposed to be.

His friend Victoria (Nathalie Poza) suggests he sign on for a drug trial that she’s been involved with. It’s being tested to see if this pill can enable directed lucid dreaming. Subjects are put on the medication, given instructions that amount to a “script,” what they should be trying to dream about, and then are intereviewed to see if this medication helps someone control their dreams.

Nicolas cheats. He only wants to dream Daniela back to life.

Nicolas enters these dreams in his apartment with Daniela, and ventures with her to where they met, places they went. He focuses on details, notices dead ends — limits to this dreamscape created by his lack of knowledge of this street, this shop (the suits on display have no backs, for instance).

“Everything I don’t know doesn’t exist.”

He tries to master this world and cling to Daniela, who is limited by how he remembers her and what he didn’t know about her. Her friend Teresa (Aura Garrido), whom he met at her funeral, might offer clues. But he’s so wrapped up in dreams that he lets everything in his waking life go.

“I think I get it now,” he tells Daniela, over and over again as he masters this somnambulent rule or that one. But does he?

Golding’s performance is flat, all surface affectations, none of them hinting at the obsession he allegedly has for this woman. Her elusive art — faceless characters, figures with their heads out of the frame, all composed on a computer — gets at the film’s superficiality.

The limits of her character, created from his memory, hamper Grannò, who does nothing to suggest the cause for obsession. She is a boring pixie dream girl.

The film’s one light touch is the one truncated love scene, picked up just as the menage a trois has ended, It’s the most comical and one of its most revealing moments.

But Golding has to carry this, and he just doesn’t. As fascinating as Vigalondo’s fantasy dreamscape with its rules — Nicolas can focus and alter where a door takes them, who they run into and the like — can be, “Daniela Forever” never escapes being a clock-watching romantic melodrama with intriguing sci-fi touches.

The science fiction is solid. The melodrama has you wondering how much longer we have to spend with this unbelievable “couple.”

Rating: R, profanity, one sexual situation

Cast: Henry Golding, Beatrice Grannò, Aura Garrido, Nathalie Poza and Rubén Ochandiano

Credits: Scripted and directed by Nacho Vigalondo. A Well Go USA release.

Running time: 1:52

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BOX OFFICE:  Taylor Swift” goes “Showgirl,” scores a $30 million+ weekend — The Rock’s “Smashing Machine” Smashes his Oscar Hopes

A documentary about the making of her album “The Life of a Showgirl” makes Taylor Swift the queen of the box office on the first weekend of October, celebrating the record’s blockbuster release with a box office smash as a side dish.

Record sales, Spotify downloads, “intimate look” documentaries, everything the woman touches turns to gold. Well, the exeption might be The Kansas City Chiefs.

Deadline.com extrapolates that her $15 million Friday opening of a documentary she only announced she was offering to AMC theaters a couple of weeks back adds up to a $30 million+ weekend. Her fanbase could push that much higher, but we’ll see. She’s older, they’re older, and fanatics or not, only two weeks of pre-sales should keep this south of $40.

The other wide release this weekend is the bio-pic that was supposed to put Dwayne Johnson on the awards season map. “The Smashing Machine,” about the life of UFC brawler Mark Kerr, puts Johnson in makeup to make him resemble “The Thing” from “Fantastic Four,” and pairs him up with his “Jungle Cruise” sidekick, Emily Blunt.

Fans aren’t going for it. Reviews have been passable, far from ecstatic, and a $6 million opening weekend won’t help the aging action star’s quote and won’t keep the picture in theaters long enough to build any sort of groundswell of buzz. It’s Johnson’s worst-ever opening, and there’s schadenfreuide attached to the film as well, as Johnson irked a lot of the people who’d be voting him into awards by sticking his two cents worth into politics last year. Opening in third place when it was supposed to be a $20 million+ top dog is humbling for the wrestler-turned-acting diva, and the writing could be on the big guy’s wall.

“One Battle After Another,” on the other hand, is rolling through a $17 million weekend, which should push it past $50 million in North America by midnight Sunday. The global take should be in the $100 million range come Monday morning.

A second-place finish to the latest Tay-Tay mania is a big boost for Paul Thomas Anderson’s topical, awards bait, all-star comic thriller.

Everybody who was going to see “Gabby Dollhouse: The Movie” has pretty much seen it as it tumbles to fourth place with a just-under $5 million second weekend.

“Conjuring: The Last Rites” is proving to be the horror title to beat all the way to Halloween, hanging in the top five for one last weekend, making another $3-4 million, inching towards the $175 million domestic box office mark.

“Demon Slayer: Infinity Castle” is still making a little money — $3.3 million this weekend, putting it in sixth.

“Strangers: Chapter 2” got no one’s attention and is fading away $2.8 million second weekend (seventh).

Twentiesth Century Studios re-released the second “Avatar” film to hype us for the upcoming third one, and “Way of Water” may clear another $2.5 million.

IFC’s “Good Boy” cracked the top ten, a trained dog horror thriller? Yeah, I requested a review lunk but balls were dropped. Sorry I missed it. This is on track to earn $2.25 and come in ninth.

“The Long Walk” enjoys its last weekend in the top ten in tenth with $1.7 million.

Those three new releases and the “Avatar” re-release push “Big Bold Beautiful Journey,” “Downton Abbey,” the indie June Squibb comedy “Eleanor the Great” and “Him” out of the top ten.

As always, I’ll update these figures as the weekend progresses.

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Movie Preview: “Psycho Killer,” Qu’est-ce que c’est?

The screenwriter of “Se7en” wrote this thriller, with Georgina Campbell as the huntress and James Preston Rogers in the title role.

Palpable “Fargo” meets Fincher vibe in this Gavin Polone thriller. That’s not Malcolm McDowell as the “Elderly Priest.” It just looks like him.

Feb. 20.

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Breakfast with the Toucans, Belize

There’s no cinema within a five day hike from here. So I’ll just be posting streaming or film fest titles for reviews for the next week or so, as we vacation in the gorgeous rainforest of Belize.

Monkeys and Maya ruins and Mai Tais it is!

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Documentary Review: US/Japanese Relations, Over a Century of Baseball “Diamond Diplomacy”

Here’s a truth the average American hasn’t done the math on.

“Japan has been playing baseball almost as long as the United States.”

And whatever the fading state of the National Pastime on this side of the Pacific, in Japan, “The National Game” is bigger than ever, drawing huge crowds, creating homegrown stars good enough to dominate America’s game when they join our big leagues.

That 150 year history is the backdrop for a terrific new documentary about baseball and its role in bonding the U.S. and Japan.

Yuriko Gamo Romer’s “Diamond Diplomacy” reminds us of the American Civil War vet turned educator and consultant who brought the game to Japan in the 1870s.

Veteran Japanese and American players, American and Japanese academics and others talk about how baseball connected to Japanese samurai traditions, how baseball is “older than judo,” and was Japan’s first team sport.

Archival footage shows early 20th century Japan and the game the country took to with a fervor almost greater than American baseball mania at its peak. And we hear and see early trips by U.S. teams — including Negro League all-stars treated better in Japan than they were at home — to Japan to play the land of the rising sun’s best.

Julia Ruth Stevens accompanied her dad on a baseball goodwill tour of Japan in the 1930s. Babe Ruth became an instant legend in Japan, and historians recall how flattered The Babe was when that tour was credited with “preventing a war” in the mid-30s. Japanese nationalism had already started what became World War II in Manchuria and relations grew chilly and tense with the rest of the world, particularly in the U.S.

After Pearl Harbor, Stevens tells us of all the souvenirs and mementos of that trip which her father hurled out the windows of their New York apartment.

Romer’s film covers the game’s racist history, how Japanese immigrants were interned during World War II but the kids and adults kept playing baseball. Players were kept from competing for spots on Major Leagure rosters the way African American players were banned. And we hear how General MacArthur, supervising occupied Japan’s peaceful transition and “Westernization,” recognized the game as a healing, fence-mending cure-all as U.S. all-stars were rounded up to tour the country in the late ’40s to boost morale in Japan and ready American acceptance of Japan as an ally.

Masonori Murikami talks about being the first Japanese player to make it into the major leagues, and his disappointment when contracts and obligations made him go home after just a season and a half. The no-contract poaching agreement between MLB and Japanese leagues kept generations of players out of the U.S. until Hideo Nomo worked a loophole to join the Dodgers, and Nomo-mania began.

American baseballer Warren Cromartie was the first MLB player to leave before the peak years of his career to play in Japan, and he brought American style aggressive play to the Japanese league, learned the language and became an icon of Japanese baseball.

And we see the legendary Ichiro Suzuki celebrated for setting the table for just how much a Japanese player could achieve in the North America.

Romer covers a lot of ground in this sometimes touching and even inspiring documentary. About all she misses is Japan’s invitation to participate in the Little League World Series, and its early dominance and ongoing success there.

But as we see a commemorative recreation of the late 19th century first game played between the two countries and marvel at how much baseball has done to bind two very different cultures, “Diamond Diplomacy” makes one appreciate what the game has meant and what the Japanese, at least, still see in it.

There’s a reason poets have paid homage to baseball since Walt Whitman. Perhaps, this film suggests, we should consider what the Japanese see in the ultimate “team” game and how that impacts a culture. What the Japanese embraced Americans seem to have forgotten in our rush off the cliff for all things football.

Rating: unrated

Cast: Warren Cromartie, Ichiro Suzuki, Robert Whiting, Julia Ruth Stevens, Masonori Murikami, Hideo Nomo and Bobby Valentine.

Credits: Directed by Yuriko Gamo Romer. A Flying Crab release.

Running time: 1:26

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