Movie Review: Awkwafina at her Awfullest, Cena Unsavable — “Jackpot!”

Paul Feig created the cult series “Freaks and Geeks,” directed “Bridesmaids” and “A Simple Favor” and the first twenty minutes of “Jackpot!” — which he also directed — is bad enough to make one forget ALL of that.

Bad one-liners, performers straining to find a laugh, Awkwafina making one question why stardom ever came her way, and even John Cena is at a loss about what to do to make this abortion of an action comedy show a pulse.

“It’s a dead end!”

“I’ve seen deader!”

The dystopian premise had promise. You know how much harder and harder its become to win a lottery? It’s because The State doesn’t want anybody to win.

And a few years in the future, California has figured out a sort of final “Purge” solution to that, declaring open season on big “Jackpot!” winners, with those who kill (no collateral murders and no “guns” allowed) the winner before sundown collecting a cash bounty.

The interactive electronic tickets track the “winner,” drones give away their location, and it’s open season on some poor devil’s “lucky” day. Seann William Scott gets Stiflered for his winning ticket in the opening sequence.

Awkwafina plays a former child star of commercials — Katie Kim — who returns to the even-more-cutthroat-than-now LA to take another shot at stardom, only to stumble into a Lotto “win.” She cannot survive the day without the help of a Lottery Protection Agent, played here by big goofy “face like a human ear” John Cena.

Simu Lu runs the biggest protection racket in town, a rich hustler with questionable motives. Ayden Mayeri is the AirBnB Hostess from Hell who torments and robs hapless Katie Kim before her “win,” and would love to collect that murderous bounty.

“Jackpot!” starts out unwatchably bad, without a single line or situation landing and the few cameos pretty much wasted. A tussle in a downmarket Hollywood wax museum (Almost all Kardashians, with John Cleese’s “None Shall Pass” knight from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”), “stage parent” gags, a little old lady pickpocket, nothing and no one works.

But then the violence begins — roiling through a karate studio, yoga class and the like. Cena’s big lovable “bootleg Captain America” lump crashes in, Machine Gun Kelly is called out by his real name and takes a beating, just for laughs and Noel the lottery body guard earns his keep.

“You look like Wreck-it-Ralph after a 14 hour cocaine bender!”

No, the picture doesn’t come around. But the mayhem — bike chases, mob brawls, etc — keeps the lukewarm mess on the move.

And we finally hit that one funny line. It’s about Hollywood’s love-hate relationship with LaCroix sparkling water, especially coconut flavor.

“It tastes like a DRAWING of a coconut!”

“Jackpot!” is the LaCroix of Cena/Awkwafina action comedies. It plays like a drawing of the comic and the wrestler, one that doesn’t come to life.

Feig? Well, maybe “A Simple Favor 2” will mark his comeback.

R: Violence, profanity

Cast: Awkwafina, John Cena, Simu Lu, Ayden Mayeri, Donald Elise Watkins and Seann William Scott

Credits: Directed by Paul Feig, scripted by Paul Yescombe. An Amazon Prime release.

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About Roger Moore

Movie Critic, formerly with McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Orlando Sentinel, published in Spin Magazine, The World and now published here, Orlando Magazine, Autoweek Magazine
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