Movie Nation

What the Screen Actors Guild Award nominations are to the Acting Oscars, a good indicator of what the Oscar nomination field will look like, the Producers Guild Awards are to Best Picture, Best Documentary and Best Animated Film.

Looks like “Glass Onion” and other titles ignored by SAG, get added on here.

“She Said” is apparently not Oscar worthy, nor is “Women Talking” or “The Woman King,” or “Till” but the super popular junk “Avatar: The Way of Water,” “Top Gun: Maverick” and “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever” are.

Producers are big on movies that draw a crowd. The exceptions, this year, are “Tar” and “The Fabelmans,” which by the way, wouldn’t make any sentient person’s Top Five Steven Spielberg movies.

Mutter.

“Tar” and “Whale” made the cut, and the slightly more popular “Banshees of Inisherin” is included, but several fine films missed that cut.

“Babylon” was depending on an awards season and Oscar bounce it almost certainly will not get.

Happy to see “Puss in Boots: The Last Wish” made the Best Animated Feature contenders list, and the box office underwhelmer “Marcel the Shell with Shoes On” crashed that party.

Below the page break, find the full list of feature film, documentary and TV and streaming nominees.

Dave Franco directed, and he and Brie co-wrote this oddball rom-dramedy.

Coming soon, Feb. 10. Looks cute.

Here’s a slice of vampire-vamping Spanish Manchego that may be a little late to the whole “Vampire movies are silly” parade. But give the cast and crew of “Hollyblood” props for taking their best shots, which land almost often enough to make this quick and sometimes funny farce worth recommending.

Javi, played by Óscar Casas, is the prototypical “new kid in school” who crushes on Sara (Isa Montalbán), so much so that he stalks her online where her obsession with vampires finds an outlet. Javi catfishes her as “Lidia,” “just to get to know her.” Sure.

His Dad (Jordi Sánchez) misunderstands his boy’s shyness and online alter ego enough to think “You play for the other team,” in Spanish or dubbed into English. He’s a Eugene Levy in “American Pie” dad — over-sharing, over-compensating but tolerant, if not exactly tactful.

“Next year, we’ll sign on a float for the gay pride parade!”

At school, the possessive bully Manu (Mateo Medina) is determined to scare Javi off “my girl” with threats. Sara’s bestie, wheelchair-bound Carmen (Lara Boedo) is something of a badass, out to “protect” her friend from Manu and any other guy who might “hurt” her.

When Javi stalks Sara to the premiere of the new “Hollyblood” movie, an amusing and over-the-top shirtless “Twilight” knockoff , and then “saves” her from scaffolding about to fall on her, she is convinced HE is a vampire. Perhaps now she’ll remember his name, something she gets wrong every time they strike up a conversation.

As Sara was expecting to meet another online catfisher, the legendary teen vampire Azrael (Piero Mendez), Mr. Chalamet-Cheekbones, you can see how she’d confuse Javi for a real bloodsucker.

There’s nothing for it but for Javi to don contacts and lots of RPatts makeup and make the illusion real for her. Wonder how long it’ll take Carmen or supposedly-smart and hip yet still-gullible-enough-to believe in vampires Sara to find him out?

Meanwhile, oafish Diego (Carlos Suárez), their classmate with a youtube channel where he can pose as an aspiring vampire hunter, one whose mother keeps misplacing his holly stakes sharpener — “Remember, if I’m murdered, it’ll be my MOM’s fault!” — is on the case, looking for the “real” Azrael, willing to test his stakes out on Javi.

It’s all a lark, and large stretches of this goof of a movie play, even if not everything is all that funny. The father-son shtick is cute but dated, the Diego stumbling towards the truth segments are a bit of a laugh.

The script’s set-ups and punchlines and too much of the problem solving — how Javi “sells” this illusion — feels like clumsy afterthoughts.

But several characters harbor “secrets” that are funny revelations. Diego’s way of clearing out the theater at the Madrid premiere of “Hollyblood” is clever. And everybody on board keeps with the spirit of the thing, taking it no more seriously than is absolutely necessary.

Brief, brisk comedies like this are often filmed at a sprint, and if you’re lucky, that shows up on screen. One way that reveals itself here is a hilariously obvious mid-chest crescent moon tattoo our “gullible” but worldly Sara has, and then doesn’t have. It disappears for one scene, and comes back between her cleavage the next, over and over, one of the funniest continuity errors I’ve seen in years.

“Hollyblood” doesn’t hold a lot that’s novel or new for adults, but it’s Netflix edgy enough for the teen audience, a demographic Netflix spends a lot of money on entertaining.

Rating: TV-MA, violence, sex and sexual orientation jokes, mild profanity

Cast: Óscar Casas, Isa Montalbán, Jordi Sánchez, Carlos Suárez, Lara Boedo, Piero Mendez, Mateo Medina and Amparo Fernández.

Credits: Directed by Jesús Font, scripted José Pérez Quintero. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:29

A Feb 10 Netflix Valentine’s Day rom-com about “old friends” swapping coasts and apartments and maybe finding love…with someone. Each other? Taking bets on that.

Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher and a rom-com about finding love in your…40s?

Rhea Seehorn, Tony Shalhoub and Michael Ian Black also star in this odd, dreamy comedy.

Feb. 24 this one comes to theaters.

This paranoid thriller with a supernatural twist has a shot at showing us WWI on a budget.

Feb. 24, we find out if it works. As if there wasn’t enough to be terrified of in the trenches.

“World weariness” is a given in any film noir about a mystery somebody’s trying to solve.

It’s in the sleepy eyes of the mystery-solver, be he or she a gumshoe, a relative or just “a friend” of the missing person. That’s underscored by voice-over narration, the tried-and-true way a detective or whoever lets us know how wearing this all is to him, how jaded this world has made her, how resignation’s the only appropriate response when “No one gets out alive” is the only hard and fast truth in life.

It doesn’t just hang over actor turned actor-writer-director Avan Jogia‘s debut feature, “Door Mouse.” It’s ladled on and laid-on thick. The whole tale doesn’t take place after dark, but it could have, and the smokier and foggier the better. The action is confined to short bursts, and damned few of those.

Nobody speaks in anything but a monotone, as if they’re imitating our heroine and narrator, the spanker/stripper by night– “horror porn” comic author by day nicknamed for her distinct Minnie Mouse hairstyle.

“It was a full packa cigarettes sorta night,” she narrates.

“You’re lookin’ down deep wells, little Door Mouse,” she’s warned.

“You can only crawl on the ground so long before the dirt starts stickin’ to ya.”

Jogia, who’s turned up in supporting roles in lots of film and TV series since graduating from the teen hit “Victorious,” has crafted a consistently-moody noir parked firmly in the underbelly of Toronto, and a film that taps into comic book imagery to create transitions between scenes, illustrate the artist-heroine’s frame of mind and jazz up the action.

Because that’s necessary. Because even the action beats are muted. Nobody raises her or his voice. And that flat, just-above-a-whisper monotone that was star Hayley Law’s choice of “How to Noir” just smothers the movie.

The “Riverdale” star sets the tone and the volume, and “Door Mouse” kind of dozes off because of it.

“Mouse” narrates her life, “Every morning I wake up in the afternoon,” takes a hit of coffee, sucks down a cigarette and draws away at her “bi-monthly horror porn” comic “Whoreific,” which nobody buys.

By night she burlesques at Mama’s, a club where bustiers and paddles for spanking are all part of the show, which “Mouse” and Doe Eyes and Irish “Riv” deliver and regulars like Eddie (Donal Logue) lap up. “There are worse ways to make a living,” Mouse admits. But it keeps the owner, Mama (Famke Janssen, on the money) in fishnets.

One night Doe Eyes doesn’t show up, and Mouse resolves to go figure out what’s happened to her. Her dutiful “silver spoon” lapdog Ugly (Keith Powers) tags along. And that’s the “deep well” our heroine slow-walks into, a sordid world where fetching young women disappear and nobody seems to give a damn.

I like the plot here, a mystery that Mouse doesn’t want help solving, but that forces her to hit up her dealer ex-boyfriend (writer-director Jogia) and figure out ways to infiltrate whatever world made Doe Eyes disappear.

But there’s no urgency to any of this, not the Doe hunt, not the scheming up ways to get into this high-tone hotel which may have some answers, not the mysterious stranger who may or may not know what happened to Doe Eyes, and thus must be chased.

The comic book connecting scenes work, and the violence, when it comes, is a shocking contrast to the low-energy/low-heat movie surrounding those moments.

Whoever advised Law to play the part this quiet and “cool” to the point of chilly should sit down and watch a few Bogart noirs. Characters may narrate or converse in even tones, but every now and then somebody gets worked up — a cornered suspect, a mark, a desperate victim and/or the hero/heroine who has just about had enough.

It’s human nature. And it’s a must in a movie that otherwise is in danger of turning into a nap before we figure out what Door Mouse figures out and decides what needs to be done.

Rating: Unrated, violence, sexual situations, partial nudity

Cast: Hayley Law, Keith Powers, Avan Jogia, Michela Cannon, Nhi Do, Donal Logue and Famke Janssen

Credits: Scripted and directed by Avan Jogia. A Gravitas Ventures release.

Running time: 1:41

Yes, there’s officially now a subgenre of horror tales built on Jewish traditions, religious practices and demonology.

Throw in a little same sex romance, and...”That’s CO-pen-HA-gen!”

This Danish production in (mostly) English comes to Shudder Feb. 9.

The “yank’em out of the frame” horror movie effect has been beaten to death in the twenty or so years since it became commonplace. So it’s always refreshing when someone comes along and turns demonic creatures — young women, usually — into wall-skittering crabs (“The Ring” movies) or something else new.

In the Malaysian/South Asian production “Don’t Look at the Demon,” a “gifted” hostess of a haunted house TV series, and her production crew, stumble across an actually-“haunted” house, with a demon who lifts victims off the floor and drags them from room to room.

That’s new. So a tip of the hat to Dhrutiranjan Sahoo and the effects team for adding that to their repertoire for this Fiona Dourif West-Meets-Eastern demonic thriller. It’s a loud, in-your-face tapdance through horror tropes that passes muster as a slick production even if it isn’t the most original thing I’ve seen this month.

Dourif, who appeared in the recent “Chucky” TV series with her dad, horror icon Brad Dourif (He’s the voice of Chucky.), plays a young woman haunted by her first encounter with the supernatural as a child. That “summoning,” with the pentangle, the ritual, all that jazz, got her sister killed.

Now Jules is “getting paid” for what she went through back then as hostess of “The Skeleton Crew,” a touring reality ghost-hunting reality show. When we encounter her, producer Matty (Jordan Belfi), camera crew brothers Wolf and Ben (Randy Wayne, Harris Dickinson) and new translator Annie
(Thao Nhu Phan), they’re in Thailand, witnessing a monk (Konglar Kanchanhoti) torture a young woman via her elaborate back tattoo.

Well, that’s what Jules thinks. The monk sets her straight, and lets her know that he knows what she is. Or was.

“Even if you can no longer see,” he lectures her, she has to know that “there is no evil, only ignorance.“

“Easy for YOU to say!”

“The Skeleton Crew’s” MO is to solicit video suggestions from online viewers, with Jules taking a look and deciding, by instinct or insight, which are legit enough to check out.

That’s how they come to the house of Martha and Ian (Malin Crépin and William Miller). They’re expats living abroad, and they’re not getting any sleep.

We know from the quick way Jules and then Matty decide that this couple isn’t REALLY being assaulted by spirits that any second now, they’re going to video record something that makes them change their minds.

Jules’ “Come to Jesus” moment hits when the lights black out — for only her — she hears voices no one else does and SOMEthing brushes up against her.

“I can’t HAVE them touching me,” she informs her producer, partner and lover-protector Matty.

That’s triggering, considering her past. But no matter. It makes good TV.

“Don’t Look at the Demon” is about most everybody in that house being assaulted in some way or other by a foul-mouthed English speaking demon who must have seen “The Exorcist,” who takes different human forms, and whom we’ve seen identified by its Thai name in an opening credit.

The jolts are pretty solid and measure up against most B-movie horror. But the story is kind of all over the place, giving “Demon” a slack, meandering quality. Dourif is a sturdy, committed presence at the center of the film, when director Brando Lee remembers it’s all about her. That comes in and out of focus and contributes to the feeling that one never gets a sense if Dourif — despite her many credits — is any good, or just a nepo baby cashing in on her surname’s horror bonafides.

The nature of the demon and how it is confronted is so trite you’d flunk a student film for trotting out the pentagram everything that goes with it.

But speaking of chalk, chalk this movie down as one where the spectacular, knock-you-backwards effects impress a whole lot more than the story, and a bit more than the good-not-great reactions to seeing the impossible from the cast.

Rating: unrated, violence, profanity

Cast: Fiona Dourif, Jordan Belfi, Malin Crépin, Randy Wayne, Harris Dickinson, William Miller and Konglar Kanchanahoti

Credits: Directed by Brando Lee, scripted by Alfie Palermo. An Outsider release.

Running time: 1:36

The real test of a screen actor’s mettle isn’t a coveted turn in an awards-bait role, or even an ambitious chance to “stretch” and do something you’ve never done as a performer.

It’s showing up for something that, whatever your original hopes, you have begun to realize is a big budget, high profile stinker.

So kudos to Oscar winner Charlize Theron, Emmy winner Kerry Washington, Oscar nominee-to-be Michelle Yeoh and screen icon Laurence Fishburne for not phoning it in on “The School of Good and Evil.”

Whatever the Netflix suits were thinking when they threw a ton of money at Paul Feig to co-write and direct this fantasy spoof — based on a novel by Soman Chainani — this much is clear. It’s been a LONG time since “Bridesmaids” made the TV’s “Freaks & Geeks” creator Hollywood’s hottest comic property. And every passing year has made that one look like more and more of a Feig fluke.

There’s this two-campus school in the land of stories, where “villains'” are educated to be “pure evil” and heroines and heroes instructed in the ways of good, “true love’s kiss” and all that.

One school is run by Theron, the other by Washington. Guess which on-the-nose role each landed.

Two BFFs, cast when Feig decreed he only wanted “to see women named SOPHIA for this” (Sofia Wylie and Sophia Anne Caruso) are fetched from their provincial town not far from the one Belle in “Beauty and the Beast” grew up in, and enrolled in the school.

But Agatha (Wylie), the girl the townsfolk all assumed is a witch, because her mother raised her to be one, is sure she’s been mistakenly plopped into the airy fairy School for Good with all the pretty-mean-girls-who-want-to-be-princesses are. And her vain blonde pal (Caruso) named Sophia — just to keep it straight — is certain she was meant for the School for Good, yet is for some reason parked in the School for Evil.

As The Schoolmaster (Fishburne) “never makes mistakes,” whatever will our young ladies do? After they get makeovers and start their lessons on how to experience “true love’s kiss” and maybe find their prince (Jamie Flatters)? After, of course, ridiculing the no-nonsense (and not at all funny) voice-over narrator, the “Storian” (Cate Blanchett).

“You know we can HEAR you, narrator! You weirdo!“

So there’s a lot of Hogwarts and a little “Enchanted” and a whiff of every wisearsed take on fairytales in the plot, and a taste of “Fantastic Beasts” in the impressive effects and exotic if not exactly interesting or amusing magical creatures. And there’s just a hint of “Bridesmaids” in the attempted tone and that one moment when Professor Anemone (Yeoh) blurts out an s-bomb.

These two and a half hours of tedium have a childish and girlish target audience as the film tries to both reinforce to “get dolled up and attract a mate” “princess” trope and flip it or at least ridicule it at the same time.

This was probably crap from its inception, but I didn’t read the book and couldn’t pick out novelist Soman Chainani’s cameo (he plays a teacher at the school) and get an idea of how sheepish or embarrassed or “Just glad that check cleared” he looked.

But Theron and Washington vamp this monstrosity up and almost never let on that they know this project didn’t really work out. That sets an example for the many younger players in the cast, who do their best to play more than this scene’s stunning costume.

Good for them. And let’s hope Netflix rewards that loyalty with a better project next time, although Theron might consider steering clear, considering her luck with this and that dog “The Old Guard” that Netflix built around her. Unless she needs the money.

Rating: PG-13, profanity, violence

Cast: Charlize Theron, Kerry Washington, Michelle Yeoh, Laurence Fishburne, Sofia Wylie, Sophia Anne Caruso, Jamie Flatters, Patti Lupone and the voice of Cate Blanchett

Credits: Directed by Paul Feig, scripted by David Magee and Paul Feig, based on the novel by Soman Chainani. A Netflix release.

Running time” 2:29