There are Filipino dramas and thrillers with some edge to them, and a few of those titles make it to Netflix.

But romances, especially high school romances? Those come in one Filipino flavor — insipid.

“The Last Goodbye” is a sentimental pairing of the pretty, popular valedictorian with a lonely dork who might tactfully be described as waiting for his baby fat to wear off.

Heart (Daniela Stanner) is Heart, our heroine, soldiering on but still grieving after the death of her mother. Xavier (Matt Lozano) is the shy, unpopular photography nerd who crushes on her from afar, until events conspire let their hands touch and their eyes lock.

He swoons. She gives him reactions that range from “whatever” to “keep your distance.”

Which he does, like an obedient puppy dog following his first crush from three steps behind.

As Heart voice-over narrates the story from some point in the future (the setting is the 2002-2003 school year), we’re meant to see her falling for this lump whom everybody else judges by his appearance, and explaining the reasons she does.

She doesn’t.

These films can be a real culture shock to Western viewers raised on the more sophisticated, rude, raunchy and “adult” high school cinema of Italy, France and Hollywood.

Lines like Heart “wondering why I haven’t run into my into my new friend today” wouldn’t get you a second meeting on your teen rom-com at Netflix. “Eye-rolling” doesn’t begin to describe how quaint and “cute” in the most unflattering way this “relationship” develops

But the “high school” part of this Filipino high school romance — in Filipino and English — is goofy, giddy and properly childish. Many of the kids are broad caricatures of high school “types,” especially Heart’s besties — the vamping, theatrical Elsa (Karina Bautista) and the flamboyantly funny bakla born Fernando Po III but who identies as Fiona (Esnyr Ranollo).

Watching and listening to Ranolla is like hearing Nathan Lane “Birdcage” wisecracks coming out of D.J. Qualls’ body.

The Heart, Elsa and Fiona — with Xavier as their flunky — efforts to play the high school popularity game (“elections”) and run the annual “Mr. Awesome” boy’s beauty content are a hoot, but criminally under-developed and too tiny a contribution to the film to overwhelm the diabetic sweetness of it all.

Boys competing to be the class playa? That’s pretty edgy. The “talent” competition is mostly street corner Romeos trying out their best pick-up lines.

“Are you poop?” “NO. Why?” “Because I’m falling for you!”

“Last Goodbye’s” value as an “Around the World with Netflix” taste of another culture is limited. It’s scenic, here and there, but slow-feeling, slow-moving and slow-looking. Watch the static conversation scenes where two characters are rigidly glued to their camera position and can’t animate or “act” their way out of their conversation because of how stiff they have to play it.

Director and co-writer Noah Tonga, is that your doing?

And the movie doesn’t really answer the question — to outsiders, at least — of who Joe D’Mango is and why his “participation” in this romance was deemed worth pursuing. He turns up in one of the film’s FOUR anti-climaxes to try and explain life and eternal love and whatnot and show off a slogan-bearing baseball cap he’s probably hawking online.

Dude, we get it.

Rating: TV-14

Cast: Daniela Stranner, Matt Lozano, Arlene Muhlach, Bodjie Pascua, Karina Bautista, Troy Regis and
Esnyr Ranollo

Credits: Directed by Noah Tonga, scripted by Christine Badillo Novicio and Noah Tonga. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:47