“The Crossroads” is the sort of movie you get when you park two attractive but bland young actors on a modestly scenic piece of real estate and take romance pretty much off the table.

A stunningly dull chat-a-thon of silences, evasive question-and-answer conversations, abrupt, contrived arguments, literary name dropping and cliched third act “diagnoses” explaining much of what’s come before, it’s as good an argument as any against “keeping things simple,” tuning out the outside world and such.

You’d die of boredom.

Emily Coupe arrives at the titular filling station/convenience store/diner on the border between Arizona and New Mexico, jumps out of a car with her backpack, guitar, torn tight jeans and pink hair extensions, only to be “rescued” by “a cowboy” played by Nick Ballard.

“Star” is her name. She wants to be a singer-songwriter. But she’s fled LA, heading for “Dubuque.” Not that she gives this away any time soon.

Logan isn’t especially friendly, but he offers her a lift in his ancient Ford pickup, talks about “weather comin'” (We can see the skies. Nope.) and takes her to his remote farmhouse.

Don’t get your hopes up. This isn’t a horror movie.

Star is closed-off, working out some things. Logan is shut-down, dealing with his own issues. The script has them spend 95 minutes doling out even the tiniest hint of information about their names, their backgrounds, the time setting we’re dealing with and the problems they’re struggling to overcome.

Director Douglas A. Raine and screenwriter Ginia Desmond break that fundamental convenant they’re honor bound to take with the audience. Tell us what your movie is about, tell us who the characters are and don’t bore us to death waiting around for something — ANYthing — to happen.

Only somebody who thinks leaving LA for Dubuque is a fun idea could conjure up a leading lady dense enough to say “A clothesline? I’ve never used one.” Even if you haven’t, honey, there’s no danged sense admitting it.

Only a “cowboy” who hides his rodeo trophies in haystacks, who actually farms “hemp” now (not that we see “work” of any sort) when he isn’t reading “The Invisible Man” (H.G. Wells, 1897), with the Quran and select works of Carl Jung on his DIY bookshelves, could offer up this as a comeback.

“You’ll have to figure it out.”

Rating: profanity, adult subject matter

Cast: Nick Ballard, Emily Coupe

Credits: Directed by Douglas A. Raine, scripted by Ginia Desmond. A Desktop Entertainment release on FreeVee, Amazon Prime, etc.

Running time: 1:35