
For about 45 minutes — roughly the length of the first act — Jake Gyllenhaal and “Edge of Tomorrow/Fair Game/American Made” director Doug Liman let us know that whatever the glories of Patrick Swayze’s crowd-pleasing bouncer dramedy, their version of “Road House” is reaching for another class.
Subtle acting moments, immaculate compositions and dazzling editing adorn a droll admission that what they’re doing is kind of a lark, a Florida Keys riff on rowdiness, corruption and Old West lawlessness.
And then the violence hits “next level,” Gyllenhaal gives us a couple of his least-convincing line readings ever and the whole enterprise drowns in the formula it’s attempting to rise above.
Gyllenhaal stars as Elwood Dalton, a homeless MMA fighter with a notorious past that only earns him enough to scare-off foes in back-alley brawls for money, and not enough to move out of his ancient Chevy Nova.
But as the trope goes, he’s there by choice. Even an insane offer of “$5K a week” to be a bouncer at some Florida bar that attracts too many rough customers cannot free him from the guilt that torments him and tempts him into a Suicide by Nova moment.
When that doesn’t work out, there’s nothing for it but to Greyhound his way to Glass Key (right next to “Kokomo,” the Beach Boys’ oldie on the soundtrack reminds us), where Frankie (Jessica Williams) and her unironically-named Road House reside.
It’s a Tiki Bar from Hell joint with a waterfront view, a giant thatched roof and a friendly staff (B.K. Cannon), including the obligatory protege bouncer Billy (Luke Gage).
All it takes is one night of sizing up the “rage-filled” biker sociopaths making Frankie’s life hell and her bottom-line filled with furniture replacement and busted-glass removal, and dealing with those rough customers, for Dalton to become a name everybody on the island knows.
He moves onto a half-wrecked trawler that the unsalty souls around him pass off as “a house boat,” crosses paths with the pretty ER doctor (Daniela Melchior), earns the ire of the nepo baby mob boss (Billy Magnussen) and crosses swords with the corrupt (In Florida? Shocking!) sheriff (Joaquim de Almieda).
And every now and then, in between upping the violence ante — think “gator bait,” only with a crocodile — Elwood Dalton has flashbacks to the world and ugliest moment in that world that made him who he is.
“You’re a nice person,” he tells the beautiful doctor. “You don’t want to know me.”
Liman and the screenwriters populate this Key with an almost colorful-enough supporting cast, and writers Anthony Bagarozzi and Chuck Mondry serve up a few pithy pearls in the dialogue.
The Keys’ long history with the drug trade (most of the filming took place in the Dominican Republic) is joked about by the locals who know the island chain’s name rhymes with a drug dealer’s slang for kilograms.
“Why do you think they call it the ‘Ki’s?”
The violence here begins as a bit over the top, with the ripped and cut Gyllenhaal taking a couple of knives to the ribcage. And then MMA psycho-peacock Conor McGregor shows up, strutting and flexing, bellowing and bullying and beating and making sure everybody knows his name. “Knox” he’s called, many times. “Knox” is tattooed all over his chest.
Gyllenhaal’s amused under-playing doesn’t hide the fact that there’s a hero/heavy imbalance, that the villains don’t add up to much until the fearsome McGregor shows up.
As with the strutting, dancer-turned-bouncer Swayze picture of yore, there’s an unreality to it all that gives “Road House” a comical lift. Some bad guys are whimpering pussycats when confronted, the bar really is over-the-top seedy — chicken wire protects the many bar bands that play there (I’d buy the soundtrack if they offer one) — and no bar anywhere in Florida could afford $5,000 a week just for a bouncer.
And once we’ve dropped into this “Watch out for that crocodile” world, checked-out its denizens and been reminded of the “Western” this whole brawling-not-shooting-match truly is by characters who see and state the obvious, the charm wears off and the blood spills and none of it stands up to a moment more’s scrutiny.
Rating: R, violence, nudity, profanity
Cast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Daniela Melchior, Conor McGregor, Jessica Williams, B. K. Cannon, Billy Magnussen, Post Malone and Joaquim de Almieda.
Credits: Directed by Doug Liman, scripted by Anthony Bagarozzi and Chuck Mondry, based on the 1989 film “Road House.” An MGM/Amazon release.
Running time: 2:01

