Movie Review: A New “Velveteen Rabbit,” still touching after all these years

That venerable children’s classic “The Velveteen Rabbit” is the Ur Text of any entertainment meant for children that’s about toys and the love that it takes to make them “real,” even if does have a hint of “Pinocchio” about it.

There would be no “Toy Story” franchise without Margery Williams’ 1922 British novel and its lovely illustrations by William Nicholson.

Adapted for the screen many times, it earns a new treatment for Apple TV+ just in time for the holidays, one that passes on a fresh appreciation for a this always-affecting, quintessentially-English but universally-loved fairytale.

In the 1920s a little boy (Phoenix Laroche) moves with his parents (Samantha Colley and Leonard Buckley) to this big English country house of his grandmother, his Momo (Tilly Vosbrough).

He’s very young and shy, and making friends at his new school proves hard. But Father Christmas leaves him a stuffed plush-toy in a Christmas stocking, a velveteen (fabric) rabbit. They bond quickly, even if the newcomer (voiced by Alex Lawther) is resented by the toy car (Louis Chimimba), the wooden King doll (Paterson Joseph) and the wooden lion (Clive Rowe), his fellow inhabitants of the play room.

They’re sure that, being plush, the rabbit will be “picked to be the bedtime toy.” Which of course he is.

But the Wise Horse (renamed from “Skin Horse” in the book) consoles the rabbit.

“When children love you, they do it with all of their heart,” Wise Horse (Helena Bonham Carter) says. A toy becomes “real” “when a child loves you a long long time.”

As the rabbit has adventures with little William in the garden, “tunneling” under the sheets at bedtime and such, their growing bond will be put to the ultimate test.

The Jennifer Perrott and Rick Thiele film uses stop-motion animation to bring the toys in the playroom — rabbit included — to life. And when William and the rabbit are on their various treasure hunting digs or safaris, the live action footage morphs into traditional looking 2D animation.

This take on the tale offers little that’s new, but the sentimental draw of the story is as strong as ever.

From audio books and films narrated by everyone from Christopher Plummer to Meryl Streep, an award-winning live action film version from 1973 to TV versions of many eras and animation forms, this tale of a beloved stuffed rabbit who dares to love back never fails to touch the heart.

Rating: G

Cast: Phoenix Laroche, Samantha Colley, Leonard Buckley, Tilly Vosbrough, and the voices of Alex Lawther, Lois Chimimba, Paterson Joseph, Nicola Coughlan, Clive Rowe and Helena Bonham Carter

Credits: Directed by Jennifer Perrott and Rick Thiele, scripted by Tom Bidwell, based on the children’s book by Margery Williams. An Apple TV+ release.

Running time: :45

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Joss Ackland: 1928-2023, The Very Best in British Bad Guys

How good was Joss Ackland at being bad? Most of us first noticed this British character actor in a couple of late ’80s films in which he stepped into the foreground — “White Mischief” and “Lethal Weapon 2.”

As one was set in Africa and “Lethal Weapon 2” had him slinging a spot-on Afrikaner accent, a lot of people just assumed a South African actor had come up out of nowhere to instantly make a menacing impression.

No, the Londoner had been working in bit roles on the screen since the late ’40s, did a lot of British TV (shows like “The Persuaders” were also exported to the US). But it wasn’t until he turned grey and started landing roles with gravitas and menace that his career blew up.

Ackland had a great run — period pieces (“Lady Jane”), Russians (“The Hunt for Red October, “K-19: The Widowmaker”), Shakespeare and the original “Tinker Tailor, Soldier Spy” for TV, Matisse in “Surviving Picasso.”

And he made it to the ripe old age of 95, living long enough to rise from decades of relative obscurity to an in demand Brit villain for other decades. He passed away in the UK over the weekend. ROP, and well done.

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Movie Review: The New Vicar in an “Escape to the Country” village has to contend with “Lord of Misrule”

Return we now to the subgenre of Gothic terror known as “folk horror,” a tale that is the spiritual kin of “The Wicker Man,” “Midsomer” and “The Blair Witch Project.”

“Lord of Misrule” is set in a quaint English country village — aren’t they all? It’s about the new vicar at the local church, her ten year-old daughter and the alarming rituals attached to the locals’ annual “harvest festival.”

The latest film from William Brent Bell (“Orphan: First Kill”) cleverly goes down that “which myth and which rituals take precedence” alley in a story that pits preacher against Golden Age of Witchcraft paganism in a war for for the souls of a place that threw in its lot with the Dark Side just after Shakespeare died.

Tuppence Middleton stars as Rachel Holland, mere months on the job in Burrow, trying to fit in but leery of this Harvest Festival that’s coming up. No, she won’t be showing up for that in her full church regalia.

But she and husband Henry (Matt Stokoe) will be there. Their daughter Grace (Evie Templeton) has been named “Harvest Angel,” and loves wearing the wings that come with that. But Grace, still young enough to refer to Mum’s clerical garments as a “costume,” is seeing strange cowled figures in animal head costumes. And she’s taken to torturing her bunny.

Uh oh.

The festival raises Rachel’s eyebrows with its scary, Medieval characters and “All is as was” ethos. And then little Grace disappears, lured into the woods by somebody in a costume.

The lax way the coppers (David Langham & Co.) treat this, the chilling warnings of the scary local man (Ralph Ineson, creepy as hell) who seems to know all about what this is, and who blurts out “There’ll be NO help from YOUR Lord” in church send Rachel into a panic and her husband into “Leave it to the police” mode.

The other locals? They seem varying degrees of concerned. But let’s not tie this unpleasantness to the festival.

“Just keepin a bit of local history alive, Mrs. Vicar!”

“Lord of Misrule” is derivative, which gives it that folk horror authenticity. All such films tap into the collective rituals of various cultures before more organized religions drowned out or just drowned (and burned) the “old ways” out.

The film is more creepy than scary, more interested in detailing the incantations and talisman’s of this “protect the harvest/village” faith. But the peril is palpable just often enough that we buy-in.

And Ineson (“The Witch,” “The Creator,” “The Green Knight”) is just the right guy to ponder as villain or frightening friend, just oozing menace, in or out of “costume,” faithfully following or merely explaining a world still ruled by a “Lord of Misrule.”

Rating: unrated, violence, profanity

Cast: Tuppence Middleton, Ralph Ineson, Matt Stokoe, Evie Templeton, Alexi Goodall and David Langham.

Credits: Directed by William Brent Bell, scripted by Tom de Ville. A Magnolia release.

Running time: 1:44

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Series Preview: Clive Owen is “Monsieur Spade,” aka “Sam,” private eye — in 1960s France?

Easy to see and hear Owen in this role, an iconic gumshoe transplanted to Europe after making his name in the States.

The folks who made “The Queen’s Gambit” cooked this up, so there’s promise in the premise.

Jan 14 on AMC. Remember them? Used to be American Movie Classics, then the “Mad Men” and finally “Walking Dead TV.”

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Classic Film Review: De Carlo and Ustinov surf the tides of WWII in Libya at the “Hotel Sahara” (1951)

Decades of “Munsters” reruns may have become Yvonne De Carlo‘s legacy in the public eye. But there was a lot more to her and her career than the comic timing and exotic, too-beautiful-for-this-lot pigeon-hole that television stuffed her into.

They lady was a bonafide triple threat. a singer and dancer who could act, “Salome, Where She Danced” on screen and the defiant lady of a certain age who introduced Sondheim’s defiant “I Am Still Here” (“Follies”) on Broadway.

Historians call her supporting role in “The Ten Commandments” her most celebrated film performance. Others may remember her for providing a sexy romantic rival to Maureen O’Hara in John Wayne’s “McLintock.”

But one of her best showcases has to be “Hotel Sahara,” a rare film venture overseas, a British WWII comedy she filmed in 1951.

De Carlo sings! De Carlo dances with the veils! De Carlo FLIRTS! With Germans, Brits, French and Italians!

The Hotel Sahara is a Libyan hostelry owned and operated by the rakish opportunist Emad (Peter Ustinov), who sees part of his duties as keeping the lady visitors “entertained” — even the married ones.

His fiance, Yasmin (De Carlo) barely puts up with this. But she’s got her mother (Mireille Perrey) with her, and a nice place for both of them to stay. Her fury at this philandering will have to wait.

The darkest day for the sandy oasis hotel comes in June of 1940. Italy joins the war, which causes the guests to flee in a panic and Emad to despair of losing all he has invested in this remote resort in Italian-annexed Libya.

He has no idea. OK, he has SOME idea. He is a native and a hotelier, after all.

First come Italian soldiers and their love of chianti, spaghetti bolognese, and their lust for Yasmin.

Then come the Brits, who at least share their yen for Yasmin with the Italians they’ve chased out. They’re followed by the Germans, officious but also smitten by the singing belly dancer in their midst. And on it goes.

The sound-stage-bound comedy — supposedly there was location shooting of cars and trucks and armored personnel carriers and camels indoors in Egypt — is all about switching the allegiances and decor and dining in the skeleton-staffed hotel for every new arrival.

The lobby photo is changed from Il duce to Der Fuhrer to Churchill, etc. A fresh flag is run up the flagpole. The menu and the nature of the flattery and music is tailored to each new conquereror.

Emad kvetches. He grumps at the turnabout that has fhis fiance coming on to the customers to save “the business.” That’s exactly what he told her way back when.

“We are hostages of fate!” he complains.

The Italian capitano (Guido Lorraine) explains the nature of war to the hotelier as that of dogs fighting over a bone.

“One snatches it. He does not want it, but he snatches it for fear the other will get it first.”

Emad has to defeat efforts to blow the place up when one occupier flees as another is seen on the horizon. And he has to try to maintain some semblence of a business. Every hasty departure sees him rushing up to the loaded-up commanders and their troops as they start to leave.

“Please, please!” He pauses for a dramatic beat, handing over a slip of paper. “The bill!”

The Brits (David Tomlinson, most famous for “Mary Poppins” and “Bedknobs and Broomsticks,” and Roland Culver of “Thunderball”) and the Germans (Albert Lieven of “The Guns of Navarone”) scheme for advantage with the locals.

“Ze Arabs in zis part of ze desert, are they friendly?” the German asks the Arabic major domo Yusef (Ferdy Mayne, a hoot).

“Oh, very friendly” the Arabic Yusef effuses to the “effendi.” “They only kill Christians!”

The entire enterprise, bent on keeping the various warring parties from actually “meeting” at the hotel (and fighting over it and destroying it) descends into door-slamming, pistol-shooting, booby-trapping farce by the third act.

World War II was still fresh enough in the British mind to make “Hotel Sahara” almost daring (check out the opening credit, meant to allay anyone taking a offense) in its comic take on the North African campaign.

It’s a dated comedy, with the Arabs played by British actors in blackface and as trigger-happy stereotypes. But those extend to national/European “types” as well, in a sort of equal opportunity insult. Brits, Italians, German and French get backhanded a bit a well.

At some point, opposing sides will dress up in Arab garb (more Saudi than Sahara) to “reconnoiter” the other.

“Tell Emad NOT to use that washroom,” the various racists commanders insist as they flee The joyless Germans fuss that the sexy Yasmin wear a “more modest costume,” etc.

Each conqueror arrives to culturally appropriate music — “Ride of the Valkyries” for the Germans, “Funiculì, Funiculà” for the Italians, etc.

And each fresh intruder earns an “Ooo can they be this time?” lament from Emad, who frets over surviving with his hotel, his finances and his fiance intact.

The Germans, let it be noted, are the only “guests” to ASK for the bill. Not that they pay it with anything but a swastika rubber stamp. Nazi deadbeats. They never change.

And through it all, the Canadian-born De Carlo schemes and sings and swims (in the oasis, silly) and dances in a comedy that jauntily skips by, one of the first films to treat the deadliest conflict in history as “Just a spot of sport, old sport.”

Director Ken Annakin would go on to contribute direction to the D-Day epic “The Longest Day,” but is best remembered for the all star farces of the ’60s, “Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines” and “Those Daring Young Men in their Jaunty Jalopies.”

Ustinov would enjoy a grand career as stereotypical bon vivant in films from “Spartacus” and the 1970s Agatha Christie Poirot adaptations that predeced Sir Kenneth Branagh’s recent remakes.

And Yvonne De Carlo would work steadily on stage, screen and most famously, on the tube as Lily Munster, an exotic vamp finally given the fangs and the sense of fun that Golden Age Hollywood almost never would.

Rating: TV-14

Cast: Yvonne De Carlo, Peter Ustinov, David Tomlinson, Albert Lieven, Mireille Perrey, Roland Culver, Bill Owen, Guido Lorraine, Anton Diffring and Ferdy Mayne.

Credits: Directed by Ken Annakin, scripted by Patrick Kirwn and George H Brown. A United Artists, GFD and J. Arthur Rank release, now with Cohen Media Group on Tubi, Amazon, etc.

Running time: 1:27

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Movie Preview: So now Kaley Cuoco’s a “contract killer?” “Role Play” indeed

David Oyelowo and Bill Nighy are the co-stars in this January Amazon release about the hottie you met and married (?) who turns out to be an assassin.

Kinda seems like a “Bazinga” to me.

Jan. 12, believe it or not.

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Netflixable? Do Brandy and Heather deliver the “Best. Christmas. Ever?”

No, I didn’t have the breakout star of “Boogie Nights” and the director of “Siesta” and the original “Pet Sematary” films on my “Most likely to make a holiday movie this Christmas” predictions list.

But here we are, with a Heather Graham and Brandy Norwood star vehicle that casts the dude from the “American Pie” movies in support, all directed by Mary Lambert, who came back from “Mega Python vs. Gatoroid” exile to direct “A Castle for Christmas” a couple of years back.

But is it the “Best. Christmas. Ever?” Don’t be ridiculous.

“Best.” is a tepid holiday tale that has little to do with Christmas save for skewering that humbragging tradition, the family “Christmas Letter,” in which we boast about our year and play up the achievements of our kids and try not to sound like we’re over-selling them and us.

“Father of the Bride” veteran Charles Shyer and a co-writing newcomer give us Graham and Jason Biggs as Charlotte and Rob Sanders, a struggling Arizona engineer and inventor and her house-flipping husband, with two cute but undisciplined kids (Abby Villasmil), one of whom (Wyatt Hunt) gets advice from his horrific-looking sock monkey. He’s the one who changes the destination on their GPS-directed drive to visit relatives to the home of the Jennings family, the kid not the doll.

Jackie Jennings (singer/actress Brandy N.) always sends these “smug,” glossy holiday letters extolling her business success, her “genius” ten year-old daughter (Madison Skye Validum), her hunky Latino husband (Matt Cedeno) and son who is “saving the world” over in Africa.

Nobody’s life is that wonderful, that perfect,” Charlotte grumps. But Jackie’s mention of their mansion and their plans to circle the globe in a solar-powered hot air balloon convince the sock monkey to convince little Grant to send them to the Jennings’ house, instead.

Events (SNOW) then conspire to trap Charlotte & Co. with Jackie, who used to sing in a No Doubt cover band with Charlotte’s husband and is thus some sort of ex-girlfriend, for the holidays.

Hilarity ensues. Except of course it doesn’t.

Things get “real.” Except even the “Big Secret” at the heart of Jackie’s mania to succeed and advertise it isn’t realistic at all.

The obnoxious know-it-all ten year old “genius” is worth a laugh or two, and a jokey video Charlotte made for work re: her product-testing duties at a company that makes a Roomba that goes Boomba has a giggle in it.

Kids trying to “prove” or disprove the existence of Santa, adults fretting over the disappointments of life all might be standard fare for holiday pictures like this.

But the best you can say for this — aside from Netflix finding work for older writers and directors — is that it’s shiny, childish background noise that might keep a child distracted long enough for adults to get a turkey in the oven and a gift or two wrapped.

Rating: PG, bed-squeaking innuendo

Cast: Heather Graham, Brandy Norwood, Madison Skye Validum, Wyatt Hunt, Abby Villasmil, Matt Cedeno and Jason Biggs.

Credits: Directed by Mary Lambert, scripted by Todd Calgi Gallicano and Charles Shyer. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:27

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BOX OFFICE: Still Hungry after all these years — “Hunger Games” return with a $45 million “Ballad,” “Trolls Band Together” for $28 — “Marvels” plunges

An eight year absence from the screen, a set of new stars and a confused, stumbling “leading up to” prequel narrative didn’t dampen enthusiasm for those “children killing children” “Hunger Games.” Much.

Reviews were mixed, with some critics plainly hitting the cineplex bar before endorsing this violent YA yawner, but the franchise is back. Ish.

A decent Thursday night and nearly $20 million Friday suggest “The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes” will do very nicely indeed, opening well under $50 million. Of course, the earlier films in the franchise often out-performed that.

You can spin that, saying that “The stars couldn’t promote it” for a month prior to release owing to the SAG-AFTRA strike, but the young stars are lesser knowns, and I’m not sure Viola Davis, Peter Dinklage and the the hilarious Jason Schwartzman are selling tickets by turning up on Fallon, Colbert and Kimmel.

Anyway you cut it, that’s less than half what the “Mockingjay Part 2” opened with in 2015. Well under half. Is the “franchise” reborn? Maybe not.

Rachel Zegler’s still destined to be a big deal, not yet a big deal herself. But getting her out singing on some TV shows might boost it next week. The film could have legs, and if it “sings,” that’ll be on her.

Speaking of singing, those animated “Trolls” are back with a narcoleptic sequel, “Trolls Band Together.” All the bubbly singing and voicing of Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake, Zooey Deschanel and some newcomers can’t exactly make this “new.” But it’s very very small children.

Chances are, fans of the first film have aged out pabulum and this pablum. A $28 million” opening for that one, a decent take, nothing special. Treat the kids, and yourself to a nap as this “story” plays out.

“The Marvels,” a female superheroine-centered comic book adaptation featuring a fanboy-shunning ($46 million opening) star, is falling off a cliff on its second weekend. It’s lighthearted and girl powered and empowering, and still only seems headed to just over $9 million this weekend. Ouch. a 79% “Five Nights at Freddy’s” sized fall-off.

I still say this is more proof of comic book fatigue/over-exposure than anything else. “Spider-Man” is immune to this. “Dr. Strange,” too. But the lack of star power is hammering the Marvel-come-latelies, and the DCU seems doomed to serious shrinkage. Move most of this content over to streaming.

Eli Roth’s return to Big Screen Horror didn’t do a damned thing for “Thanksgiving,” a seriously bloody/seriously silly horror comedy that gets gassed as it spills its guts. It could clear $10 million, very low opening, all things considered.

You’d think McDreamy’s fans and reviews generally more enthusiastic than mine would have helped. Nah.

That bounce has gone out of Taika Waititi’s step these days, as “Next Goal Wins,” a sputtering comedy that tries to make Michael Fassbender funny, is bombing. On a lot of screens, too. Just under $3 million for this Samoan soccer story.

“Priscilla” is heading towards a Sofia Coppola record in box office take. It’s already her second biggest hit, with a ways to go to catch “Lost in Translation.”

When more data comes in, “Five Nights at Freddy’s” and maybe even Scorsese’s “Killers of the Flower Moon” will do more business than this one this weekend.

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Movie Review: “Eye for an Eye (Mu zhong wu ren)” a Chinese take on the “Blind Swordsman” Myth

“The Blind Swordsman” is figure of movie and myth who first came to life as a hero of a post-World War II novel by Japanese writer Kan Shimozawa. That sightless samurai popped up in Japanese films, with variations turning up on in other Asian cinema, Western TV, in “Star Wars: Rogue One” and “John Wick 4” as played by Chinese American martial arts star Donnie Yen. Even Denzel Washington’s “Book of Eli” is a variation on a “blind swordsman” theme.

The new Chinese thriller “Eye for an Eye: Blind Swordsman,” is another reminder that the character sort of belongs to the world now. But any slice-and-dice cinema fan knows there’s only one “real” “blind swordsman.” He’s a wandering masseuse in feudal Japan, and his name is Zatoichi.

In “Eye for an Eye,” this Chinese swordsman is named “Blind Cheng,” and he’s a “ghostkiller,” a bounty hunter in the Tang Dynasty. Cheng (Miao Xie) is a wandering grump, collecting bounties on malefactors the Dali Temple commissions him to bring in to the authorities.

What’s wrong with this suspect?

“I was afraid he might run,” he grumbles, in Mandarin with Engliish subtitles. “I broke his arms and legs.”

We meet him running afoul of the proprietor and henchmen of a gambling house — bad news for the bad guys. Later in the film, he finds himself entangled in a feud between families as a wine merchant maiden about to be married (Weiman Ga) barely survives her wedding party, after her rough customer
(Haosen Zhang) brother’s arrival invites the worst sort of wedding crashers.

Our swordsman is droll about his “special skills.”

“I have really good hearing.”

And he’s just as droll putting down a would-be challenger, grabbing the man’s blade out of his scabbard, noting “Your sword’s too sharp,” and advising the shocked goon to “be careful. You might hurt yourself.”

But as badass as the character always is, no matter what culture he emerges from, the action beats here tend to let “Eye for an Eye” down. The blur of blades and swirling capes don’t impress, the slo-mo punches and wirework martial arts pro forma and the odds never stack up so great that we ever fear for this fury’s safety.

Binjia Yang’s thriller is short and quick enough, with good production values and a great look. Martial arts period pieces always look cool in the snow. But it lacks the Spaghetti Western grace notes and tension that a picture with stand-offs and rising stakes and towering villains would have provided.

Miao Xie is quietly charismatic as the lead, but this never feels like more than an inferior Chinese copy of a Japanese classic.

Rating: unrated, sword-slicing violence

Cast: Miao Xie, Weiman Ga, Hao Xiang, Ben Liu and Haosen Zhang

Credits: Scripted and directed by
Bingjia Yang. A Hi-YAH!/Well Go USA release.

Running time: 1:14

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Movie Review: Disney’s dashed “Wish” for an animated holiday classic

Walt Disney famously said for us to “remember that this whole thing was started with a dream and a mouse.” But as omnipresent as mouse ears are in Disney’s identity, it is the sentimental “When you wish upon a star” that is the company’s aural identity, played under the ever-evolving logo that introduces every Disney animated film.

So it was only natural that Walt Disney Animation should try to do something with that “dream” of stars to wish upon and concoct a filmed fairy tale out of it.

But “Wish” is a fantasy musical of unfulfilled wishes, starting with “I wish this children’s animated film had been better.”

The market-researched/demographics-obsessed script is nothing that would have made the cut when the Brothers Grimm were publishing their fairytales. The animation has a polished blandness — every CGI film from every animation studio is starting to look the same. And while the Julia Michaels and Benjamin Rice tunes are pleasant enough, giving stars Ariana DeBose and even Chris Pine moments to shine, there is be nothing here that will replace your children chirping along to “Let It Go” in the ride to preschool.

The Mediterranean island Kingdom of Rosas was founded by the benevolent, wish-loving/wish-granting wizard Magnifico, a ruler who keeps the peace and keeps his people happy with the prospect of having their fondest wish fulfilled.

It could be a life-defining wish, “the one that makes you who you are.”

But “most” do not get their wish, Magnifico (Chris Pine) reminds his subjects, and Asha (Ariana DeBose), who has an interview with the King for a job as his apprentice. Little flashes of the guy’s personality — a hint of vanity, a touch of megalomania, a temper — turn this loyal “cares too much” teen who wants to work for him/learn from him into something of a rebel.

Asha sees the unfulfilled wishes, hoarded in floating in bubbles in the dome of the observatory in Magnifico’s castle, and wonders why everyone shouldn’t get their wish, which are doled out once a year.

Magnifico’s touchy “I decide what everyone deserves!” confirms her fears about him.

And she sees the trap in this king’s contract with his people. Everybody gives Magnifico their wish on their eighteenth birthday, and then — by decree and by his magic — they forget it. Forever. Unless he later grants it and lets their wish come true, provided that it’s a wish that would be “good for Rosas.”

Why shouldn’t we remember our dreams and cling to them? Why would the preening monarch care if we remember, if the whole “wish coming true” bond between them is on the up-and-up?

And then a wishing star comes down from the heavens, giving Asha power to ask questions and organize her friends to resist, and granting the wish of speech to her ever-bleating baby goat, Valentino.

Oddly, when he speaks the goat sounds like Alan Tudyk impersonating Sir Ian McKellen.

Early Spanish touches in the music make one hope the score and the story will settle into something we can connect with a culture and its traditions. But that’s just part of the film’s all-inclusive “let every viewer see someone who ‘represents’ her or him” engineering.

The kingdom is unobtrusively, naturally diverse — until you notice the “types” parked in the beauty-in-braids Asha’s posse — a female Asian cook with a limp, a very short guy, the tall and skinny chap, a Black woman, etc.

“Frozen” writer Jennifer Lee and episodic TV drama/thrillers screenwriter (!?) Allison Moore are credited with this script. But a cursory understanding of the animation process and Disney’s corporate culture does more in explaining how “Wish,” an almost laugh-free and generally joyless project, made its way through Disney’s process, signed-off on by marketing folk with market research in their hearts, and no flair at all for “Once upon a time” tales.

Moments of “Wish” come off — DeBose’s big ballads, Pine’s delicious take on an “I’m bad” (semi) show-stopper.

But the story is off, the heart is missing and the laughs aren’t there. Even if you excuse “Wish” with the usual “It’s a Disney cartoon for VERY young children (Zygotes?)” this picture stands out among the Mouse House’s 62 animated features as one of the most pointless of them all.

And hearing that evocative, emotional “Wish Upon a Star” playing under the flashier-than-ever “Disney-100 (years)” logo that opens the picture just rubs Jiminy Cricket in the wound.

Jiminy and signed-off on

Rating: PG for thematic elements and mild action.

Cast: The voices of Arianna DeBose, Chris Pine, Alan Tudyk, Victor Garber, Jennifer Kumiyama, Niko Vargas and Angelique Cabral

Credits: Directed by Chris Buck and Fawn Veerasunthorn, scripted by Jennifer Lee and Allison Moore. A Walt Disney release.

Running time: 1:32

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