Movie Nation

Natalie Morales and Mark Duplass co-wrote and co-star this September comedy (Morales directed) about a Spanish teacher and her semi-goof of a student.

Geuss who plays which role?

Hey, I laughed.

“Old” begins as mysterious, creepy and filled with the foreboding — that sense that some “gotcha” is coming — that is M. Night Shyamalan’s brand.

Immaculate camera compositions, a beautiful but forbidding isolated beach location in a digitally-augmented Dominican Republic maintain the edgy and elegiac mood of this sci-fi fantasy meditation on aging.

Well, that’s what it aims to be, right up to the most laughably clumsy “explainer” of a third act that Shyamalan has ever served up.

“Old,” adapted from a French graphic novel, has a “Six Characters in Search of an Author” (Pirandello) or “Five Characters in Search of an Exit” (Serling) set-up. As our disparate collection of strangers — eight adults and three children — struggle with the supernatural trap they find themselves in, we see their characters and their weaknesses, physical and mental.

And little by little, they lose pieces of the lives they’ve lived and the bodies they’ve enjoyed. Their world and their experience of it shrinks and is overwhelmed with loss. Because that’s what getting “old” does to you.

Our anchor family is the married couple Prisca (Vicky Krieps of “The Last Vermeer” and “Phantom Thread”) and insurance actuarial Guy (Gael Garcia Bernal), their precocious six-year old son Trent (Nolan River) and tweenage daughter Maddox (Alexa Swinton). Prisca, a historical museum curator, found this “version of paradise” resort on the Internet.

As a little something extra, they’re dropped off at this remote, almost inaccessible beach by a not-helpful-enough driver (M. Night’s cameo). Another couple, a surgeon (Rufus Sewell) and his self-aware trophy wife (Abby Lee), his elderly mother and their tiny daughter, are with them.

And they’re joined by another couple — psychotherapist Patricia (Nikki Amuka-Bird) and her nurse-husband Jiran (Ken Leung).

The man who was already there when they all arrived, brooding in the shade of the cliff? Young Maddox IDs him as Mid-Sized Sedan Aaron Pierre), a rapper.

When the skinny-dipping blonde who came with Me. Sedan to this beach turns up as a floating corpse, their idyll is interrupted. And just as the doctor is revealing himself as paranoid, actuary Guy is calculating the “odds” of the accident that must have killed her and everybody is figuring out that there’s no cell service here, Prisca shouts “Could you take a look at my son?”

Her boy has aged…years. Her daughter is busting out of her tween swimsuit. And when anyone tries to dash out to call for help, they black out. Someone or something is keeping them here, and days are passing in seconds, years in a matter of hours.

The veteran Brit Sewell (last seen in “Judy” and “The Father” and “The Man in the High Castle”) always makes a good villain, Bernal (“The Motorcycle Diaries”) shows off his vulnerability and Krieps impresses as a wife trying to adjust to an alarming new reality in the middle of an old reality that was about to tear her world apart.

There are semi-intentional laughs as the three children age into their hormonal years (Alex Wolff, Thomasin McKenzie and Eliza Scanlan step in the roles), but Shyamalan (“Sixth Sense,” Signs,” “The Village”) does a good job of keeping the viewer in the moment, not leaving much dead time for us to ponder just what the hell it is we’re witnessing here.

And then he has to go and “explain” it all, breaking the spell and ruining the illusion, the elegy and any sense of profundity that this thriller with horrific touches has the pretense to aspire to.

MPA Rating: PG-13 for strong violence, disturbing images, suggestive content, partial nudity and brief strong language

Cast: Gael Garcia Bernal, Thomasin McKenzie, Vicky Krieps, Rufus Sewell, Nikki Amuka-Bird, Ken Leung, Abby Lee, Aaron Pierre, Embeth Davidtz, Francesca Eastwood and Alex Wolff

Credits: Scripted and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, based on a graphic novel by Pierre-Oscar Lévy and Frederick Peeters A Universal release.

Running time: 1:48

“Cosmic Sin” is a fine example of how much science fiction you can put on the screen these days, even after paying Frank Grillo and Bruce Willis took most of your budget.

It’s not a “fine example” of anything else.

A 500 years in the future “first contact” alien war tale, it’s more or less the worst shoot-em-up video game you’ve ever played.

And Willis? He’s a disgraced military leader, an exemplar of “It takes a monster to kill a monster” rationalization.

“The old suit’s a little tight,” his scientist ex (Perrey Reeves) notes.

“Needs a little more paint, just like me,” General Ford (Willis) cracks.

That’s about it for his “performance” here. His character is summoned as the only man ever to use “the Q-bomb” on a civilian population, during wars against rebellious Earth colonies years ago.

The Q-Bomb? The same one that Dr. Kokintz invented in the 1950s Cold War satire “The Mouse that Roared?” No? I digress.

Aliens who take possession of human hosts are the target here. That saves money on CGI and alien makeup. A little Goth pancake, Johnny Depp black hair-dye, and we’re good.

“Mankind mastered ballistics, their species mastered biology” Dr. Lea (Reeves) reasons.

“Everything’s gonna be OK. The good guys are here, now.” Sure, we’re buying it.

I like the quasi-“Blade Runner” future that director and co-writer Edward Drake and his designers cooked up. Robot bartenders, holographic honky tonk bands on a digital stage, “quantum gates” and “Iron Army” soldiers all suited up like Iron Man, zipping through space and hitting the beaches on faraway planets to bring the fight to the enemy in Operation Cosmic Sin.

Then there’s the fact that everybody’s still packing semi-automatic pistols and Grillo’s General Ryle still drives an F-150 — in 2524.

The dialogue is still riddled “It is what it is,” meaning sports radio nerd Mike Greenberg must still be on the air.

Combat jargon is of the “Do you think aliens have music? Will they pay my bar-tab?” and “Let’s go merc some aliens” variety.

“Let nobody accuse you of being a poet.” Exactly.

And in a career steadily more weighed down with embarrassing credits, Willis squints occasionally to prove that he’s not actually sleep-walking through this.

MPA Rating: R for language including some sexual references, and violence

Cast: Frank Grillo, Bruce Willis, Perrey Reeves, Brandon Thomas Lee, Corey Large, C.J. Perry and Costas Mandylor

Credits: Directed by Edward Drake, script by Edward Drake, Corey Large. A Saban Films release on Netflix.

Running time: 1:28

Two couples pal up in Mexico, get awkward when they come back home. This is an August 27 “dumping ground” release. No wonder Cena is putting on his wrasslin’ togs again.

Maddie Hasson, Annabelle Wallis and Nichole Briana star in “Saw” man Wan’s latest “universe” expander and potential franchise, a Sept. 10 release.

“Kandisha” is not your run-of-the-mill demonic assault thriller.

No movie that summons up a burka-clad Moroccan demon to avenge herself on toxic masculinity, that depicts animal sacrifice and an Imam performing an Islamic exorcism could be. Of course it’s French and yes. it’s a bit “out there.”

The co-directors of “Leatherface,” Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury, have conjured up a “Candyman” and “Exorcist” mashup set in the immigrant-packed projects of suburban Paris. It’s novel enough to be fascinating, even if that doesn’t overcome the rather humdrum deaths and the emotionally flat performances that are supposed to be its beating heart.

Good friends Bintou (Suzy Bemba), Amélie (Mathilde Lamusse) and Morjana (Samarcande Saadi) are off for the summer, which means more time for bonfires, hanging out with boys at the pub, and for their passion — graffiti. They sign their “tags” with their initials, “BAM.”

But Amélie has this violent ex-boyfriend who pummels her one night as she’s walking home. It’s a brutal fight which she escapes with his a bloody nose.

They’d been tagging the interior of one battered building that turned up a covered-up piece of art titled “Kandisha.” Islamic Morjana describes this Moroccan legend, “the ghost of a beautiful woman who destroys men (in French with English subtitles).” That night, Amélie decides to summon her.

And damned if Farid isn’t finished off in an “accident.”

Pretty much everything that follows earns that criticism, “emotionally flat.” Amélie may go a bit wide-eyed when she first sees the demoness, and the third act confrontations give the players the chance to show us how scared they’re supposed to be.

For the most part, we’re as underwhelmed as the actors are when this ex-beau or that friend or relative is summarily murdered by the towering, hooved demon (Mériem Sarolie) dressed like a harem dancer.

The novelty of the Islamic nature of the “help” our trio turn to, with a reluctant rector (Walid Afkir) finally letting them see the one Imam who knows a little something about exorcisms holds our interest.

But aside from a moment here and there, we get little commitment from our star trio. What should be wrenching all along the way is mainly momentary grief, guilt or fear.

For us to buy in, the leads have to buy in. They don’t.

MPA Rating: unrated, graphic violence, smoking, profanity

Cast: Suzy Bemba, Mathilde Lamusse, Félix Glaux-Delporto, Samarcande Saadi and Walid Afkir.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury. A Shudder streaming release.

Running time: 1:24

Kids grow up…so fast.

Especially when they’re on the wrong beach without sunblock, or whatever the hell it is that’s aging them with or without SPF80.

“A Perfect Fit” is a light, schmaltzy Indonesian romance about superstitions and shoes.

A shoe designer and a fashion blogger meet cute, but seem destined to marry wealthier, bullying partners who offer security and a lot of stress. What’s it going to take to pair these two up?

Yes, it’s cute enough to make your teeth ache. There’s no edge to it, the picture’s respectul tone means it doesn’t wring many laughs out of every time someone hands someone else a tiny palm leaf and orders her to “spin around three times, or advise that “People who had bad luck are in need of a breath that’s new.”

A “cleansing” it is!

Will these two ever get it together or find a “perfect fit?” As Saski quips in her blog, “The journey pf a thousand miles begins with a fabulous pair of shoes!”

Saski (Nadya Arina), an upbeat fashion blogger with a sickly mother (Ayu Laksmi) who is deep into Lontar, the palm scriptures of the ancients. That’s why Saski is marching towards the altar with the handsome, rich bully boy Deni (Giorgino Abraham). That’s also why she lets herself get arm-twisted into having her fortune told.

The spiritualist tells her which fabrics “repel bad energy,” and foretells “You will find a new path to travel on.” Here, take this “spell” with you, and ignore it at your own peril.

And despite Saski’s insistence that “life’s not some movie with a silly prophecy that has to be fulfilled,” she lets BFF Anda (Laura Theux) talk her into it.

That’s what puts her in the not-yet-opened shoe shop, Shoes With Love, where hunky Rio (Refal Hady) presides. He’s Mister “Those don’t suit you” about the shoes she picks out, and offers his interpretation on what she needs, what suits and what will work.

“You can tell what a person is like by their shoes,” he opines (in Indonesian with subtitles, or dubbed into English). Shoes determine “fate,” he suggests, making way too much eye contact, then telling Saski “You’re staring at me. Please don’t. You might fall in love.”

That there is Bali’s best pick-up line ever.

“As someone whose days are filled with shoes, my heart is always a step ahead.”

That should settle it. Except his mother is anxious that he link up with childhood friend and ruthless shoe out-sourceress Tiara (Anggika Bolsterli). She’s just as pushy as Kaski’s Deni, wealthy and smitten. Her bullying is all aimed at the working classes.

Amidst all the rituals, ceremonies and traditions, and talk about “Oh no, these are melinjo leaves! They’re supposed to be JACKfruit!” and fairytales and “Ladybugs are said to bring patience,” there’s a sweet, chaste romance that kind of gets lost in the mix.

The various rites and superstitions seem mockable and mocked. But it’s a light “Who believes in that stuff anyway?” ridicule, and as the whole movie is driven by Saski’s “fate” and “bad luck,” which is an endorsement.

The leads have good chemistry. But the obstacles to their being together are worn out cliches with a light frosting of “cleansing,” “readings” and Lontar and leaves.

Deni is a caricature of the “projecting” paranoid and ill-tempered boyfriend, and Tiara is the “working woman” cliche incarnate.

So “A Perfect Fit?” Not perfect. Not that close. But cute, here and there.

MPA Rating: TV-PG, violence

Cast: Nadya Arina, Refal Hady, Giorgino Abraham and Laura Theux

Credits: Directed by Hadrah Daeng Ratu, script by
Garin Nugroho and Hadrah Daeng Ratu. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:52

He started his big screen career with “The Duelists.” Now Ridley Scott returns to that subject and another French period piece.

Oct. 15 look for “The Last Duel.”

The villain is introduced in the first scene, a meticulous pest exterminator (“Ongedierteverdelger,” in Dutch) mercilessly hunting down a cyclist on a backroad in the land of windmills, wooden shoes and Dutch treats.

He gets the drop on his quarry, who begs for his life. That never works, even in the Netherlands.

“The time for apologies is behind us,” our unnamed exterminator (Willem de Wolf) officiously growls. We all know what that means, or have our sinking suspicions.

“Tailgate,” which sounds almost adorable in the original Dutch (“Bumperkleef”) is a thriller in the “Duel/Breakdown/Unhinged” mold. And its tagline — “Road Rage Has its Consequences” — suggests something most of its predecessors in this subgenre avoid. Maybe the monster tormenting motorists has a point.

We don’t know how that cyclist crossed him. But next time we see him, he’s just minding his own business, driving the speed limit in the left lane of a divided highway (“dual carriageway”). All those cars backed up behind him? They should be like him, following the rules, being polite, etc. Right?

Especially the frazzled if not-totally-fractured family piled into that Volvo XC 90, scrambling to get to Grandma’s house for what might be Grandpa’s last birthday.

The kids (Roosmarijn van der Hoek, Liz Vergeer) are noisy, quarrelsome tweens.

Wife Diana (Anniek Pheifer) has a hint of passive aggression in her disorganized procrastination. Husband Hans (Jeroen Spitzenberger)? There’s no “passive” to whatever he has going on. His mother is calling, constantly, nagging them for an ETA. The kids are griping and fighting.

And there’s this “kont gat” in the passing line, tying up traffic.

If you’ve ever been behind the wheel you know how this goes. Lights flashing and the horn won’t move him. “Tailgating” only gets you a stop-short. One rude gesture later and the die has been cast.

Diana’s “Don’t provoke people unnecessarily” falls on deaf ears for a guy seeing red. And that inevitable stop for gas is merely the second confrontation. Hans turns his back, and our exterminator is telling a gruesome story — a parable — to his kids. The family wants to leave and the tall man with sprayers and a hazmat suit tucked into his van isn’t having it.

“I’d advise you to apologize,” he purrs, in Dutch with English subtitles, or dubbed into English, “so that you can get back on the road safely.”

Writer-director Lodewijk Crijns — the teen cancer comedy “Sickos” was his — doesn’t reinvent the wheel here. But he keeps the camera tight, capturing the growing fury and then panic inside that Volvo, and keeps his extreme closeups low — bumper’s-eye-view — for the pursuit, chase, and frantic struggles and escape attempts.

All you want out of a movie like this is the ride, fraught and harrowing, a little empathy for the victims and some sense of release.

Crijns works hard to dodge the tried and true in that regard. This has “High Tension” touches that take it out of the realm of the straight-up “Duel” chase with its relentless pursuer. He finds new ways for our villain to get inside his quarry’s heads.

But sometimes avoiding the obvious leads to missteps as tension is frittered away and “logic” flies out an open car window.

I can only imagine the Dutch stereotypes Crijns is poking with his mixed messaging. The first “jerk” the family deals with is driving an Audi, sort of motoring shorthand for “kont gat” the world over. A bike-crazy culture frets over what transgression the first victim could have committed. The littering, speeding, bickering family with the blowhard, confrontational husband isn’t the easiest to root for.

And the villain? Is he or is he not owed his “apology?”

MPA Rating: unrated, violence, profanity

Cast: Jeroen Spitzenberger, Anniek Pheifer, Roosmarijn van der Hoek, Liz Vergeer and Willem de Wolf.

Credits: Scripted and directed by Lodewijk Crijns. A Film Movement (July 30 streaming) release.

Running time: 1:26