Those giggly, girly, binge-eating, too-dim-to-balance-a-checkbook “Baby Assassins” are back, more childish than ever in “Baby Assassins 2 Babies,” the sequel to a fast, furious and glibly funny film about Japanese teens who have taken up contract killing as their high school extracurricular activity.
But you’re only allowed to take the viewer wholly by surprise once with your John Wick Junior Miss take on murdering for money. And something — several things — hit me wrong about this more sluggish sequel.
The fight choreography is more “choreography,” the ditziness is more grating and the acting even more over the top.
And the Bugs Bunny Physics of it all — pitting two petite flyweights up against rivals with a lot more throw-weight — the point blank shootouts where nobody is any more than slightly injured and the dead spaces between the action beats I found wearing and kind of soul-sucking. The video game body count didn’t help.
Here, two callous, life-is-cheap teen dullards (Joey Iwanaga and Tatsuomi Hamada) become rivals for punching, pistol-packing pixies Chisato (Akari Takaishi) and Mahiro (Saori Izawa).
Makoto (Hamada) and Yuuri (Iwanaga) are ready “to move up the ladder” after slaughtering a gang when all they were meant to do was take out its leader. The best way to not remain “errand boys” and to land two spots in the “guild” of assassins, their manager informs them, is to shoot other assassins to create vacancies.
That couldn’t come at a worse time for bleached-blonde Mahiro and chatterbox Chisato. They’re behind on their guild training gym fees, and they’ve blown-off payments on their “Jolly Assassins Insurance Plan.”
They can’t “go on strike.” They can’t give away their work with a “viral video” protest.
They have to rush to make their payments, but as they do, the bank is held up. What can they do but break their hostage zip-ties and kill the robbers? That gets them suspended, forced to take odd jobs and slash expenses. And that leaves them vulnerable.
Their guild rules say they can “Never kill outside of work.”
There are still laughs in this sequel, but for me, they all came after its lumbering, stumbling start. The coed killers take jobs as retail plush-suit mascots, and get into a tussle — with each other — over their costumes, and in costume.
And one quick-cut gag sees Makoto eject a round from his trusty pistol, with Yuuri snatching the floating round mid-air.
It’s the sort of comedy where a short order cook orders her feuding customers to leave with a “Play with your guns outside (in Japanese, with English subtitles).”
At some point, the flippancy of the gun violence here achieves “cringiness” and never gives it up.
A lot of the cleverness of the original film, the world-building and character-introductions, is lost when you add two new “babies” and show half of the nonsensical, bloody-but-not-remotely-as-bloody-as-it-would-be-in-reality action from their point of view.
The original “babies” — OK, the talky annoying one — overreaches with her breathless, bugeyed impression teen girl behavior.
At some point, “cute” no longer figures into it, and you’re just joking around with guns and gunplay tropes that aren’t any funnier simply because they’ve already been beaten to death.
Rating: unrated, very violent, teen smoking, profanity
Cast: Akari Takaishi, Saori Izawa, Joey Iwanaga and Tatsuomi Hamada
Credits: Scripted and directed by Yugo Sakamoto. A Well Go USA release.
Running time: 1:41





