Movie Review: “Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken” releases The Boredom

Dreamworks cleverly timed the release of “Ruby Gillman: Teenage Kraken,” to follow Disney’s live action “Little Mermaid” remake into theaters and into the hearts of parents and children everywhere.

OK, maybe not. A movie in which mermaids are vain, murderously power-mad villains of the deep, and the “protectors” of the oceans are the sea “monsters” known as kraken? Who’ve been the victims of bad PR?

Shiver me Hans Christian Andersen!

Maybe the racists who ranted about “The Little Mermaid” will be tempted — North American bigots, Southern white supremacists and, you know, China.

But the diverse high school and girls asking other girls to the prom and affirming don’t-let-others-define-who-you-are and “You can never outswim your destiny” messages are sure to trigger the snowflakes and Moms for Liberty book-banners who never go to movies, anyway.

The movie’s “Shrek” inspired “Ogres get a bad rap” conceit is clever enough, and some smart decisions in voice casting give “Ruby Gillman” a swimmer’s chance. It’s the candy-colored gloom of the production design (dark undersea sequences, etc.), stumbling comedy-by-committee script and general joylessness that let it down.

Ruby, voiced by Lana Condor, the Vietname-American starlet of Netflix’s “To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before” romances, is a kraken kid raised on dry land by her similarly assimilating parents.

She wears turtlenecks to hide her gills (“Gillman,” get it?), hangs with her high school mathlete “squad” and hasn’t a clue about what realtor mom Agatha (Toni Collette) and ships-in-a-bottle builder and online instructor Arthur (“Walking Dead” alumnus Colman Domingo) haven’t told her.

Anybody asks, they’re Canadian, eh? By the way, what human parent wouldn’t want a kraken real estate agent on their side when the knives come out?

They may live in scenic Oceanside, but Mom’s imparted a mortal fear of the sea to Ruby. And even though the prom’s coming up and Ruby would love to ask-or-be-asked by Connor (Jaboukie Young-White), the skateboarding hottie boy she’s tutoring in Algebra, that may be a non-starter.

He’s the “Alge-bae” of her dreams, “Alge-bro” if “bae” gives away too much. But the prom is being held on an excursion yacht, and “Mom would kill me” if the sea didn’t get to Ruby first.

One clumsy teen prom-posal later and Ruby has to ignore a lifetime of advice, plunge in and save Connor. The problem with that is that A) “The New Girl,” a confident, cocky redhead named Chelsea van der Zee (Annie Murphy) steals credit. B), In the water, Ruby transforms into this giant thing with three tentacles and a tendency to glow in the dark. And C), Mom’s hints that she’s estranged from her family as well as the sea bear fruit as a dorky uncle kraken (Sam Richardson) suddenly shows up.

Ruby’s puberty includes salt-water transformations into “the Monster” that her human friends and neighbors — especially the peg-legged old salt (Will Forte, the standout in the cast) who leads sea monster tours around town — warned her about.

“You’re not a monster, not even close” is no consolation. There’s nothing for it but to swim out and find grandma, our story’s narrator (Jane Fonda), the queen of the Kraken matriarchy, and realize “You’re meant for bigger things,” literally.

The high school humor here is seriously slight. Ruby’s “squad” includes a “catastrophist” Goth girl and a bestie (Liza Koshy) prone to bubbling “GASP of exclamation,” because a mere gasp of exclamation isn’t enough.

That new girl? She’s a mermaid, and her reaching out has a hint of “Mean Girl” about it.Something about the way she tosses “rando” around.

And there’s this trident weapon that the creatures of the deep covet, especially the mermaids.

There’s nothing tone-deaf or inherently-flawed about any of this. Forte brings his “Aaaaarrrrr” game to the seafarer who suspects those “Gillmans” aren’t as “Canadian” as they sound.

But there’s little wit to this, and not enough spark to the story to overcome the tepid jokes.

The animation is good, but underwhelming.

You want to like “Ruby Gillman.” But if you’re having to elbow the kids to keep them awake, maybe this trip “under the sea” will work better as something you stream for them at bedtime.

Rating: PG

Cast: The voices of Lana Condor, Will Forte, Liza Koshy, Toni Collette, Sam Richardson, Annie Murphy, Blue Chapman, Colman Domingo and Jane Fonda.

Credits: Directed by Kirk DeMicco and Faryn Pear, scripted by Pam Brady, Kirk DeMicco, Elliott DiGuiseppi and Brian C. Brown. A Dreamworks/Universal release.

Running time: 1:30

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About Roger Moore

Movie Critic, formerly with McClatchy-Tribune News Service, Orlando Sentinel, published in Spin Magazine, The World and now published here, Orlando Magazine, Autoweek Magazine
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