Movie Nation

Every label from middling to just plain bad has been saddled to “The Expendables” franchise, almost from the start. So there’s little sense piling onto what probably will be the last one — to make it to theaters, at least.

Although “Expend4bles” (“Expendables 4”) attracted a couple of major martial arts cinema figures — Thai legend Tony Jaa, Indonesian action icon Iko Uwais — a simple glance down the cast list inspires barely a shrug.

Where the third film, which came out back in 2014, had Sly Stallone and Jason Statham joined by Harrison Ford, Jet Li, Antonio Banderas, Wesley Snipes, Mel Gibson, Ronda Rousey and Schwarzenegger, “Expen4bles” can boast of Megan Fox, 50 Cent somebody named Jacob Scipio, along with series holdovers Dolph Lundrgren and Randy Couture.

Even throwing in Andy Garcia, that’s a STEEP discount.

The writing is similarly cut-rate. The action climax borrows from several films and mostly resembles a half-assed riff on “Tomorrow Nerver Dies.” There’s not a half-bad joke in it. Just bad ones.

“Take two Xanax and pretend you’re happy with your life!”

Yeah, no wonder the studio folk signing off on dreck like this are dreaming of an AI-generated script future. They can’t tell the difference.

The action beats have a nonsensical excitement to them. The chases are competently shot and edited and the fight scenes still play.

But it’s all so weary and overfamiliar, giving one the sense that many involved stopped trying on the first take or third rewrite. It’s just gassed.

The one thing that intrigued me was a piece of plot illogic the size of “Indiana Jones isn’t really necessary in ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark,'” a bit of script analysis by a “Big Bang Theory” screenwriter that got on the air and entered the cultural debate, driving fanboys and fangirls nuts.

The “solution” to the impending calamity in the long, drawn-out climax to “Expen4bles” is so nakedly obvious we expect everybody or somebody to stop dilly-dallying with a clock literally ticking down towards armageddon and take that the proper measures.

And they don’t.

Throw in the anti-climax of it all, the nonsensical twists, the sure knowledge that Fox, Lundgren, Jaa and especially 50 Cent have never become passable actors and dueling opening scenes — a murderous raid in Libya alternating with a heartlessly violent bar brawl to recover a ring lost fair and square in a bet — and “Expend4bles” becomes the most “Expendable” actionar of the lot.

Rating: R. strong/bloody violence throughout, language and sexual material.

Cast: Jason Statham, Megan Fox, Tony Jaa, Andy Garcia, 50 Cent, Iko Uwais. Randy Couture, Levy Tran, Dolph Lundgren, and Sylvester Stallone.

Credits: Directed by Scott Waugh, scripted by Kurt Wimmer, Tad Daggerhart and Max Adams. A Lionsgate release.

Running time: 1:43

Danville VA. GTC Stadium Cinema.

The Stath, Megan Fox and the gang. On my.

Oscar winner Nic, a workaholic who makes a lot of bad movies just to keep on the road, in characters and out of his own head (he told me as much once) has a real plum, here.

He plays a “nobody” college professor who starts turning up in people’s dreams — lots and lots of people’s dreams.

Julianne Nicholson, Lily Bird, Michael Cera, Tim Meadows and Dylan Baker are just some of the faces we recognize in the supporting cast.

Norwegian writer-director Kristoffer Borgli convinced Cage to sign up, and A24 convinced him to make his English-language satire debut with this one.

Looks dark but kind of adorable.

This prequel is about the punative birth of The Hunger Games, and the last gasp of humanity of the infamous Snow who aged into Donald Sutherland decades later.

Viola Davis, Peter Dinklage and Jason Schwartzman join the Young and Beautiful leads — tormentors and victims.

Interesting city/rural dynamic being set up here, adding more persecution complex and moral grievance to the provinces/”districts” imposed upon them by the big city elites.

Thanksgiving.

Ben Burghart and Jacob Burghart’s “Head Count” has enough wit, smart thriller problem solving and action to make one pass along a hearty “Let’s keep an eye out for what they do next.”

The movie, an expansion of a short they did about a chain gang and a guy who makes his getaway when a beast starts pulling inmates chained together into the brush for devouring, one by one, is pretty much all over the place after that, recreated for the opening here.

It’s a lighthearted dark-underbelly thriller that wastes screen minutes jumping back and forth in time, feeding sometimes superfluous backstory, all the while under-explained scenes, random “gags” and oddly-motivated actions by our hero and others are carried out with a vengeance and often deadly consequences. It’s cluttered and confusing for a movie only a lean 80 minutes long.

But the Burgharts lucked out with their star. Aaron Jakubenko (“TV’s “Tidelands” and “Roman Empire”) would carry this ungainly beast if it could be carried. Charismatic, with a light touch, we can believe he’s done something to put him on a chain gang just as we can believe he’d be the one his ex never gets over.

Cat’s on the world’s only after-dark rural roadside chain gang (!?) when a beast growls, the shocked sheriff and almost-an-idiot deputy (Ryan Kwanten) can’t stop it and Cat ends up stealing a police cruiser and making his get-away into the empty Kansas night.

He’s got a brother (Kyle Dyck) who might help him make his ill-planned getaway, “Saskatoon, Yellow Knife, Alaska, Russia, Santa’s Workshop.” But first he needs to hit the Stockyard, as Jo (Melanie Zanetti) is sure to be there honky tonking. We can guess who she was to him.

But before THAT, the movie has Cat break into the house of a relative for a bath, change of clothes and what not, only to have a couple show up who are NOT related, only to have that couple not be THE married couple you’d expect to find there, the ones who bought the house, but a wife’s nooner interrupted by the angry, big and cuckolded husband.

Bonus points for having the convict trapped under the bed long enough for strangers’ sexual congress to begin over his head, and then joined under the bed by the frantic and dismayed cuckolder, who may wonder how many side pieces this woman has?

The narrative jumps back and forth from a gun-to-his-head moment of truth for Cat, an end result that the picture clumsily takes us to, but not without a clever bit of foreshadowing and a few just random instances of weirdness.

That humiliated deputy is bound to track him down. So are others. But who’s holding the gun?

That opening chain-yank sets us up for a creature feature. That house Cat findself trapped under the bed in has this ultra creepy child-being-punished-staring-into-a-corner statue, another hint of horror.

It’s just a joke, kids.

But all those things considered, and for all of Jakubenko’s roguish screen presence, “Head Count” is decidedly less than the sum of its parts.

Rating: unrated, lots of violence

Cast: Aaron Jakubenko, Melanie Zanetti, Kyle Dyck, Chris Bylsma and Ryan Kwanten.

Credits: Directed by Ben Burghart and Jacob Burghart, scripted by
Ben Burghart, Jacob Burghart and Josh Doke. A Shout! Factory release.

Running time: 1:21

An oddly-dated, obvious and overwrought melodrama about gender roles and the toxic masculinity of Wall Street hedge funders, “Fair Play” is practically a parody of decades of women in the workplace romantic thrillers.

It’s got Phoebe Dynevor of the sexy Shanda soap “Bridgerton” in the Dakota Johnson role, and this festival-hyped feature debut of veteran serial TV writer (“Ballers”) and TV director Chloe Domont (“Shooter”) arrives at a moment when its timeless” gender-role” and glass ceiling issues could have renewed urgency.

But there’s not a subtle or particularly original moment in it. It starts over-the-top, and trots out every “ill-advised” workplace relationship cliche in print or on film in a film of bigger and more epic in-the-office tantrums, eye-rolling HR/Federal EEO violations and theatrical “I’m Mrs. Norman Maine” era throw-it-all away with alcohol-fueled immaturity tropes.

If you don’t find it a little funny, you’re not seeing co-star Alden Ehrenreich give a Judy Garland turn in a non-musical Douglas Sirk slap at dated mores and attitudes about male insecurity measured by a paycheck, you must be Ms. Domont.

Two stock analyists with a longstanding relationship show us a little affection and a lot of carefully guarded efforts to keep their “against company policy” coupling secret in opening scenes that lower the stakes a lot earlier than intended.

Emily (Dynevor) and Luke (Ehrenreich, of “Solo” and “Cocaine Bear”) make moon-eyed ” I wish we could tell the whole world” pronouncements. But while we see a hint of “smitten” from her, the relationship is um “painted” in sex scene cliches as they go at it in yet another slammed-against-the-wall/sex-in-a-bar-bathroom moment in the middle of a wedding celebration for Luke’s brother.

The fact that a woman director conceives this as shorthand for “our great love” and not parody is funny in itself.

“Over the top” begins with the “time of the month” nature of this impulse, and can only have “You look like you slaughtered a chicken” punchline. That’s the film’s lone amusing moment. But as the story marches straight into their “first real test,” we feel little heat, and little of love and tenderness in all this. If there’s chemistry in the couple, its chilly. Maybe it’s their line or work.

That “test” comes in their high-pressure/high-end “boiler room” of a workplace, where lowly analysts like them slave for credit-thieving PMs (portfolio managers), all at the pleasure of the their One Great Capital boss, Campbell, given owlish inscrutability that turns reptillian ruthless by the great Eddie Marsan, in the film’s best performance.

We witness a post-firing meltdown for the ages, watched with morbid, unconcerned curiosity by the room full or predators and wannabe-predators. Emily hears office gossip that Luke must be the choice to replace the PM who melts down, but almost the moment she passes that hopeful news on to her just-gave-her-a-ring fiance, we know it’s wrong.

Emily is confident, at ease and sharp and has the boss’s eye. She gets the promotion. And as he hears the whispers about “what she must have done” to get it from the piggish pack that they work in, he wonders, too.

After all, no over-achiever in a skirt from Long Island ever gets ahead in Bro-World without that, their limited thinking dictates.

“Fair Play” is about Luke’s feigned support and instant sense of emasculation, crawling into the bottle as his wife-to-be hustles to be the “star” her boss expects, with her offering to help Luke get the promotion he has built his life around and trotting through a parade of cliches, from Luke’s “not into it” sexual withdrawal to her “make it rain at the strip club” just to fit in with “The Boys” coming out.

Honestly, there’s not an original thought here, although Domont finds a few shades on well-worn tropes — what Emily discovers about Luke’s office rep, for instance. What Luke’s mindset lets him think about Emily seems a “Greed is good” era Wall Street movie cliche. And the wan love story has laughable “A Star is Born” attitudes trotted out as a straw man for Domont to swat around, as if this cultural debate doesn’t date from “Desk Set” to “Working Girl” and she just “discovered” it.

There’s suspense in how ugly this will all get as Domont serves up bigger and bigger meltdowns, teases us with Emily’s wheels-turning machinations to sabotage rivals and assist her future husband to create peace in the marriage-to-be.

Dynevor does her best to humanize Emily’s response to this threat to what she sees as her “traditional” future happiness. But Domont is more interested in sex as shorthand for “love” that turns to “violence” than presenting a great romance “shattered” in ways these movies and TV have covered for decades and that we all see coming.

Every generation discovers anew the work/family balance struggle, so that’s fair ground to cover. In an America in the midst of a renewed “war against women,” it’s timely to revisit this workplace dynamic with a Gen Z eye. But you’re kind of obligated to let on you’ve done more than watch other movies and television dramas on the subject so you can recycle the most extreme moments moments in a bid to go further and further over the top with them.

There’s veiled moralizing about what repellent creatures these hedge fund folk are without a hint of judgment about the work they do, incorrigible gamblers who traffic in gossip as “inside information” to place their next economy-buffeting “bets.”

But any movie that parks a woman in their midsts and has her drinking and strip-clubbing to fit in, that has our over-the-moon Romeo switch off and crawl into the bottle in a flash, all because his not-yet-wife is making a lot more money than he is, and isn’t simply sending those weary cliches up isn’t worth the hype.

Any movie that dares to make sex in yet another public pub restroom “romantic,” at this late date, is laughable.

Any movie that doesn’t think casting an actual “Mad Men” man (Rich Sommer) as a cutthroat upper exec isn’t as unsurprising as everything else seems ill-considered.

And any movie where, to paraphrase Chris Rock, you think Alden Ehrenreich “is the answer,” well come on.

Rating: R for pervasive language, sexual content, some nudity, and sexual violence

Cast: Phoebe Dynevor, Alden Ehrenreich, Sebastian de Souza, Rich Sommer and Eddie Marsan.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Chloe Domont. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:53

“Cutesie” does battle with “sentimental” in the feather-light romance “Love at First Sight,” basically a Netflix-financed 90 minutge excuse to pair up Haley Lu Richardson with Ben Hardy and have them lose each other in rainy, wintry London.

It’s a romance-novel of a script filled with fate and coincidences, mathematical probabilties, attraction and tragedy, explained away by an omniscient and omni-present (in many guises) narrator.

“Cute” becomes “cutesie.” But after an insipid and unamusing start, “Sight” rallies as it takes on more serious subjects, giving Richardson (“Five Feet Apart,””White Lotus”) and Hardy (he was drummer Roger Taylor in “Bohemian Rhapsody”) a chance to shine.

“Hadley” is often late, which is how she misses her pre-holiday flight to the UK from JFK. But that’s OK. Because that fellow who just offered hapless Hadley his phone-charging cord is easy on the eyes.

She’s in college, he’s studying statistics and “maths” at Yale, and after that missed flight, coincidences by the score align to put these two together on the same flight, on the same row, an hours-long “first date” that includes two means and “a cheesy rom-com.”

Which airlines carry Netflix? I forget.

They get separated in London, with her dashing off to her father’s (Rob Delaney) second wedding and him off to a public family event with theatrical mum (Sally Phillips) and dad (Dexter Fletcher).

But at every turn, there’s our narrator, giver-of-odds and fate-intervenes queen, played by Jameela Jamil as a flight attendant, customs officer, bus driver, wedding bartender and several other costumes.

She’s forever reciting stats about how many people are on plane, how many wedding guests spoke, wore hats (“48”) or were moved to tears (31%).

Veteran TV director Vanessa Caswell fights a losing battle with “cloying” much of the time. But the emotional stuff resonates, the leads are charming and engaging and the setting is London, where no one in her right mind would ditch bridesmaids heels and go barefoot in the rain a couple of days before Christmas because the average temperature, according to statistics, is 48 degrees.

And if I’ve done my job right, the praise and pounding of this innoccuous picture have balanced out to a statistical “mixed bag” review. Which “Love at first Sight” most decidedly earns.

Rating: PG-13, a little profanity

Cast: Haley Lu Richardson, Ben Hardy, Jameela Jamil, Katrina Nare, Sally Phillips, Dexter Fletcher and Rob Delaney.

Credits: Directed by Vanessa Caswill, scripted by Katie Lovejoy and Jennifer E. Smith. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:31

Asante Blackk plays an artist of the Bronx streets who might find a more productive outlet for his efforts thanks to a stranger.

Luis Guzman has been one of the finest character actors of his generation, and it’s always nice when a plan like this part comes his way.

Sept.29.

Context is everything when it comes to “political thrillers,” especially “controversial” ones.

“The Prisoner” is a war-of-wills tale set and filmed in the early days of The Cold War. Lauded by the British Film Academy (BAFTAs), banned at Cannes and the Venice Film Festivals, it serves up old fashioned British anti-communism and even older fashioned British Catholic bashing in basically a two person “talking heads” story of a Catholic Cardinal facing official denunciation and trial in an unnamed communist country.

Let me guess, in Venice they resented the Catholic bashing and in Cannes they fretted over the way communist totalitarianism was depicted.

What recommends this film, based on a play by Bridgette Boland and reduced to something of an historical artifact today, is the two actors locked in that idealogical/psychological struggle — Alec Guinness and Jack Hawkins. They are subtle actors taking a shot at humanizing archetypes.

What works against the film is almost everything else — the staginess, the arch speech making, the political/religious archetypes, and the exceptionally corny not-quite “love story” tacked onto it, between a guard (Ronald Lewis) and a woman (Jeanette Sterke) desperate to escape West to reunite with her husband, who fled.

The Cardinal (Guinness) is about to say mass, in Latin, when a note is passed into his open prayerbook.

“The police are here to arrest you.”

The crowded cathedral has spies in it. But this cardinal is unshaken. He worked with “The Resistance” in the war. He was tortured by Nazis. He is a major public figure. Communist goons don’t scare him.

But he is arrested after mass, and this doctor turned lawyer (Hawkins) is to be his official interrogator, the one handing him a confession to sign.

“I imagine this is more awkward for you than it is for me,” he tells his persecutor. “I am difficult to trap and impossible to persuade.”

He knows why he is here, but it is articulated for him. Priests are “more dangerous than politicians….You represent a religion which provides an organization outside The State.”

This confession, this interrogation, this show trial and this process are about a “monument” that “must be defaced,” in the eyes of the communist state.

The “enemy of society” is to be prodded, cajoled, debated and interrogated — because the Cardinal is “tolerably” immune “to physical pain.”

Hawkins’ Interrogator is feeling the pressure of the party general secretary (Kenneth Griffth) as this ordeal drags on and method after method is tried to “break” the man. A somewhat sympathetic guard (Wilfrid Lawson) can’t do much of anything to make the Cardinal’s imprisonment more tolerable.

And time passes as the two men struggle, play semantic games and look for lapses in each other’s logic, moral authority and human decency. We see people outside the prison, sitting in cafes reading the “wrong” newspaper, which was “just banned” and shuttered “this morning.”

I’m a big fan of the leads, and Guinness and Hawkins do what they can with it. But the heavy-handedness of the parable, the obvious and unsatisfying finale and that not-entirely-pointless-but-close “love story” beat “The Prisoner,” and the viewer into submission.

And by “beat” I mean “bore.”

There have been much better interview/interrogation thrillers this rather stagebound, flatly-directed, unemotional “message” wrapped in black and white celluloid.

But in its day…

Rating: “approved”

Cast: Alec Guinness, Jack Hawkins, Wilfrid Lawson, Jeanette Sterke, Ronald Lewis and Kenneth Griffith.

Credits: Directed by Peter Glenville, scripted by Bridgitte Boland, based on her play. A Columbia release on Tubi, Youtube, Amazon, etc.

Running time: 1:31