To topple the frightening and powerful, the first step is to make them look
That’s the object lesson in “Rob the Mob,” a tragi-comic tale of a couple of
idiots who figured New York’s “five families” were just “greasy old guys
cruising on their reputations.” So this naive and clumsy “Bonnie & Clod”
proceed to rob the wiseguys, making them strip to their underwear as they
And since this “true story” happened in the middle of the high-profile trial
of “The Teflon Don,” John Gotti, what can the mob do about it?
The Feds were watching and listening in. The press (Ray Romano plays a
newspaper columnist) was amused, and that amusement spread as the world came to
realize these pot-bellied thugs weren’t so scary and weren’t coated in Teflon
Michael Pitt (“Seven Psychopaths”) is Tommy, a crackhead who can’t even get
away with robbing a florist’s shop on Valentine’s Day. Nina Arianda (of “Tower
Heist”) is Rosie, the ditz who loves Tommy so much she drives the getaway car
her dad left to her when he died.
After Tommy does his time for that crime, Rosie dreams of them going straight
— staying off drugs, working at real jobs. She’s already a star at the
collection agency where she works. Tommy can join her, right?
“Everyone deserves a second chance,” her boss (Griffin Dunne, a hoot) croons.
But Tommy is instantly bored, given to advising clients on sneaky ways to avoid
paying their bills a little while longer. It worked for him.
What truly fascinates Tommy is the Gotti trial, with its the riveting inside
testimony of guys like Sammy “The Bull” Gravano. Where others are hooked on the
crimes, the violence and the slang, Tommy — who plays hooky, sitting in court,
doodling — is noticing important things. Like that the Mafia has all these
“social clubs,” where the made men gather and play cards and make deals and
count their loot. And these clubs? No guns allowed.
“Wise guys and guns,” Gravano (Garry Pastore) testifies, “it’s a bad
Tommy, reasoning that the last guys to call the cops would be mobsters,
figures he’s got the perfect crime. And Rosie, whose reasoning is as
short-sighted and stupid as Tommy’s, comes along for the ride.
The F.B.I. (Frank Whaley) is listening in, incredulously, as Tommy pulls off
these inept, Uzi-fired heists. A newspaper columnist (Romano) gets wind of an
amusing side show to the Gotti trial.
And a culinarily-inclined mob boss, Big Al (Andy Garcia) and his lieutenant
(Michael Rispoli) cannot believe these brazen insults to their mafioso
“I’ve been VIOLATED here!”
It’s all good fun, with Tommy waving a gun around and yelling, “You, goombah
— grab that spaghetti bowl. ALL the cash, inside!” But you just know somebody’s
going to get hurt.
The robberies are — to a one — impromptu and hilarious.
“C’mon. Gotti put you up to this?”
The aftermaths, less so.
Garcia’s “City Island” director Raymond de Felitta packs the screen with
veteran character actors and turns them loose on this Jonathan Fernandez script.
Garcia broods, and cooks, Dunne vamps and kvetches, Whaley and Romano play it
straight but with a twist.
And Pitt and Arianda utterly inhabit these dolts and their delusional dreams.
They’re careless and clumsy, never thinking things through, never seriously
considering the inevitable consequences of what happens when you poke the
And they poke. And poke. And humiliate. And tease.
And we grimace in anticipation. Because we know what Rosie and Tommy can’t
seem to grasp, that sooner or later, those fat “greasy old guys cruising on
their reputations” are going to poke back.
MPAA Rating: R for pervasive language, some sexual material and brief drug
Cast: Michael Pitt, Nina Arianda, Andy Garcia, Ray Romano, Cathy Moriarty
Frank Whaley, Burt Young
Credits: Directed by Raymond de Felitta, written by Jonathan Fernandez. A
Running time: 1:44