No, I didn’t have the breakout star of “Boogie Nights” and the director of “Siesta” and the original “Pet Sematary” films on my “Most likely to make a holiday movie this Christmas” predictions list.

But here we are, with a Heather Graham and Brandy Norwood star vehicle that casts the dude from the “American Pie” movies in support, all directed by Mary Lambert, who came back from “Mega Python vs. Gatoroid” exile to direct “A Castle for Christmas” a couple of years back.

But is it the “Best. Christmas. Ever?” Don’t be ridiculous.

“Best.” is a tepid holiday tale that has little to do with Christmas save for skewering that humbragging tradition, the family “Christmas Letter,” in which we boast about our year and play up the achievements of our kids and try not to sound like we’re over-selling them and us.

“Father of the Bride” veteran Charles Shyer and a co-writing newcomer give us Graham and Jason Biggs as Charlotte and Rob Sanders, a struggling Arizona engineer and inventor and her house-flipping husband, with two cute but undisciplined kids (Abby Villasmil), one of whom (Wyatt Hunt) gets advice from his horrific-looking sock monkey. He’s the one who changes the destination on their GPS-directed drive to visit relatives to the home of the Jennings family, the kid not the doll.

Jackie Jennings (singer/actress Brandy N.) always sends these “smug,” glossy holiday letters extolling her business success, her “genius” ten year-old daughter (Madison Skye Validum), her hunky Latino husband (Matt Cedeno) and son who is “saving the world” over in Africa.

“Nobody’s life is that wonderful, that perfect,” Charlotte grumps. But Jackie’s mention of their mansion and their plans to circle the globe in a solar-powered hot air balloon convince the sock monkey to convince little Grant to send them to the Jennings’ house, instead.

Events (SNOW) then conspire to trap Charlotte & Co. with Jackie, who used to sing in a No Doubt cover band with Charlotte’s husband and is thus some sort of ex-girlfriend, for the holidays.

Hilarity ensues. Except of course it doesn’t.

Things get “real.” Except even the “Big Secret” at the heart of Jackie’s mania to succeed and advertise it isn’t realistic at all.

The obnoxious know-it-all ten year old “genius” is worth a laugh or two, and a jokey video Charlotte made for work re: her product-testing duties at a company that makes a Roomba that goes Boomba has a giggle in it.

Kids trying to “prove” or disprove the existence of Santa, adults fretting over the disappointments of life all might be standard fare for holiday pictures like this.

But the best you can say for this — aside from Netflix finding work for older writers and directors — is that it’s shiny, childish background noise that might keep a child distracted long enough for adults to get a turkey in the oven and a gift or two wrapped.

Rating: PG, bed-squeaking innuendo

Cast: Heather Graham, Brandy Norwood, Madison Skye Validum, Wyatt Hunt, Abby Villasmil, Matt Cedeno and Jason Biggs.

Credits: Directed by Mary Lambert, scripted by Todd Calgi Gallicano and Charles Shyer. A Netflix release.

Running time: 1:27