Movie Review: “Legend”

legTom Hardy manages the brilliant trick of playing two physically, emotionally and intellectually distinct mobster brothers in “Legend,” a new film about Britain’s Swinging ’60s and the thugs who bloodied them up. They are played in different shades of brutality, and Hardy never lets us see them as one actor portraying two men, even if the effects occasionally give away the game.

It’s another movie about The Krays, the dapper, businesslike and mercurial Reggie and his psychotic and unfiltered brother Ronald.

Reggie was lean and clean, a sharp dresser you didn’t want to cross. Ever.

Ronnie was thicker featured (dental appliances help), wore glasses, might drop a bit of literature or mythology into a conversation. Before he’d flip out and toss a tantrum, commit assault or stab or shoot you.

Reggie was a lady killer. Not literally. Perhaps that’s what Frances Shea (Emily Browning, a pixie-cut/mini-skirted embodiment of Mod London) saw in him. She narrates this story of gambling, gang-wars and extortion.

Ex-Doctor Who Christopher Eccleston is the hapless cop, always tailing the lads as they slip into their gigantic 1960s American cars (Lincoln Continental, Ford Galaxy 500) on trips to their various “legitimate businesses.”

Ronnie is “homosexual,” and blunt about it. Freshly out of prison when we meet him, he keeps pretty boys with him. But he’s off his meds, and he needs his meds to stay sane. Without them, his demons get the better of him.

David Thewlis plays their manager and “fixer,” Chazz Palminteri shows up as an American mob lieutenant making business arrangements with these up-and-comers.

Writer-director Brian Helgeland (“42,” and he scripted “Mystic River”) delivers a handsomely-mounted mob period piece, conventionally structured with moments of flash. He got Paul Bettany (hilariously psychotic) to play the Krays’ London mob rival, and stages a somewhat bemused “gang war” that’s all fun and games, until Ron breaks the hammers out — literally. Ears are bitten off and heads are butted. These guys were savage toughs, no matter how much polish they tried to present.

Browning never quite gives us a clue about what made Frances look the other way at the evidence of she was dating a brutish gangster. There’s no morality here, but where’s the real allure? Her family was tied to the Krays, no matter how much her scolding mother (Tara Fitzgerald) protested.

It overstays the welcome its Point A to Point B narrative can support. But it’s a more ambitious film than the earlier, grittier “The Krays,” with more of a sense of class consciousness (the lads mingled with nobility, which liked hobnobbing with the mob) and features the odd poetic flourish in the script.

As in the line their “fixer” affixes to their name, cementing the legend of Kray.

“There’s an inherent threat in that one commanding syllable.”

3stars2

MPAA Rating: R for strong violence, language throughout, some sexual and drug material

Cast: Tom Hardy, Emily Browning, David Thewlis, Christopher Eggleston
Credits: Written and directed by Brian Helgeland, based on the John Pearson book. A Universal release.

Running time: 2:11

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Movie Review: “Krampus”

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“Krampus” is a holiday horror farce that teeters on the uneasy middle ground between “Gremlins” and the Finnish Santa-as-Monster movie “Rare Exports.”

Not that funny, not that scary, it falls somewhere between “Oh, why not?” and “Oh, why bother?”

It’s built around a German myth about Santa’s “dark shadow,” a hoofed, horned and bearded beast who shows up to punish kids who have been naughty around the holidays. Leave it to the Germans.

Omi, the grandma played by Krista Stadler (a Teutonic dead ringer for Sissy Spacek) knows this. But she doesn’t warn grandson Max (Emjay Anthony), in either German or English. Perhaps that’s because wishing the worst on his horrible extended family seems, well, justified.

Mom (Toni Collette) and Dad (Adam Scott) are stressed, and grown-up-too-fast older sister (Stefania LaVie Owen) rolls her eyes at Max’s lingering belief in St. Nick.

But it’s not until Aunt Linda (Allison Tolman) and Uncle Howard (David Koechner, the boss/neighbor/relative everybody loves to hate) show up with their redneck knucklehead brood that Christmas goes to hell.

Elderly Aunt Dorothy (Conchata Ferrell) is the indigestible nut at the center of this fruitcake.

“Looks like Martha Stewart threw up in here…Where’s the nog? I need to get merry!”

So much for Max’s wish for a “Christmas, like it used to be.”

One torn up letter to Santa later, a blizzard begins, menacing snowmen turn up in the yard, the power goes out and the family starts to shrink, one jerk at a time.

Co-writer/director Michael Dougherty (“Trick’r Treat”) tapped into an unknown horror goldmine here. But the monsters — assorted dolls, jack-in-the-boxes and gingerbread men come to life, — are more amusing than menacing. Nothing we haven’t seen in the “Insidious” sequels.

The laughs about gun-toting rubes, sugar junkies, bullies getting their comeuppance, are scattered and rare. Most of them come from unfiltered Ferrell (of “Two and a Half Men”), playing a cliche.

“Who doesn’t make a ham for for Christmas? What are you now, a Jew?”

Collette doesn’t give us much to cling to, and Scott barely registers. Koechner’s loser-lout doesn’t have enough funny things to say or do.

It’s better in conception than in execution, with all the energy hurled at the effects and murderous Krampus attacks. The actors fail to feel the fear.

And really, what’s Christmas without the horror?

2stars1

MPAA Rating:PG-13 for sequences of horror violence/terror, language and some drug material

Cast: Toni Collette, Adam Scott, David Koechner, Emjay Anthony, Conchata Ferrell.
Credits: Directed by Michael Dougherty, script by Todd Casey, Zach Shields and Michael Dougherty. A Universal release.

Running time: 1:38

 

 

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Oscar watch: “Spotlight” has the critical mass

Nate D. Sanders Auctions Collection Of Academy Award Oscar Statuettes Set To Be Auctioned

A scattering of early Awards Season honors have made “Spotlight” the picture to beat, and an early Oscar favorite.

“Mad Max: Fury Road” has traction, and honors are landing on George Miller as director, an overdue honor for the guy who did all the “Mad Max” movies, AND “Babe,” AND “Happy Feet.”

The LA Critics found some love for “Ex Machina” star Alicia Vikander, there’s a probable Michael Shannon supporting actor nomination for “99 Homes” seemingly in the works, Leo DiCaprio is earning early buzz from the earliest groups (NY Critics, LA Critics, Boston Critics) for “The Revenent.”

Kristen Stewart is a surprise contender, thanks to her work in the “Clouds of Sils Maria,” unreleased at this point.

“Room” and “Brooklyn” and “Carol” are scoring the expected actress nominations in both lead and supporting categories. No love for “Suffragette?” “Joy” likewise isn’t on any Oscar prognosticator’s radar.

“Beasts of No Nation” has some Idris Elba buzz, but no way Hollywood will honor a movie released in a few theaters AND on Netflix at the same time. Or will they?

Matt Damon (“The Martian”) and Michael B. Jordan (“Creed”) feel like outliers with a genuine chance to land a coveted Globe and/or Oscar nomination. Have to wonder if “Creed” will fade before that happens. “Martian” has legs, and it’s a terrific performance.

These results are tilted, early on, by the non-indicator groups “Boston Online Critics,” National Board of Review (humph), Gotham Awards, etc. Figure several titles will fade, a couple of others will rise. Those last two are notorious for honoring films that aren’t remembered come Christmas.

And let’s face it, journalist movie critics are going to LOVE a movie about heroic (print) journalists, so “Spotlight” might be earning the benefit of a little bias.

But attention is being shoved at “Love & Mercy” and some other little seen wonders at just the right moment. Some gold might emerge from this mid-December buzz.

 

 

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Movie Review: “Chi-Raq”

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“Chi-Raq” is Spike Lee’s most audacious film in decades. DECADES.

It’s as if he ignored everything after “Do the Right Thing,” which included a few very good films, a few mediocre ones and some dreadful “Spike is DONE” outings, and reached back to his outspoken youth.

A preachy, edgy riff on Aristophanes’ ancient Greek classic “Lysistrata,” “Chi-Raq” is as timely as the latest mass shooting, as topical as the gun violence body count on any evening TV newscast. It’s the best movie you didn’t get around to seeing last weekend.

Like “Lysistrata,” it’s a script built on topical rhymes — hip-hopped and slangy. Samuel L. Jackson, a veteran of Lee’s early films, dazzles as the foul-mouthed narrator Dolmedes.

He tells of Chicago, a town so riven by gun violence, so overwhelmed by murder that “the big money maker is the black-suit undertaker.”

He tells of the gang war — Trojans in orange, led by the one-eyed mobster Cyclops (Wesley Snipes, in his funniest performance in this century), vs. Spartans in purple, led by the charismatic rapper Chiraq, played and sung by Nick Cannon.

Yes, THAT Nick Cannon, the black Ryan Seacrest, the light comedian and game show host who married Mariah Carrey.

chi1.jpgCannon is the revelation here, giving a startling turn of menace, power and regret as the rapper/gang leader/lover whose charisma is never in doubt, whose morality is hidden deep in the recesses of his tattooed soul.

The one person who may have influence over Chiraq is Lysistrata, played with a searing sexual and intellectual dynamism by Teyonah Parris. She is the stiletto-heeled harpy who might be able to stop the violence. Once she’s been shown how.

Angela Bassett has the wise-old-woman of Englewood role here, the woman who points out to Lysistrata the example of Liberian activist Leymah Gbowee. Like the ancient Greek Lysistrata, Gbowee convinced the women of her troubled country to withhold sex until the menfolk dialed down the violence of Liberia’s civil war.

That is what Lysistrata talks Cyclops’ girl (Michelle Mitchenor) into joining her in — a “sex strike,” as in “no peace, no” um, sexual congress.

Lee and screenwriter Kevin Willmott (“The Confederate States of America”) stick close enough to the Greek source material to give this structure. But the fun stuff involves Lee revisiting “School Daze” and other earlier hits. The chaotic conflict of the sexes, of women on women, and its consequences dances off the screen. The humor can be low, broad, juvenile. Just as it was in “She’s Gotta Have It” and those earliest Spike outings.

Dave Chapelle  shows up as a strip club owner, rhyming and whining his worries about a lack of pole dancers during this strike. D.B. Sweeney is the comically embattled mayor. David Patrick Kelley is a Confederacy-loving National Guard general caught with his Stars and Bars underwear showing. There are references to Kelley’s defining role, in the classic gang film “The Warriors,” in other scenes.

And John Cusack yells himself hoarse as a white priest who hectors and lectures his mostly-African American congregation about their history, their leaders, the violence in their community and the National Rifle Association’s role in America’s culture of gun violence.

That last bit should have derailed the film, but it works. Lee plays things in alternating shades of seriousness and satiric silliness — a sexual “slow jam” sing-off, lots of choreography. And there’s Mister Senor Love Daddy reincarnated, Samuel L., donning suits of many colors, stepping out, front and center, to re-set the tale and reinforce the message of Lee’s most strident early films.

“Wake Up!”

Damn if it doesn’t still work.

3stars2
MPAA Rating: R for strong sexual content including dialogue, nudity, language, some violence and drug use

Cast: Teyonah Parris, Nick Cannon, Angela Bassett, Samuel L. Jackson, John Cusack, Wesley Snipes
Credits: Directed by Spike Lee, script by Kevin Willmott and Spike Lee, based on the play by Aristophanes. An Amazon Studio/Roadside Attractions release.

Running time: 1:58

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Movie Review: “MI-5”

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Say what you will about Hollywood espionage thrillers, the Brits have them all beat when it comes to emphasizing politics over geopolitics.

It seems they never quite got over Tony Blair’s embrace of George W. Bush’s war. Thus, “maintaining our independence” is the ever-present under-current in most of their movies in this genre. “MI-5” is the latest. They don’t want the CIA and the USA running their intelligence service.

The British TV series “MI-5,” called “Spooks” across the pond, gets a big screen tale in “MI-5,” titled “Spooks: The Greater Good” in the UK.

It’s a heaping helping of somewhat polite terrorism, treachery within Her Majesty’s Secret Service, the unseen heavy hand of the CIA and bit of the old ultra-violence — TV friendly variety.

The language may be the most violent thing about it.

“I’ll cut your baby of her and drown it in a toilet,” the section chief Harry Pearce (Peter Firth) threatens the Arab American terrorist (Elyes Gabel) at one point. By phone.

“Was the baby (bit) too much?” he asks a subordinate after hanging up.

“No. It’s you.”

At its most basic, “MI-5” is a means of cashing in 0n the popularity of “Game of Thrones” hunk Kit Harington. He wears the same long curls and hurls himself into the role of a discredited agent summoned back to help when the boss (Pearce) suspects turncoats in the agency helped the wanted terrorist get away before being handed over to the CIA.

Will Holloway has ex-colleagues warning him to not get involved, that the boss is daft or turned himself. So there’ll be no rogue agent stuf, this time, right?

“Do NOT go dark. Do you hear me?”

Go dark is what Holloway does, down a rabbit hole, trying to do the disgraced boss’s bidding, root out the moles and prevent Islamists from carrying out a big attack on London.

It’s all over-the-top, in a TV series sort of way. Smaller terrorist acts happen, chases are rendered mundane and there is much pointing of guns at Will only to have Will take the gun from the crack agent pointing it at him.

Jennifer Ehle (“Zero Dark Thirty,” TV’s “Pride and Prejudice”) is the unflappable higher-up who never over-reacts, even when all hell breaks loose. Tim McInerny (“Notting Hill,” and Percy from TV’s “Blackadder”) over-reacts, here and there, as the boss presiding over this trainwreck.

David Harewood also stars, and an actress to be adored simply by virtue of her veddy-British name — Tuppence Middleton of “The Imitation Game” and “Trance.”

There’s little novelty to any of this, just a lot of scampering between Moscow, London and Berlin.

“You and Harry ever talk about Berlin?”

Standard issue spy stuff, a surprise or two, a shootout or three. Nothing you should pay money to see in a theater.

1half-star

 

MPAA Rating: R for violence and some language

Cast: Kit Harington, Tuppence Middleton, Peter Firth, Jennifer Ehle
Credits: Directed by Bharat Nalluri, script by Sam Vincent and Jonathan Brackley. A Saban Films release.

Running time: 1:44

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Movie Review: “A Royal Night Out”

royal1Of course it didn’t happen this way. Not exactly. Not even remotely.

“A Royal Night Out,” about VE-Day, 1945, when the two British princesses, Elizabeth and Margaret, slipped out of Buckingham Palace, “incognito,” and experienced the greatest celebration London had ever seen, is wish fulfillment fantasy.

But it’s bloody adorable.

We’d love to think those stuffy, in-bred royals cut loose, experienced a little of the common life. They’d flirt, dance the Lindy Hop, knock back a beer or two, and some champagne. They’d be treated like any other single young women present at a night-long baccianale.

The horror!

At its best, this Julian Harold (“Kinky Boots,””Becoming Jane”) comedy is a throw-back, a madcap romp set to a swinging, big band beat. The Brits apparently didn’t go for it, the sticks in the mud. They’re missing a laugh-out-loud riff on those Windsors they worship, before QEII discovered her fetish for hats.

Elizabeth is “Lillabets,” here, a dutiful daughter played with spirit and spunk by Sarah Gadon (“Spider-Man 2,””Dracula Untold”). Margaret is “Mags,” or “P2” as she quips, on occasion (Princess 2). Bel Powley (“Diary of a Teenage Girl”) brings a taste of hellion to her.

Which is just so…right. Bad decisions? She was infamous for them. Surely she started in her teens. She nags her sister into asking her parents to let them go out and experience the joy of a nation relieved from six long years of fighting the Nazis.

With every idiotically elongated vowel she utters as Mags, Powley is a stitch.

“Best be-HAAAAAVE-your. HONestly.” Her every greeting, drunk or sober, is worthy of Madea.

“Helll-AAAWwwwwwwwww!”

The girls get permission, dodge the underhanded formal party among aged nobility that their mother (Emily Watson, no fun in all the right ways) springs on them. And that’s how they lose their officer corps escorts, who figure they’re free to hit the brothels and the pubs until dawn. Until they drunkenly realize they’ve lost the lasses and will have to face their imposing father after he’s given another “King’s Speech” (Rupert Everett, nicely done).

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“Lizzie” has no money and is rescued by a cynical, AWOL bomber gunner (Jack Reynor), a bloke who’s over the whole class system and the Royal Family. He doesn’t know who Lizzie is, but “Little Miss Tofeenose” has no business saying “My whole FAMILY served in this war!”

“Sandwiches. Maybe.”

It’s a comedy of goofy little grace notes — the two escort officers (Jack Laskey, Jack Gordon), drinking to their doom, singing a glorious duet of “God Save the King” in a toilet, Mags being slipped a spiked drink by a Naval officer who sweeps her into a brothel, only to see her rescued by the royalty-loving hustler-smuggler (Roger Allam, hilarious) who runs the joint.

“P2! In my knocking shop!”

Mags, drunkenly slurring “We’re GERMAN, you know. Mustn’t talk about it” about her Hanover-turned-Windsor family, is again, just so right.

The surprises are few, and none of it am0unts to a whole lot. But for those up to taking yet another British sentimental journey to “their finest hour,” “A Royal Night Out” manages something unheard of in the decades of Windsor wooliness since. It makes them cute, if only for one night.

2half-star6
MPAA Rating:PG-13 for some sexual content and brief drug elements

Cast: Sarah Gadon, Bel Powley, Rupert Everett, Emily Watson, Jack Reynor
Credits: Directed by Julian Harold, script by Trevor Silva and Kevin Hood. An Atlas Distribution release.

Running time: 2:36

 

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Movie Review: “The Letters”

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Mother Teresa was still just Sister Teresa, a Catholic school teacher and head mistress in Calcutta, when she took on her “call within a calling.”

She resolved to stop teaching girls from privileged families and teach the poorest of the poor, India’s “untouchables,” instead. She learned to nurse and took care of the sick and served as a midwife. And when she finally saw one man left to die on the street too many, she founded a hospice, took the dying in and cared for them.

A Nobel Peace Prize was certainly deserved. That she is halfway to sainthood in the eyes of the Vatican should be no surprise.

But that also means she’ll probably never earn a sober-minded film biography, a movie that doesn’t cast her in halo light. Because it’s not just conservative India, which was shamed by the cultural inequities and callous home-grown religions that did not address the problems she pointed out, that is sharply critical of her. She founded a laughably inefficient charitable foundation, cozied up to dictators and was seriously doctrinaire in her attitudes toward birth control, abortion and the nature of suffering.

Even a film hagiography like “The Letters”, about her years of questioning her faith, cannot quite force itself to frankly depict her uncertainty. It’s just another shrine on the pilgrimage to her sainthood.

The wonderful British character actress Juliet Stevenson (“Bend it Like Beckham”) plays the Macedonian Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhi, who became a nun in Dublin, moved to India and experienced her second conversion there.

Veteran TV documentary maker William Riead, who built a career in “The Making Of” films — movies about the making of this or that feature film — tells Mother Teresa’s story in flashback.

The priest in charge of researching the first “miracle” associated with Mother Teresa — a cancer cure a woman credits to a photo of  Teresa — is played by Rutger Hauer. “We have to be certain,” his Vatican bosses tell him.

That puts the Great Rutger Hauer in the position of simply sitting and listening to the one priest who knew the late Mother way back when. The Great Max Von Sydow is that priest, Celeste van Exem. He is the one who tells the story of Mother Teresa, and relates lines from her letters of “doubt.”

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“The Letters” bogs down in the years it took the church to give the woman permission to leave her “cloistered” status as teacher and go out among the poor. The Indian backlash at this “Christian woman” caring for their poor. She was trying to convert them, they claimed, which she denied. But it is also alleged that she baptized the dying in her hospice.

The film is riddled with repetitive dialogue and eye-rolling moments, which a pro like Stevenson manages to deliver without rolling her eyes. But her portrayal is consistently selfless and often moving, even as she is eagerly avoiding publicity for herself.

“I am just a pencil in God’s hand.”

Riead had a very good cast and plenty of authentic settings. But he never had a poetic script. Merely addressing the controversies (outside of India) that follow the woman would have lent credibility to this enterprise. He avoids that.

And in doing so, he creates a movie that won’t convert anyone, a film for the faithful who want to believe nothing but the best about Mother Teresa. Real life is rarely cut and dry, and dramatically flat, as this.

2stars1
MPAA Rating:PG for thematic material including some images of human suffering

Cast: Juliet Stevenson, Max Von Sydow, Rutger Hauer
Credits: Written and directed by William Riead. A release.

Running time: 1:54

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Holiday Box Office: “Hunger” close to $200, “Good Dinosaur” soars

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A 52%+ fall-off on its second weekend isn’t enough to keep “Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2” from winning another weekend at the box office.

It should manage upper $40s, when the weekend is tallied, about $70 since Wed., when the holiday counting started. It will clearthe  $200 million mark by next week. It could catch “The Martian” $218, still in the top ten) by next weekend.

“The Good Dinosaur” is the strongest of the new films opening this Thanksgiving, and looks to manage a middling (for Pixar, anyway) $38 million over the weekend, $54 or so since Wed. It ate up most of the superior “Peanuts” movie business. It did. “Peanuts” will be at $117 total by midnight Sunday.

“Creed” also opened strong, a $27 million weekend, almost $40 since Wed. by the time Sunday night’s results are tallied.

“Spotlight”, an Oscar contender, is comfortably in the top ten. “Carol” is doing great per screen in limited release.

“Victor Frankenstein” bombed. Is in the process of bombing. Won’t crack the Top Ten.

 

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Movie Review: “The Wannabe”

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Viewers in the indie film loop will recognize “The Wannabe,” actor-turned-director Nick Sandow’s new mob drama, as telling the same story as the dizzier, sexier “Rob the Mob.”

Both are based on the life of Tommy Uva, a delusional young Italian  American whose hero is mob boss John Gotti, whose dream is to become a part of Gotti’s mob family.

But as befits a film with Martin Scorsese as a credited producer, “Wannabe” is more “King of Comedy” tragic, more sadly psychotic, than its 2014 predecessor.

Because Tommy Uva–who goes by “Thomas” here — is deep into his made-man fantasy. And there’s little funny about that.

Thomas (Vincent Piazzo of “Jersey Boys”) dresses in loud double-breasted suits and white leather shoes. He packs a piece, practices his shtick in the mirror, and hangs out in the courthouse where “The Teflon Don,” “The Hero of Ozone Park,” Gotti, is on trial. It’s 1992, and Thomas is enraged that Gotti is facing prison, furious at anyone who reports on his misdeeds — especially self-promoting “Guardian Angel” and radio vigilante Curtis Sliwa.

Thomas also hangs out in front of known Gotti haunts. Gotti’s crew knows him and barely tolerates him. But over-40 Rosie, the “Duchess of Queens,” is intrigued. And having impulse-control issues, she seduces him and is seduced by his Mafia mania. She’s into what he’s into.

And as Thomas naively tries to ingratiate himself with the Gotti mob, even schemes to buy a juror to get him acquitted and get credit for it, Rosie — who likes the cocaine and the sex — goes along for the ride. Gotti’s conviction sends them on a spiral that leads down a rabbit hole of denial and into to a string of robberies and even an attempted assassination.

“Rob the Mob” was more about the robberies, given a comical, inept amateurism and a “Bonnie & Clyde” feel. “Wannabe” is more about the mental state of its couple, attempts at interventions, and tragedy.

Here’s the biggest difference between the films. Oscar winner Patricia Arquette brings mileage, desperation and regret to Rosie, a woman who can no longer be choosy about who she beds in the back of her Taurus, if she ever was choosy.

Arquette makes a marvelous counterpoint to Piazza’s functional but foolish Thomas. Piazza doesn’t quite get across the twitchy energy you expect from this guy. Thomas is treated as a neighborhood “character,” someone always underestimated until he pulls out a gun. Guns are a great way for the dim-witted to buttress their delusions of grandeur.

Thomas/Tommy get slapped, pushed around and dismissed. Until the unmade man waves a Tech 9 or other handgun around at the “social club” card games. How d’ya like me now?

Not to belabor the comparison, but “Wannabe” lacks the breathless energy and romantic pathos of “Rob the Mob,” which paired up Michael Pitt and Nina Arianda. “Wannabe” hews more closely to the true story and avoids laughing at its anti-hero and heroine. But the characters are held at arm’s length, so our sympathies are more muted.

The different approach, the implied commentary on media-built mob worship and the presence of Arquette (“Boyhood”) make it worth your while. But as a general rule, you never want to be the second movie out on a particular piece of history. Even Scorsese’s name in the credits isn’t enough to make us forget the first film, or its virtues.

2stars1

MPAA Rating:R for drug use, language, some sexuality and violence

Cast: Vincent Piazza, Patricia Arquette, Michael Imperioli, Jay Bulger
Credits: Written and directed by Nick Sandow. An eOne release.

Running time: 1:30

 

 

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Movie Review: “Creed”

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At the very beginning of my professional reviewing career, I joked that Sly Stallone needed to finish up this “Rocky” series now — before “Rocky IV” became “Rocky Needs an I.V.”

And damned if that wasn’t prophetic.

It’s amazing how this story, this character and this film franchise has endured. With “Creed,” it has transcended the need for Senior Citizen Stallone to get into the ring. And darned if the formula — the landmarks, the Stations of the Italian Stallion Cross (famous music,museum steps,  seedy gyms, training montages) — didn’t get to me a couple of times.

But let’s read to the end and see if I can force myself to endorse this. Because I left the theater very much on the fence.

“Creed” allows Ryan “Fruitvale Station” Cooglar to invert the Rocky Myth for a new generation. It stars Cooglar’s “Fruitvale” muse, Michael B. Jordan. He plays the illegitimate son of Apollo Creed, Rocky’s foe-turned-friend over the course of four “Rocky” movies, who died in “Rocky IV” back in 1985.

We meet the kid, apparently 13, in juvenile detention back in 1998. Apollo’s widow (Phylicia Rashad) takes the troubled boy home and raises him rich.

But Adonis Johnson — son of Apollo, the most famous alumnus of the Delphi Gym (All Greek to them) — has a chip on his shoulder and something to prove. He’s a college-educated financial analyst, but also a self-taught brawler who weekends in Mexico, boxing.

When he can’t get any of his dad’s boxing circle to train him, he seeks out Rocky Balboa, widowed restaurateur.

“Why would you pick a fighter’s life?”

Stallone strains, just a little, to find the working class pug deep inside of the Hollywood royalty he’s become. Stilted dialogue doesn’t help. It takes some effort to deliver an excuse for him to reprise Rocky’s most famous lines, “Yo Adrian” and “Yo Paulie.”  Rocky visits their graves and reads the newspaper to their headstones.

The kid wants to make his own name for himself, so he goes by Donnie Johnson up to the moment the world realizes he’s Adonis Johnson, son of Creed. And that name, that “Creed blood,” is how he leaps into the position of title contender, fighting a British thug (Tony Bellew) about to go to prison.

A love interest — a singer losing her hearing (Tessa Thompson of “Dear White People” and “Selma”) — gets the film’s best line, one that sums up Stallone, Rocky and the movie when she says it to Donnie.

All she wants is to “do what I love as long as I can.”

Stallone gets a couple of sentimental moments with some emotional punch to them.  They don’t add up to a lot without our previous investment in the character. Oscar nomination? I don’t see it.

Jordan is a fine actor who looks nothing like Carl Weathers, and even bulked up, is nobody’s idea of a boxer. These ,movies were never really about “the sweet science.” They’re burlesques of it, its practitioners and its milieu.

The movie doesn’t do enough to break the “Rocky” formula, and Cooglar does little to misdirect us away from realizing this. The “grit” of Philly seems digitally removed. Real ESPN and HBO sportscasters, real HBO voice over work by Liev Schrieber are supposed to add authenticity. As are the freeze-frames showing us each hulking opponent, his name and record.

Alas, this “Greatest Hits” is missing my favorite training trope. No, not the chasing chickens that Mickey made Rocky do. Rocky never takes the kid to punch sides of beef.

There’s a justly-celebrated “long take,” which follows Stallone and Jordan from the dressing room, into the ring and through an earlier fight. It’s a showcase scene and is impressive, if not quite dazzling.

But at this stage of this saga, you kind of know where it’s going and which emotional buttons will be punched, the ones I predicted way back in 1984 with my little IV-I.V.” crack. Another two hours and 13 minutes of it, even with decent “Rocky” style fights (roundhouse punch after roundhouse punch) is hardly merited.

2stars1
MPAA Rating: PG-13 for violence, language and some sensuality

Cast: Michael B. Jordan, Sylvester Stallone, Phylicia Rashad, Tessa Thompson
Credits: Directed by Ryan Coogler, script by Aaron Covington and Ryan Coogler. An MGM-Warner Brothers release.

Running time: 2:13

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