“My veins no longer pump the blood of life,” Gus purrs to Irene, when he finally gets her to agree to go out with him. “We NEED you to nurture me back to life, Irene. An ETERNITY awaits us!”
Irene? She’s hearing those alarm bells go off, the ones that might have been dinging the first few times this gorgeous, foreign-accented Adonis hit on her as he was jogging. But then Irene (Jamie Bernadette) didn’t know women named Iris and Ireland and Ivy and Irerce and Ira have been getting killed all over metro Atlanta, apparently by a serial killer who can’t spell worth a damn.
There’s something about this Augustus “Gus” fellow (Luca Della Valle) who’s haunted her dreams, something from Catholic mythology, something about a saint pierced by a bunch of arrows, as if that excused this weirdo going around town gutting women with an ancient spearhead.
“Sebastian,” this ridiculous, almost-not-quite-amateurish picture’s title, is our clue.
The slickest thing in this no-budget indie is writer-director Mann Robinson’s animated production logo. But hats off to anybody who gets his or her script written, talks just enough “name recognition” talent to sign on to get it financed, filmed and released…to Tubi.
That Mr. Mann must be damned persuasive. I lost count of how many grown-ass-actresses he talked into taking their tops off for this fiasco.
The acting isn’t awful, although if I see one more student-film-level flop with veteran character player Clifton Powell‘s name in the credits, I’m taking that as a warning.
The story — cops (Torrei Hart and Darius McCrary) slow-walking and stumble-footing their way through disappearances that turn into murder cases, poor Irene abused by her cheating bro beau (Michael Emery), then courted by the tall, dark stranger “Gus” — has zero forward momentum. It’s a still-life.
And the dialogue?
“This s–t is SERIOUS,” the captain (Powell) says.
“That serious, Captain?”
“SERIOUS.”
Me? I’m getting too old for this s–t.
Rating: unrated, bloody violence, nudity, profanity.
Cast: Jamie Bernadette, Luca Della Valle, Torrei Hart, Darius McCrary and Clifton Powell.
Credits: Directed by Mann Robinson, scripted by Ken King and Mann Robinson. A Mann Robinson Production on Tubi.
Running time: 1:30
