Snort.
Snort.

“Svaha: The Sixth Finger,” is what happens when a fairly straightforward horror tale is rendered convoluted by sidebars, detours and distractions. The end product is labored and drawn-out, losing the thread here and there and lacking the urgency to become compelling.
But as a disclaimer, I can pretty much guarantee you’re going to have an easier time getting through Jae-hyun Jang’s film, set among the competing faiths and “fake” faiths of South Korea and built around an intrepid debunker/investigator, Pastor Park.
For starters, the phonetic spelling of names on the subtitling is far removed from the way they’re spelled out on the Internet Movie Database. A character or two goes by more than one name, and as the cast is largely unknown in the West, well there’s a lot of time wasted tracking down who is playing whom.
Since it’s from the director of “The Priests,” it’s almost worth the trouble.
A teenage girl (Lee Jae-in) narrates. When she was born, Geum-hwa says,
“the goats wailed,” her mother died and Dad didn’t last for long either, and she arrived with one leg badly gnawed while she was in utero.
“A demon was born with me,” she says (in Korean, with English subtitles). That was back in 1999. And in the intervening years (the setting is 2014), wherever she, her grandparents and her “demon twin” live, dogs howl, rats flee, serpents congregate and birds hurl themselves at windows.
Nobody sees the twin, which wails like a scalded dog and is locked behind a door emblazoned with a cross. The film’s prologue includes a sort of cattle exorcism, and an exorcist chased away when he and a posse of locals show up to roust this new-family-in-town from their house.
In the present day, Pastor Park (Jung-jae Lee) is a media figure and journalist dedicated to unmasking phony religions. He’s a chain-smoking hipster who wears a crucifix and drives a Beemer, and with his under-cover aid Go Joseph (David Lee), he investigates cults, heretical strains of Buddhism, Catholicism, Adventists and (apparently) Methodists and publishes his findings in assorted religious magazines.
On occasion he consults in person with leaders of this or that organized religion, warning them of the con artists, pyramid schemers and Doomsday Cultists in their ranks.
His Far Eastern Religion Research Institute gets by on donations and the occasional headline-grabbing scandal as he seeks out false prophets.
The false prophets tend to get pissed. When we meet Pastor Park, he’s being egged by women in nun’s habits chanting “Stop your witch hunt!”
Pastor Park gets on the trail of this Deer Hill cult, which has its roots in Buddhism, claims to have an impossibly old leader, and dogma that relates to the wandering history of The Buddha and his religion.
The practitioners of this cult have a connection to the girl and her demon twin. There’s a sign, a “sixth finger,” that its members are on the lookout for.
And one acolyte, a blond true believer named Hang na and renamed Gwangbok (Jung-min Park) is on the trail of the wandering Geum-hwa, her demon twin and her family.
A cop (Jin-young Jung) is stumbling into strange goings on, a child buried inside a concrete bridge abutment, and Pastor Park. But Chief Hwang is a “Nothing to this, nothing to see here” skeptic.
They’re ostensibly all headed towards a dramatic climax one snowy Christmas Eve, somewhere in South Korea.
Jae-hyun Jang reaches for a goofy tone, here and there — the office work of a “church police” X-Files investigator, Nespresso gags, Mr. Go debunking his debunker boss’s theories of nefarious or at least “obscene” goings-on in this or that sect, etc.
But when the cultists self-flagellate, when Hang na and whoever is following his orders begin their “Beast will be born again” and “Wipe your tears and behold the truth” incantation, “Svaha” turns deathly serious and the stakes rise.
We rarely see this side of South Korea, away from the biggest cities, covered not just in the rainy grey gloom of “The Host,” but in snow-covered forests. The movies has a lovely chill about its look, with or without snow.
Pastor Park’s “investigation” leads him to others who give him insights into Buddhist tradition and myth — the Four Heavenly Kings, for instance.
The punch line to much of this, that the skeptic becomes a believer in that “Truth is out there” sense, is muddled, and the picture never gains much traction, tumbling to and fro among the assorted story threads.
Even the ostensibly “satisfying” horror film finale feels muted, like a cheat.
It’s not “The Priests,” but I’m still glad I took the time to check it out, and as I said, you might get more out of it than me. But measuring “Svaha: The Sixth Finger” against the tried and true “rules” and tropes of horror, Jae-hyun Jang ‘s latest comes up a finger or two short.

MPAA Rating: TV-14
Cast:Jung-min Park , Jung-jae Lee, Lee Jae-in , Ji-tae Yu, David Lee, Jin-young Jung
Credits: Directed by Jae-hyun Jang, script by Kang Full and Jae-hyun Jang. A CJ Entertainment/Netflix release.
Running time: 2:04
Yeah, you’re seeing “Playdate” as “Just added” or “trending” on your streaming video menu.
Might you — I — WE — have missed a good fright, not catching this 2012 (or 2014) title when it came out?
The short answer? “No.” The confirmation? “Playdate” is — shudder — “A Lifetime Original Movie.”
But let’s not allow bad branding to make this an utter write off. Let’s give it the consideration feature-length movie any thriller is due.
It’s a “There’s something weird about the new neighbors” tale.
Emily (Marguerite Moreau) may sense it, start putting together the clues.
Husband Brian (Richard Ruccolo) dismisses her concerns as “cabin fever.” The old ball’n chain is going stir crazy after taking a leave of absence from work to “re-connect” with her family.
Emily’s “Maybe there’s something going on” gets a “Maybe somebody’s over-reacting” from Brian. He’s just happy there’s a twenyish son, Titus (Julien Dean Lacroix) to help him get his ’64 Mustang project car up and running.
Emily and Brian’s daughter Olive (Natalie Alyn Lind) is grateful to have a new playmate, even though mop-topped neighbor kid Billy (Aidan Potter) is creepy, plays “blood brother” games with knives and repeats a nursery rhyme his mom, Tamara (Abby Brammell) says, a little too often for comfort.
Ladybug! Ladybug!
Fly away home.
Your house is on fire.
And your children all gone.
And there you have it, our heroine can see what nobody else wants to hear about — especially not her husband or the male cop called in after a break-in that Tamara’s boys ended with a baseball bat.
All that’s left is setting things in motion. A little INDUSTRIAL GRADE foreshadowing — “This is our dog, Hunter!” And what do guys who work on cars sometimes have to do?
Titus — that NAME — keeps his hair over his eyes. He’s got to be up to no good.
And that little boy who fell off a cliff in the opening teaser scene? Who was he?
“Playdate” is a blandly predictable tale, from Emily’s “Sport Maternity Vehicle” (Volvo SUV), the “Little Boxes” of “Weeds” suburbia, to the vague stranger who dodges even the simplest questions when you show up (bringing your Irish Setter) to introduce yourself.
“Where are you from?
“East.”
We know everything that’s coming, and Moreau and Brammell’s best efforts can’t hide it.
From “Has anybody seen Hunter?” to “I’d rather have roses on my table than diamonds around my neck,” to the inevitable — “You’re being stupid. “Being stupid gets people HURT.”
This isn’t the worst thriller I’ve seen of late. But the ending that comes after all those predictable twists and turns and action beats is so thoroughly botched that you’ll feel cheated.
I know I did.

MPAA Rating: TV-14
Cast: Marguerite Moreau, Richard Ruccolo, Abby Brammell, Natalie Alyn Lind, Aidan Potter
Credits: Directed by Andrew C. Erin, script by Kraig X Wenman. A Johnson Production Group release.
Running time: 1:25

Yes, Craig is healed up enough to continue filming. Fingers crossed!
Yes, we are spending stupid amounts of time making our “choice,” and we’re not even bothering to check the “New to Netflix” (Hulu, Amazon Prime, etc.) menu.
The upshot? Thousands of choices and we’re still letting Big Network/Streaming service pick FOR us. Just like the 70s, only now they’re using algorithms to “anticipate” what we want to see next, which is what jumps on screen before the credits of the last thing we watched have passed.
So…This is why I review Netflix releases aplenty, and Amazon on occasion, and HBO. Because all this “choice” is overloading us all. And lots of what they’re creating or picking up on the cheap to steam — documentaries, et al — are crap.
Via Deadline.com and A.C. Nielsen.
“Streaming Overload? Nielsen Report Finds Average Viewer Takes 7 Minutes To Pick What To Watch; Just One-Third Bother To Check Menu” https://t.co/P6c5IutZ0m https://t.co/J5lftjmyj4 https://twitter.com/DEADLINE/status/1145634547779829760?s=17

In a previous life in newspapering, I’d often profile stand-up comics, sometimes hanging out with them between sets at a local club.
They’d give ruthless, off-the-record play-by-play commentary on the other comics as they went through their routines. And when things went bad, these comics, to a one, would say — “Oooo, dying DYING, ‘d–k joke! D–k JOKE!'”
It was and remains comedy’s lowest common denominator, a reference that never fails to land as a zinger, drawling belly-laughs from the great unwashed.
There are two laugh-out-loud moments in the tame Spanish comedy “A pesar de todo,” which translates as “Despite Everything.”
Both involve a libidinous artist, played by Carlos Bardem, Javier Bardem’s older brother. And both are sight gags of the male member, something a painter who specializes in nudes works into any self-portrait he paints, because he can’t add it to the many, many naked women he’s painted over the decades.
Si, the character Pablo lands laughs with, as the Spaniards say, a “broma de la polla.”
“Despite Everything,” in Spanish with English subtitles, is about four sisters who are sent on “a scavenger hunt” for their biological father after their mother’s death.
Mom, played by Marisa Parades, an alumna of several Pedro Almodódar, tells her girls her big secret in one of those video farewells that serve as “wills” only in the movies.
“Pedro is not your biological father.”
Their dad (Juan Diego) has a few screws loose, something exacerbated by the funeral. He cannot know. But they cannot collect their inheritance from mom until they “find out who your father is yourselves.”
She gives them names, via her lawyer, and the four pile into a car — reluctantly hurled together on this quest none of them wants to undertake.
They’re all stylish, striking, liberated Spanish women, and this is “a bad joke” to each and every sister.
Sara (Blanca Suárez) is a TV news magazine editor living in New York, who left behind Dad’s favorite TV actor (Maxi Iglesias), also Dad’s favorite among her old boyfriends when she moved away.
But “Dad” isn’t her real father, and she’s not interested in renewing the relationship with Alejandro, the star of TV’s My Life Without You,” so she’s got time to interrogate potential biological fathers.
Lucia (Macarena García) is the youngest, vivacious and so sexy that she can only get her fill in threesomes.
Sofia (Amaia Salamanca) is a lip-pierced lesbian artist who’s not told the others about her girlfriend of one year. lejandro’s show “My Life Without You”
And Claudia (Belén Cuesta) hasn’t revealed that her husband left her months ago, and that she’s medicated to the gills as a coping mechanism.
Argentine co-writer/director Gabriela Tagliavini uses a few actresses from Almodóvar’s Madrid repertory company, but a filmmaker whose biggest hit was “Cómo cortar a tu patán” (“How to Break Up With Your Douchebag”) isn’t operating on the same level as Mr. “Women in the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.”
The lack of subtlety isn’t an issue, but if you can’t wring laughs out of prospective papas who include a blind priest, maybe it is.
Tagliavani stages car-ride sing-alongs, which follow the shared “peace pop” (marijuana) and accompany the sibling rivalry — Which sister has it worst? — banter of the drives.
The sister/actresses each have a little to play with, but can’t make sangria out of a script that left out the wine.
Bardem is the first prospective dad they visit and earns the most promising character and best lines — “I don’t believe in science,” “Death and I don’t get along” and “Your mother was a being of light.”
“Oh, Carmen! She makes me laugh from the afterlife!”
But even his scenes aren’t hilarious, save for the giggling schoolboy penis jokes I mentioned earlier. And nothing that follows has even that much life.
Tagliavini scored some of the sexiest sirens of Spanish language cinema for “Despite Everything,” but all she’s done for them is make them “Women on the Verge of Being in a Funnier Movie.”

MPAA Rating: TV-MA, sex, painted nudes, pot use and profanity
Cast: Blanca Suárez, Macarena García, Amaia Salamanca, Belén Cuesta, Maxi Iglesias, Carlos Bardem
Credits: Directed by Gabriela Tagliavini, script by Eugene B. Rhee, Helena Rhee, Gabriela Tagliavini A Netflix release.
Running time: 1:18

Actually, $17 means The Beatles musical outperformed projections, which had it only scaring up $14 million on its opening weekend.
No “Lonely Hearts Club Band” laments for that one, indifferent reviews or not.
“Annabelle Comes Home” hit its mark of $30-$33 square in the middle.
It opened Wednesday and has already passed, by millions, the total take of “Child’s Play: The Reboot.” Sorry Chucky.
“Toy Story 4” still has a robust per screen average — over $12k in every theater showing it. It fell well below the $60-$64 million it was projected to make on its second weekend.
“Aladdin” flew past $300 million.
The re release of those greedy “Avengers” pulled in another $5.5. Nope. Not beating “Avatar” for global all time record any time soon. “Force Awakens” for the all time domestic? Not today.
An Oscar winner is protesting big oil’s involvement with Britain’s most esteemed theatre company.
He doesn’t just play men of principle on stage and screen.
The trailwrs to this one have delighted from the first, which aired during the Super Bowl? Am I remembering that right?
They changed their release date, moving into Jason Statham Territory — August, shark movie season.
Still looks like fun.