There’s a laugh-out-loud meltdown in the third act of “Five Blind Dates” that makes up for some of the tedium that’s come before and almost atones for all that doesn’t amuse or charm about the finale to come.

It’s a tirade over tea, and like the movie surrounding it, it’s much ado about very little.

“Five Blind Dates” is a rigidly fomulaic, stunningly dull rom-com with nary a whiff of “rom” and barely a nod towards “com.”

But it’s about the Chinese diaspora in Australia, about Chinese engagement and wedding and tea traditions, all of which are novel enough to at least warrant a glance.

Lia, played by co-writer Shuang Hu, is a Townsville girl trying to make a go of it with a Sydney tea shop she named for her beloved granny.

It’s a place to “explain our culture” to their Aussie neighbors, showing how “the ballet” of preparing Chinese tea fits within that culture. It is NOT where you want to try and get a “to go” cup of the sacrilege called bubble tea.

Lia has a gay bestie (Ilai Swindells) just dying to do that “gay bestie makeover” of the self-serious Lia and her too-serious-to-be-saved tea shop. But gay Mason will just have to wait until he’s asked.

That ask won’t be long in coming as he’s accompanying Lia to her younger sister Alice’s (Tiffany Wong) engagement party back in her hometown, where she can lie to teacher Mom (Renee Lim of “The Invisible Man”) and divorced, money-obsessed Dad (the terrific character actor Tzi Ma, of “The Farewell,””Mulan” and TV’s “Kung Fu” reboot) about how well her shop is doing.

But she can’t lie to the fortune teller, who we’re told is a traditional guest at Chinese engagements.

Lia is advised, in front of the entire wedding-to-be party, that her love life and career are intertwined, and that things won’t work out for her until she marries one of the next five men she dates. She must meet and date them BEFORE the wedding.

Rather than be shamed by her handsome but dull hometown ex Richard (Yoson An) at “the Lonely Hearts table” at the upcoming wedding, she resolves to let Dad, Mom, Sister and others fix her up in a mad scramble to be attached to somebody at that sibling’s wedding.

The blind dates barely register, although touchy-feely guru-vibe of Curtis (Rob Collins) kind of tickles.

The tea-making allegory barely merits a mention, much less a subtext.

The dialogue ranges from inane to insipid, and the direction (by Shawn Seet) just underscores that.

Example — Lia changes blouses for the engagement lunch and somehow packed a puffy/frilly shirt. In case we miss that limp joke, gay Mason pipes up “You look like a crew member from ‘Pirates of the Caribbean.'”

The visual was the gag, Mason. Your punchline didn’t help.

A shot opens on a bouncing, dancing and drinking fiesta, the engagement party that Lia traveled home to attend. But “ENGAGEMENT PARTY” is slapped up as a big, remedial graphic for the elderly in the viewing audience. I guess.

The fortune teller is a stereotype, others lean into Chinese cinematic tropes — money-obsessed, gauche, practical-not-emotional, quick to change languages to insult the non-Chinese. And then there’s Mason.

“You know me, Boo, I don’t KINK-shame. But straight people? Are wild!“

This entire enterprise is so familiar as to be “one from column A), two from column B)” predictable, a cut-and-paste job assembled according to a Screenwriting 101 textbook.

There’s no guesswork to any of it, not in its “viral” climax or its inevitable Mr. Right.

But maybe people who’ve never seen a rom-com will get something out of it.

Rating: TV-13+, profanity, innuendo

Cast: Shuang Hu, Ilai Swindells, Tiffany Wong, Yoson An, Renee Lim, Rob Collins and Tzi Ma.

Credits: Directed by Shawn Seet, scripted by Shuang Hu and Nathan Ramos-Park. An MGM release on Amazon Prime.

Running time: 1:24