“Juliet & Romeo” isn’t an “updating” of Shakespeare’s immortal star-crossed lovers. It’s still set in the Renaissance, with doublets and dirks and dueling, a prince trying to end an ancient family feud, with a not-quite-helpful friar, nurse, etc.

It features almost all of the characters from the play — some with more prominent roles in the story than ever before.

But it’s a musical, littered with instantly forgettable songs by Evan Bogart and Justin Gray and a decent dance number or two that still doesn’t answer the questions posed by many of the singers.

Did all of them do their own singing? Even Dan Fogler as the Apothecary? And did they have autotune in the Italian Renaissance?

Long review short, this is Shakespeare’s play without the poetry.

Throw in that it also lacks a balcony scene, but with added political intrigues that drive the competing Montagues and Capulets as they try to either win favor with the Prince of Verona (Rupert Graves) or outflank him in the era’s struggles between Italian rule and a papal empire.

It’s not rubbish, just completely and utterly unsatisfying.

Clara Rugaard and Jamie Ward are the pretty but bland, colorless leads. The hothead Tybalt (Ferdia Walsh Peelo) towers over his dueling foe Mercutio (Nicholas Podany), making us wonder if that was ever a fair fight.

Rebel Wilson hisses and sings as the mother of Juliet.

Rupert Everett and Jason Isaacs are the Capulet and Montague patriarchs, famed actors in fabulous costumes with nothing much to play.

The legendary Derek Jacobi lent his presence to this, bringing a little gravitas to Friar Lawrence, but like the rest of the cast, condemned to recite writer-director Timothy Scott Bogart’s lines and not the Bards. For shame.

Because woe, woe unto this show, a misguided misfire on so many levels one cannot ennumerate them. Let’s just say the costumes and settings are first rate and wait for one and all to erase this from their resumes as we erase it from our memories.

Rating: PG-13, bloody violence, “suggestive material” (hanging out in a brothel)

Cast: Clara Rugaard, Jamie Ward, Ferdia Walsh Peelo, Nicholas Podany, Rebel Wilson, Rupert Everett, Dan Fogler, Jason Isaacs, Rupert Graves and Derek Jacobi.

Credits:Directed by Timothy Scott Bogart, scripted by Timothy Scott Bogart, based on the play by Wm. Shakespeare.

Running time: 2:02