You scroll through your Amazon Prime queue and notice that there’s an Emma Roberts comedy called “Space Cadet,” a film that she just made it and that it’s not some project you missed from her teens and 20s (she’s 33).
You remember she was Ms. Perky Blonde in the past, and see that spitfire Gabrielle Union is a co-star. You notice that “News Radio” alum and UFO buff Dave Foley plays a NASA administrator.
But whatever your curiosity, your glance at the running time makes you ponder how anybody got a 110 minute movie about sending Emma Roberts to what is, in essence a “SpaceCamp” reboot.
You’re right to wonder. This latest feature from TV producer (“Cold Case”) turned writer-director Liz W. Garcia (Remember Kristen Bell as “The Lifeguard?”) stumbles as much as it dawdles, and it dawdles — a lot.
It takes an hour for the first laughs to show up in this tale of a one-time academic high flyer who got hijacked by life and ended up a too-cute Cocoa Beach barmaid (“MixOLOGIST”) who gets one last shot at her NASA dreams.
And yes, somebody calling her character the ultimate “Florida Gal” insult (“Floribama”) is one of those laughs.
And yes, after a brief burst of life, Garcia’s script settles into a “SpaceCamp” meets “Gravity” third act that is as dumb as it sounds.
But Roberts, who has talked of quitting acting more than once, hurls herself at this role with “legs,” as Susan Sarandon used to call such parts. Bikini bottoms, belly shirts, beaded braids, Roberts dresses to impress as a free spirit whose bestie (Poppy Liu of TV’s “Hacks,” the life of the party here) lies on her application for astronaut training.
That’s how Tiffany “Rex” Simpson gets into Houston’s astronaut testing pool. That’s where the high-school-obvious smarts that were supposed to take her to Ga. Tech might not be enough to get her past the science, flying and math it takes to make the cut for astronauts ready to try and reach Mars.
And that’s where smarter/legit-candidate roomie Violet Marie (Kuhoo Verma of “Plan B.”) discovers her secret and makes her that quid pro quo deal — science coaching in exchange for…
“I need to get in shape.”
“And you’ve seen my butt?”
Union and Tom Hopper play NASA training program directors, one of whom Rex isn’t shy about hitting on. A lot.
As Rex tries to bond with her much-more-qualified applicant/competitors, only one stands out from the pack, the hard-driving ER doc (Desi Lydic) and mother of four. Cross her and she’ll drop a “Floribama” on you every time.
There’s also that one high school classmate (Sebastián Yatra) who took the MIT hard-working nerd’s route and made himself accomplished, rich and famous, running a space tourism spaceflight business.
The movie’s timing could be better, with NASA having quality control issues with a spacecraft currently in orbit and space tourism and one space entrepreneur in particular giving democracy a hard time, and paying for it.
But that’s the grim reality of life outside the escape of a movie.
Roberts and Union pull out the stops trying to find laughs in this script, mostly failing. Scene after unoriginal scene drags on the picture — a karaoke montage with no singing, until Roberts’ Rex dives into Counting Crows’ “Mister Jones” — sucking it right out of orbit.
Only Liu’s spirited impersonations of various “references” which NASA gets around to checking come close to clicking. And that’s not enough or all that original, either.
Foley? He’s out there. Somewhere. Barely.
Rating: PG-13, profanity, boozing
Cast: Emma Roberts, Tom Hopper, Gabrielle Union, Poppy Liu, Kuhoo Verma, Desi Lydic, Sam Robards, Yasha Jackson, Sebastián Yatra and Dave Foley
Credits: Scripted and directed by Liz W. Garcia. An MGM/Amazon Prime release.
Running time: 1:50






It is really bad isn’t it! I still haven’t got round to my review yet.