Movie Review: A Pistol-Packing, Punch-tossing Priest “investigates” for the Holy Church — “The Man from Rome”

Richard Armitage gives off Big Liam Neeson energy in “The Man from Rome,” a papal thriller about land grabs, murder and historical church coverups set in that picture postcard in the south of Spain, Seville.

But while casting the veteran of “The Hobbit” franchise as a man of action, a Vatican investigator and “any means necessary” fixer looks like a nice fit, it’s almost all this picture has going for it.

The script is a convoluted, low-stakes affair with weak motivations, half a dozen credited screenwriters and a gaping hole where a proper villain should be.

Directed Sergio Dow (“Hemingway, the Hunter of Death”) and his collaborating screenwriters seem hamstrung by what appears to have been a stodgy source novel, odd considering its author is as infamous for charges of plagiarism as his ultra-conservative political columns in the Spanish press.

You’re adapting, team. Fix plot shortcomings, turn some characters into composites, give it some pace, up the ante and make it a MOVIE for heaven’s sake.

Armitage is an Irish-born military veteran turned priest on a special papal unit — NOT the one Russell Crowe’s motor-scootering around Europe doing exoricisms for, alas. But yes, the great Italian heartthrob Franco Nero plays “Il Papa” in this movie as well as “The Pope’s Exorcist.”

There’s this historic church in Seville slated for deconsecration and demolition, but precious enough that some folks want to save it, especially the heiress to the family that donated the land it is built on way back in the 18th century.

Father Quart (?) is sent by private jet to Seville to sort things out. He brings his laptop and his pistol and his com-links with the Vatican’s situation room control-agent priest (Carlos Cuevas), the tech nerd fending off hackers to the Holy Father’s account. Somehow, somebody got an email through to His Holiness about this church debacle, so Father Cooey isn’t the ace security guy he seems.

Still, he’ll monitor Father Quart’s moves via video uplinks, and point him towards quarries, foes and all the right moves in Spain.

The not-divorced Catholic socialite/heiress (Amaia Salamanca) will fret over the fact that Quart is “too good looking to be a priest” and she tries to save her family’s church.

Backroom finance deals with the usual suspects — oligarchs and Arab oil sheikhs — blackmail over sexual misconduct and a stubborn old priest (“Raiders of the Lost Ark” alumnus Paul Freeman) who doesn’t want to give up the ghost or Our Lady of Tears Cathedral are involved.

Bodies pile up and the more characters show up, from cops ready to pitch Quart a job “if you ever want to trade that collar for a badge,” to scheming priests and monsignors (Paul Guilfoyle is one of them) to the heiress’s regal mother (Fionnula Flanagan) who seems a tad sketchy, to the crusading architectural restoration specialist (Alicia Borrachero) who turns out to be a social activist nun.

Virtually none of them have enough to work with to jolt this picture off the flatline it opens with and tracks through straight to the anti-climactic finale. There are several unnamed heavies, a couple of sketchy characters and one a tad sketchier and more ruthless than others, but not anybody’s idea of a Villain with a capital “V.”

And Armitage isn’t Neesonesque enough to manage that by himself.

It’s enough to bring out the lapsed Irish Catholic in any critic, as in “JAYzus this’is dull.”

Rating: unrated, violence, sexual situation

Cast: Richard Armitage, Amaia Salamanca, Paul Guilfoyle, Alicia Borrachero, Carlos Cuevas, Rodolfo Sancho, Paul Freeman and Franco Nero.

Credits: Directed by Sergio Dow, scripted by Sergio Dow, Adrian Bol, Gretchen Cowan, Carolina López-Rodriguez, Sheila Willis and Luis Zelkowicz, based on a novel by Arturo Pérez-Reverte. A Screen Media release.

Running time: 2:00

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About Roger Moore

Movie Critic, formerly with McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Orlando Sentinel, published in Spin Magazine, The World and now published here, Orlando Magazine, Autoweek Magazine
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