The nonsense slides by like lava on a wintry day in “Godzilla v. Kong: The New Empire,” a cheerfully stupid “kaiju” movie that isn’t as interesting as the licensing agreements that put a Hollywood creature feature creation on screen with a Pokemon collection of Japanese ones.

Dan Stevens completes the journey from “Downton Abbey” heartthrob to digital King Kong dentist. BAFTA winner Rebecca Hall classes up the joint as “the Serious Scientist.” And Oscar, Emmy and Tony nominee Brian Tyree Henry makes his first on-screen appearance since “Causeway” (he does voice-over work in the “Spiderverse”) in a movie that’s all about the digital “Titans,” digital titan brawls and a “plot” that isn’t worthy of that label.

“I’m worried about Kong!”

And well you should all should be. The 300 foot fall digital beast is getting white-haired and battle-scarred, holed up in the “Hollow Earth.” There are new challengers among his own kind down below, a scarred ape leading a titanic ape tribe, that scarred ape’s murderously pesky cub lieutenant, and the frosty reptile beast below that they’ve tamed and turned to their Kong-toppling purposes.

Godzilla? He’s above ground, trashing cities — but only by accident, now — as he attacks and neutralizes (Kills? “Absorbs?”) other titans who have crossed-over from Hollow Earth to human dominated Mother Earth.

The big worry is that Kong will return to the surface through a portal — Skull Island or wherever — and that will enrage Godzilla and “Oh no, there goes Tokyo” “again. Or Rome (Godzilla sleeps in the even-more-ruined Colosseum). Or Rio. Or wherever the kaiju roam.

“You can’t be serious,” might be the funniest line among many uttered by the scientist turned single-mom (she adopted the deaf Hollow Earth tribal child Jia — Kaylee Hottle), the conspiracy buff podcaster (Henry) and the surfer dude/kaiju expert and dentist.

The film is the least Japanese “Godzilla” movie ever, which is fine, since an Oscar-winning incarnation of that creature came out at the end of last year. The lizard king is a supporting player in this Kong-centric big critter combat film.

There’s fan service (pandering) in the jokey tone, the parade of classic pop/rock hits decorating the score — “I Was Made for Loving You” (Kiss), “Twilight Zone” (Golden Earring), “Turn Me Loose” (Loverboy) and of course, the obligatory bit of Badfinger.

But is there a movie in all of this Godzilla, Kong and kaiju-on-parade business? Not much of one.

It’s a lighthearted spectacle, but so disconnected from reality, narrative and human emotions that there’s almost nothing to it.

The effects are decent but not Oscar worthy, the way they were in “Godzilla Minus One.” And the only thing we’re expected to care about is whether Kong can survive retirement, which has to be on his mind every time he looks into a lake and sees the wrinkles, scars and white whiskers that should tell him he’s getting too old for this s—.

Rating: PG-13, “creature violence”

Cast: Rebecca Hall, Dan Stevens, Brian Tyree Henry, Alex Ferns and Kaylee Hottle

Credits: Adam Wingard, scripted by Terry Rossio, Simon Barrett and Jeremy Slater. A Warner Bros. release.

Running time: 1:55