Movie Review: “This Means War”

3starsOK, who knew Tom Hardy, the new Batman villain and “Warrior” warrior, could be funny?

Reese Witherspoon? Sure. Chris Pine? No surprise there.

But Hardy?

In “This Means War,” Hardy and Pine audition for James Bond and Ethan Hunt, respectively, playing CIA pals who always get their man. And they play guys who call on all their spycraft — and a lot of national security infrastructure — in competing to woo  the same winsome blonde, Lauren, played by Witherspoon.

Dating a spy, as we learned in last week’s “Safe House,” is a tricky proposition. He or she is going to lie. Or at least be a little disingenuous.

“Have you ever killed anybody with your bare hands?”

“Not this week.”

Hardy plays Tuck, the shy dad who is split from his little boy’s mother,  vulnerable enough to be attractive to online date Lauren, who works as a product tester as a marketing company.

And Pine is F.D.R., a rich playboy spy always ready with a line.

“I know movies. And women.”

That pick-up is as out of date as the video store he tries it out in.

Lauren goes from alone and lying about it (Chelsea Handler is her profane and funny confidante) to juggling two guys in a heartbeat. Who might be Mr. Long Term?
But since these guys are spies, naturally they find out. And as Bugs Bunny used to put it, “Of course you know, this means war.”

So they set up rules — a “gentleman’s agreement.” “Don’t tell her” that they know and “stay out of each other’s way” are among those rules. So is “No hanky panky.”

This action-packed romantic comedy was directed by “Charlie’s Angels” vet McG, who handles the shifts in tone with the requisite skill. One minute, they’re shooting it out with the villain (Til Schweiger) and his henchmen, the next they’re employing every gadget and invasion of privacy known to the CIA in their battle to woo the girl and keep the other guy from getting the girl. The generally nameless assistants aren’t necessarily in on why they’re employing wiretaps and spy satellites to keep tabs on this woman.

“We might have some Constitutional issues, here.”

The guys play more fully fleshed-out characters, and Hardy in particular seems to relish showing off a softer, sillier side.

Witherspoon’s character is on shakier ground. Let’s see, she’s single and insecure about it — but confident and mercenary enough to play these two in ways any frat boy would appreciate. And no matter what she’s done, she gets to play the victim.

“This Means War” feels packaged and market researched and factory sealed for our protection, from the comical way the boys treat an impending torture scene all the way down to giving TV hostess Handler a purse packed with zingers.

But it’s a brisk sprint over familiar ground with just enough appeal to action addicts and and romantic comedy lovers to amuse fans of both genres.

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for sexual content including references, some violence and action, and for language

Cast: Reese Withspoon, Chris Pine, Tom Hardy, Chelsea Handler

Credits: Directed by McG, screenplay by Timothy Dowling and Simon Kinberg, story by Dowling and Marcus Gautesen.
A 20th Century Fox release. Running time: 1:38

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