Movie Review: More Crazy Korean Eye Candy — “Alienoid: Return to the Future”

Those “prisoners” supernaturally imprisoned in human bodies, bouncing between the distant past and the Korean present as “Alienoids” are back.

“Alienoid: Return to the Future” is, if anything, even harder to follow than “Alienoid.” But plainly “following” whatever the hell is going on in Choi Dong-hoon’s head and in his movie isn’t really the point.

It’s just as loopy, perhaps a little more whimsical and just as easily described as silly, dumb “eye candy” as ever.

As in the first film, the pan-dimensional “prisoners” are torn between taking over human bodies as their “prisons,” and escaping that mortal flesh in a bid to unleash haava, the pinkish-red cloud that will alter Earth’s atmosphere, wipe out humanity and leave all that land for them.

Ten years have passed, and Lee Ahn, or “Ean” in the print I watched (played by Kim Tae-ri) wanders ancient Korea, seeking the Divine Blade that might free others from the “inmates” imprisoned in their flesh and turn the tide against the evildoers and Jarang (Kim Eui-sung), their shaman/leader.

Ean don’s disguises (a mustache that fools no one) and alters her voice (fooling even fewer) as the magic martial artist pixie hides from the pursuing (digital) cats, Left Paw and Right Paw, who take human form at times as they track her on behalf of Mureuk (Ryu Jun-Yeol).

A blind swordsman/shaman (Jo Woo-jin) is also wandering the past, hunting and taking on all comers.

Meanwhile, in the present day, Customs Agent/secret warrior Min Gae-in (Lee Hanee) is on the case, trying to figure out who is possessed by whom, ready to trot out her own supernatural fighting skills when the pistols come out, as they often do.

“How far back does the wheel of fortune turn?”

There is a space ship that can travel through time, modern guns which those flung into the past whip out, and enchanted sabres and swords, a sword-fan with a mind of its own and arrows that could do a lesser mortal in, which is why they’re all so good at parkour and, you know…FLYING.

The wirework is impressive, the fantasy effects spectacular and the fights sometimes fun in this sprawling, colorful and somewhat empty-headed spectacle. A favorite gag has Min Gae-in throw a punch through a magical mirror that gives her a fist The Hulk would shy away from fighting.

“Hard to follow” includes just keeping the characters straight as they seem to switch allegiances, often through no control of their own, and the character names don’t line up neatly with IMDb or other credits websites.

But these “Alienoids” still treat us to something resembling a simple cinematic thrill ride. Don’t try to follow it, don’t attempt to anticipate what’s coming. Just don’t sweat anything like a “detail.”

After all, “We are all just pines trees by the courtyard” in the end — Korean wisdom in alienoid form.

Rating: violence, some profanity

Cast: Kim Tae-ri, Lee Hanee, Kim Eui-sung
Ryu Jun-Yeol, Kim Eui-sung and Jo Woo-jin

Credits: Scripted and directed by Choi Dong-hoon. A Well Go USA release.

Running time: 2:02

About Roger Moore

Movie Critic, formerly with McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Orlando Sentinel, published in Spin Magazine, The World and now published here, Orlando Magazine, Autoweek Magazine
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